Itâs taken a while but I did mean to get on this, so here I am-
As I mentioned in the reply I gave first, I have a lot of thoughts on this, and Iâve spoken about it before, but Iâll try and compile everything a bit.
First of all, Iâve spoken in anime-related posts about how how the class trial defined him. At one point I also mentioned how he, Miles, and Larry were all outsiders in their class - Miles is the obvious one, being above his learning age, while Larry is the joker I donât think anyone really took seriously, who everyone knew, but no-one knew, and PhoenixâŚ
Phoenix before the class trial, I think he had acquaintances. He had people who he interacted with and heâd refer to as âfriendâ but thereâs a difference between knowing someone and being their actual friend, and I donât think any of them ever reached âfriendâ level. He seems to be a bit of a loner but not by choice, to me. He isnât outgoing, and he doesnât go out of his way to be around people on purpose, it seems. So I suppose there might be a basis for depression always being there in potential, if heâs unintentionally already ostracised from any potential friend groups.
Then the trial happens, and he realises that no one actually likes or trusts him. Everyone sees him as capable of being Bad, of being Untrustworthy, and he is forced by a teacher - someone in a role of responsibility and leadership over the class - to apologise for the thing that he did not do.
He is taught from that age that unless someone speaks up for you, your word alone wonât be trusted. Heâs taught that itâs that easy to have people turn on you. And itâs going to be in his mind that if Miles and Larry hadnât been there, they would still think what they had, and maybe they still do.Â
What people think of us and how they see us is important, and especially as children, it shapes us.
I think next Iâm going to mention that after this, came Miles leaving, and even in the anime although itâs easier than âhe just disappeared one day without a traceâ, itâs still a traumatic thing for a child to go through. And while most children have a larger friend group, Miles had two people. Now, he only has Larry, who is hardly the most mature for his age, sulks, and was (knowingly or not) the instigator of the class trial itself. And heâs left wondering what Miles is up to, and trying to get back in contact even if itâs just emails or letters, and⌠it doesnât work. No response.Â
Heâs going to feel abandoned, forgotten, left behind, and as though heâs being ignored. Even if he knows that these thoughts are intrusive and illogical, Phoenix is an emotional person, not a logical one when it comes to his feelings. And on top of everything else, itâs going to start piling up. And this lasts well before he even sees what Edgeworth is up to.
I canât remember if itâs ever explicitly stated that he begins wanting to be a lawyer at the age of nine; it is stated in an interview that originally, he was actually taking theatre as his major, not actual painting art, and that he was going to study abroad in England, I think, which leads me to believe that he wasnât bad. But he was studying law at the same time, which would make things harder.
And on that subject, Iâm reminded of something else Iâve once stated - the sheer number of times when Phoenix has acted incredibly selfless to the point where I worry about him.Â
He changes his entire career because a friend needs help. He might have really wanted to go into acting, but he chose not to. He might have loved law, but his first choice did seem to be the arts.Â
He keeps putting others above himself, in the small things - such as constantly paying for Mayaâs food - to the bigger things, and it isnât just specific things, but a general gist of âhang on, this happens a lotâ in his attitude.
As Iâve stated on some posts before, he frequently double-guesses himself, which Iâve theorised is why you sometimes get more choices of which direction you want to go, whether youâre going to continue the line of questioning at all, etc., in the earlier games.
Then, thereâs âDollieâ - and the fact that I see his relationship, whether Iris loved him or not, as manipulative (because it was; Iris couldnât let him go without getting that necklace back for Dahlia, so he was being controlled) and afterwards, I wonder if he probably saw that, even if he does keep thoughts of it not being the âsame Dollieâ. Thatâs got to do a number on him, because yet again, heâs been shown to have had his friendship used and abused, and that isnât even starting on the effect Dahliaâs words (of âbeing so uselessâ would have on him.
This is all well before he becomes Mia Feyâs apprentice, and itâs all had plenty of time to settle in and take root.
And on the matter of depression - itâs still depression regardless of whether itâs related to a removable or source-able cause or not. And clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, of sorts - which can be caused, and I see no reason why everything that happened to Phoenix before even just the first game would create an imbalance just like that.
No one trusts me. No one believes me. Iâm not worth talking to. No one will stay with me if Iâm just myself. If I have this, then I can remind myself that someone else loves me, even when theyâre not nearby. I canât understand why she loves me. She never did. She used me. She tried to kill me. (Would it have been better if Iâd not gone to talk with Doug and just- no, because then she would have gotten away, and that would be worse.) Iâm really not good for much, am I? I keep inconveniencing everyone.
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