Hygge

Phanfiction written by Hygge (ao3) for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

[hygge-ao3]

Phanfiction Bingo 2023 Masterlist

So close, yet so far. All fics below!

@phanfictionbingo

Something Unholy Words: 2,183 Square: Skype Sex Rating: Explicit/Mature Summary: Phil receives some very surprising and seductive texts in the middle of the night.  Of Racing Hearts and Weighted Blankets Words: 1,154 Square: Cuddling Rating: Everyone Summary: Phil wakes up with anxiety coursing through his body and finds that Dan is a pretty good weighted blanket.  Little Black Box Words: 2,135 Square: Marriage Proposal Rating: Everyone Summary: While packing up their apartment before they move into their new home, Dan finds something hiding in Phil’s suitcase that makes him question what he wants out of their relationship.  Charmed Words: 8,712 Square: Bad Boy Rating: Teen Summary: Dan doesn’t understand Valentine’s Day. That is until he’s given an anonymous card with someone’s phone number in it. It takes months of talking with this anonymous person to learn who they are, and it ends up being the person that Dan least expects. Mochi & Luna Words: 1,559 Square: Pet Owners Rating: Everyone Summary: Dan has planned a huge surprise for Phil for their anniversary, but what he doesn’t know is that Phil has planned the same thing for him. Golden Boy Words: 3,115 Square: University Rating: Teen Summary: Phil takes a drawing class in university and needs a subject for his drawing final. Coming Undone Words: 1,723 Square: Praise Kink Rating: Explicit/Mature Summary: Phil notices that Dan hasn’t been himself recently, so he helps him get out of his head. Codependent? Maybe Just a Little Words: 1,285 Square: Crying Rating: Everyone Summary: Dan leaves to go on tour and Phil’s a little bit of a mess. Unpainted Canvas Words: 529 Square: Tattoos Rating: Everyone Summary: When Dan looked at Phil, he saw art… Phil was gorgeous, an absolute masterpiece. Dan didn’t even compare.

[hygge-ao3]

Unpainted Canvas

Summary: When Dan looked at Phil, he saw art… Phil was gorgeous, an absolute masterpiece. Dan didn’t even compare.

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Tattoos

Rating: Everyone

Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: fluff, body image, self confidence, self image, tattoos, comfort, drabble

Words: 529

Read on ao3

Dan’s self image had always been positive. That all changed when he met Phil. 

It wasn’t that Phil ever made rude comments about his body— quite the opposite, actually. Dan had never felt more loved by someone in his entire life. But, at the same time, Dan had also never felt more insecure.

Phil would always tell him how attractive he thought Dan was. That he loved everything about his body from his curls, to his eyes, to his lips, to his hands, to his legs. In those moments, Dan always felt really good about himself.  

But, when Dan looked at Phil, he saw art. Between Phil’s nose ring, plugs in his ears, his favorite things inked onto his arms, and the swirling colors of blues and purples and greens that filled in the blank spaces on his arms and onto his chest, Phil was gorgeous, an absolute masterpiece. Dan didn’t even compare. 

Dan didn’t know what made Phil attracted to him. He wasn’t Phil’s type. Of what he knew of Phil’s friends and his exes, they were all edgy with piercings and tattoos, just like Phil. Meanwhile, Dan’s skin was completely bare and his single earring could barely be counted as edgy. While their personalities were one in the same, their appearances completely clashed. 

There were times when he thought that maybe he needed to get a tattoo just to feel better. Not that he had any idea what he would get. But, it would need to be something that would deem him ‘edgy enough’ to be with someone like Phil. Maybe something on his forearm?

He scrolled through some tattoo ideas online, looking at ones inspired by music or video games, but not finding any that struck him.  

“Do you ever wish I had tattoos?” he asked finally. He looked over at Phil who was engrossed in watching whatever was playing on the television.  

“No.”

Dan hummed to himself, not fully satisfied with his answer. 

Phil looked over at Dan curiously. “Why? Were you thinking about getting one?”

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know. You look so good with them. My body feels so… bleugh next to yours.”

“You know I love your body, right? You don’t need to change anything about yourself.”

He sighed and looked down at his lap. “I just get in these funks where I think about your exes and your friends and then I look at myself and wonder how I’m appealing to you.”

“Dan.”

He looked up at Phil to see him looking sad as if what Dan said actually hurt him. He couldn’t make eye contact while Phil was looking at him like that, so he dismissed the conversation with a wave of his hand. 

“It’s dumb. Just forget I said anything.”

Phil shifted on the sofa so his body was turned towards Dan, the show forgotten in the background. 

“It’s not dumb. But, I don’t want you to do it just because you think I’ll like it. Or I’ll somehow love you more if you do, which isn’t possible, by the way.”

“But, if I get one, you’ll support it?”

“Of course. But, only if it’s for the right reasons.”

[hygge-ao3]

Codependent? Maybe Just A Little

Summary: Dan leaves to go on tour and Phil’s a little bit of a mess.

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Crying

Rating: Everyone

Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: fluff, crying, leaving home, WAD tour, established relationship, reality

Words: 1,285

Read on ao3

Ever since Dan brought up the idea of a solo tour, Phil had been dreading the day when he had to leave. 

At first, Phil assumed he would be going with him. They did everything together, after all, and their first two tours were some of the best moments of Phil’s life. Why wouldn’t he join Dan for something as big as his own solo tour? It never even occurred to Phil that maybe that wasn’t what Dan wanted this time. 

When Dan told him he wanted to do this by himself, just as Dan, Phil’s heart broke a little. Phil had been excitedly talking about what cities they could visit again and the things they could see that they had to skip during the last tour. Dan only gave him a sad look before shaking his head. 

“I kinda want to do this on my own,” he had said quietly. 

Phil blinked at him before responding. The words took a while to sink in. “Oh, yeah, of course.”

“Now that the ‘Dan and Phil’ era is over, I kinda want to grow my own brand and figure out what that looks like. Not that I don’t want you there, obviously, but I think it’ll be good to spend some time apart before we actually become conjoined.” 

Phil knew he was right. He didn’t want to hold Dan back in furthering his career or even his growth as his own person. Deep down, he knew this would be good for Dan, maybe even good for them as a couple. For all of Dan’s adult life, they had been seen as a duo. Maybe it was time for Dan to figure out who he was other than the first half of “Dan and Phil.”

Their friends and family always joked that they were codependent. And maybe they were. They couldn’t go a couple of hours without texting the other when they were apart, and when they were together, they were always attached to the hip. You didn’t see one without the other. They were a package deal. 

The thought of not having Dan at home for several weeks scared him. He hated being alone and he hated being without Dan. What was he even supposed to do for two whole months without him? Dan would be off having the time of his life going from city to city performing for energetic audiences, while Phil did what? Bingewatched shows and lived vicariously through Dan’s stories? 

He knew he was being dramatic. They already had a trial run when Dan traveled around the UK and was gone for days at a time. Phil managed then. But, this would be the longest they had ever been apart after twelve years together. It was only for two months, but at the same time, it was for two months. 

And even though he had known this day was coming, that didn’t make it any easier once the day arrived. 

When Phil woke up, Dan was still asleep next to him. His eyes trailed over the parts of Dan’s skin that were exposed, memorizing each and every detail, as if he was afraid he was going to forget what Dan looked like. He reached out and ran his fingers lightly over the curls of Dan’s hair, causing Dan to stir.

“Watching me sleep?” he asked groggily. 

“Maybe.”

“Creep.”

Dan closed his eyes again, but shuffled closer to Phil and draped his arm across Phil’s chest. 

“Do you always snuggle up to people who creep on you?”

“Mhm. Need to get my Phil cuddles in.”

“Will—“ Phil picked up his phone to check the time. “—three more hours of Phil cuddles hold you over for two months?”

Dan groaned. “Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“Because you wanted to create your own brand and figure out what that looked like.”

“I guess.”

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan to bring him closer. 

“If you want me to come visit, say the word and I’m there. Just make sure you’re somewhere nice like Orlando or Seattle,” Phil snickered.

Dan lifted his head to look at him.

“What, so you can get a free vacation out of it?” Dan asked.

“Eh, maybe.”

“Now I remember why I’m leaving you here.”

Dan started to tickle Phil’s sides.

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed as he squirmed around on the bed. Laughter filled the room as Phil tried to escape from Dan’s relentless tickling. “Alright, alright! I surrender!”

Dan finally let up and they caught their breaths before settling back into the position they were in before. 

“I’m really gonna miss you, you know,” Dan said quietly after a while.

“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you too.”

They spent the rest of the morning just enjoying each other. They laid in bed talking about everything and nothing, shared a shower, made breakfast together, and decided to watch one more episode of an anime which Phil promised not to watch while Dan was gone. Those three hours went by way too quickly for Phil’s liking. 

“My car’s here,” Dan announced sullenly, and Phil’s heart dropped. His time with Dan was coming to an end.

Dan stood up from the sofa and looked down at Phil, a silent invitation for Phil to follow him to the front door where Dan’s luggage was already waiting for him. They walked to the door in silence. Their entryway became blurry as tears filled Phil’s eyes. 

He so badly wanted this to be a happy send off for Dan. This was an exciting time for him. But, Phil couldn’t fight his trembling lip and the tears that were about to fall as he looked at Dan.

“I’m going to text you so much that you’re going to get tired of me.”

Phil shook his head as the tears finally fell. “Not possible.”

Dan opened his arms and brought Phil in for a hug. They couldn’t prolong this, as much as Phil wanted to. A car was waiting outside. 

Phil finally stepped back and wiped his eyes. There were tears in Dan’s eyes now, as well. 

“Let me know when you get to the airport?” he asked. 

“Yeah.”

“Love you,” Phil leaned in for a quick kiss. “So much.”

“Love you, too.”

They stood there and looked at each other, both with glassy eyes still. The look they shared said many things. From Phil, have the best time, I’m proud of you, and I’ll try not to miss you too much. And from Dan, I promise I won’t have too much fun without you there, two months will be over before you know it, and for the love of god, please water the plants. 

Dan gave Phil a sad smile before he opened the door and picked up his luggage. 

Phil watched the entire time as his luggage was placed in the car, as Dan opened the door and got in, as Dan gave him a small wave goodbye, and as the car drove down the road until he could no longer see it. 

When he went back into the house, it was too quiet. He could hear the buzzing of their lights and the humming of their appliances. There was no Dan. Maybe he could put on some of Dan’s old liveshows just for a bit of normalcy, to act like he was still there. No, it had only been a whole sixty seconds since Dan left. He could do this. It would be fine. Maybe he could call his mum to get his mind off of it. 

When Phil walked back over to the sofa and grabbed his phone, he saw he had a notification. It was Dan. 

miss you already bub ❤️

[hygge-ao3]

Coming Undone

Summary: Phil notices that Dan hasn’t been himself recently, so he helps him get out of his head.

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Praise

Rating: Explicit

Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: fluff, smut, prostate massage, coming untouched, praise, sub space, aftercare

Words: 1,723

Read on ao3

Over the last couple of days, Phil started to notice a change in Dan.

Their lounge, which was usually filled with the sounds of Dan’s laughter or him passionately ranting about a topic Phil knew nothing about, had been mostly quiet. Dan had become more reserved and withdrawn, not making comments on shows they were watching or laughing at memes Phil showed him.

When Phil looked at him, there were purple bags under his eyes, creases in between his eyebrows, and marks on his lips from where he bit them too hard.

Phil hated seeing Dan like this. It made him miss Dan even though he was usually in the same room as him. He wished he knew what was bothering him. The thought crossed Phil’s mind that maybe Dan was mad at him over something. But, that thought came and went. They were past internalizing issues they had as a couple. Then, he thought that maybe it was work or something happening with his family. But, he didn’t know for sure. When he asked Dan what had been on his mind lately, he hoped that Dan would open up to him. The opposite happened. Dan only shrugged and muttered an “I’m fine.”

Phil knew that wasn’t true. He didn’t want to force Dan to talk about whatever was bothering him, but he wanted to help Dan to not feel like this. He knew how much of a slippery slope these feelings were for Dan, and he wanted to stop them before they got any worse. If talking wasn’t going to work, he knew of another method that could help Dan get out of his head.

As they sat next to each other on the couch in the lounge later that night, Phil rested his head against Dan’s shoulder and watched as he responded to an email.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

"Hmm?" Dan hummed, not looking away from his screen.

"Let me take care of you tonight?"

Dan stopped typing for a few seconds and let out a small breath, knowing what that implied. “Yeah.”

It felt like a small victory for Phil. He pecked Dan on the cheek before standing up.

“I’m gonna head to bed. Come to bed when you're ready?"

Dan nodded.

Half an hour passed before Dan walked into the bedroom.

