* Inside me, something seethes ... @huyaoxiaozi - Tumblr Blog

@huyaoxiaozi ⸻ continued

it wasn't often pasha had to make a "house call."

then again, it also wasn't often that potential business partners suddenly ghosted you in the middle of negotiations. under normal circumstances, pasha figured that her mother would just let it go and move on, but this was different. this involved a chatelaine belt that'd once belonged to the devereaux clan, seemingly lost to time only to suddenly reemerge in the hands of the fox clan's incense master.

at first, things had gone smoothly. pasha had reached out with an offer to trade the chatelaine for either money, illegal goods, or even a partnership between the two organizations. and, after some negotiations, zane had promised to discuss the matter with yin sheng lan to see if sheng was willing to part with the item.

that had been about two weeks ago. since then, it'd been nothing but radio silence, with her attempts to re-establish contact falling into a void. not even their mutual contacts had been able to tell pasha what, exactly, was going on —– only that, suddenly, the fox clan of los angeles and the black dragon clan of san francisco were, allegedly, merging in some fashion.

silence often bred frustration or resentment, and as the days past with no word from zane, pasha had found herself feeling both. until, finally, she'd decided to get on a plane and fly out to los angeles to see what the fuck was going on.

"i'm just doing a wellness check to make sure you're still breathing, since you don't answer messages anymore. had to make sure i didn't need to send a funeral wreath."

the earthy smell of herbs and dust filtered into her nose, so reminiscent of home that it made her pause on the threshold to blink and look around. if she didn't know any better, pasha would think she was in one of her family's shops back home.

interesting.

pulling herself back to the moment, pasha flashed zane a coy grin that didn't quite make it to her eyes. she kept him in her field of vision as she perused his shelves, heels clicking sharply along the hardwood floor. zane was a tall, handsome man, his relaxed affect belying his dark, sharp gaze that followed her around his shop, a predator honing in on prey. it sent an unexpected thrill tap-dancing up her spine, her curiosity awakening. there was a part of her that wondered what would happen if she pushed his buttons; pasha had to remind herself that she was here for business, not pleasure.

glass jars gently clinked as pasha picked one up and put another down, checking their contents. the shop was small, but still contained a fairly impressive number of herbs —– some she was familiar with, others not so much. if she wasn't here on business, she'd be asking him a lot of questions about their use; and, maybe, if they got things finalized satisfactorily, she could.

"i'm glad to see you're still in good health," she added, turning her head to look at him fully for a brief moment, serene smile still plastered on her face. "i do hope it stays that way, especially given your new alliance with the black dragon clan's leader. an old friend, from my understanding, correct?"

with a few glass bottles and a sachet in hand, pasha turned on her heel and made her way over to the counter, standing next to zane as if she was a customer waiting for checkout.

"i also hope that merger isn't going to impact our business deal —– provided it's still on the table, of course."

they would have a much bigger problem if his answer was no.

#sundersfate #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love. we are good people and we have suffered enough. ( POST XIAO DAN'S DEFEAT. )#VERSE.┊ that was all there was. no heroes or villains. just the people you’d brave waves for and ones you’d let drown. ( FOUND FAMILY AU. )#TH 04. ┊ rocky circumstances. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#DYN. ┊ I hunger for your taste‚ your smell‚ the feel of your soul touching mine. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )

Ah, so his unintentional silence was indeed why she was here. Zane's smile remained as he watched Pasha stroll through, her long elegant fingers picking through glass bottles of herbs — but it was clear to him that it wasn't merely an act. He'd seen plenty of people employ such a tactic; casually looking through his stock, acting as though they had an idea of what they were looking for, as if it had any significance to them ... but none of that had ever been true.

He could tell by the way they moved. The disinterested way their eyes swept over everything, the way they haphazardly clutched at things, the harsh way they set glass bottles down again, or lightly tossed carefully packaged pouches. To his frustration, he'd always felt his stomach tighten anxiously, as if expecting them to send a shelf crashing into the hardwood floor. It was an intimidation tactic. I could easily destroy your livelihood if you don't comply with my demands.

Pasha was different, and it immediately piqued Zane's interest ... and offered him a tentative sense of relief. She handled each glass bottle with care, inspected their contents with sincere curiosity ... and he thought he even saw an excited glint in her eye. To his surprise, she seemed to have knowledge and genuine interest — and perhaps that earned her a soft spot, a desire to take her words less as a threat and more as a means of saying, I want this to work out, don't you?

Still, it was instinct to bristle internally at the casual way Pasha conveyed that she'd managed to do some research. Zane had shrouded his past, his real identity, and built a life around that mystery. He relied on it staying that way, unless he deliberately chose to divulge that information. What exactly did she know, he wondered? If anyone had spotted Zane and Matt together, it would've no doubt been obvious that there was a deep familiarity between them, if one were seeking to pick apart the reason for their meeting.

That didn't necessarily mean she'd scrounged up their history, so he decided to keep any shared details as minimal as possible ... but Zane certainly wasn't going to underestimate her, either. Better safe than sorry.

❝It never left the table,❞ Zane assured her, tilting his head to glance side-long as Pasha saddled up next to him at the counter. Briefly, his gaze flickered to what she held in her hands, feeling another flutter of surprise, curiosity ... but for now, he needed to focus on soothing her ruffled feathers. He couldn’t blame her exactly — after all, they had something that belonged to her, to her family. If anyone knew that need to retrieve something that had long been stolen from you, it was Zane. And ... perhaps it was that soft spot she'd earned that made him inclined to share at least a touch of the truth. ❝The Black Dragon clan has had something that belongs to me for a very long time ... and it's only now that I've been able to arrange to get it back.❞

He turned to face her properly then, taking a step closer, dark, calculating eyes sizing her up ... but that hint of appreciation, of curiosity, softened the predators edge. Zane propped his elbow against the counter, tucking his other hand into his pocket, his head tilting. Smooth, casual, at ease ... and the smile he offered her this time had a hint of something genuine to it.

