Texts From Last Night Starters
Who knew I was capable of sobriety and human like emotions all in the same night.
I didn’t realize we were having a competition on bad life choices.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
About to do something stupid. You’ll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have no morals, kind of like how you have no standards.
I don’t know where I am, but it’s a goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mean I’m basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well when you put it that way I sound like a terrible person.
I don’t think I have enough personality to make it through this day sober.
He’s like a hurricane. A drunk, sexist, hurricane.
I’d rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem.
For the record, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies.
Oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was the cape. I can’t control myself when I wear a cape.
It’s honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludge mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don’t question myself. That’s what I have you for.
That’s the first time I’ve heard ‘shenanigans’ and ‘apocalypse’ in the same sentence.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life.
It’s not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I’ve crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious.
If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn’t be it.
I roundhouse kicked her emotions in the face.
Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I’ll let you know if at any point this night starts to make sense.
Trust me. Coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit.
Congratulations, you’ve begun to unfuck your life.
It is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die.
No matter how drunk I am, or how drunk I’ll ever be: I love you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me I’ll be damned if it’s my vanity.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult.
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult.
Are you doing depressed science again?
I think I left something in your backseat. My integrity.
Once he started yelling at me in latin I wasn’t sure what we were fighting about anymore…
From one hot mess to another…Get it together!
I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist.
Well despite the fact that I’m still not entirely sure this isn’t an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I’m in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
We’re making bets on your personal life.
I just realized the thing that smelled like an electrical fire was me.
I would run away from me if I could.
Look at my hair, does this look like the hair of a person who has their life together?
Nice just gets you lonely, or dead. I don’t like those options.
I just want to hug the crap out of some people.
Do you ever wonder how many people prayed for you to be a better person?
We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…or burn it. Either way we’ll deal with it later.
areudirty
snowghoul
tangentwithtanner
gracieabrams
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