Phil had already gotten the room ready. The lights were dim, the curtains were drawn, and Phil’s phone was turned off. They had done this enough where Phil knew exactly what Dan needed— no distractions. No bright lights, no noises from the outside, no phone notifications, no music, no candles. It was just them. No one else existed outside of the room.

Phil put down his book he was reading on the nightstand and smiled at Dan as he walked into the room. Nothing was said between the two of them as Dan stripped off his clothing and walked over to the bed. Phil sat cross legged on the bed with his back resting against the headboard. Dan didn’t hesitate, positioning his body over Phil's legs, and lowering himself so he sat close to Phil's knees, allowing for plenty of space in front of them.

Once Dan was settled, Phil placed his hand on the side of Dan's face and caressed his cheek. Dan leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, an action that held so much trust and love.

Phil studied the slight freckles he could see on his skin even in the dim lighting, and how his eyelashes fanned against his cheeks.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

A small smile made its way to Dan’s lips. Phil made a mental reminder to tell Dan that more often.

"Ready?" Phil asked.

Dan nodded, eyes still closed, face still cradled by Phil's hand. Phil kissed Dan's forehead and he reluctantly removed his hand from Dan's face to grab the lube next to him. As Phil lubed up a finger, Dan leaned forward and rested his forehead against Phil's shoulder. Phil's left hand came up and started massaging the base of Dan's skull to help him relax further.

Phil reached his hand under Dan, past his hardening cock, past his balls, towards his hole. His finger circled around it, not pressing in just yet, wanting Dan to relax more before he did so. Phil leaned his head to rest it on top of Dan’s as both of his hands seemed to move in tandem.

The tension Dan held in his body was still there. Phil could feel it in the way his thighs were shaking with the effort of keeping his weight off of Phil. He wanted Dan to completely let go so he could help him into sub space, as that was one of the best ways to help Dan get out of his head.

"I've got you," Phil whispered. "You can let go, love."

Slowly, the tension started to release from Dan's body. His body sunk lower onto Phil's thighs as his legs gave way, his arms lay limp by his sides, his shoulders dropped as he let go of the tension in his back, his head felt heavier against Phil's shoulder as the muscles in his neck relaxed.

"There you go. Good boy."

Dan let out a small mewl.

He continued his soft touches, wanting to be absolutely sure that Dan had slipped fully before going any further. Typically, Phil could tell by the look in his eyes, that unfocused, glazed over soft stare that he would get. But, he wasn't going to ask Dan to lift his head. He couldn't. He didn't want to break the already fragile headspace Dan was currently in. Instead, he paid attention to Dan’s breathing, listening for when it slowed.

"I'm gonna take care of you, love,” Phil whispered.

Once Dan’s breaths became shallow, Phil pressed his finger against the ring of muscle and felt it give easily. Dan let out a soft sigh, his warm breath hitting Phil's bare chest, as Phil pushed in slowly, welcomed by a tight heat he was so familiar with. Phil placed a light kiss on the side of his head, the only part of Dan's body his lips could reach.

"Good boy. Always so good for me."

He started to move his finger inside of Dan slowly.

This wasn't about giving Dan the most pleasure possible. If they wanted that, this isn't what they would have chosen. This was about getting Dan into a headspace where he could completely escape from his thoughts and solely focus on what Phil was giving him. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to feel. He wanted to get lost in the sensations that Phil was more than happy to give him, while asking for nothing in return.

Phil wasn't searching yet, although to be fair, he rarely had to search anymore. Dan's body, inside and out, was completely mapped out in Phil's mind after a whole decade together.

After a few minutes, Phil pressed his finger towards himself and found what he was looking for almost immediately. Dan let out a small whimper as his finger moved over his prostate. He softly circled his finger around it a few times, and then switched to gentle strokes. He alternated between the two for a while when he noticed Dan’s breathing begin to quicken.

“You’re doing so well letting me take care of you like this.”

He loved how close he felt to Dan when they did this. It truly felt like they had become one, as his sole focus was to listen to Dan’s body and what he needed without paying any attention to making himself feel good.

Phil looked down between their bodies and saw Dan's cock was leaking precum. It twitched with every press Phil made to Dan's prostate. He knew Dan wasn't going to last much longer.

He, on the other hand, was barely hard. But, this wasn't for him. This was for Dan.

Before long, Dan's hands grabbed hold of Phil's waist, his finger tips digging into the flesh. Small, frequent moans began to leave his lips, and Phil started to rub his prostate a bit faster, a little more deliberately.

"Let it all go, love.”

Dan clenched around Phil's finger as his orgasm hit him, a louder moan leaving Dan’s lips as he released onto both of their stomachs.

"Good boy, such a good boy for me,” Phil whispered into his hair, not stopping his movements. Phil worked him through it until he felt Dan’s hands leave his sides.

Once Dan came down from his high, he slowly lifted his head and looked at Phil. There was that look. The unfocused, glazed over soft stare that was accompanied by a soft smile. Dan let out a sigh, almost like a small chuckle, before he rested his head against Phil again. He wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to come back to reality.

An hour passed before Dan spoke.

They had been lying under the blankets in the dark while listening to a playlist Phil put on. Phil was lying on his back, with Dan curled up next to him, Phil absentmindedly drawing shapes against Dan’s side. Phil wasn’t going to force converation. He was perfectly content just existing with him. Dan would talk when he was ready.

“Thank you,” Dan eventually mumbled.

Phil kissed the top of Dan’s head.

“Of course. How are you feeling?”

“Better. My mind isn’t as much of a mess.”

“That’s good. Did you want to talk about it?”

Dan seemed to think about it for a second. “Not right now. Maybe later. Don’t want to ruin this.”

Phil wrapped his arms a little tighter around Dan.

They were silent for a while. Phil closed his eyes and listened to the song that was currently playing. Between the music and feeling Dan next to him, he could feel himself starting to drift off.

“How do you do it?” Dan asked suddenly.

“Hmm?” Phil hummed, trying not to succumb to sleep.

“Knowing exactly what I need. I feel like you know me better than I know myself.”

“Must be those psychic abilities that were passed down to me.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dan laughed.

Phil had missed that sound, and he was so happy to hear it again after days without it.

[hygge-ao3]

Golden Boy

Summary: Dan has planned a huge surprise for Phil for their anniversary, but what he doesn’t know is that Phil has planned the same thing for him.

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: University

Rating: Teen and up 

Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: fluff, university, coffee shop, artist!Phil, drawing, art, barista!Dan, nudemodel!Dan

Words: 3,115

Read on ao3

There were two things that were helping Phil get through this semester, and they both existed at a small coffee shop just off campus.  

The first was caffeine. 

How he used to survive without caffeine before university, he had no clue. It ran through his veins at this point. Caffeine seemed to be the only way he could get through the long days of classes while still remaining relatively sane — a cup of coffee before he left his apartment each morning, followed by another cup in the afternoon at a nearby coffee shop. 

The second was a cute barista named Dan. 

It had started around three months ago, when Phil had gone into the coffee shop for his usual 3pm coffee and someone new was at the counter ready to take his order. The guy was about the same height, a little younger, with a very similar haircut to Phil’s. Phil had to admit, he was cute. He offered Phil a dimpled smile as he stepped up to the register, a small gesture of kindness that had Phil stumbling over his words as he ordered. 

“Hi,” Phil had started, suddenly nervous even though he ordered the same thing every day. “Could I have a, uh, a vanilla latte? Um, a small? To go? Please?”

“Sure,” the guy said while entering his order onto an iPad. “What’s your name?”

“Phil. Yours?”

“Dan,” the guy laughed as he grapped a cup. “I needed your name for the cup,” he explained while waving it in the air for Phil to see.

Phil felt his face reddening in embarrasment. He had been to this coffee shop enough times where he should have realized what Dan was asking him. He knew the drill. This wasn’t an attempt of Dan’s to get to know him better; he was just doing this job.

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course,” Phil muttered as he focused his attention to the screen to pay. 

To avoid further embarrassment, Phil kept his talking to a minimum until he walked out of the coffee shop with his latte in hand. He knew that their interaction would be replaying itself over and over in this head for the rest of the day, with Phil making little tweaks here and there, daydreaming about how it could have turned out differently. He knew in the grand scheme of things that it wasn’t a big deal, and Dan probably forgot about it by the end of the day, but Phil hoped Dan wouldn’t be there the next day. He didn’t need to make a complete fool out of himself two days in a row.

It seemed as though the world was against him because Dan had been there the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. He had been there almost every time Phil was there over the next three months. 

The first few times were still awkward. Phil couldn’t converse like a normal human, tripping up on his words or saying the wrong thing. After about a week, his social ineptitude faded, and he started to be able to have normal conversations with Dan. They started off small, having conversations about the weather or the song that was playing throughout the coffee shop. Their short conversations then evolved into music tastes, shows they were currently into, and weekend plans they had. There were even times when Phil could have sworn Dan was flirting with him, so he flirted right back. 

After all of their chats over the last three months, Phil had finally gained the courage to give Dan his number. He walked into the coffee shop that day with a confidence he hadn’t felt in a while, but that confidence quickly deflated. Dan wasn’t working. Somebody else was stood behind the counter, ready to take his order. He was more disappointed than he should have been.

When Phil left the coffee shop and started his walk to his drawing class, he took a sip from his latte. It might have just been his imagination, but it didn’t taste nearly as good as it usually did when Dan made it. 

When Phil arrived to his drawing class, the room was set up a little differently than usual. Metal easels were arranged around the room, all facing the front, which had a chair and a couple of lights strategically pointed at it. Phil took a seat on a stool that was in the back row and began to unpack his supplies.

His professor, an eccentric older woman who seemed to wear a different colorful silk scarf every class, walked to the front of the room. 

"Today we will be studying the human form,” she stared to explain. “We have a model here who will be posing for us. He will do two poses, one standing, and one sitting each for about twenty minutes. You will be using charcoal to capture light and shadow, and using the techniques from earlier in the semester to accurately draw proportion and angles.“

When she was finished talking, someone walked from the back of the room towards the chair. Phil's eyes widened. It was Dan, the cute barista from the coffee shop. Except, he wasn't in his usual black outfit and green apron. Instead, he was wearing a white cotton robe, and Phil could only imagine what he had on underneath. Or what wasn’t underneath. 

He knew having to draw a nude model in this class was inevitable. He read the syllabus. But the syllabus failed to mention that their model was going to be the most attractive guy that Phil knew. 

Dan was stood with his back to Phil as he undid the tie around his waist and dropped the robe, folding it neatly on the chair next to him. Suddenly, Phil's face felt hot. Dan was completely naked in the middle of the room, just a few feet from him. 

The first pose Dan did had him facing the wall, his slender arms both resting on top of his head causing the muscles in his upper back to flex. He rested his weight on his left leg, while his right leg stretched out in front of him. Phil’s eyes followed the lines of his body from his neck all the way down to his ankles, admiring the way the lights created shadows that accentuated his body. It felt a little weird, looking at Dan like this. It felt a little wrong, a little voyeuristic. He was so entranced by the flawlessness of Dan’s body that he had almost forgotten what he was actually supposed to be doing. 

Phil glanced around him at his fellow classmates who were all starting to sketch out Dan’s form on their papers. He grabbed his charcoal and started to draw out basic shapes of Dan’s body. As he shaded the muscles below Dan’s shoulders, Phil wondered what it would be like to run his hands down Dan’s back. To run them down his sides and grab his ass in his hands. To— get it together, Phil. 

The twenty minutes were quickly over, and Phil somehow had something down on paper that looked like a proportional human, and even looked a little like Dan. 

Dan moved over to the chair. Phil tried to hide his face as he got himself settled into position. 

When Phil did look back at Dan, he was sitting in the chair, his torso twisted to the right as he rested his right arm on the back of the chair. He was looking at the wall at the back of the room, seemingly trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Luckily, it didn't seem like he noticed Phil was even there. Or if he did, he wasn't making it obvious. He couldn't imagine what it was like to be naked in a room full of strangers whose job was to stare at your body as they tried to recreate it. But, Dan seemed unbothered, as if he had done this before. 

Phil got straight to work with the charcoal, trying not to get as distracted as he was for the last drawing. That seemed to work up until his eyes made their way down to Dan's crotch. He felt his face grow hot again and he discretely looked around to see if anyone noticed. No one had. He wasn't sure if he would be able to act normally around Dan after this. 

After another twenty minutes passed, Phil let out a sigh of relief once Dan put the robe on again and left to change into his clothes. Somehow he’d gotten through the whole class without being noticed. 

As Phil and the rest of the class were turning in their work and packing up their things, their professor reminded the class that their final was due in three weeks. They were allowed to choose any subject and any medium, as long as it was something they covered in class. 

He had given a little thought as to what he wanted to do for his final. Thinking back to everything they had done over the semester, he was probably the best at using pastels. But, Phil didn’t know what his subject was going to be yet. He would probably create a still life using some things in his apartment. 