❝I think we understand each other, in that sense. I wouldn't leave you high and dry when it comes to making sure you get what belongs to you ... and I hope you'll understand why my situation required some special time and energy.❞ Zane paused ... then he let his gaze drop, almost sheepishly, and he bowed his head a little. He could admit when he was wrong, and he couldn’t fully say he hadn't been, could he? ❝Still, I know I should have set some time aside to reassure you. That was my mistake ... and it won't happen again.❞

As he lifted his gaze to meet hers, it did again snag on what she'd brought to his counter. He briefly cast a glance behind him, towards the door Pasha had locked, his open sign having been flipped to closed. Zane's brows quirked, and his expression conveyed a teasing, almost playful undercurrent. ❝If you wanted to buy something, you should've thought about that before closing my shop, you know.❞

stellarflex

#he floats like a rabid ghost through the days and weeks‚ seeking a lifeline. ( VISAGE. )#🥰🥰🥰#honey‚ I rose up from the dead‚ I do it all the time. ( QUEUE. )

time went still the moment zane's fingers circled her wrist, the world holding its breath when he brought her hand to his throat and let her trace the damage there.

there was a story behind every scar. most of the time, it was of pain and fear, sometimes of tragedy. sometimes of loss. but many either didn't realize or didn't want to acknowledge that all scars told a story of survival. and as pasha listened to zane recount what had happened to him, her fingertips committing the laceration to memory, she couldn't help but feel grateful even as her heart ached for what he'd gone through. because he was still alive, because he had endured.

because, despite the hardships, the universe had allowed their paths to merge.

her trail ended the same moment his story did, the room falling into a comfortable silence interrupted only by their breathing. it took a second for her to realize she should let her hand drop; another shortly after for her to decide she didn't want to. that she liked touching him and the warm, rough mark of his survival pressed against her trembling fingers. and maybe, for once, she wanted to be a little selfish, to savor a moment that may not come again —– when both of their guards were lowered and the night gave them leave to reflect and confess their deepest secrets to each other.

then he asked her to bare hers, to give him the truth he'd been seeking earlier. pasha took in a deep, shaky breath, her gaze pulling away from his scar the way her hand refused to, and found his in spite of the shadows dancing over the plains of his face. he'd been honest with her; it was only fair that she returned in kind, even if the task required her to dig things up out of a graveyard of memory to finally confront what she'd long-since buried.

"we were some of the lucky ones: we have property all over new orleans, so it was easy for us to hole up in a place that was above sea level and just wait it out. but there were so many who weren't, so when the evacuation order came, my parents decided we would to stay to help where we could."

her fingers moved over his skin again, tracing the now-familiar path almost absentmindedly, as if it somehow gave her comfort. maybe it did. maybe the steady beat of his pulse against her finger pads was enough to ground her in the present before she spiraled into the past.

"y'know, it wasn't so much the storm itself as it was the aftermath of it all. not the destruction, but the people who went without clean water for days, the ones trapped in their homes and left to die; the ones who climbed onto their roofs to call for help, only to meet the same fate."

another tremor rippled through her. her next breath came in shaky and shallow, her lungs refusing oxygen as panic started to twist around them.

"and the most fucked up part is that, for days, no one came to help, while the whole nation just … watched. my family did wat we could, but," a short huff of self-deprecating laughter escaped, bitterness flowing out like hollow smoke, "even all the money and power in the world can only get you so far sometimes."

#sundersfate #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love. we are good people and we have suffered enough. ( POST XIAO DAN'S DEFEAT. )#VERSE.┊ that was all there was. no heroes or villains. just the people you’d brave waves for and ones you’d let drown. ( FOUND FAMILY AU. )#TH 05. ┊ comfort in the dark. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#DYN. ┊ I hunger for your taste‚ your smell‚ the feel of your soul touching mine. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#there they go!!!!

There was a part of him that wished he could track the gentle path of her fingertips — but as Pasha’s gaze lifted, seeking to meet his own as if reaching for a lifeline, Zane’s heart stuttered, the sensation feeling almost clumsy. All this time spent on his own and he’d never felt a connection like this with someone. After reconnecting with Matt, letting that part of their relationship go, Zane couldn’t deny that the thought of finding that kind of connection again had felt impossible. He hadn’t even considered the idea of actively seeking, as the wounds had still been tender, healing. Wounds that he’d never had the means to let heal in the first place, until now.

But then, Pasha had strode into his life, strong and confident and ... far more honest and vulnerable than either of them had ever anticipated. If Zane had known the first time he’d seen her that he’d be sitting in a dark, tiny apartment with her by his side, having been chased by his own nightmares into waking, sharing his deepest secrets, listening to hers ... the idea probably would’ve struck him with terror. He couldn’t deny he was a little scared right now, but ... looking into the depths of her dark eyes seemed to temper the worst of it somehow. He took a quiet, steadying breath and focused on what she had to share.

As she spoke, Zane could only imagine the kind of horrors Pasha had seen, what she’d experienced. That kind of destruction, wrought on innocent people, that same kind of horror that was nearly impossible to articulate to someone who hadn’t been there to experience it first hand. He felt the tremor run through her again, heard the slight change in her breathing — the old panic was bubbling up, the memories stirring water left dormant and stale for years. He knew that feeling. And, as Pasha described the helplessness, that special kind of bitterness that came from being abandoned to your own devices ... he understood that feeling, too. He let out a soft sigh as he gently rubbed her arm soothingly.

❝Here,❞ Zane said, reaching to gently take the cup of tea from her to place it on the tray. Then, he simply gathered Pasha up into his arms, as if he could shield her from that rising panic with his touch. He smoothed a hand up and down her back rhythmically. ❝Don’t let it pull you under, you’re safe. Take a deep breath ... I’ve got you.❞ Zane held her until her breathing began to even out again. When he did finally ease his hold, he only pulled back far enough to look at her, offering a comforting, warm smile.

That lifeline sensation hit him as their eyes met and again, his heart stuttered, followed by something warm and electric striking through him. His gaze drifted to her mouth ... and frankly, Zane didn’t know if he could’ve stopped himself even if he’d wanted to. In one swift dip of his head, he leaned in to steal a kiss — and he felt a crackling surge of desire that made his head spin, even with a simple, somewhat brief press of lips. He remembered their last attempt at a quick, chaste kiss ... and how it had almost seemed like they'd both silently agreed to never do it again. Not unless they meant it... and now? Zane certainly fucking meant it. When it came to its natural end, Zane didn’t press on for more, but he rested his forehead against Pasha’s, his eyes closed, brows tense ... his breath wavering slightly. ❝I think ... this stopped being a performance a while ago.❞

Nodding his head vigorously, Lei turned his gaze back to the snake, giddy at the thought of being allowed to hold her. Following Zane’s instructions, he held out his hands and waited patiently for him to hand her off. And with every wrap around his tiny arm, he got more and more excited. She’d seemed so tiny ( or, at least, normal size ) when Zane had held her, but she looked enormous in his own hands.

