Iâm intersex and Iâm very hesitant to make this post because it could very quickly turn into a shitshow if I donât word my thoughts correctly, but Iâve noticed a small, slowly growing trend and I think itâs important to talk about this before it gets out of hand.
Iâve seen a couple of posts with a lot of likes and reblogs where trans people accuse intersex people of being transphobic when they want hormonal treatment or surgery for themselves to look more female or male. Itâs never about forced surgery on intersex children, but specifically about adult intersex people who want treatment for themselves. In these posts people see it as subconscious transphobia because they think this mindset is supporting the gender binary and harms trans and nonbinary people who technically get intersex bodies once they start to transition with hormones and surgeries. In their eyes not only are intersex people who use hormones/surgery to visually get out of the intersex sphere abandoning trans people, theyâre also working agains nonbinary people who use intersex people as proof that there are more than two sexes which justify the existence of more than two genders.
The fact that there are a lot of similarities between trans and intersex people should be obvious. Both groups are saddled with bodies that doesnât necessarily represent their gender and both can experience severe body dysmorphia, but at the end of the day the biggest difference is that the bodies of intersex people change on their own.
If youâre trans, imagine if you were assigned your preferred gender at birth and was perfectly content and happy in your gender experience when you suddenly hit puberty and start developing sex characteristics that goes against your gender and suddenly people around you start telling you youâre not actually the gender you think you are. Basically, imagine the way you felt before you came out/transitioned, except reversed.
I can for the life of me not understand why a trans person who thinks hormones and surgeries are acceptable for trans people canât extend that mindset to intersex people.
Itâs an ongoing debate among intersex people wether we belong in queer spaces and I can see both sides. A lot of intersex people consider themselves cishet people with a birth deformity who arenât any more queer than people with dwarfism. Other intersex people feel more at home in queer spaces because thereâs generally more acceptance of people who fall outside the norm.
But at the same time, in my experience, you get a lot of the same questions in both spaces. Both queer and cishet people often assume intersex means nonbinary, and Iâve been asked more than once how intersex people can call themselves cis or trans when their bodies fall outside the two majority sexes, forgetting that itâs all about what gender you were assigned at birth.
This leads to situations where youâll meet trans men with functioning penises and trans women with natural breasts. A child might be born with something that looks like a vagina with a big clitoris and be assigned female but once they hit puberty the big clitoris becomes a small penis.
And even if theyâre trans and start developing sex characteristics more in line with their true gender they might not be ready for it yet. As a teenager you become a target if you stand out so if youâre a trans girl living as a boy and you suddenly develop breasts that can be horrifying.
I personally experienced a much milder version of this. As a child I was perfectly content with people calling me a girl but I also felt like a different kind of girl. Not in a ânot like the other girlsâ or tomboy way. More like a girl with something else in the mix. It was a very physical feeling because I was naturally stronger and more boyish looking than other girls and I didnât really feel like I fit in with either boys or girls but at the same time it didnât bother me when I was grouped in with the girls during school activities. Iâd play around with makeup in my room, giving myself a beard and chest hair without wanting to be a man. It just felt like the right mix. Then I hit puberty for real and developed breasts and hips but also a full beard and chest hair. Despite all the times I had done it to myself I was mortified. This wasnât something I could take off. I stood out wether I wanted to or not. Shaving left me with stubble. People looked. People commented on it. And my breasts didnât grow super big and a lot of my body fat sat on my stomach like on a man, which meant if I didnât wear a very flattering bra and feminine clothes I was sometimes mistaken for a chubby guy with manboobs. I was NOT ready for that. I was already struggling to fit in at a new school so this was like a social death sentence, not to mention I wasnât sure about my own gender yet. It was something I should be allowed to work out on my own in peace when I was ready for it without people constantly asking what I, a child, had in my pants.
So hormones was a gift that allowed me to âtransitionâ when I was ready for it at a later age. Iâm off those hormones now and live as a âwoman with something extraâ like I always knew I was, but the things I had to go through as a child makes me very sympathetic to intersex people who does not feel that way and just want to be a man or woman with nothing extra because thatâs their gender and like everyone else they want their gender and gender expression to align.
I donât think itâs fair to expect people to be a martyr for other people. Most intersex people think trans rights are important but that doesnât necessarily mean they belong in that debate. I know a lot of trans people who think womenâs rights are important but feel no obligation to help the cause by sharing their experience of what it was like living as one gender and then another and how much respect and dignity they gained or lost after they transitioned.
So while I understand the natural instinct of wanting intersex people be part of a lager cause I also think itâs unfair to call intersex people who want to look like their preferred gender transphobic.
I really hope I made myself understood and that this isnât an angry post. I just saw this âintersex people are transphobic for taking hormonesâ opinion with little to no understanding of the intersex experience and Iâm hoping to shed a bit of light on that â¤ď¸