Dan returned a couple of minutes later, fully clothed this time in his usual all black emsemble. Phil watched out of the corner of his eye as Dan walked up to his professor, and said a few words to her. 

Part of him wanted to say something to Dan, but he knew it would be best if he didn’t mention this at all. Dan didn’t have to know that Phil was in the room. As long as Phil could maintain his composure around Dan after this, it would be fine. He just needed to get out of the room without Dan noticing him. 

But, as Dan ended the conversation with Phil’s professor and turned to leave, they locked eyes. 

Phil could feel his face turning red as if he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. For Dan, it looked like all of the blood drained out of his face. He looked horrified. Phil quickly grabbed his things and rushed out of the room before Dan had a chance to say anything.

It took a little over a week before Phil gained the courage to see Dan at work again. 

It wasn’t that he was avoiding Dan, per se, he just couldn’t think about him without picturing his flawless, naked body. And he didn’t really need those thoughts running through his head as he was ordering coffee. It was bad enough that those thoughts ran through his head while he was in the shower. 

But, did Dan even want to see him? What if he was so embarrassed that he wanted to never see Phil again? He didn’t want to think about that. 

After mulling it over for a while, Phil decided to risk it and go buy a latte. He wouldn’t know the answer unless he spoke with him first. Hopefully, they could put this behind them and continue on as they had been. 

The energy between them was tense when Phil first arrived to the coffee shop. Phil gave a soft smile when he walked up to the counter in an attempt to break the tension, but he couldn’t read Dan’s expression. His face was blank. 

"Thought I scared you off,” Dan muttered, barely making eye contact. 

"Oh, no. I've been busy. Finals,” he lied. Busy trying to get my mind off of you, he wanted to say. 

Dan seemed to lighten up at that. He smiled softly and asked Phil more about his finals, which Phil embellished slightly to make it seem like they had been taking over his life a little more than they had been. 

Once Phil ordered his drink and stepped to the side, he took a couple of deep breaths to calm his nerves while he watched Dan. Even though his interaction with Dan went well, and he ultimately felt relieved about that, his heart was still pounding. Among his thoughts of whether or not to return to the coffee shop, he had finally figured out what he wanted his subject to be for his drawing final. Now, he only hoped that Dan would agree to it. 

"I have a proposition for you,” he blurted out once Dan placed his latte on the counter in front of him. 

Dan leaned against the back counter and crossed his arms. “A proposition, huh? Go on." 

"My drawing final is due in two weeks. And I was wondering..." Phil trailed off, silently hoping Dan would catch on to what he was asking. 

Dan’s eyes narrowed, as if he was trying to figure out what Phil was saying. 

“If I could help you with it?" he guessed. 

"Well, yeah. Just not... you know… just your face.” Phil stammered as he could feel his face reddening. 

Dan considered it for a moment. “Okay. I'm up for that. When were you thinking?“

“Maybe this Saturday?” Phil hated how unsure his responses were. Where was that confidence he had when he was planning to give Dan his number a couple of weeks ago?

Dan grabbed Phil’s cup that was still sitting on the counter and started writing on it in Sharpie. When he handed it over, Phil saw that it was a phone number.

“Text me the details.”

Phil nodded and picked up his cup to take a sip.

“Why does this always taste so much better when you make it?” he asked.

Dan laughed to himself. 

“That’s because I add an extra half pump of vanilla syrup.”

“Do you actually?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled sheepishly. 

“To all of them?”

“No,” he paused. “Just yours.”

Phil wasn’t sure if it was the drink or Dan’s words that was making his body feel warm. 

The past few nights Phil spent his time watching video tutorials of different pastel techniques. Skin tones, hair textures, eye colors, lighting and shadows on skin. He wanted to get this right. He wanted whatever little artistic ability he had to be able to capture everything that was Dan on paper. Was he spending way too much time on a final for an elective class? Absolutely. Did he care? Absolutely not. 

Phil watched tutorials practically up to the point when Dan knocked on his door. 

“I didn’t know your hair was curly,” Phil said, as he invited Dan inside. 

“Yeah,” Dan blushed. “I hate it, but I feel like it’s more interesting to draw.”

“I like it. You should leave it curly more often.”

Dan gave him a shy smile before Phil led him into the lounge. 

Before Dan had arrived, Phil moved his small dining table and two chairs by a large window. There was a small table top easel on top of the table, along with a box of varying colors of pastels and a pad of natural colored paper. 

Phil instructed him to sit on the chair next to the window, as he adjusted the blinds so that the late afternoon light filtered between them, casting streaks of light across Dan’s face. The golden rays of sunlight turned Dan’s brown eyes into a mixtures of caramels and chocolates. They were almost mesmerizing. Phil had to force himself to look away and his eyes landed on Dan’s hair instead. 

“Can I…?” Phil asked, making a gesture with his hands.

Dan looked confused, but nodded anyway. Phil reached forward and delicately repositioned a couple of curls, stepping back a couple of times to make sure they were placed just right. Once he was satisfied, he sat down at the table. 

He looked at Dan, really studied him, before he asked Dan to move his chin slightly up, to the left, no, back to the right a little bit, turn his shoulders to the left, now tilt his chin down.

“This is literally how I was just sitting,” Dan laughed.

Phil rolled his eyes playfully before he picked up a light tan pastel. His hands were shaking as he put it to the paper. He started with a circle for his face and messy squiggles for his hair. The placement of his eyes, nose, and mouth were next before he decided to tackle the way the sun was hitting Dan’s face. The afternoon sun wasn’t going to be golden for long. 

Being able to essentially stare at Dan this close for this long of a time allowed Phil to see things he hadn’t noticed before— the small freckles near his eyes, a little rosy patch along his jaw… did Dan know how beautiful he was?

The room was fairly quiet as Phil continued to work for the next hour. There was small talk here and there, but for the most part, it was the sounds of pastel against paper and Phil blending the colors together that filled the room. 

“And I think…” Phil started, before adding another dark brown pastel stroke to Dan’s hair. “It’s done.”

Phil turned the easel around for Dan to see, anxious to hear what he thought of it. Dan stood up from his chair and walked over to the finished piece to get a closer look. 

“Phil…” Dan sounded breathless as he admired what Phil created. “This is… this is gorgeous.”

He walked around the table and stood next to Dan. Now that he wasn’t looking at it up close, he did a pretty good job, if he said so himself. Dan’s curls were accentuated, maybe even more than in real life. And somehow, he got the streaks of sunlight across Dan’s face absolutely perfect. It looked almost ethereal. 

“I think that’s all you.” 

He said it so quietly, he wasn’t sure Dan had heard him until he turned toward him with a look of awe on his face. They looked at each other for what felt like ages, neither of them moving. Phil’s heart started to race, and butterflies started to dance around his stomach. Was Dan feeling this too? Should he just go for it? Fuck it. 

Phil leaned in slowly, giving Dan the time and space to back away if he wanted. Instead, Dan met him the rest of the way. Their lips brushed for only a second before Phil pulled away.

“Can I take you out on a date sometime?” Phil asked quietly, once they pulled apart. Only a few inches separated them. “Dress up, go out to dinner, go see a movie, have you back by ten? The whole shabang?” 

Dan blushed. “Yeah, I think that would be nice.”

[hygge-ao3]

Mochi & Luna

Summary: Dan has planned a huge surprise for Phil for their anniversary, but what he doesn’t know is that Phil has planned the same thing for him.

 Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Pet Owners

Rating: Everyone 

Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: fluff, dogs, pets, established relationship, surprises

Words: 1,558

Read on ao3

“You and I are gonna hang out here for a little while until Phil gets back, okay? Then, we’re going to surprise him with all of your cuteness.”    

Dan shut the bedroom door behind him and looked down at the puppy in his arms. The puppy looked up at Dan with its large brown eyes. It almost felt surreal, having this little ball of fluff and cuteness that was his. That was theirs.

He placed a quick kiss on the top of the puppy’s head, which was returned with a lick to the side of the face. “God, he’s gonna love you so much. Yes, he is.”

If Dan could pull this off, this was going to be the best surprise ever.

They had talked about getting a dog countless times over the years. Having a dog used to be something that felt so out of reach when they were renting, but now that they had a house and no landlord to deal with, it was a topic that came up more and more frequently. They had the time, they had the outdoor space, so it was a no brainer for Dan when he was trying to figure out what to get Phil for their anniversary.

Phil probably would have been happy with any dog, or any gift for that matter, but a corgi was the obvious choice.

When Dan found a litter of six corgi puppies that needed homes, there was one that immediately stuck out to Dan. It wasn’t the most rambunctious, but it also wasn’t the calmest. This puppy came right up to Dan, put his two front paws on Dan’s legs, and gave what Dan could only describe as a smile. Instead of Dan choosing the puppy, it seemed liked the puppy had chosen him.

Over the next couple of weeks, Dan had secretly been ordering supplies— a dog bed, toys, dog bowls, food. Each box was hidden in the closet of their guest room, under the guise that they were props for a new video. Which, he guessed, wasn’t entirely a lie since he was sure there would be a dog introduction video at some point.

Even though the supplies were covered, he had no idea how he was going to smuggle a dog into their house without Phil knowing. He had thought about bringing Martyn in on the surprise and asking him to get Phil out of the house for a little while. But when Dan woke up that morning, luck seemed to be on his side when Phil told him he needed to run some errands, leaving him with just enough time to pick up the puppy.

He had done this all right under Phil’s nose, and Phil didn’t seem to have any idea what was actually going on. It was going to be perfect.

Dan put the puppy on the floor and watched as it explored around the room, sniffing everything and stumbling around. The puppy ran around the bed and came back to Dan with one of Phil’s socks in his mouth.

“No, give me that.” Dan knelt to the floor and grabbed Phil’s cactus sock out of the puppy’s mouth. “He’s gonna have to learn to pick up after himself, isn’t he? Maybe you could teach him a lesson since he doesn’t listen to me.”

He sat down on the floor and let out a laugh as the puppy started to jump all over him. Even when his phone vibrated in his pocket, he had a hard time getting to it without getting bombarded with little kisses. How could something so tiny have so much energy?

Phil, 2:41pm There’s a surprise waiting for you in the lounge 🎁

Dan, 2:41pm omw 🏃

He carefully got up from the floor, making sure he didn’t accidentally step on the puppy, it was so small.

“I have to go upstairs, so I need you to be extra quiet, okay? Don’t pee on anything while I’m gone.”

Dan did a quick scan of the room to make sure there wasn’t anything the puppy could get into. He didn’t want to come back to a disaster, so he quickly removed a charging cable from the floor before he walked out.

While he was excited to see what Phil’s surprise was for him, he couldn’t help but feel a little smug that whatever Phil’s surprise was probably didn’t even come close to what was hiding in their bedroom.

But, once he entered the lounge, Dan let out a sound that was half disbelief and half a laugh. It turned out that Dan wasn’t the only one with the idea for the best surprise ever, because in the center of the room stood Phil with a shiba inu puppy in his arms.

“Surprise,” Phil smiled.

Dan walked up to Phil, mouth agape, still in shock. The light cream colored puppy looked up at Dan with brown eyes and started to wriggle around in Phil’s arms, letting out small, excited whimpers. Dan laughed and held out his hand for the puppy to sniff before he started to pet the top of its head.

“Hello,” Dan cooed. “You’re just the cutest, aren’t you?”

“Do you want to hold her?”

“Yes, but, let me get your gift first.” Dan was giddy with excitement as he hurried to the stairs. “You’re not gonna believe this!”

Dan rushed down the stairs to their bedroom. The corgi puppy was waiting patiently at the door when Dan returned.

“Are you ready to meet Phil and your sister? I know, you’re not an only child anymore.That lasted a whole twenty minutes, didn’t it? You’re as surprised as I am."

He picked up the puppy, giving it a couple quick kisses to the top of the head before making his way back upstairs.  

“Two dogs!” Phil exclaimed when Dan came up the stairs, his face brighter and more excited than Dan had ever seen before. He was sat on the floor with the shiba inu puppy in his lap.

Dan sat down next to him and the corgi immediately started to climb over his legs and into Phil’s lap. Soon enough, both puppies were all over Phil.

“This is the best day of my life!” Phil laughed as he was getting bombarded with love from the puppies.

Dan couldn’t help but laugh along with him, still not believing that this happened.

But, it was weird how quickly having two dogs felt natural. There was never a question as to whether they would be able to handle two dogs. Sure, it would be a little hectic trying to keep track of them to make sure they weren’t getting into trouble, but it felt like it made sense. Of course they had two dogs. Now that Dan was experiencing it, he couldn’t imagine it any other way. Dan and Phil each had a dog to call their own, and the dogs now had someone to play with.

The two of them sat cross legged on the floor for over an hour playing with the dogs and watching them explore.

“Did you think of a name for him?” Dan asked.