When she started to slither in his hands and along his arms, Lei couldn’t help but giggle, even though he’d tried really hard not to. “It tickles,” he muttered, lifting his hands and arms up a little so he could properly watch her. The fact she was digging her nose into his skin certainly didn’t help. It pinched a little, but it didn’t hurt.

At the question, Lei looked back up at the other and let out a quiet ‘hm’, while he thought about it. “They are, uh… A bur— A borrow— No… A burri—” Letting out a sigh, Lei shook his head. “They like to dig! Right? That’s why their nose looks like a shovel.” Speaking of… “Nian Gao… My hand isn’t dirt you can dig in,” he laughed, absolutely enamored with her. “Zane-gēge, can you take a picture of us? I want to show bàba when he comes to pick me up!”

#feilien #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ running the family business. ( POST-COLLEGE. )#VERSE. ┊ seeking balance amongst chaos. ( HERBAL SHOP AU. )#TH 16. ┊ artistic bonding. ( FEILIEN » LEI. )#DYN. ┊ tbd. ( FEILIEN | HERBAL SHOP AU » LEI. )#Zane loves Lei SO much I'm gonna cry tbh

Once Nian Gao was out of Zane’s hands, he settled more comfortably on the floor; his right leg tucking underneath him, while his left was bent at the knee. He rested his elbow atop his knee, watching Lei and Nian Gao closely, just in case — but she seemed perfectly content wrapped around the boys’ small arms.

A soft smile had long-since bloomed across Zane’s features as he watched them, something warm unfurling in his chest, expanding as if it might burst free. The more time he spent with Lei, the more he simply adored him. He was so excitable, so curious, surprisingly intuitive at such a young age ... and incredibly smart, too.

Brows lifted with amusement as Lei tried very hard to say burrow, but ultimately failed. Still, he managed to say what he meant and Zane offered an enthusiastic nod. ❝Yep, that's exactly right,❞ he said on a breath of a laugh, as Lei’s own was utterly infectious. It was obvious that he was taken with her and Zane was delighted — and, just as the idea of taking a picture crossed his mind, Lei was asking for one.

He felt another warm swell of affection at the nickname ( older brother ), only processing it as he pulled out his phone with a nod. ❝You practically read my mind just now,❞ Zane mused lightly and, once he tapped the camera app, he held it up to position Lei and Nian Gao together in the frame.

❝Alright, you ready? Give me a big smile.❞ He quickly took a small handful, then showed them to Lei for his approval. After tucking his phone away for now, he offered a pointed quirk of brows. ❝You know, she might be willing to settle around your shoulders, if you want to go back to drawing? She does it with me sometimes when I have things to do, but I still want to hang out with her while she’s out and about. All you have to do is guide her there — you’re already a natural.❞ It wasn't an exaggeration, either. Once Nian Gao was in his hands, Lei followed the advice given quite smoothly. He held her carefully, supporting her as she moved, remained relaxed and calm. Zane gave an encouraging nod. ❝Go ahead and try, if you want. Just keep that slow and careful pace you've got going on.❞

Zane's reaction to being able to feel made Matt grin; almost proudly so. Even though technically Zane was the one responsible for it to begin with. Still, catching the other off guard had always been incredibly satisfying. And, quite frankly? Matt wanted him to know just what exactly he did to him. To his body. A body that had oftentimes felt so broken due to the fact it didn't seem to respond in the way it should be responding. How many times had he felt annoyed, sometimes worse, when one of the girls at the clubs tried to shoot her shot with the 'mysterious and dangerous' heir of the clan that ran all of Chinatown? Hanging herself off of his arm, or feeling him up in a way other guys seemed to like? Too many times to count. But there was none of that now, not with Zane. He wanted to touch. He wanted to be touched. He wanted more in a way he never had before. Maybe he wasn't as broken as he'd thought, after all. It had just never been the right person. "Huh?" His own brain had been so clouded and distracted, Matt had no idea what Zane was talking about, though didn't resist as he was being pulled along. It took several more moments for him to hear the voices and understand what the sudden interruption had been. Holding his breath now as they passed, he waited patiently for them to be out of earshot, before he let out a quiet laugh as well. "I don't know. Sounds like they would've gotten a pretty decent show. For free, no less. Others charge for this, you know." His head sank onto the other's shoulder, and he closed his eyes as he basked in Zane's touch—much softer now, and clearly not meant to get them going again. A shame, really. But perhaps right here and right now wasn't exactly the right place for this, he had to admit. "Shut up," Matt muttered at the teasing, though the quiet chuckle that followed after took away the edge. Zane was right, though. He needed to calm himself down first, before he could even fathom moving.

By the time they'd made their way back to his little ( secret ) apartment, things had certainly cooled down a bit. A bit being the keyword. Because despite everything, the flame still burned. Low, and no longer as hot to the touch, but it refused to die down completely. And Matt knew it never would. They'd crossed a line, and there was no going back. It was the same as it had been during their high school days. Except... Well, they weren't teenagers anymore, were they? Making out would most likely not be where things ended. Didn't matter that neither of them had really gathered much experience in the meantime. The very brief opportunity earlier had made that pretty fucking clear. Setting the bag down on the coffee table, Matt let out a quiet sigh as he let himself drop onto the couch. Despite everything, he was starving. "Alright. Let's eat, so I can kick your ass to the curb and get some peace."

#feilien #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ in that moment‚ our eyes met and I remember thinking this is what it is to be struck by lightning. ( CROSSING PATHS WITH MATT.#VERSE. ┊ all the world will be your enemy. be cunning and full of tricks‚ and you will never be destroyed. ( CANON. )#adding eyes to the dragon. ( CANON STORY THREADS. )#TH 10. ┊ walk in the park. ( FEILIEN. )#DYN. ┊ I fear that I love you more than I will ever be allowed to. but even after all this time‚ it’s still you. ( FEILIEN. )#Zane vc: shut up I can still feel you Yearning over there

All the way through their trek to get food and head back to Matt’s apartment, everything that had transpired felt like it were simmering between them like a living thing. Every glance , every brief touch, even if unintentional ... it was impossible to ignore now. It wasn’t unlike their time together as teenagers, that chemistry and heat — but now, there was something heavier, far more nuanced weaved throughout the feeling. They were adults, they had some means of seeking privacy, potentially the means to designate time ... and perhaps that was a little dangerous, wasn’t it?

