the question makes the woman’s FEATURES morph into a look of concern. her brows furrowed, lips pursed. the answer is yes – but she can’t say yes, he’ll ask WHY. it’ll get too messy now, to have to explain everything to him. explain how she was supposed to be getting MARRIED – how she was supposed to be in love with another man… but she wasn’t. she wished she didn’t have to lie, that she could tell him the truth or that things weren’t so fucking COMPLICATED. because now more than ever she felt uneasy – not a usual feeling for jaz. what would happen tomorrow? would he fight her? fight for her? or just give up and leave… again? she decided not to DWELL right now, to focus on getting him from A to B and getting him rest.
❛ no – ❜ the words slip through her lips so easily DESPITE the feeling in her stomach. it’s easier to lie in the uniform – she has to do it so often, sometimes she doesn’t RECOGNISE herself. she turns back to face away from him once more, her steps much quicker than his, she has to PAUSE every few minutes to 1) make sure no one is around and 2) make sure he doesn’t drop behind her too far.
the two walked in PAINFUL silence, jaz taking him around the outside of the quarantine zone, but underground – in tunnels that used to be a SEWAGE system. she was happy to be out of the dark, wet atmosphere – taking him to a block of small apartments – the foundations of the building about to crumble and DESTROY anything its path. but it had to hold on, just for a little while. the darkness that closed in meant they were able to move above ground relatively UNNOTICED. her dark hues continually scanning their surroundings as she moved to push the door open to the small apartment she knew had a bed… if you could call it that. jaz got blake inside first, her hand moving to his back to usher him inside – once again, feeling him, even if it was through clothing, felt like a strange sense of being home.
❛ there’s nothing here, other than a bed, ❜ speaking matter-of-factly as she walked into the SPACE with him. ❛ rest, i’ll bring you some food in the morning, ❜ concern overwhelms her shaky voice. her expression not matching her tone and in her mind she CURSES her emotions for flooding out in ways she couldn’t CONTROL. ❛ maybe then, we can talk. ❜
the walk back was short yet felt like it took TEN YEARS. it was his aching body. his tired bones. so much had happened in such a short period of time and he hadn’t slept in DAYS. he could have slept but the road had been long and he had been full of WORRY about whether or not the men he had left behind were after him. and though he DESPERATELY wanted to rest, he mostly wanted to know every little thing she had been up to. why ? because everything about her absolutely fascinated him. it had since they were kids. and though he had messed everything up between them, he still wanted to know.
he was THANKFUL that no one else knew of this place. sure, it seemed to be crumbling and he was convinced no one else lived in the building but...he would take what he could GET. blake wasn’t picky. not after the places he had lived in over the years. the room she brought him to was rather DECENT if you squinted enough. it was damp and cold but the bed looked WELCOMING. at least to his tired, aching body. and the HAND she placed on his back was comforting. warm. soft. gentle. everything he WASN’T. everything he had never BEEN.
❛ s’all i need. ❜ he motions lazily to the bed on the floor and wanders over slowly. so much of him wants to stay CLOSE to her. to keep her hand pressed to his back. but he knows he shouldn’t linger too much. he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable. doesn’t want to push her away even more than he has over the last ten years. god, he’s fucking MISSED her.
blake slowly shifts to ease himself down onto the mattress. it’s not easy and each new movement threatens to drag free a soft groan. but he’s unwilling to appear WEAK before her. when he’s finally seated on the edge of the mattress, arm curled around his ribs, he glances up at her. ❛ dunno why ya wanna talk to me so BADLY, ❜ he knew exactly what she wanted. but he was terrified to spill the last ten years of his life to her. they had been full of nothing but darkness. ❛ ain’t much to KNOW, jaz. ❜
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