Phil was happily watching the two dogs play tug of war with one of the new toys, and Dan wasn’t sure who to pay more attention to— Phil or the dogs.

“I think he looks like a Mochi,” Phil replied, not taking his eyes off of the dogs.

“Mochi? That’s adorable.”

Phil turned towards Dan. “Have you thought of a name?”

“I had a couple in mind, but now I feel like she needs to be a Japanese snack, too.”

“Hmmm,” Phil hummed as he thought for a few seconds. “Hi-Chew? Matcha Kit Kat? Tokyo Banana?”

“All great options, Phil. Thank you so much,” Dan deadpanned. “Tokyo Banana rolls right off the tongue.”

“Toki for short?” Phil tried, a hopeful smile on his face.

Dan shook his head. “Don’t think that’s gonna make the cut.”

Out of all of the daydreams Dan had about owning a dog, he had never given much thought to what that dog might be called. It was a lot of pressure, choosing a name that will define the dog for the next 12-15 years.

He watched the shiba inu for a little while, mentally trying out different names. Kira, Ella, Piper, Nala. Nothing was sticking. He ended up going through the alphabet and thinking of a name for each letter.

“What about Luna?” he eventually asked Phil.

“Mochi and Luna. Dan, Phil, Mochi, and Luna. That’s cute. I like it.”

“What— are we doing Christmas cards now?” he teased, picturing all of their names written out.

Phil let out a small gasp. “We totally should. We could do a little photoshoot like we did with the calendar! We could sit in front of the Christmas tree and have them sit inside of little presents.”

Dan wasn’t actually serious, but he couldn’t deny that was a ridiculously cute idea. They could dress up in festive jumpers and maybe even get the dogs little outfits if they tolerated them. And maybe that could be a tradition they started, taking Christmas photos each year and sending them to family and friends. Over the years they could have something to look back on to remind them of where their little family started. Their own little family.

[hygge-ao3]

Charmed

Summary:  Dan doesn’t understand Valentine’s Day. That is until he’s given an anonymous card with someone’s phone number in it. It takes months of talking with this anonymous person to learn who they are, and it ends up being the person that Dan least expects. 

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Bad Boy

Rating: Teen 

Triggers/Warnings: brief mention of homophobic slurs, alcohol

Additional tags: fluff, angst, bad boy, bamf!phil, flirting, secret admirer, texting, valentines day, high school, drunk texting, meeting for the first time, strangers to lovers

Words: 8,712

Read on ao3

Dan never understood the concept of Valentine's Day. It was a day to show people how much you love them, but shouldn't you show that every day? Why was this one day any different? To him, it was just another stupid, corporate holiday to get people to buy flowers, chocolates, and jewelry. 

Although, maybe he would feel different about it if he actually had someone to spend it with. He never had a boyfriend. Crushes, sure. Even some hook ups. But never someone to love on and spend holidays with. 

He was reminded of that fact when he walked into school. The halls were buzzing with romance. So many people were with their partners exchanging hugs, kisses, chocolates, flowers, teddy bears, balloons, you name it. For a second, Dan wished he was part of that, to be showered with love and affection. 

When he talked towards his locker, he saw something taped to the front of it. As he got closer, he saw it was a card in a red envelope with his name written on the front in fairly neat handwriting. He took the card, looking around to see who could have put it there, and opened it.

On the front was Pikachu holding a red heart saying "I choose you". When he opened the card, there was a typed message, which said, "You used charm. It was super effective!"

Dan couldn't help but smile. Whoever it was, clearly knew him well enough to know he would enjoy this card. It was cute. 

But, on the left side of the card was a handwritten message with a phone number. 

Dan, Happy Valentine's Day ❤️ I've had a crush on you for a while now.  Text me?

There was no name. Dan wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not. 

But more importantly, someone had a crush on him? He thought about people he interacted with, but couldn’t think of anyone who he thought would even be slightly interested in him. 

Once again, he looked around to see if anyone would come up to him and confess to being the person who left the card, but everyone seemed to be too engrossed in their own Valentine's Day business. He was hoping someone would come up to him at some point in the day. But if the person left their number, maybe they weren’t going to initiate a conversation? Maybe it was going to be up to Dan to start a conversation. 

Dan took out his phone and put the number in as a new contact, using a question mark in place of a name. Then, he put the card in the front of his backpack, before grabbing the books he needed for his first class.

By lunch, the mystery was killing him. 

In each of his classes, he looked around to see if anyone would give him the slightest hint, but Dan didn’t find anything that would give anyone away. No one seemed to pay him any mind. He was hoping someone would lock eyes with him and look away shyly, or maybe wink at him, or even come over to him and chat. It wasn’t that easy. 

He knew one way to find out, though. His friend, Sarah, was part of a lot of different friend groups in school. While Dan was only really part of the theater kids and the alternative kids who had adopted Gerard Way as their god, Sarah was part of, let’s be honest, every group. So, if anyone had this phone number as a contact, it would probably be her. 

Dan spotted her in the cafeteria, and decided to sit down next to her.

“Hey. Do you know whose number this is?" he asked while handing her his phone with the contact on the screen. 

She typed it into her phone, but shook her head. "No idea."

Dan frowned. “Damn. Okay."

"Why?"

He scrambled to come up with a quick story. "They texted me, but didn’t say who they were. I’ll just ask them,” he lied. 

There was no way he was going to tell Sarah about the card he was given. If she knew about it, she would have made it her life’s mission to figure out who was behind the card. It would have taken the pressure off of Dan, but there was something about this that he wanted to keep to himself. 

“Sorry to disappoint. This person is an enigma.”

It left Dan feeling even more confused. If Sarah didn’t know who this was, what did that mean?

Dan was in geography class when his teacher stopped in the middle of her sentence about the Pacific Islands as the classroom door opened. He secretly thanked the interruption. His teacher’s lectures were extremely boring, especially after lunch, and he was having a hard time concentrating.

He turned around in his chair and saw Phil Lester stood in the doorway. He looked like he did everyday—  black combat boots, black skinny jeans, and some sort of black band tee underneath a black leather jacket. 

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Lester."

Phil dropped his black backpack next to his desk and took a seat. 

"Didn't want to miss one of your thrilling lectures, Theresa. Lord knows I could use more sleep anyway.“

A few people in class snickered. Dan rolled his eyes. He didn’t like this class either, but at least he kept it to himself. 

Phil leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up on the desk, his boots thudding against the surface as they made contact, and he gave their teacher a challenging look. Their teacher looked right back, but didn't say anything further. Phil had won this one and he smirked in victory.

It was insane to Dan just how much teachers gave into him. He knew Phil had his fair share of detentions. But, it seemed the closer to the end of the school year they got, the less their teachers seemed to care. Which, Dan didn’t blame them. He was sure it was easier for them to ignore whatever he was doing than having to deal with him in detention. 

Their teacher continued on with her lecture. 

Dan didn’t know much about Phil, despite sharing a few classes with him over the years. Not that he wanted to get to know him. He was probably the last possible person Dan would want to befriend at this school. But, it was weird that there wasn’t much gossip about him. He would have thought that with how infamous Phil was, there would be people whispering about his private life left and right, but there was nothing.

Dan sat on his bed staring at his phone once he got home from school. All of his curiosity and anxiety throughout the day lead up to this, but he didn’t even know how to start a conversation with this person. Especially since he didn’t know who they were. He typed out about ten different texts before realizing he was overthinking this whole thing. This wasn’t a marriage proposal. He wasn’t asking this person on a date. This was just the start of a text. It was fine. 

Dan - Feb 14, 03:27pm Thank you for the card. How'd you know that I love Pokemon? Who is this btw?

? - Feb 14, 03:29pm I've noticed the stickers on your notebooks. I love Pokemon too :)

Dan - Feb 14, 03:29pm So you're avoiding answering the question about your identity?

? - Feb 14, 03:30pm Maybe

Dan - Feb 14, 03:30pm Why?

? - Feb 14, 03:33pm Two reasons 1. no one knows I'm gay  2. I'm afraid that if you knew who I was you wouldn't want to talk to me

Dan - Feb 14, 03:34pm I doubt that. Are you a serial killer?

? - Feb 14, 03:34pm No

Dan - Feb 14, 03:34pm A cannibal?

? - Feb 14, 03:34pm No

Dan - Feb 14, 03:35pm Hate dogs?

? - Feb 14, 03:35pm No, who tf do you think I am? Who hates dogs?

Dan - Feb 14, 03:36pm Just checking See? No reason why I would want to stop talking to you

? - Feb 14, 03:36pm :)

It had been a few days, and texting this anonymous person had quickly become Dan’s favorite part of the day. As much as he wanted to, he refrained from texting whoever this was during school. He would hate to get someone in trouble. Instead, texting was saved for after school where they shared memes, dog videos, and funny stories, and now he looked forward to coming home even more than he usually did. 

Even though Dan and this person texted nonstop the past few days, he still didn’t know much about this person. Whoever he was talking to was really sticking to his anonymity. 

Dan - Feb 19, 09:53pm You already seem to know so much about me. Can I ask some questions about you?

? - Feb 19, 09:53pm Sure

Dan - Feb 19, 09:54pm Favourite band?

? - Feb 19, 09:54pm Muse

Dan - Feb 19, 09:55pm Mine too :) Favourite movie?

? - Feb 19, 09:55pm That's a hard one... Kill Bill?

Dan - Feb 19, 09:56pm Favourite show?

? - Feb 19, 09:56pm Buffy

Dan - Feb 19, 09:57pm That’s an oldie Favourite colour?

? - Feb 19, 09:57pm Blue

Dan - Feb 19, 09:57pm Favourite animal?

? - Feb 19, 09:58pm Lion

Dan - Feb 19, 09:58pm Favourite candy?

? - Feb 19, 09:59pm Anything Haribo It’s kind of a problem

Dan - Feb 19, 10:00pm Biggest fear?

? - Feb 19, 10:00pm What lives in the sea

Dan - Feb 19, 10:01pm Where do you see yourself in ten years?

? - Feb 19, 10:01pm What is this? A job interview?

Dan - Feb 19, 10:02pm lmao practically

? - Feb 19, 10:03pm I see myself living in a bigger city, maybe Manchester, or Birmingham, or even London. Hopefully writing for TV or movies. I would love to get a dog, maybe a corgi. 

Dan - Feb 19, 10:03pm Are you excited to move out?

? - Feb 19, 10:03pm Yeah I am It’ll be nice to have my own space

Dan - Feb 19, 10:04pm It scares me a little

? - Feb 19, 10:05pm Yeah? How come?

Dan - Feb 19, 10:05pm Idk It just seems overwhelming. Too many things to decide

? - Feb 19, 10:06pm That’s part of the fun of it! Getting to choose where to live, how to decorate your place, what meals to make… it’s like the sims 

Dan - Feb 19, 10:06pm I think that’s just called life lmao

? - Feb 19, 10:06pm Haha I guess

Dan - Feb 19, 10:07pm I do like the idea of getting a dog though I think I like dogs more than people most times

? - Feb 19, 10:07pm Same

? - Feb 27, 02:53pm Out of curiosity who do you think I am?

Dan - Feb 27, 02:53pm Idk. I was thinking either Mark or Adam?

Dan had put a lot of thought into who he was talking to. There were some people who were already ruled out, simply because Sarah would have had their number in her phone. But, the other things he knew about this person didn’t help him at all into narrowing it down further. Mark and Adam were honestly just guesses at this point. 

? - Feb 27, 02:54pm Interesting

Dan - Feb 27, 02:55pm Am I right?

? - Feb 27, 02:55pm I’m not telling you if you’re right or wrong

Dan - Feb 27, 02:56pm Aww come on :( Not fair Have we at least talked before?

? - Feb 27, 02:57pm No, we haven’t

Surprisingly, that didn’t help Dan at all. Except for his close friends, he tended to keep to himself at school. There were more people he hadn’t talked to, than he had. 

Dan - Feb 27, 02:57pm Do we have a class together?

? - Feb 27, 02:58pm Not saying anything

Dan - Feb 27, 02:58pm So, that’s a yes?

? - Feb 27, 02:59pm :x

Dan - Feb 27, 02:59pm Are we at least the same age?

? - Feb 27, 02:59pm Depends on when your birthday is

Dan - Feb 27, 02:59pm June 11th

? - Feb 27, 02:59pm Then no. I’m 18 My birthday is in January

So, Dan hadn’t talked to this person before, they were more or less the same age, and they may or may not have a class together. That wasn’t helpful in the slightest. 

Dan - Feb 27, 03:01pm You know that this isn’t all that helpful right?

? - Feb 27, 03:01pm Who said I was trying to be helpful? lol

Dan - Feb 27, 03:02pm So you’re just trying to be a tease?

? - Feb 27, 03:02pm Maybe ;)

? - March 9, 05:03pm I think I'm going to come out to my parents tonight

Dan - March 9, 05:03pm That's amazing. Nervous?