I guess, deep down, I never stopped waiting for you. The involuntary thought sent a shiver down his spine — it had been almost a decade of waiting, for them both. Matt had never, not once, left Zane’s mind, as thoughts of him always lingered somewhere in the background. It had certainly felt like he'd been waiting for their paths to cross again. Flashes of memory, whether it was spoken words, sensations, visuals ... and of course, that was always most prevalent when he was alone with himself late at night. It had only gotten more prominent as they grew close again ... and, despite all of the pain Matt had been living with because of what he’d been told? He’d been waiting, too. Maybe even secretly hoping, wondering, wanting, even though he’d needed to shut it all down.

As they entered the apartment, Zane couldn’t deny the undercurrent of ... anticipation? Maybe even a little excitement? But for the moment, he followed Matt’s lead, settling down next to him. He hummed thoughtfully, any contemplation clearly exaggerated. ❝Oh yeah? ❞ he prompted, leaning in a little too close to bump their shoulders. The natural rasp in his voice merely emphasized the flirtatious edge to his words as he spoke now, a crooked grin tugging at his lips. ❝It seemed like you couldn’t get enough of me an hour ago.❞

Still ... Zane was hungry and any of his flirtation wasn’t intended to divert things for now, just ... maybe rile Matt up a little bit. He reached across to dig his own container of food out of the bag, then handed Matt his own. And maybe he allowed far too many lingering, casual touches as he did, acting as though every single one didn’t send little sparks through him. Zane knew damn well what he was doing, but he focused on his food, letting his gaze sweep around the small apartment. ❝I do really like this place, you know. It’s cozy ...❞ his gaze caught on a few, larger art pieces, tucked away into a corner. A bittersweet ache twinged in Zane’s chest — he’d only seen Matt’s sketches so far. He gestured towards it with a nod, his grin melting into something softer, warmer. ❝Artsy. It suits you.❞

Matt didn't mind stopping. Not at all. So he gladly stopped when Zane did, though his gaze remained on the building, and on the big doors he could see some his colleagues walking through. But then there was a hand in the back of his neck, and shortly after he heard Zane asking him to look at him.

It took another few seconds, but then he tore his eyes away and looked at the other. Looking at someone he trusted helped to calm his nerves, at least a little. Exhaling slowly, he listened, though it took a while for the words to slip past his own thoughts.

"I don't know," Matt said quietly, shrugging his shoulders. Oh, what a lie. He knew exactly where they came from. "I just... I didn't really consider if they're, you know... Cool with this? You know? Gay people? Because what if they're not? What if they're like, homophobic or some shit, and I'm really making matters worse instead of better?"

His gaze shifted back to the building, then back to Zane. "Maybe I'm just overthinking things. I don't know. But where I'm from... My upbringing... They weren't okay with this, you know?" That was putting it mildly, wasn't it? Xiao Dan hadn't exactly been gentle towards the clan members who'd been caught engaging in, well... This. It had certainly been enough to terrify Matt enough to never even think about exploring his attraction to other guys.

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head as though trying to shake those thoughts out like a damn dog shaking water from it's fur. "Anyway, uh... We can... We can head inside. I'm good. It's all good."

#feilien #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ running the family business. ( POST-COLLEGE. )#VERSE. ┊ seeking balance amongst chaos. ( HERBAL SHOP AU. )#TH 19. ┊ make it convincing. ( FEILIEN. )#DYN. ┊ we crossed a line‚ didn’t we? and I don’t want to go back. ( FEILIEN | HERBAL SHOP AU. )#look at them go 🥰 obsessed with them tbh

Zane waited patiently, briefly casting a glance toward the building as people gradually made their way inside. All Matt’s colleagues, he assumed, looking incredibly poised and polished in their various formal attire. Two and Three piece suits and fancy dresses, the latter of which varied between elegant and suggestive. He could see it being somewhat intimidating. Then again, as his eyes settled back on Matt, he thought they looked just as good, in his opinion. This was the first time he’d seen Matt in anything so formal, as his style was usually much more casual. He sure as hell wore it well.

Slowly, Matt began to explain, and it seemed Zane had been on the right track with his speculations. He nodded, and a part of him wondered if some of that baggage he’d long-since mentioned had something to do with his family. From the little Zane knew, he didn’t seem to want anything to do with them anymore. Did Matt's preferences have something to do with that? The thought only sparked a protective surge to crackle through him. Stupid, given that Matt could clearly take care of himself. However, as he studied him, nervous, anxious and accepting of Zane’s comfort ...

Maybe it wasn’t so stupid after all.

Before Zane could comment on what had been shared, Matt was urging them to head inside. ❝Alright. Come on,❞ he said gently, letting his hand drop ... but he still held onto Matt’s with the other, leading them onward. The pace was slow and steady, however, as he sought the words to respond. ❝But I get it. That kind of thing ... it sounds like it’d be hard to shake. At least at work, people can't give you shit about it without serious consequences, so ... it'll be alright.❞ Zane hesitated briefly, surprised at how badly he wanted to share something personal in return. Matt’s personal details were scarce, so the fact that he’d shared this ... it meant something.

Softly, he continued, ❝My parents were never outwardly against it, but ... they’ve never spoken in favor of it either, you know? My dad ... I’ve never had a reason to tell him, about me. I’ll have to eventually, and ... it still makes me uneasy, to be honest.❞

As they made their way into the building, Zane cast his gaze around casually, as if taking in the sights of the interior. And if he wasn't mistaken, he glimpsed a young blond woman who's eyes had fixed on them the moment they'd walked through the door. Jealousy, disbelief and indignation flared to life in them like a forest catching fire and it took every ounce of Zane’s self control not to smirk. He let go of Matt’s hand, only to slide his arm around his waist, leaning close to murmur into his ear. Breathing in Matt's scent, the cologne he wore and the hint of his natural one underneath ... fuck if it didn't ignite a surge of longing in him. ❝How about we hit up that refreshments table for now, huh? Just looking at it is making my mouth water.❞

melting into his embrace had, at some point, become instinct —– as easy as pulling in a breath of fresh air. so when he wrapped his arm around her, pasha found herself immediately relaxing, allowing herself to be enveloped in the soothing familiarity of his warmth and earthy scent. it was hard not to dwell on the feeling of her unsettled heart finding tranquility the second his hand caressed her arm, the heat of his palm seeping into her skin. branding her. making her feel incredibly safe in a way she couldn't quite describe.

pasha had never been one to lie to herself, as much as she sometimes wished she could. when this had stopped being just a business venture and nothing more, she wasn't sure, but that very idea was no longer grounding in the way it used to be. instead, the idea of parting from zane, of giving up this little fabricated life they'd built together made her heart ache.

