RENTTBOI

yo, hear me out.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Lie

I want you to be happy though.

But, I want you to suffer too.

I have no other choice.

I'm a slave of my emotions.

You chose this.

You wanted it, until you didn't.

You wanted me, until you didn't.

You loved me, until you didn't.

It was good, until it wasn't.

You tried anyway.

Such a banality, because plans were made but life's unfair.

The biggest lie ever created by men.

"Everything happens for a reason"

[hujanderasdepanteras]

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Me vs. God

That fast huh?

But, you're doing exactly what I thought you'd be doing.

You're chugging liquors together.

You're taking pictures together.

You're dancing together.

You're kissing someone.

You're fucking someone.

You're having fun with someone.

Well, whaddaya know? I can tell the future.

Or did God heard my prayers?

[hujanderasdepanteras]

All Girls Are The Same.

I thought you're different. This fucking heart of mine believed you're different. This fucking head of mine deduced you're different. You won't do something that hurt, but shit in the end you sold me out to save yourself. That's a new low, even for you. You pushed me away like I was nothing, like I was an object that doesn't have sensors and can't be stimulated. You left me in the lowest point of my life. Still in. I used to feel devastated, now I just feel dissapointed. What a person you've become. Shit you don't even read these words, because you don't want to feel guilty, you don't want to be annoyed, you wanted your "peace", "it's the best thing for us". Man fuck you. You're for the streets, you don't deserve me.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Purpose

You showed me sorrow while I showed you bliss.

You showed me jealousy while I showed you contentment.

You showed me hate while I showed you love.

You showed me loneliness while I showed you presence.

In the end, your purpose in my life was just to make sure I hate you.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Damaged.

I can never be the same again. You took a big a part of me, I don't know what it is. But, you definitely took something. You took my hopes and dreams. I don't have it anymore, it follows you when you left. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're my hopes and dreams. But, we can't turn back the time even if we try it together. It's not the fucking same again, but fuck me I bet it'll be the same all over again if we just meet our gaze. That's fucked up isn't it? It's almost the same as what alcohol does to our body. Drunk. In. Love. But wait a minute..

I think I'm delusional. What I feel is real, I never doubted it. But, what you feel? I don't believe you anymore. I did believed you, but you broke me anyway. I was damaged, shit I still am because of you. You made it worse, shit maybe worst. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt in the entire of my 28 years of being a fucking human. The best thing? It sure do make me feel like a human. A fucking damaged one.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Mirror Talk.

What did you thought of me?

The first impression of seeing a person like me?

Well, let me tell you what I thought of me.

A fucking time bomb.

With vanta black paint.

So you can't look what's behind the shades.

He's darker than the black itself.

Representing a black hole.

Because he can absorbs and obliterates you.

He's nothing but nothingness.

You can't take anything from him.

But he can take everything from you.

So you better stay away from him.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Interdependensi

Kurasakan kau begitu dekat, sejarak nafas dengan hidungku, meski sebenarnya itu cuma metafora. Doamu mengalir di nadiku, hangatmu membasuh setiap liku tubuhku, anganmu penuhi isi kepalaku, dan semangatmu membara di rongga dadaku. Karena, selama kuhidup, kaulah yang kuhirup.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Honestly, Nevermind.

This recurring feeling.

This loop of endless agony.

This perpetual cut right through my soul.

This blunting punch on my black and blue heart.

Makes me different.

Makes me breath death.

Makes me feel empty and hollow.

Makes me hate myself/

Makes me anything but myself.

Makes me want to be somebody else.

The thought of you with someone else.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Lelaki Yang Hurufnya Luka

Di kepanjangan hidup yang telah usai, ada lelaki yang tidak seperti yang lainnya.

Bentangan jiwanya liar tumbuh di antara cerita dan ingatan sementara.

Ramuan pahit dari Sang Semesta, asa dan mimpi yang tergelapkan rasa.

Walau begitu, lelaki itu tidak memelankan langkahnya, tidak membenarkan jalannya, tidak melupakan dosanya.

Lurus menghunus layak peluru yang memburu. Terjang aral yang terjal meninggalkan yang bebal.

Lelaki itu mendambakan waktu dimana akhirnya dia sampai juga di tujuan, kakinya berpijak tegak bagai pasak yang tidak bisa diluluhlantakkan.

Tetapi, sirna adalah kepastian yang dijanjikan oleh Semesta. Tidak terelakkan, tidak terlupakan.

Mengembalikan waktu dan nafas yang dipinjam dari Semesta. Menyusut lelaki itu, menebar luas jiwanya kepada bunga dan danau yang abadi indahnya.

Dari sekian banyak nada yang menyelimutinya, yang tersisa hanyalah sumbang dan bayangan. Layaknya makhluk yang tidak pernah utuh.

Nafasnya jerit.

Doanya rintih.

Tatapnya ratap.

Senyumnya sendu.

Tawanya tangis.

Hurufnya luka.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Whether near or far I am always yours Any change in time We are young again

Lay us down We're in love Lay us down We're in love

In these coming years Many things will change But the way I feel Will remain the same

Lay us down We're in love Lay us down We're in love

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Fierce

How do you love someone? I love with all my heart and soul, with every drop of blood and sweat, with every atom and matter in me. It's good and bad, like a double-edged sword. I love fiercely, I miss fiercely, I fuck fiercely. Hence, I cry fiercely, I hurt fiercely, I hate fiercely. I tried to keep it real, but just like any other thing in this world, it just won't last. Rollercoaster of emotion, a fucking hardcore one. It's 100% or 0%, it's never in between and I like that. But, fucking hell man I hate it too. Complexity is not my speciality, black and white are more fathomable. This is me, my gift and my curse. It's inevitable, letting go of people that I love will create a perpetual heart-rending process. It's the direct consequence of fierce love. I yearn for the day someone loves me just as fierce.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

[hujanderasdepanteras]

A Place You Call Home

This was once your home.

A place where you're safe and sound.

A place where warmth veils your mind and soul.

I would ask you to stay, as long as you need.

But it's no more.

You can't come back, you've drifted away.

You can't see this place anymore.

You can't even remember the way.

I still see it, I still live in this place.

I nurse and tend this place.

I kept this place alive.

But not for you, not anymore.

I won't let you in.

I won't let you know.

I need this place, but you don't.

You tainted this place.

You failed this place.

You failed me.

So please, stay away from this precious place.

My precious place.

[hujanderasdepanteras]

[hujanderasdepanteras]

Smokes and Waves

I light my cigarette, as the wave crashes one another. I inhale the smoke, as the current ripples and seeps the sands. An infinite beauty and violence. It's the nature of nature, just like the nature of our relationship. It dissipates, then it rises.