? - March 9, 05:05pm Very. I don't think they're going to be mad, but I also don't think they're going to fully accept it right away

Dan - March 9, 05:06pm That happened with my parents. It took them awhile to warm up to it. Let me know how it goes?

? - March 9, 05:06pm Of course

When Dan decided to come out to his parents almost two years ago, he remembered he didn’t sleep at all the night before. Too many thoughts were racing through his head. He wasn’t sure how his parents were going to respond. Would they be supportive? Would they be indifferent? Would they be angry and kick him out? 

He got the courage to bring it up at breakfast the next morning. 

“Just so you know, I like guys. I’m gay,” he blurted out before he turned his attention to the bowl of cereal in front of him.

His mum asked him if he was sure, since he was still so young. His dad just sat there in silence. 

Afterwards, Dan had gone back to his room and cried. Partly out of relief that it was finally out there, and partly because it hadn’t gone as he had hoped. There were no hugs, no words of unconditional love and support that he so badly needed. He hugged his pillow against his chest. He felt alone. 

It wasn’t until later that afternoon when his mum knocked on his bedroom door. He had spent the majority of the day in his room, so he expected her to tell him dinner was ready. Instead, when Dan opened the door, his mum brought him in for a hug. 

“I’m sorry we didn’t say the right things earlier. I hope you know that we still love you.”

Dan wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, as he felt a couple of tears run down his cheeks. 

? - March 9, 06:26pm It went okay. Not great, but not horrible either. My dad acted as if it's something I'll grow out of, thinking it's some sort of phase. My mum was more accepting 

Dan - March 9, 06:27pm I'm proud of you ❤️

? - March 9, 06:27pm Thank you ❤️ I'm proud of me too

Dan - March 9, 06:28pm The first time you tell someone is always the hardest

? - March 9, 06:30pm It’s taken me a while to come to terms with it tbh

Dan - March 9, 06:30pm Yeah?

? - March 9, 06:32pm Yeah I’ve known for a while. Probably since I was about 14? But there was always that hope that maybe I was actually bi. Because for some reason, that felt better? Not that I hate that I’m gay, but I think society’s perception of bi people is a little more positive because they’re “more straight”? Which is awful. Or maybe that’s just my own thoughts. Idk 

Dan - March 9, 06:33pm I had the same thoughts before I came out. It’s not just you

? - March 9, 06:34pm Ok. That makes me feel better

Dan - March 9, 06:35pm Can I tell you something ridiculous my mum said after I came out?

? - March 9, 06:35pm What did she say?

Dan - March 9, 06:36pm She was worried about me not giving her grandkids

? - March 9, 06:36pm MY MUM SAID THE SAME THING!!!

Dan - March 9, 06:36pm As if adoption and surogacy don’t exist???? Like wtf????

? - March 9, 06:37pm Gay people can still have children!

Dan - March 9, 06:38pm Just ridiculous

? - March 9, 06:40pm Do people at school give you any shit?

Dan - March 9, 06:41pm Not anymore Some people used to, especially before I was out They would call me a fag and a cocksucker It really used to get to me but then once I was out I sort of owned it and they realized they couldn’t hurt me anymore

? - March 9, 06:45pm I’m not sure if I want anyone at school to know

Dan - March 9, 06:45pm They don’t have to know And I hope you know that even if I did know who you were, I wouldn’t out you

? - March 9, 06:46pm Thanks It’s not you I’m worried about though

Dan - March 9, 06:47pm Who are you worried about?

? - March 9, 06:47pm Idk Everyone else? I don’t want to give anyone a reason to hate me

Dan - March 9, 06:48pm :( Just because you came out to your parents doesn’t mean you need to come out to everyone else now There’s no rush

? - March 9, 06:48pm Yeah I guess that’s true

? - March 9, 06:53pm Dan?

Dan - March 9, 06:53pm Yeah?

? - March 9, 06:54pm Thank you for letting me talk about this I don’t really have anyone else to talk about this with. Especially someone who understands

Dan - March 9, 06:54pm Anytime ❤️

? - March 9, 06:55pm ❤️

Dan looked at the time on his phone for the fourth time that night. He had been tossing and turning in bed for almost two hours, and if he didn’t get to sleep soon, he knew he would be exhausted at school tomorrow. Despite all of that, Dan still unlocked his phone and went into his messages. 

Dan - March 14, 01:13am You up?

? - March 14, 01:13am Yeah. What's up?

Dan - March 14, 01:13am Can't sleep

? - March 14, 01:14am :( Something bothering you?

Dan - March 14, 01:15am Thinking about how I don't know what I want to do for university

? - March 14, 01:16am Are you taking a gap year?

Dan - March 14, 01:16am Yeah. You?

? - March 14, 01:16am No

Dan - March 14, 01:17am What are you planning to do?

? - March 14, 01:18am English Language & Linguistics at York

Dan - March 14, 01:18am Oh wow

? - March 14, 01:20am I eventually want to write for tv and movies. I figured that's probably the best path.

Dan - March 14, 01:21am Have you always been into writing?

? - March 14, 01:22am Yeah I guess. But I've gotten really into it over the last couple of years I’ve been working on a couple of short film scripts

Dan - March 14, 01:23am That’s really cool

? - March 14, 01:25am Do you have any ideas on what you want to do?

Dan - March 14, 01:26am No. I don't feel like I'm good at anything tbh

? - March 14, 01:27am :( I doubt that. Everyone's good at something. What is your favorite class right now?

Dan - March 14, 01:28am Idk. Sociology maybe? Unless theater counts 

? - March 14, 01:28am Theater definitely counts

Dan - March 14, 01:30am Going for theater isnt very lucrative. That might be more of a hobby.

? - March 14, 01:31am Is that what you would want to do if you didn't have to worry about money?

Yes, is what Dan wanted to say. He felt most comfortable on a stage, which was ironic, because he always considered himself to be an introvert. But, he loved performing. He loved getting into character, rehearsing his lines, and giving it his all under the stage lights. 

His theater class was getting ready for their spring production of Little Shop of Horrors. Even though he knew that this was his last school performance, it really just hit him that this could be the last one ever. Tears started to fill his eyes at the thought of him not being able to pursue theater after this. He was sure that whatever “normal” job he’d have to make money to survive wouldn’t leave him with enough time to do theater on the side. 

He had been performing since he was little, and it had become a huge part of his life. Performing was the one thing he was truly passionate about, and the thought of that era of his life coming to an end absolutely crushed him.

Dan - March 14, 01:34am Idk. Can we talk about something else? This is throwing me into a crisis

? - March 14, 01:35am Sure. Wanna hear some crazy animal facts?

Dan - March 14, 01:35am Always :)

? - March 14, 01:36am Did you know that slugs have four noses?

Dan - March 14, 01:36am How on earth do you even know that

? - March 14, 01:37am I’m a wealth of useless animal facts

Dan - March 14, 01:37am Hit me with another one

? - March 14, 01:38am Male ostriches roar like lions

Dan - March 14, 01:37am wtf really?

? - March 14, 01:38am Yup. Look it up. A blue whale tongue weighs more than an elephant

Dan - March 14, 01:38am omg

? - March 14, 01:39am There are oysters that can climb trees

Dan - March 14, 01:40am That one I don’t believe

? - March 14, 01:40am Well that’s true too I never want to see that though. What a nightmare

Dan - March 14, 01:41am Please don’t fill my head with nightmare material before I fall asleep

? - March 14, 01:42am lol sorry

Dan’s mind started to calm down. He knew he had to figure out his plans sooner or later, but two in the morning was not the right time to do that. What two in the morning was the right time for, though, was looking up other random animals facts online. His worries seemed insignificant compared to a mayfly, whose entire life only lasted 24 hours. Thankfully, he had a little more time than that.

? - March 14, 01:51am Are you feeling any better?

Dan - March 14, 01:52am A little. I’m just trying not to think about it

? - March 14, 01:54am :( you don’t have to have your life figured out. There’s a ton of people who change their minds once they’re at university. You have plenty of time

Dan - March 14, 01:55am I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about this

? - March 14, 01:56am Sorry just trying to help

Dan - March 14, 01:56am I know 

? - March 14, 01:58am Guess what?

Dan - March 14, 01:58am What?

? - March 14, 01:59am We’ve been texting each other for a month

Dan - March 14, 02:00am Oh wow And I still have no idea who you are lol

? - March 14, 02:01am Patience young grasshopper. You will eventually

Dan - March 14, 02:02am But whennnn I can’t just text an anonymous person until I die :(

? - March 14, 02:03am When I’m ready to

Dan - March 14, 02:03am Ok. Sorry if I’m being annoying about it

? - March 14, 02:04am You’re not. If anything I’m sure I’m the one who is being annoying by not telling you

Dan - March 14, 02:04am I’m not going to disagree with that lol

? - March 14, 02:05am Sorry :(

Dan - March 14, 02:06am It’s ok. It’ll just make us meeting all more exciting right?

? - March 14, 02:06am That’s true :)

Dan - March 14, 02:07am I’ve thought about that a lot Us meeting

? - March 14, 02:08am Me too I’ve imagined it a million different ways

Dan - March 14, 02:09am Yeah All good though :)

? - March 14, 02:10am :)

Dan - March 14, 02:13am I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open

? - March 14, 02:14am Me too Good night Dan ❤️

Dan - March 14, 02:15am Good night ❤️

Dan - March 22, 08:41pm What are you up to?

? - March 22, 08:45pm Playing Mario kart. You?

Dan - March 22, 08:46pm Wish I was playing Mario Kart I’m trying to write a stupid English paper

? - March 22, 08:47pm Gross You mean that English paper that is due tomorrow?

Dan - March 22, 08:47pm …maybe

Dan - March 22, 08:49pm WAIT Do we have English together?

Dan - March 22, 08:51pm Oh come on, don’t ignore me now This is an important question I hope you get hit by all of the blue shells While also hitting all of the bananas

? - March 22, 08:52pm You made me lose on rainbow road :(

Dan - March 22, 08:53pm Mwahaha my plan worked But you’re not answering the question

? - March 22, 08:53pm My answer is no I’m pretty sure all of the classes have this same paper due tomorrow

Dan - March 22, 08:54pm Oh Well, there goes that theory lol You can continue to be annihilated in Mario Kart

? - March 22, 08:54pm Hey, I’m pretty good at it when I’m not being bombarded with texts

Dan - March 22, 08:55pm Mhm sure, blame me for your lack of skills lol

? - March 22, 08:55pm I am good at it! Do I need to prove it to you?

Dan - March 22, 08:55pm Maybe ;)

? - March 29, 11:32pm It’s one of those nights where I wish there was someone in bed to cuddle

Dan - March 29, 11:32pm I volunteer as tribute

? - March 29, 11:32pm Big spoon or little spoon?

Dan - March 29, 11:33pm Little spoon plz

? - March 29, 11:33pm :) Hugging a pillow isn’t the same

Dan - March 29, 11:34pm :( I would imagine you here with me, but you’re just a formless blob in my head

? - March 29, 11:34pm Am I a hot blob?

Dan - March 29, 11:35pm Oh, the hottest lol You have the body that all guys wish they had

? - March 29, 11:36pm Well, hopefully you’re not disappointed when you meet me lol

Dan - March 29, 11:36pm Wait, you’re not that mysterious body builder we go to school with?

? - March 29, 11:37pm Who? Should I be texting him instead?

Dan - March 29, 11:37pm You better not :( 

? - March 29, 11:38pm I would never :)

? - April 2, 4:17pm You seemed a little off today. Everything ok?

Dan - April 2, 4:19pm You know, this is starting to edge on the side of creepy knowing that you see me throughout the day without me knowing lol

? - April 2, 4:20pm Sorry, I’ll get the courage to reveal myself soon That sounded wrong lmao

Dan - April 2, 4:22pm lmao Please don’t get arrested for revealing yourself But, I’m alright  Just stressed about my future once again. My parents keep asking what my plans are. We had an argument about it last night

? - April 2, 4:23pm :(  I’m sorry

Dan - April 2, 4:24pm Can I just vent for a little bit?

? - April 2, 4:25pm Of course. Vent away

Dan - April 2, 4:29pm I feel like such a failure And my parents aren’t helping with that I told them theater is what I want to do with my life They shot that down right away Well, my dad did My mum kind of stayed out of it He said theater isn’t a job So then I told him that I wanted to use my gap year to figure out what else I wanted to do But he didn’t like that either Idk how I’m supposed to make him happy But he told me what he wants me to do LAW FUCKING LAW Jesus christ Can you imagine me as a lawyer? I mean really? Calling people out on their shit? Sure But I HATE confrontation I’d just be shitting in a court room shaking with anxiety like a tiny chihuahua lmao *SITTING But probably also shitting tbh I tried to talk to him about other options Maybe business, or international relations, or literally ANYTHING ELSE But he wasn’t having it Saying something about me needing to have a respectable career for our family’s image Wtf What year is it? 1840? He’s worried about our family’s image? As if people really give a shit about my family I’m sure no one pays attention to us Part of me wonders if this is about me being gay I didn’t ask because I didnt want to get into an argument about that too But I wonder if he almost feels ashamed of me and that he thinks me doing something like law would be more acceptable? Like him saying “oh my gay son is a lawyer” would be better than him saying “my gay son is in theater” Idk I ended up walking away at that point I just dont know what to do especially if hes being like this I’m not asking for a solution I just needed to get that out there /rant over

? - April 2, 4:37pm Wow. I’m sorry he’s being like that :( Surely the best thing would be for you to be happy right? That’s what he should care about?