sipping at her tea to steady herself, pasha listened to the low rumble of zane's voice, a touch more gravelly than normal, but that was to be expected. collective trauma. he was too sharp for her own good, examining at her lifelong wound without prying too much, hoping that she'd open up. and, gods help her, she wanted to. for the first time in her life, pasha thought that, maybe, she'd found someone who could understand the hurt she'd buried deep and how it had shaped her. the same way his had shaped him.

but being vulnerable was easier said than done, especially in the world they lived in, where everyone was just waiting for a reason to slit your throat. pasha had learned long ago to compartmentalize, and once something was contained, it was hard to let it back out.

then zane did something unexpected: he talked about his own trauma, his own pivotal moment, and pasha found herself rapt in listening to the brief detail. only seventeen. right around when he was supposed to go to china, right around the time he'd disappeared and reemerged under a new identity.

pasha's gaze flickered from his down to his lips, then drifted further towards the scar on his neck. without thinking about it, she reached out to gently stroke it, stopping herself at the last moment, her hand frozen in midair. too invasive; too intimate, especially when there'd been no invitation.

"how did you survive it?" she asked, busying herself with another sip of her tea. "you were only a kid, too."

#sundersfate #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love. we are good people and we have suffered enough. ( POST XIAO DAN'S DEFEAT. )#VERSE.┊ that was all there was. no heroes or villains. just the people you’d brave waves for and ones you’d let drown. ( FOUND FAMILY AU. )#TH 05. ┊ comfort in the dark. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#DYN. ┊ I hunger for your taste‚ your smell‚ the feel of your soul touching mine. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )

It was impossible to miss the way Pasha's dark gaze briefly drifted down to his mouth, the faint light that streamed in through the windows giving half of her features a soft glow. It sent a surge of want through Zane, the strength of which surprised him — but then her eyes settled lower and she reached out, stopped short. An aching warmth bloomed in his chest and he reached for her in turn, gently curling his fingers around her wrist.

Zane took a quiet, steadying breath, grateful for something to focus on besides the pull he felt towards her. ❝It's alright,❞ he assured her quietly, guiding her hand to his neck so she could reach the thick scar there. ❝You can touch, I don't mind.❞ The nerves along the scar tissue were too badly damaged, especially after it was left to heal haphazardly. He didn't feel much there physically, but ... Pasha's fingers trailed along the scar so tenderly, as if she understood every painstaking moment he'd endured. The pain, the heartbreak, the dread and uncertainty ... the terror. His gaze settled on the tray, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

How did you survive it? ❝If my ... old friend hadn't taught me how to fight, I'm not sure I would have.❞ Zane heard Matt's words from their last conversation — If it weren't for me, you never would've needed the skills I taught you. He shook his head, as if expelling the idea from his mind. There was far too much good from having met Matt, having befriended him ... and having loved him, even if brief. With foresight, Zane didn't know if he would've been able to find another way out, or convince Matt of anything — but he couldn't imagine a world where they were strangers. He didn't want to.

❝His grandfather didn't like how ... close we'd become. So, he tried to get rid of me. I did what I had to. Four against two ... then four against one.❞ He and his father had disappeared together ... and Zane had been the only one who resurfaced. He assumed Pasha would understand his meaning. He didn't want to say it out loud again. ❝They tried to strangle me ... I killed them all. The details are ... fuzzy,❞ he finished, offering a faint nod as if reassuring himself.

How did you explain something like that in words that made sense? What he'd managed felt like it didn't even scratch the surface, the horror of it beyond comprehension. When he lifted his gaze, it caught briefly on her lips in turn, that wave of want washing through him yet again. Then, with effort, he met her eyes, a faint, warm smile curling at his lips.

❝And you? ❞ He prompted gently, giving her his full attention. ❝How did you survive yours? ❞

Lei's babysitter had arrived just minutes before Matt received Zane's text. Jittery from nerves—or so he assumed, anyway—Matt took one last look at himself in the mirror, tightening his tie before letting out a drawn-out sigh. He was somewhat used to wearing formal attire now, thanks to his job, but not quite this formal. Which didn't help his nerves at all. Clearing his throat, he made sure his hair was perfect, and pushed up his glasses, before finally making his way out of the door.

And it didn't take long for Zane to get on his nerves. "Shut it," Matt muttered, reaching for to seatbelt to get settled in, but he could feel the heat in his cheeks no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. The rest of the drive was pretty quiet, mostly because he was too busy drumming his fingertips onto his thighs in an attempt to dispel some of his nervous energy. This wasn't as horrible of an idea as it felt right now, right? He'd been so focused on getting rid of the girl, that he hadn't even considered how everyone else would possibly react. Not too long ago, he would've never even dreamed of admitting that he was also into guys, and now he was showing up with one as his pretend-boyfriend in front of the entire company he'd only just started working for.

What if they weren't... okay with it? What if—

They pulled into the parking lot and Matt's train of thought was luckily broken before he could fully decide to call it off. Getting out of the car, he took a steadying breath and eyes the building they were about to walk into, when he felt a hand against his arm. It took him a moment to realize that it was Zane, and by the time he'd turned his head to look at him, their hands were intertwined. His first reaction was to pull away, but then he realized that it actually seemed to help calm him down. If one ignored the pounding of his heart, of course.

Exhaling slowly, Matt nodded his head and muttered a quiet 'Baozi', before they started walking towards the entrance. "I don't know," he shrugged, tilting his head in thought. "About my age. A head shorter, blonde hair, blue eyes... Or maybe green? Hazel? I don't know. I... honestly didn't pay super close attention."

The closer they got, the slower his steps got. "This... Isn't a completely horrible and horrific idea, right?"

#feilien #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ running the family business. ( POST-COLLEGE. )#VERSE. ┊ seeking balance amongst chaos. ( HERBAL SHOP AU. )#TH 19. ┊ make it convincing. ( FEILIEN. )#DYN. ┊ we crossed a line‚ didn't we? And I don't want to go back. ( FEILIEN | HERBAL SHOP AU. )#siGHS 😭

It was obvious that Matt was genuinely nervous in a way Zane had never seen before. While part of the reason he'd reached out was simply because it made sense for them to hold hands as they entered ... the main reason was an attempt at reassurance. Some of the tension seemed to seep out of Matt as he took a steadying breath, but Zane felt a twinge in his chest.

Honestly, he didn't know what exactly was going through Matt's head, what was giving him cold feet all of a sudden. When it came to his orientation, Matt had never seemed to be ... self conscience about it per-se? He'd spoken his preferences aloud with relative ease, and Zane had taken the way in which he got so easily flustered as just ... how he would react to anyone flirting with him, really.

