Hux thinks that his staring has gone unnoticed, but Kylo catches him.
He’d been able to feel Hux’s gaze on him without even looking at him, felt the disgust radiating from his mind. Even from across the bridge, Kylo can see the scowl on Hux’s face as though he’s insulted that the Knight has dared show his scarred face to his crew.
With a quick scan of Hux’s mind, Kylo’s heart sinks.
Horrible, disgusting, vile creature.
It’s nothing that Kylo doesn’t think of himself; the mirror in his quarters lies in shattered shards on the floor, though Kylo doesn’t recall whether it’d been his fist or the Force that’d broken it first, glass smashing as his knuckles and his power burst forward in rage.
The scar is a reminder of his failure. It’s his weakness, it’s the setback to his training, it’s the disappointment that an untrained scavenger was able to find her centre and beat him to the ground.
What’s worst, Kylo thinks, is that Hux can see it.
His bowcaster scar is hidden, kept private by his layers and layers of robes. That scar is the weakness he’d shown after killing Han Solo, the trepidation and regret and confusion he’d felt after murdering his own father.
But this—the scavenger’s scar—is on view for his beloved to see.
Before, Hux’s gaze lingered on him with pride, an unfathomable admiration of his nose and lips and oh stars, Ren’s eyes are like the darkest depths of space that I have to dive into—but not anymore. Kylo can see Hux’s eyes trailing down the scar, following its broken shape down his face, over his nose and across his cheek, watching it simmer off like his love.
Kylo jumps, startled by Hux’s voice and the hand on his arm.
“General,” Kylo exclaims, stepping back. “I’m—”
“Quiet.” And Kylo obeys. “Even from across the bridge, I can see something is wrong with you. It’s in your eyes.”
Kylo averts his gaze to the floor, turning his head slightly to shield the scar from Hux.
“It’s nothing. Go back to your duties, General. You needn’t concern yourself with such a vile creature as me any longer.”
It hurts him to say aloud, but it’s what Hux was thinking. It couldn’t have been anything positive—
“Ren, what’s gotten into you?”
“I saw you. Looking at my scar. Thinking how horrible it looks. I know my failures more than most, General. I don’t need you to push me further into my grave.”
Kylo bumps shoulders with Hux as he passes, shocked when he’s halted by a hand grabbing hold of his. He turns, seeing Hux’s cheeks blushing with anger.
“You ridiculous boy,” Hux says, pulling Kylo closer to him. “I was thinking those things about the girl who did this to you, the filth who’s dared harm the most precious thing I’ve ever had. Horrible, disgusting, vile creature. I’ll destroy the entire Resistance with my own hands for marking you like this.”
Kylo blinks, hissing with a stray tears drips down and touches the sensitive tissue of his scar. Hux hushes him softly, wiping the tear away with his thumb, moving to brush Kylo’s hair behind one of his ears.
“But,” Kylo says. “I look different. It’s ugly.”
“You could never be ugly to me, Kylo Ren,” Hux says, gaze lingering on the scar. “You could become as scarred as Vader himself and I’d still be yours. I love you. You’re still Ren underneath that scar, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Kylo’s tone is low, quiet, but Hux tilts the Knight’s chin to bring their gazes together.
“And that scar is part of you now, isn’t it?” Part of the skin I love so dearly.
“Well then,” Hux kisses the scar softly, the sound of his lips against his skin makes Kylo internally shiver, heart fluttering. “You’re still the one I love.”
For the first time since he’d woken up with the scar, Kylo feels like it empowers him.
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