he missed ever single one.
starting with his own, emmett did not attend any funeral of his family members. his own is easy to explain. carlisle advised him against it, worried that even if watching from far enough he would not be able to deal with the overwhelming smell of the human’s blood. but for emmett there was more to it. he knew that if he had to watch his family lowering an empty coffin, if had to watch just one tear running down his mother’s cheek he would leave his hidden spot and display himself and by that not only risking the lives of his whole family but also the lives of those who had offered him a new home.
the second obituary with the name mccarty he found was the one of his father. coming across it two weeks after his father died only days after his funeral, gone was his chance to attend the second funeral. it was four years after his own death. four years he used to check on them, not always personal but he found ways to see his family grow. found a wedding announcement from boyd, who got to marry the girl he had a crush on since school. saw that his oldest brother, James, had gotten his second child, a girl this time. thomas had his first kid and william was still on his own. and yet being well updated with his family’s lives, the notice of his father’s death had slipped passed him. hasn’t reached him until it was too late, causing blame to mingle with grief.
war came and called his brothers. one by one, they had to leave their families only to return as broken men. the pictures that haunt you at night were the hardest on william who had always been the most sensitive child of the family. not made for the harshness the world had to offer. and only a month after his return he used his gun against himself. this time emmett could not sit still, do nothing. so he went back home, not telling anyone in his new family. he waited until the sun set before he dared to go to the cemetery. the graves were easily found. first william’s, the soil still fresh and flowers everywhere, then his fathers and last his own. - and in that moment, the tall, buff man broke apart. he dropped to his knees right next to the flowers and he wept for the first time in his adult life. bitterly yet tearless. but with the sun rising at the sky he was already on his way back to his new family.
children grew up. his little sister, now a young woman, married a man emmett couldn’t stand. he knew the family and was sure that she deserved so much better than this. than him. but they seamed to love each other dearly and soon a little baby boy arrived. thomas got a second boy and just a year passed before the stork brought him a third. and while his family continued to grow, his mother’s health worsen. month of suffering passed, before on the 5th of November 1950 she fell asleep for the last time. it shattered his heart. this time he immediately went home, certain he would go to the funeral, hide in the background, but be there. - he couldn’t do it. instead, while everyone was at the funeral, he snug into her house, his childhood home. there, he was able to say goodbye to her, in his own way. a recent family photo with all his siblings and their children found it’s way into his pocket, together with some other token no one would miss. emmett once again waited for the sun to drop before he sat at the same spot he did four years ago. with his heart heavy in his chest, the picture in his fingers and thoughts that solely spun around the things he had missed out on, he stayed there for hours. deeply wishing that there would have been just the slightest chance of a goodbye.
his nieces and nephews, became adults, married and got children of their own. all while his remaining siblings found wrinkles surrounding their eyes and grey strains in their hair. eight years after his mother’s death emmett could read about an horrible car accident just a little outside of gatlinburg, an accident to which his brother boyd and his wife had lost their lives. around the same time thomas, unhappy with his life, had lost himself to a drug that slowly ended his marriage. he always struggled with those mood swings, ones that easily turned violent especially when alcohol involved. his wife realizing she couldn’t do anything for him, saved herself from what he was becoming and left. now completely on his own, with the wife gone and the boys out of the house, the darkish liquor became a even more valuable weapon against the dissatisfaction and the loneliness. a tired body kept on fighting even if his owner had quit years ago, but in a dark winter night in 1963 he had to give in. two more burials which he didn’t attend. he was no longer trying to go there though. instead he made it a ritual to be there the night after. to pay them their last respect in the only way he knew he could do.
left were now only the oldest and the youngest. james was the oldest of the mccarty children, he was also the brightest of them and maybe emmett’s favourite brother. he remembered looking up to him ever since he knew how to walk. I d o l i z i n g him. james got lucky; he experienced great success, had a beautiful, loving wife, two bright kids who gave him 5 grandchildren. he lived a fulfilled life. and at the age of 84 he felt into a peaceful sleep. jessie was 67 when she buried her last brother. she saw the most years of the family, 93 to be precise. until one day after she had visit the theater, her husband had already died years before, her head rested against the window of a bus, her eyes fell shut and a smile shimmered on her thin lips. she still heard the beautiful music she had just experience, still saw the dancers perform behind her closed eyes. and it was then, that she took her last breath.
8 funerals that have been missed. 8 times he could have but didn’t. and while sometimes regrets washed over him, he secretly knew that it was better like this.
stormborns
andulkaphoto
izzy806
2087
dededos
jbbartram-illu