The world they lived in these days was, ultimately, accepting in that sense, but ... there were always outliers, he knew. And their shared culture did have a traditional undercurrent that was difficult not to take to heart. After all, Zane's father didn't know about his preferences, not explicitly. He'd never had much of a reason to tell him and ... he couldn't deny that there was a hint of uncertainty there for him, too.

He listened, nodding, picturing the woman as Matt described her — then Zane glanced over at Matt, noticing as he began to slow and he followed suit, assuming he'd elaborate. This ... isn't a completely horrible and horrific idea, right? He let out a quiet sigh, giving the other's hand a squeeze again before they came to a proper stop. Zane then turned to face Matt more, reaching to settle his free hand at the curve of his neck. ❝Hey. Look at me,❞ he prompted softly, followed by a pointed quirk of brows. Once Matt met his gaze, Zane's answering smile was warm, reassuring. He hoped.

❝No matter what happens in there, I've got your back, alright? I know I've been teasing you, seemingly taking this lightly, but ... at the end of the day, I'm here because I care about you. Seems like this job is good for you, steady, consistent days off, good pay, benefits. I don't want you to have to dread going. We're in this together, I promise.❞ Zane tilted his head then, brows knitting with concern. As he went on, his voice was imploring, but gentle. ❝Where's the thought of this being a horrible idea coming from? ❞

Zane's reaction was not exactly surprising. Honestly, if anyone would've come up to him with a suggestion like that, Matt would've probably reacted much the same. Fake dating was some soap opera shit, after all, not real world material. But he wasn't sure what else to do. He'd tried just about everything else, short of involving the higher ups. And he was sure that neither one of them wanted that to happen, so...

Groaning quietly, Matt leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "That's not—Nevermind," he muttered, shooting a ( playful ) glare in Zane's direction. God, he could really be obnoxious, couldn't he? And if he wasn't so good at keeping a pokerface, he might've even smiled. But... He wasn't about to give the other that satisfaction.

He also tried not to think about just how bad of an idea this whole thing was. He knew about Zane's feelings ( he still had them, right? ), and it was hard to deny that Matt, too, felt at least something for the other. But there wasn't exactly anyone else he could ask, was there? ( And maybe, just maybe, he knew that pretending was the closest he'd get to, well... Getting what he wanted, even if only for a little bit. )

"Yes. Pretend, nothing more." One more warning glance, then he sighed and nodded his head. "That's the plan, at least. I'm hoping that'll be enough to get her to finally back off. If it doesn't... I don't know what else to do. I don't really want to run to HR or anything, you know? Not exactly a good look for the new guy to take things up the chain like that. Especially for something like, well... That." Letting out a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair, then let his eyes rest on Lei once more.

Then, kind of to Matt's surprise but also kind of not, Zane agreed, before mentioning a safe word. Blinking a couple of times, he stared at him as he processed the suggestion. Honestly? It wasn't a bad idea, was it? It would make things easier on him if they ventured into territory he was uncomfortable with. And perhaps, a way to keep Zane in check if necessary. "How about Baozi?" Bao, of course, stopped listening to Lei for a moment, and turned his head to look at Matt. Letting out a soft laugh, he reached out to pat the dog's head. "Not you, boy. Keep listening to Lei, hm?"

#feilien #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ running the family business. ( POST-COLLEGE. )#VERSE. ┊ seeking balance amongst chaos. ( HERBAL SHOP AU. )#TH 19. ┊ make it convincing. ( FEILIEN. )#DYN. ┊ tbd. ( FEILIEN | HERBAL SHOP AU. )

Of course, Zane couldn’t have stopped the amused grin that tugged at his lips even if he’d wanted to. The playful undercurrent of Matt’s glare wasn’t lost on him either, and it was impressive that he kept a relatively straight face. A part of him had hoped to see a glimpse of that bright smile, but ... Zane thoroughly enjoyed the glares, too.

Pretend, nothing more. ❝Of course. Whatever you say,❞ he agreed, his tone a little exaggerated, playful in turn. Zane believed there was a part of Matt that wanted that to be wholeheartedly true. That all they meant to do is pretend, get a taste of what it might be like to cross a threshold, yet be able to return to the normal they’d built together so far. He couldn’t help but wonder if secretly, deep down, Matt wanted to drag them over that threshold to never return from whence they came, but do so in a way that was moreso out of their control.

Zane supposed there was only one way to find out.

So, they both agreed upon the safeword Matt suggested, something either one of them could speak aloud to stop whatever was happening in its tracks, if needed. It was a security blanket of sorts, a way to ensure this felt as though it was more solidly in their control. Whether or not it would stay that way would remain to be seen.

Matt had informed him that the work event was a formal one, suit and tie. Zane had gone with a black suit and tie, accompanied by a dark green collared shirt. All of the black simply made the subtle dark green pop, the color rich and earthy. A green forest in the dead of night.

Zane had agreed to swing by Matt's place to pick him up, and when Matt slipped out the door once he'd read Zane's text ( I'm outside ), well ... he took the time to stare before the other got into the car. Matt cleaned up nice. He wore simple black suit and tie with a white collared shirt, the jacket emphasized the broad curve of Matt's shoulders. Otherwise ... it hinted at subtle, lean muscle and the stark white highlighted the warm, tan undercurrent of Matt's skin tone from his construction work, as he'd only recently left it in favor of this job.

❝A man affer my own heart,❞ Zane had teased him, his hand coming up to press against his chest once Matt was settled. He'd relished in the resulting flush, grinning as he pulled out, heading to their destination. Once they'd parked, Zane exited, tucking his keys into his pocket as he made his way around to the passenger's side. Matt was already stepping out and together, they headed towards the building ahead.

