8 years ago I lost someone very close to me to suicide. She was only 16, she was only a sophomore, almost junior in high school. We did everything together, we rode the same bus, we had most of the same classes. We both loved to ride our bikes to the park just to swing on the swings and talk all day. Little did I know she was fighting a whole battle...A whole war with herself. Little did I know that when we left school for the day, that I wasn’t going to see her anymore that day, I wasn’t going to see her on the bus in the morning. I wasn’t going to hear what had happened until we were all sitting in homeroom, waiting for the morning announcements. When they first said “We would like to say good morning, but it isn’t a very good morning when you have to tell your whole student body that they lost a classmate.” When I heard that, my heart broke.”Melissa Marie D, a sophomore here, passed away last night.” They didn’t tell us that you took your own life. I couldn’t focus on school at all for the rest of the day. They told us that if we needed to, we could go to the counselor, but I needed to leave, I didn’t want to be at school anymore. I didn’t know you took your life until I was already home. I ran to your house to see if it was true. Your mother greeted me at the door, her eyes were red and puffy. How did you not tell me you were fighting a battle, I was always there for you, why did you feel the need to put on a facade for me? Why couldn’t you just talk to me? Did you not think about how I would feel if you left? Did you not think of how your mother would feel? She had to bury her only child, she couldn’t see you go to homecoming, she would never see you go to prom. We would never go prom dress shopping, we would never graduate together. We would never fight over liking the same guy anymore. We would never be able to swing together and talk about anything. When we at in your room the day before, I didn’t know that would be the last time that I was there. Your suicide didn’t end your suffering, it passed it to me, it passed it to our whole school, it passed it to your mother. If I could’ve told you that I was always there, would you still be here? If I could have called you that night to talk, would I have prevented you from taking your life?
Please if you are thinking of ending your suffering, remember it passes it to loved ones. Please talk to someone about it. You aren’t alone, there is always loved ones that will miss you.
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