Dan - April 2, 4:38pm You would think

? - April 2, 4:38pm :(

Dan - April 2, 4:39pm I don’t think he gives a shit

? - April 2, 4:40pm What would he do if you just did what you wanted anyway?

Dan - April 2, 4:40pm idk I’m a little afraid to find out tbh

? - April 2, 4:40pm :( I’m sorry

? - April 18, 8:13pm You did great tonight

Dan - April 18, 10:14pm You were there? And thanks ❤️

? - April 18, 10:16pm Yeah I was. Musicals aren’t typically my thing but I really enjoyed it :)

Dan - April 18, 10:17pm :)

Dan - April 18, 10:19pm It’s a little bittersweet, ya know? That was probably my last performance  For a while anyway My parents didn’t even bother showing up

? - April 18, 10:21pm Really?

Dan - April 18, 10:21pm Yeah, not that I really expected them to They never really have

? - April 18, 10:22pm :( So they’ve never seen you on stage?

Dan - April 18, 10:23pm No They always have “better things to do” Tonight it was dinner with their friends. Whatever My grandma was there though so that was nice :) And it means a lot that you were there too :)

? - April 18, 10:24pm :( :)

To be honest, Dan wasn’t sure whose house he was at. HIs friends told him about a party happening on Friday night, and that was all of the information he needed. It had been a while since he had gone to one, and with the musical behind him, he had all the free time in the world. Now, he couldn’t remember how many drinks he already had, but what did it matter? They tasted good; he felt good. So, if his friends kept placing drinks in his hand, who was he to turn them down?

The only downside to the drinking, though, was that he had the overwhelming urge to text whoever he had been talking to. And not just to reach out and see what he was doing, but Dan had a confession to make. He had all of these feelings that he needed to put out there. They had been building over the last couple of weeks, and before he knew it, he was already typing out a message.

Dan - April 24, 11:52pm I thimk I loce you *lobe *love

? - April 24, 11:54pm Dan, you don’t love me. You don’t even know me

Dan - April 24, 11:54pm :(

? - April 24, 11:54pm What?

Dan - April 24, 11:55pm Say it bsck :(

? - April 24, 11:56pm What makes you think you love me?

Dan - April 24, 11:57pm I thimk abut you alllllll the time. My heart does tht funny thimg when you text mw. I don’t wsnt  to tslk with anyonr else

? - April 24, 11:58pm Are you drunk?

Dan - April 24, 11:58pm Yeahj Do you not lobe me?

? - April 24, 11:59pm I like you a lot

Dan - April 25, 12:00am :D

Dan - April 25, 12:05am I wsh you wwre here right niw I wanr to kiss you

A pounding headache woke Dan up. He squinted at the sun coming through his windows as he felt around his bed for his phone to check the time. It was just before 10am. Unfortunately, too late to go back to sleep. 

He opened his messages and was about to text whoever it was he had been texting for two months, when he saw what he had sent the night before.

Oh shit. Did he actually send that? God. That was so embarrassing. Whoever this person was probably thought he was actually insane for confessing his love to him. Could what he felt even be considered love? Was it even possible to love someone who you didn’t even know? Or who you’ve only been texting with for two months?

As much as he didn’t want to, he needed to say something. Dan couldn’t go through his day thinking he might have screwed this whole thing up. It would just end up causing a massive amount of anxiety until one of them sent a text and tried to get things back to normal.

Dan - April 25, 10:07am Fuck. I’m so sorry about last night. Someone should have taken my phone away from me

? - April 25, 10:08am It’s ok.

That period at the end of the text was staring back at Dan. It was so final. So curt. And not at all like this guy usually texted. Did Dan screw things up between the two of them by sending those drunk texts? Did he take it too far? Was this guy now regretting this whole thing? It was crazy how just a couple of pixels could throw his brain into a spiral of anxiety.

Dan - April 25, 10:16am …are we ok?

? - April 25, 10:17am Yeah why wouldn’t we be?

Dan - April 25, 10:18am Idk. I’m just afraid I screwed things up

? - April 25, 10:19am No, you didn’t screw anything up I found it kind of cute tbh

Dan - April 25, 10:19am Really?

? - April 25, 10:20am Yeah :) I kind of want to kiss you too

Dan could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. 

? - April 28, 11:08pm Can I tell you something?

Dan - April 28, 11:09pm Sure

? - April 28, 11:09pm I almost didn’t leave the card

Dan - April 28, 11:09pm Really?

? - April 28, 11:12pm Yeah. I was scared I mean, I hadn’t even come out to anyone yet when I left it. So telling you I had a crush on you, even if I was anonymous, was a huge deal. I’ve never acted on a crush before

Dan - April 28, 11:14pm You don’t regret it, do you? Leaving the card?

? - April 28, 11:14pm No, not at all :) I’m happy I did

Dan - April 28, 11:15pm Good :) I’m happy you did too

? - April 28, 11:15pm Me too :)

Dan - April 28, 11:16pm You already said that you dork :)

? - April 28, 11:16pm :)

Dan - April 28, 11:16pm :)

? - April 28, 11:16pm :)

Dan - April 28, 11:17pm :)  how long are we going to do this?

? - April 28, 11:17pm :) ok I’ll stop … … … :)

Dan - April 28, 11:18pm Dork :)

? - April 28, 11:23pm I wish I would have done this sooner

Dan - April 28, 11:24pm Done what?

? - April 28, 11:24pm Talked to you

Dan - April 28, 11:25pm Me too tbh

? - May 4, 08:47pm What are you doing this Friday after school?

Dan - May 4, 08:53pm Nothing

Dan - May 4, 09:58pm Were you just taking a poll or…?

? - May 4, 10:04pm lmao no sorry Did you want to meet on Friday?

Dan - May 4, 10:05pm FINALLY I mean yes lmao

? - May 4, 10:06pm :) Where do you wanna meet?

Dan - May 4, 10:07pm Maybe the park?

? - May 4, 10:07pm ok :) 3pm?

Dan - May 4, 10:08pm Sure

? - May 4, 10:09pm And then maybe we can see if we want to do anything afterwards?

Dan - May 4, 10:09pm Sure :) Now I’m nervous lol

? - May 4, 10:10pm Me too honestly

Dan - May 4, 10:10pm But I’m also really excited

? - May 4, 10:10pm :)

? - May 7, 11:37pm See you tomorrow ❤️

Dan - May 7, 11:37pm Ahhhhhh ❤️❤️❤️

? - May 7, 11:38pm Good night Dan ❤️

Dan - May 7, 11:38pm Night ❤️

Dan’s heart was racing as he laid in bed. He couldn’t believe that in less than twenty four hours, he would be able to see who was behind these messages after all this time. 

This was it. The moment Dan had been waiting for for three months. He was finally going to find out who he had been talking with, flirting with, and truly connecting with after all this time. 

All day, and let’s face it, ever since they made plans to meet, Dan had been a nervous wreck. He had trouble sleeping, he had trouble concentrating at school. He was constantly reading through their text messages to try to figure out who this was. And even though he now knew so much more about this person, he still couldn’t narrow it down. 

But, he wouldn’t have to wait for much longer. 

He arrived at the park just before 3pm, and decided to take a seat on a bench along the walking path. Thankfully, he didn’t see anyone else there. This was not the type of thing he wanted other people to be around for, especially if whoever this was wasn’t even out yet.

Dan - May 8, 3:02pm I’m here

? - May 8, 3:02pm Just parked. Be there in a min!

Dan took a deep breath to try to slow his racing heart. This was one of those few times in his life where he knew this had the ability to change everything. 

“Hey Dan.”

His heart was beating out of his chest as he looked up. Black combat boots, black skinny jeans, and some sort of black band tee underneath a black leather jacket. Dan's heart dropped. This was the last person he expected. 

It was Phil Lester.

"It was you? You're who I've been texting for the last three months?"

"Guilty," he smiled as he sat next to Dan on the bench. Phil tilted his head as he looked at Dan, and Dan watched his smile fade. He tried not to focus on just how blue his eyes were. "You...look disappointed."

"I..."

Dan didn't know what to think. Was he disappointed? Kind of. Phil was a dick. But, at the same time, he was the person Dan had been talking to this whole time. This was the same person he looked forward to talking with every day. And the same person who made him smile until his face hurt. His mind was moving at a million miles a minute. But, before he could even think of what to say, Phil spoke up.

"See? I knew this was going to happen," Phil sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Just— let's forget it, okay? I'm sorry I wasted your time."

Phil stood up and reached down next to the bench, picking up a small bouquet of red roses and white carnations. Dan didn’t even notice Phil put those there when he arrived. He must have been too distracted by the fact that Phil was stood in front of him to notice much of anything else. 

"These are for you, by the way. Do whatever you want with them,” he muttered.

Dan looked up at Phil for a second as he handed the flowers to him. He could see tears in Phil’s eyes. Phil quickly looked away from Dan before walking in the direction he came in. 

He imagined how this day would go a thousand times in his head. None of his day dreams included Phil. And none of them included him sat alone on a bench. If this was a romcom, Dan would have run after Phil, apologizing and saying that he was surprised that Phil was behind all of those sweet words, but still wanted to be with him nonetheless. But, this wasn't a romcom. Instead, Dan sat on the bench and watched as Phil walked away, still unable to say anything.

When he could no longer see Phil, Dan looked down at the flowers in his lap. His fingers softly ran over the delicate petals. They were beautiful. It was ironic, really. Flowers so delicate and beautiful coming from someone so harsh.

So many conflicting feelings were running through his body. He felt guilty for making Phil feel that way, for making him feel rejected, especially if he was on the verge of tears. He felt embarrassed for not being able to say anything to him. He felt ashamed for thinking that Phil wasn’t capable of being anything but an asshole. He felt disappointed that this meeting didn’t go how he thought it would. And yet, he also felt flattered that not only did Phil like him, but he let Dan in on parts of his life that he was sure no one else knew.

A tear fell onto one of the roses. Dan brought the back of his hand up to his eyes. When did he start crying?

When Dan got home, he found a vase for the flowers and placed them next to the card that was still displayed on his desk. 

Part of him wondered if this was it, if Phil was ever going to talk to him again. It would make school awkward, not that they ever interacted there. But, it would be hard seeing Phil there acting like his asshole self knowing what he was really like. And he was sure it would be hard on Phil as well, seeing Dan every day after he pratically rejected him. If this truly was the last chance he was going to get to talk to Phil, he was going to tell him everything on his mind. 

Dan - May 8, 3:53pm I'm sorry I didn't know what to say earlier. I was in shock. I wasn't expecting you out of all people. Tbh, you're kind of an asshole at school, and I didn't think that person would be capable of being sweet and silly and romantic. Who I text and who I see at school seem like two different people. I want to get to know the Phil who loves corgis and video games. Not the Phil who skips class and talks back to teachers. I totally understand if you want to drop this whole thing and never talk to me again. But, I don’t want that. I want to date you. I want to date the fuck out of you.

Dan didn't even read over what he wrote before he hit send. He didn't want to second guess anything. This was a stream of consciousness. If he went back to edit what he wrote, he would end up editing it to death where it lost all meaning, and Phil deserved to hear everything Dan had to say.

Once the message was sent, Dan locked his phone and tossed it to the opposite side of his bed. He didn’t want to see Phil’s response. Not right now, anyway. He just wanted to rest his head against the wall and close his eyes, but he couldn’t because— oh god. Phil was calling him.

“Hey,” Dan answered.

"Is this okay? If not, we can text. I just thought this would be easier.“

"No, this is fine."

"I'm sorry," Phil said finally. 

"Why are you sorry?" Dan asked. If anything, he should be the one apologizing, not Phil. 

"For being such an asshole all of these years." Phil sounded like he was going to continue, so Dan stayed silent. 

"I've always been kind of a loner, the weird kid, and I was bullied a lot for it when I was younger. So, I tried to get people to like me. I started to make comments in class, and people would laugh. That was the best feeling, hearing people laugh at something funny I said. For a split second, it made me believe that people liked me.