Zane's fingers trailed along Matt's forearm, seeking, before finding his hand, twining their fingers firmly with a gentle squeeze. And if he felt a giddy fluttering sensation in his chest at the contact, well ... that was his business, wasn't it? He moved with a steady, smooth confidence, no trace of caution or uncertainty to be seen. ❝Don't forget the safeword,❞ he murmured quietly between them, as if beginning to say an agreed upon checklist aloud. He cast Matt a curious glance. ❝And ... what exactly does this woman look like, anyway? I mean ... I'm sure her expression will give her away when she sees us, but ...❞ another faint, teasing grin tugged at his lips and he shrugged. ❝I like to be prepared.❞

stellarflex

#he floats like a rabid ghost through the days and weeks‚ seeking a lifeline. ( VISAGE. )#God fucking dammit such good shit appears in his tag lately #I can't help but reblog #Perceive How Handsome(tm) 🥰

a gentle smile crossed her face briefly, her heart warmed by the idea that she was making things easier for him. truth be told, that was all she ever really wanted for the people in her life: to remove as many complications as possible, to give them a chance to wake up and not have to worry about certain things. pasha wasn't sure when zane had been added to that mix —– like a thief in the night, he'd crept into her heart when she was unaware and had made himself right at home.

pasha did her best not to think of what would happen when all was said and done, and they had to go their separate ways.

the rumble of the water intensified, steam slowly trickling through the whistle. pasha cut the stove off before the kettle could start to shrill, pouring piping hot water into the teapot so the leaves can steep. pasha's careful as she picks up the tray and brings it back to the bed with her, settling it between them.

what happened? that year, that'd been the only question anyone had asked then they mentioned the destruction of new orleans. what happened? where had things gone wrong? who had failed? the answers to those questions were both simple and complicated, tectonic plates grinding up against one another. everything and nothing had happened; things had gone wrong everywhere and nowhere.

so many had failed and so many were innocent.

a tremor skated up pasha's arm, almost imperceptible, but she knew instinctively that he'd noticed. because didn't he notice everything? zane always saw the finer details, eyes as sharp as a hawk's and just as discerning. he picked on people's subtleties and could pinpoint a weakness faster than most could blink. it was one of the many things she admired about him —– except now, when she wasn't sure if she wanted to be perceived. because what would happen if she laid herself bare before him, poured her heart out? there were only two outcomes she could think of and she was only used to one of them.

the one that hurt, the one that never stayed.

still, she gave a wan smile, moving to serve the tea once enough time had past.

"well, a lotta things happened, but what it boils down to is that horrible evacuation planning, a category five hurricane, and a poorly-engineered flooding system don't mix very well. put that on top of a city that's always been below sea level and already surrounded by water, and it's a recipe for disaster."

a ribbon of honey was added to each cup, a spoon gently clinking against the inside of one mug than the other to blend it all together. pasha kept her voice low in an attempt to hide the way it cracked when she talked about the past. she held out a mug to zane, dark eyes shadowed.

"even now, so many years after that hurricane, you can still see the mark it left on the city. but i don't know if that cuts as deep as what it left on the people."

#sundersfate #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love. we are good people and we have suffered enough. ( POST XIAO DAN'S DEFEAT. )#VERSE.┊ that was all there was. no heroes or villains. just the people you’d brave waves for and ones you’d let drown. ( FOUND FAMILY AU. )#TH 05. ┊ comfort in the dark. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#DYN. ┊ I hunger for your taste‚ your smell‚ the feel of your soul touching mine. ( SUNDERSFATE » PASHA. )#siiiiighs 😭#honey‚ I rose up from the dead‚ I do it all the time. ( QUEUE. )

The faint hint of a shutter that snaked up Pasha's arm caught Zane's attention, his gaze instinctively flickering to it before again focusing on her silhouette beside him. He watched her busy herself with the tea, listened to the sound of her voice as she spoke — and, of course, her answer was more of an overview, the technical answer to his question, save for a hint of pain he could sense near the end. It hurt her to think of how this had permanently scarred those she knew, perhaps even those she didn't. Otherwise, she evaded personal details, exactly what he would've done, had someone asked him a personal question he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer. Something he'd done numerous times, in fact.

It was a way to make someone feel as though you were sharing something deeply personal when really, it was less so. People tended to be inclined to share something in turn, and it was usually far more vulnerable. A trick, a survival tactic ... Zane saw it for what it was, but he didn't fault her for it. He wondered if it came to her naturally now, as it often did him. It took conscious effort to break the habit — and naturally, he felt a surge of apprehension with his own inclination to open up. You're falling for the trick, the survivor who had all but ripped four clan members to shreds to save himself ( and avenge his father ) insisted.

Zane decided he would be a little more direct, partially curious, partially just ... wanting to soothe this aching wound in her. After all, Pasha sharing what she had? He could see that it wasn't easy for her to talk about, and it was something to be handled with care. He accepted the cup with a murmur of thanks — and at the familiar scent of his favorite tea, honey drizzled into it ... as much as it made his heart ache, it sent another crackle of anxiety through him as well. Pasha was sharp with details. On one hand, she used it for survival, to gain an edge — but she also utilized it to show she cared.

Zane had a feeling her reasons were all beginning to slide towards the latter. Weren't his, too?

He nudged the tray forward so he had room to shift closer, the cup of tea held steadily in one hand. Then he gently wrapped an arm around Pasha, smoothing his palm up and down hers, pulling her in close. It was almost second nature to him now, to touch her this way. A necessity, to sell the belief that they were a seasoned couple, after all. The warm heat of her body against his, the flutter in his chest as she leaned into him, the incessant craving that gnawed at him every time they made contact ...

He tried not to let his mind linger on those details for too long.

Zane barely resisted the instinct to press a kiss to the top of her head ... and instead, he took a sip of his tea, quietly clearing his throat once he'd swallowed. The heat of it was like a balm, soothing the worst of the painful burn, easing a bit of the ache. Still, his voice sounded more rough than usual as he spoke.

❝Collective trauma,❞ he observed with a nod. Zane understood — as much as one could from afar. His own community ( Chinatown, a city within a city ) too had their own trauma that had bled through generations. A different kind, with very different lasting effects, but ... still. ❝And being just a kid? I can imagine it felt like the whole world was ending,❞ he continued. He paused, contemplating ... soothing the surge of alarm deep inside of him at the questions that crossed his mind, again and again.

Why did Zane want to let her in so badly, and why did it scare him so much? He suspected he knew the answers, but ... knowing was only half the battle, wasn't it? He took a steadying breath, swallowing another sip of hot tea ... then he placed the half empty cup on the tray for the moment. ❝I was barely seventeen, with what happened to me. It felt like my world was ending, too.❞ He continued the slow, soothing up and down movement of his hand along her arm as he spoke, the gesture clearly meant to comfort.

stellarflex

#he floats like a rabid ghost through the days and weeks‚ seeking a lifeline. ( VISAGE. )#🥰🥰🥰

cloud--recesses

The Edge of Horizon - episode 4

#DYN. ┊ I fear that I love you more than I will ever be allowed to. but even after all this time‚ it’s still you. ( FEILIEN. )#SO TRUE it is 🥹❤️

— @huyaoxiaozi || Zane

fatescattered

Given how things unfolded during their first encounter, Marina never imagined she'd be sitting here, joking with the man who had made her fear for her life just moments ago. How was it that she suddenly felt so comfortable in his presence? It didn't make sense to her - but she figured she could dissect those thoughts later, in the solutide of her room.

The slightest semblance of a shrug followed. "Maybe." She was fooling no one with her attempt at sounding detached, the smile on her lips instantly giving her away. "I think so," she added, more honestly now.

Though she had hoped for his reassurance, Marina never expected the words that came next - for Zane to be so willing to put this behind them. Even if he understood the reason behind her frantic reaction, was it truly so easy to forgive? The slow nod she gave in return was a little tentative at first, before shifting into something more assertive. "I agree." She desperately hoped they could forget all about it, that he'd erase this from his memory, the way she relentlessly fought to break free from his hold. She didn't want him reading into that, especially if he was staying.

She was ready to leave it at that, let silence comfortably settle between them... but Zane continued. Perhaps the reveal he offered should've been obvious enough - he had no reason to trust her, after all - but it struck Marina all the same. Even in her frazzled state, the thought of selling him out didn't even cross her mind.

"I wouldn't." She surprised herself, with how firm her tone had suddenly become. There was no offense or hurt - only the need to reassure him she wouldn't betray him like that. "I didn't think of it for even a second." Why was she telling him this? Why did she need this near stranger to trust her so badly? Was it truly to ease her own guilt? No. In the end, Marina could never be so self-serving.

She didn't want him to be afraid aboard this ship, the way she had been when she first joined the crew.

"You're not dangerous," Marina continued, feeling she needed to explain her reasoning. Did she even understand it herself, really? "There was no threat for me to alert anyone of." Only someone as desperate for survival as she was.

She didn't take notice of the way her grip on Zane's hand tightened just a little. "You can trust me. I mean it."

#fatescattered #the serrated rasp of his voice suggested something healed wrong. ( IN CHARACTER. )#TIMELINE. ┊ despite the blood they’d shed and the friends they’d lost‚ the schooner’s crew broke into cheers. ( A PART OF THE CREW. )#VERSE. ┊ his darkness would consume the world‚ and he would never waver. ( GRISHAVERSE. )#TH 01. ┊ caught red handed. ( FATESCATTERED » MARINA NIELSEN. )#DYN. ┊ I would like you to hold me very close‚ very tight‚ and very soft‚ please. ( FATESCATTERED » MARINA NIELSEN. )#i missed them 🥹

Maybe. A quiet chuckle escaped Zane, something warm and soft unfurling in his chest. He could tell by the way she reciprocated his teasing that this was uncertain territory for her, but that just made the fact of its appearance more meaningful, didn't it? Despite their rocky start and this fleeting time together, there was some tentative connection here. A thought that both drew Zane in like a moth to a flame, and left a hint of vague, crackling anxiety on its heels.

As if she couldn't bear to leave the matter without more of the truth, Marina elaborated — I think so. His smile widened and he was inclined to believe her. After all, she'd kept to her word so far. ❝I'm glad,❞ he said, his tone softening around an unexpected truth. Zane studied her closely then, endlessly intrigued by her gaze everytime she met his own.

At every turn Marina’s genuine sincerity surprised him, and he found himself wanting to encourage it, to reciprocate it in kind. It was strange and a little unnerving — he was usually the one making others feel comfortable and safe, all the while he remained on his own island, safe in his distance rather than drawn in like waves to shore.

But there was just something about her. The way she seemed to want to trust him despite her instincts telling her to be wary, the way she extended trust out to him in return that made even the thought of distance feel disingenuous. Zane simply couldn't do that to her ... but he couldn’t exactly quite puzzle out why, either. The gentle tightening of her grip wasn't lost on him, and he forced himself to swallow down the ache it envoked.

He understood it was to emphasize what she'd already said aloud — I mean it. ❝Thank you,❞ he said quietly with an incline of his head, afraid that if he spoke any louder in that moment, Marina would hear the slight waver of emotion simmering beneath the surface. Clearing his throat, Zane contemplated what he wanted to convey, what he wanted to ask. ❝Not dangerous,❞ he agreed slowly, his eyes lifting to her features again. ❝But, er ... I do what I must. I feel ... you are the same? ❞

A pause ... then, he weakly squeezed her hand back, wincing at the sting that followed. ❝We will overcome that which chases us.❞ In a way, it was a callback to what she'd said earlier — when she'd offered to go with Zane to speak to the Captain in the morning. That connecting we. He hoped she understood what he meant, and he too tried to convey it through the look in his dark eyes. I want to be your ally, it said ... and he did, even if it scared him.

Good. Such a simple word. Such a simple statement. And yet, it sent shivers down his spine. Not the word itself, of course, but the way Zane had said it. It was subtle, but Long Zhi recognized the tone; recognized the meaning behind it. Even back then, Zane had always had a bit of a possessive streak to him. It hadn’t shown very often, but enough for him to be able to pinpoint it when it did. And there’d been very little that had ever made him feel more wanted than hearing that tone of voice.

That certainly hadn’t changed.

Letting out a shaky breath, Long Zhi let his eyes fall closed, focusing on Zane’s rough hands against his skin. Then on his words and the meaning behind them: neither of them had ever been interested in anyone else. If he’d believed in something as childish as fate, perhaps he’d think they had always been meant for each other. Always meant to find their way back to each other sooner or later.

But he’d stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago.

Then he was being pulled into another kiss, and the hunger within it was unmistakable. Fucking hell. He’d completely forgotten what it felt like to be so deeply connected with someone. To want someone. To crave someone. And he sure as hell craved Zane right about now. Even more so when his lips moved along Long Zhi’s jaw, making his head spin with the onslaught of sensations and emotions it evoked. “Worth the wait so far,” he muttered, his hands roaming restlessly along Zane’s back, then moving to the front to let his fingertips feel along his abs.

There might’ve been a time or two Long Zhi had wondered what Zane looked like without a shirt these days. Guilty thoughts when trying to fall asleep late in the night. And whatever his imagination had been able to come up with, he had a feeling it hadn’t done the other any justice.

His fingers dipped, feeling along Zane’s waistband. Of course, he had no intention of unbuttoning his pants, or anything like that—especially not while they were out in the open like this ( though the thought, much to his surprise, did turn him on a little; not that he’d say that out loud, of course )—but he did hook his fingers behind it and used it to pull Zane close and against him. Then his hands moved to the back again, both palms coming to rest on either side of his ass so he could pull him closer still. “You should be able to tell yourself how you’re doing.”