“But I think the older I got, the more cocky and sarcastic I got. And at this point, with what, two more months left of school, I don't know how to not be the asshole. It's just sort of who I've become once I enter the building. I guess it’s sort of a defense mechanism? I don’t know.

“And it’s not that I necessarily want to be an asshole, I guess. I mean, I don’t want to be an asshole at all, but that’s just what’s happened over the years. I feel like I’ve dug myself into this hole by being this way, and I feel like I can’t really change now.

“How weird would that be? For people to come into school one day and Phil Lester is sat quietly in class, minding his own business, maybe wearing something other than a leather jacket.” 

"Too bad we missed April Fool's Day."

"Dammit, that would have been perfect!"

“That would’ve been great. I would have paid just to see people’s reactions. Do you own anything that isn't black, though?"

"I do."

"What is the most un-Phil thing you have?” Dan challenged. He couldn’t picture Phil’s closet as anything but a black abyss. 

"I have a pair of bright blue Cookie Monster pajama bottoms."

"Stop. You do not."

"I do! I'll send you a picture!"

He could hear Phil rummaging around. Less than a minute later, he got a text. It was a photo of exactly that — bright blue Cookie Monster pajama bottoms in Phil’s dresser drawer.

“Those are incredible,” Dan laughed. This was the Phil he wanted to get to know better. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just skip over everything that you said.”

“It’s okay. I know it was a lot.”

“I get it, though. Why you do this.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. You put up a wall once you get to school so that people can’t beat you down. I wish you didn’t have to do that, though. I like this Phil a lot more. But, I do feel like you've let me in on a little secret, you know? Not many people know the real you.”

Phil let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah.”

“I hope you know that you don’t need to do that to get people to like you. I’m sure people would like you more if you dropped the whole bad boy facade.”

“I know.” Phil’s voice cracked, and then Dan heard him softly crying.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Phil sniffed. “Today’s just been a lot.”

Dan’s heart ached. He hated that he was the reason Phil felt that way, and he wished that he could rewind the day and they could redo everything. But, since he couldn’t, he stayed quiet and let Phil compose himself.

“So, is this it, then? We’re just going to end this?” Phil eventually asked once he calmed down, sending Dan’s thoughts to a screeching halt.

Wait, end this? Did Dan miss something? He wasn’t ready to end this. 

“I mean, if that’s what you want?” Dan asked slowly.

“Is that not what you want?” Phil asked, clearly as confused as Dan was. 

Dan started to fidget with a loose thread on his bedding. “I thought I was pretty clear in my text.” 

“You texted me?”

“Uh, yeah, right before you called me. I thought that’s why you were calling.”

“No, I didn’t see it. Hold on.” Dan’s heart started to pound in his chest as he thought about what Phil was reading. After a minute or so, he heard Phil start to laugh and his heart dropped. “God, here I am thinking you want nothing to do with me, but you actually want to date the fuck out of me.” 

Dan started to laugh as well. 

“Yeah.” 

Phil sighed once their laughter died down. ”This last hour has been an absolute roller coaster. Can we have a redo?”

“What do you mean?”

“Can we meet at the park again?”

“Sure. Give me, like, half an hour?” Dan asked. 

There was a stop he wanted to make first. 

This time, Phil was the one sat on the bench as Dan walked toward him. 

The walk seemed to take forever, time moving in slow motion, but Phil stood up before Dan got to the bench. Dan was confused and slightly panicked. Did Phil change his mind and was going to leave? Instead of leaving, though, Phil took a few steps towards Dan to elimate the space between them. They stood in front of each other for a few seconds, before Phil lifted up his arms for a hug. 

The leather of Phil’s jacket was cool as Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s middle. He was only a couple of inches shorter, making Dan the perfect height to rest his head on Phil’s shoulder. He probably wouldn’t have admitted it earlier, but this felt… right. 

Phil didn’t let go until Dan did. 

“This is for you,” Dan said shyly while handing Phil a gift bag. “It’s not flowers, but hopefully it’s just as good? Or maybe better?”

Phil sat down on the bench and patted the spot next to him, inviting Dan to sit down. Anxiety was still running through Dan’s body as Phil started to open the gift. Dan wrung his hands together as he watched Phil. 

Before he got to the park, Dan made a quick stop at a candy shop in town. He remembered way back when they first started talking that Phil said Haribo was his absolute favorite candy.  He went into the shop on a mission, and found the perfect thing. Not only did he want to reciprocate the flowers that Phil had gotten for him, but he also wanted this gift to be part of his apology. 

Dan’s anxiety faded as a smile started to form on Phil’s face. 

“I didn’t even know they made something like this!” he exclaimed as he saw the assortment box of Haribo candy. “This is great, thank you.,” he smiled at Dan. 

“You do have a problem, don’t you?” Dan asked as Phil immediately opened the box of candy and popped one into his mouth. 

“Mhm. Want one?” Phil offered.

Dan picked out a candy and they sat on the bench in silence for a little while. 

“Did you want to do something now?” Phil eventually asked.

“Like what?”

“Well, did you maybe want to come back to my place? My parents aren’t home this weekend and— oh god, I didn’t mean it like that!” Phil backpedaled once Dan snickered. “I just meant that we’ll have the house to ourselves and— that doesn’t sound any better!” Phil groaned and put his head in his hands. 

Dan threw his head back and laughed. He had to admit— Phil was really cute when he was flustered. It was something Dan hadn’t seen before. Phil was usually so sure of himself. But, seeing Phil’s cheeks redden, seeing Phil at a loss for words… it would take Dan a while before he could get over the fact that this was Phil Lester. 

“You were saying?” Dan asked once Phil sat up again, after he regained his composure. 

“What I’m trying to say is, pizza and video games at my place?”

Dan smiled. “That sounds good.”

“I think we’re overdue for some Mariokart.”

“You’re going down, Lester.”

“Bring it on, Howell.”

As they got up from the bench and walked back to their cars, Dan pulled his phone from his pocket. He opened the contacts in his phone and selected the phone number he was given all those months ago. He deleted the question mark, and instead put “Phil 🖤 “.

[hygge-ao3]

Little Black Box

Summary: While packing up their apartment before they move into their new home, Dan finds something hiding in Phil's suitcase that makes him question what he wants out of their relationship.  Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Marriage Proposal Rating: Everyone Triggers/Warnings: None

Additional tags: marriage proposal, engagement, fluff, moving, 2021, established relationship, introspection

Words: 2,135

Read on ao3

Dan would be completely happy if he never had to see a cardboard box ever again. They were all he saw, whether his eyes were open or not. Boxes full of clothes, boxes full of board games, boxes full of random crap he didn't even know they had. Stacks of boxes lined each room of their apartment, creating an obstacle at this point to get from one room to another.

They had been living like this for a while now after being met with delay after delay on construction of their new home. Initially, they were supposed to move around Christmas. Then New Years. Then mid January, February, March, and now April. He was so tired of being in limbo. Not only did he have no idea where anything was anymore, Dan was tired of wearing the same four shirts and having to wash plates and utensils after each use. He couldn't wait for it to be over.

“Phil,” Dan called from the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Where’s the paracetamol?”

“I think in one of the pockets of the suitcases.”

Between the upcoming book release and the upcoming move, or let’s face it… the ongoing move, Dan had been more stressed than he had been in a while, causing an awful headache. His head was throbbing in pain with each step he took in the direction of the bedroom. 

There were a few suitcases that the pain killers could be in. Dan first checked the pockets in the suitcase he used most often, but did not find them there. He maneuvered around some boxes to get to Phil’s suitcase to check that next. 

In the pocket at the front of Phil's suitcase wasn’t paracetamol, but there was a small, black, square box. There were only a couple of things that could be in a box like that. There was a voice in his head that told him to leave it there and not open it, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. When he took the box out of the pocket and opened it, Dan thought his heart had stopped. It was exactly what he thought it might be. 

It was a ring. And it was beautiful. The silver ring had thin bands of ebony, gold, and what looked like meteorite. It was the perfect mix of luxe and minimalist. Dan wasn’t sure if he could pick out a nicer ring for himself if he tried. Phil did well.

As much as he wanted to just stare at the ring in awe, his mind started to race. Phil was going to propose. He should have felt excited. A proposal was an exciting thing, right? The next chapter of their relationship. Something that people dream about happening. But instead, all he felt was anxiety. How would he react if Phil popped the question? When was he going to do it? Was he ready for marriage? Should he— 

“Did you find it?” Dan heard Phil call out before he heard him walk into the room behind him. 

Dan froze with the box in hand. Yeah, he definitely found something, just not what he was looking for. 

“Oh,” Phil paused for a few seconds. “I kind of forgot that was in there."

Dan turned to glance at him with furrowed brows. 

“You forgot? How long was it in there for?" he asked, trying not to make the sadness apparent in his voice. 

"Um, since... 2015?” Phil grimaced. “I was going to propose to you in Japan." 

Dan felt his heart drop.

”But you didn’t,” he said quietly, as he turned his attention back to the ring. Their trip to Japan was six years ago. Something must have happened for Phil to change his mind. 

"Well, yeah. I didn't. We were with Duncan and Mimei and they were talking about their engagement and their wedding, and you made a comment about not wanting to get married because of the commitment that required, so I didn't propose."

"Oh."

He couldn't take his eyes off of the ring.

Dan wasn’t sure how he would have reacted to a proposal back in 2015. He probably would have said no, and he would have hurt Phil more than he unintentially did. And who knows how that would have ended up. He didn’t want to think about that. 

"Its alright, though, if you don't want to get married. It doesn't change the way I feel about you. And then we don't have to spend thousands on a wedding!"

Even though Dan mostly had his back to Phil, he could tell that he was still disappointed. The higher pitch of his voice gave it away. Phil was trying to make himself feel better. He was trying not to get upset.

"I didn't really know what to do with it when we got back,” Phil continued. “They wouldn't let me return it, since it was outside of the return window. So, I just... left it in there. And I know you really don't like wearing jewelry or I would just tell you to have it."

Dan didn't respond, even though he knew he should. He wanted to tell Phil what he was really feeling, but he didn't know what that was yet. Was it the disappointment of Dan crushing Phil's dreams without realizing it? Or maybe sadness because of the same reason? There might have also been a little bit of relief and gratitude mixed in because Phil truly listened to what Dan wanted back then, despite his own wants and desires. It was really hard for him to pinpoint.

After about a minute or so, Dan heard Phil walk out of the room. He closed the lid softly and put the box back where he found it, continuing his search for the paracetamol. 

Dan eventually found the paracetamol. 

While the pain from his headache was now long gone, the thoughts about marriage and commitment were not. They swirled around his head all day, and continued through the night and into the early morning as Dan laid in bed at 2am staring at the ceiling. 

When Dan imagined his life in ten, twenty, even thirty years, Phil was always there with him. There wasn’t a scenario where he wasn’t. He was just as much in love with him now as he was twelve years ago, if not more. He had no thoughts of leaving Phil. Ever. They were made for each other. Soulmates. Dan wasn't going anywhere. And the fact that Phil wanted to propose to him six whole years ago truly solidified the fact that Phil wasn't going anywhere either. 

Yes, Dan was afraid of the concept of commitment. The idea that you needed to be absolutely sure about something before you moved forward, whether it was a relationship, or a tattoo, or a career, and that if you ended up being wrong, it would take a lot to undo that decision. That was a lot of pressure.

But, in a way, he was already committed. He and Phil had been together for over a decade. They worked together. They had joint bank accounts. They had just bought and designed a home together for fuck’s sake. Their forever home. Their lives were already so intertwined at this point, marriage no longer seemed as scary as it once did.

The only thing that still remained a little scary to Dan was the thought of divorce. Divorce seemed so final. So messy. So legal. 

Divorce was a possibility with any marriage, though. He couldn’t let that hold him back. He and Phil had already been through so much together, he was sure they could get through whatever else life threw at them. All of the incredible experiences he and Phil had so far, and the things they had yet to experience, far outweighed the miniscule chance of them ever separating. 

Sure, not getting married would be the easy thing to do. But, sometimes life wasn’t about doing what was easiest. It was about doing things that made you happy, right? (Dan still wasn’t sure what the meaning of life was, but it was probably something close to that.) And what made him happy was experiencing life with Phil by his side. What might make him even happier, though, is getting to experience life with Phil as his husband. 

The idea alone made him feel giddy. 

Dan knew then what he needed to do. He needed to marry Phil Lester.

“Phil?” Dan asked into the darkness. He felt Phil stir next to him. 

“Hmm?”

“What if I changed my mind?”

“That’s fine,” Phil mumbled. “You don’t have to come with me.”

They were so in sync normally, that sometimes Dan forgot Phil wasn’t actually inside of his mind. Logically, Phil thought Dan was talking about the last conversation they had, which was about them going to visit Phil’s parents soon. When in reality, the thought of visiting Phil’s parents couldn’t have been further from Dan’s mind right now. 

This probably wasn’t the time or place to talk about this, but he knew if he didn’t bring it up, it would keep him up all night.

“No, I mean… about marriage. What if I changed my mind? What if I do want to get married?”

Phil rolled over to face Dan, a little more alert now. “Are you sure?”

Dan turned his head to look at Phil. “Yeah. If you still want to.”

“Of course I do. I just want to make sure that you’re not agreeing to this because it’s something I want. I want to make sure this is something that you want just as much. I meant what I said earlier. If you don’t want to get married, that’s completely fine. Nothing will change between us.”

Dan felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. God, he loved this man so much. 

“No, it is. I do want this. I thought about it a lot today, and marriage isn’t as scary of a thought as it used to be. I don’t know if it’s because I’m out now, or what. But, I’m ready.”

They shared a smile. Phil leaned forward slightly and kissed Dan on the nose before he grabbed his glasses and got out of bed. Dan sat up and turned on the bedside light, both to see what Phil was doing and to make sure he didn’t trip on anything, which was bound to happen in the dark. 

“What are you doing?” Dan asked, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. 

Phil walked over to the corner of the room where the boxes and suitcases were. 

“Something that I didn’t do six years ago,” he said as he took the ring box from the suitcase.

Dan’s heart started to race as Phil sat next to him in bed. Phil gave him a reassuring smile.

“Dan, Daniel, Bear, Danis, Danny Fire…” 

He was trying to look annoyed, but he couldn’t fight the smile on his face. 

“We’re not even married and I already want a divorce,” he joked. 

Phil threw his head back and laughed, his tongue peeking out between his teeth. It took him a few seconds to compose himself again. 

“Remember when we went to Portugal and we walked along the beach on our first night there? It was dark, and the moon was almost full, and we were the only ones there.”

Dan remembered that trip vividly. They had been together for about seven months at that point, and it was the first time the two of them went on vacation. Their few days there were spent at the beach, walking around the town, and in the hotel pool. He thought back on that trip with a lot of fondness. They were so young and so incredibly in love.

“There wasn’t anything particularly special about that, except that’s when I knew that you were it for me. That was the moment I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. 

“Being with you has been my greatest adventure. Between first seeing you at the train station, to moving to London, to doing two tours, I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else, and I can’t wait to see what other adventures the rest of our lives will bring.” Phil reached to his side and picked up the ring box, presenting the ring to Dan. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Dan nodded, before leaning forward and kissing him. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Phil took the ring out of the box and slid the ring onto Dan’s finger. After all of these years, Dan was shocked that it fit perfectly. He looked down at his hand with a huge smile on his face. 

He was going to marry Phil Lester. And he couldn’t wait. 

[hygge-ao3]

Of Racing Hearts and Weighted Blankets

Summary: Phil wakes up with anxiety coursing through his body and finds that Dan is a pretty good weighted blanket.

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Cuddling

Rating: Everyone

Triggers/Warnings: anxiety/mental health

Additional tags: anxiety, mental health, fluff, comfort, drabble, domestic, cuddle, reality, established relationship 

Words: 1,154

Read on ao3

Phil felt it as soon as he woke up. That heavy, but still fluttering, feeling in his chest. The pounding of his heart depsite lying still in bed. The constant trembling of his hands. It was as if a thousand little bees took residence in his body and made it hard to breathe with all of their buzzing. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted everything to just calm down. He wanted to feel in control. He wanted— he tried to take a deep breath, trying to make it go away, only for it to come out shaky. 

He tried to wrack his brain to figure out why he was feeling this way first thing in the morning. Was there something he was forgetting? Phil mentally went through a list of birthdays, anniversaries, work deadlines, bills that could be due, possible doctors appointments… but he came up short. He tried to think back to his dream he had, but that wouldn’t have caused this either.

There was no logical reason for him feeling this way, because it wasn’t his thoughts that were the problem. His mind was fairly quiet, for once. Rather, this was all in his body. It had decided to throw Phil into a fight or flight response without having anything to fight or flee from. There was no danger, and yet, Phil’s body didn’t get the memo. 

The other half of the bed was empty when he turned to look. Dan was already up. 

Phil remembered him mumbling something when they were in bed the night before about needing to get up early to work on cutting down footage for his tour special. He should be working today, too. There was a meeting scheduled in two days to discuss ideas for an upcoming sponsored video that he needed to brainstorm for. But, if he felt like this, getting inspiration was going to be tough. Tough, but not impossible. Maybe if he could distract himself, these feelings would go away. 

So, he got out of bed and started his day. 

Breakfast usually consisted of coffee and a bowl of cereal. Phil knew he wouldn’t be able to eat with all of the anxiety coursing through him, but a coffee might be okay. Only decaf, though. His heart didn’t need to race any faster than it was currently. 

While he waited for his coffee, he set up his laptop on the kitchen table and answered a few quick emails. Then, with a hot mug of coffee in hand, he sat down and begun brainstorming. His thoughts were a little erratic and he was finding it hard to concentrate, but a few ideas did come to him. 

After working for about an hour, Phil realized that his anxiety was getting worse. Instead of having trembling hands, his teeth were now practically chattering from how much his body was shaking. He sat back in his chair and took a deep breath. Maybe work wasn’t the answer. 

Feeling slightly defeated, he got up from the table and walked downstairs. 

When he and Dan were designing their house, they had designed a room downstairs for movies and gaming, but Phil had found it to be his own little sanctuary for times like this. Not only did the room not have any windows, but they made sure to add extra sound proofing so they wouldn't get any complaints from their neighbors. Now, Phil was completely isolated from the outside world. 

With the lights dim, the room now had a soft, warm glow. Phil turned on the TV and searched for relaxing music. He found a video of spa music, and turned it down low. You would have never known that busy, metropolitan London was on the other side of the wall. 

As he laid on his back on the sofa, Phil closed his eyes and tried to time his breathing to the music. The music was calming, almost ethereal, but his heart was still pounding. He wondered if this could count as exercise.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been laying there for when his phone went off. It was Dan wondering where he was.

Dan, 11:42am

🔍

Phil, 11:42am

⬇️

Not even a minute later, Dan opened the door.

"Sorry," he whispered, once he saw Phil under the blanket with the music softly playing. "I'll leave you alone."

"No, come here." Phil wrangled his arms out from under the blanket and made grabby hands at Dan. "Lay with me."

Dan gave him a soft smile and walked over to the sofa.

Phil lifted the side of the blanket for Dan to crawl under. Once Dan situated himself on top of Phil’s chest, Phil draped the blanket over both of them. The feeling of Dan’s weight on him was comforting, and he let out a content sigh as he felt his body start to relax and unwind. It was like the ultimate weighted blanket. 

"Bees or drills?" Dan asked quietly, as if the tempo of Phil’s heart and the slight trembling of his body hadn't already given it away. 

"Bees."

Phil would have almost preferred the drilling pain of a migraine to this. At least with a migraine, he could take pain killers and try to sleep the pain away. He couldn't do that with anxiety. His brain wasn't going to let him fall asleep to try and escape it.

He knew there was medication that could help him with this. Dan was constantly telling him to talk to his doctor so he could get a prescription, even going so far as to offer to make the appointment for him. But, Phil kept putting it off. The thought of getting confirmation that he had an anxiety disorder was too much for him to handle most days, so he just tried to ignore it. Unless it was one of those days where it was impossible to ignore, like this one. 

"Why didn't you say anything?” 

"Didn't want to bother you," Phil mumbled, rubbing his fingers lightly over Dan's back. 

Dan tilted his head up and kissed Phil’s jaw. 

"Never a bother,” he whispered.

Phil closed his eyes again and focused on the pattern of Dan’s breathing. In, one, two, three, out, one, two, three. It seemed to be calming him down in the moment— he could tell that he had already stopped shaking— but, he wasn’t sure if the tightness in his chest and his fast heart rate would still be there after he left the room. He hoped not. But, he tried not to dwell on that thought. Worrying about his own anxiety was making him feel worse. He needed to just lay here in the moment with Dan.

There was no telling how long it would take for this to pass… an hour, a day, or maybe even longer than that. One thing was for certain though, Dan was a pretty great weighted blanket.

[hygge-ao3]

Something Unholy

Summary: Phil receives some very surprising and seductive texts in the middle of the night. 

Written for Phanfiction Bingo 2023

Square: Skype Sex

Rating: Explicit/Mature

Triggers/Warnings: lots of sex, bodily fluids

Additional tags: smut, fluff, skype, skype sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, fingering, dildo, blowjob, rimming, texting, halloween, we’re all doomed tour

Words: 2,183

Read on ao3

Phil woke up suddenly to his phone vibrating on his nightstand. He groaned. Whoever it was better have had a good reason to wake him up in the middle of the night. He reached over to grab his phone and squinted at the bright screen. Panic ran through him for a second when he realized he couldn’t read the screen, until he remembered he wasn’t wearing his glasses. But, even when he put on his glasses, he still couldn’t believe what he saw. 

Dan had sent him multiple texts in a row. That, in itself, wasn’t surprising. That was how they texted each other most times. It was what was in those texts that surprised Phil the most. 

Dan - 05:23am

forgive me father for i have sinned

Along with Dan’s text were three photos, all of him dressed in a slutty nun costume. The first two photos, which Phil later saw were posted to Instagram, were of Dan in front of a mirror — one where he was standing, and another where he was crouching. The last photo seemed to be just for Phil. Dan was kneeling on the floor with his lips slightly parted and with big doe eyes as he looked up from the floor and directly at Phil. Fuck. He could never resist that look.

Phil was suddenly wide awake and blood started to rush south. He palmed himself over his pajama bottoms before texting Dan back.

Phil - 05:30am

holy fuck

dan

jfc

Dan - 05:32am

blashphemy

skype in 5?

Phil - 05:32am

ofc

Phil scrambled out of bed. In the dark he managed to make it to the lounge, where he grabbed his laptop, and went back to his room. It was so early, the sun hadn’t even come up yet, and it wouldn’t for another hour. And if this was any other normal day, Phil would still be asleep for another five hours, at least. But, he was obviously going to make an exception for this. This didn’t happen every day… or ever.

He still had a couple of minutes. With those minutes, Phil turned on the bedside lamp and opened the Photo Booth to quickly check how he looked. Although Dan had seen him in every possible state there was to see a person in, severe bed head was not the look he wanted to go for for Skype sex, if that’s even where this lead to. He didn’t want to be presumptuous. But, he fixed his hair so it gave off more of a sexy, tousled look. He had to admit— he looked pretty good as he sat there shirtless, with glasses, a slight stubble, and slightly messy hair. He took a couple of quick photos that he would send to Dan later. Once he was done, he logged onto Skype and saw that Dan was already online. 

Seeing Dan’s username on the Skype screen gave him severe nostalgia for the first year of their relationship and the hundreds of hours they spent talking to each other through their webcams. If he wasn’t so focused on seeing Dan, he might have reflected on just how far they had come in the last thirteen years. It was a lot to process. 

Phil clicked on Dan’s name and smiled as the familiar ringtone filled the room. 

“Hey,” Dan smirked once he popped up on the screen. Even through the poor internet connection, Phil could tell Dan had a few drinks in him. His face was flushed and his eyelids were heavy.

“Hey, yourself.” Phil nodded towards the outfit Dan was wearing. “I like that.”

“Yeah? I went out to a gay bar with some of the crew for Halloween. I actually like it a lot more than I thought I would.”

Phil felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of other people seeing Dan like this before he did. But then again, he felt jealous whenever he heard about Dan’s tour adventures. Dan had asked him if he wanted to join him, but Phil declined, saying that it would be good for Dan to do this himself. He still stood by that, but it didn’t make it hurt any less when Phil thought about experiences they could have been sharing together had he gone with him. 

“It looks really good on you.”

Dan bit his lip. “I wish you were here right now.”

“Me too. There’s so many things I would do if I were.”

“Go on,” Dan coaxed.

It had been a while since they had done this. Years, actually. Phil was a little out of practice.

“If I were there, I’m sure you would have been teasing me all night while we were out. So, by the time we make it back to the room, my hands and mouth would be all over you. Your thighs, your chest, your neck.” Even though Phil couldn’t see Dan’s crotch, he could tell Dan was palming himself over his costume. “I would back you against the wall and start to suck hickeys along your neck. I would start to grind against you, so you could feel what you do to me.”

Dan pushed his laptop to the side and was about to take off the costume when Phil stopped him. 

“Keep it on.”

“I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Get some tissues.”

“Fine, bossy,” Dan huffed and got off of the bed. When he returned, he had a bunch of tissues in his hand. “Happy now? I brought something else, too, just in case.”

He held up a light blue silicone dildo that Phil immediately recognized.

“I was wondering where that went.”

“Looking for it, were ya?” Dan asked, smirking.

“Maybe. I thought a dildo goblin took it.”

“Ah, yes, the lesser-known brother of the sock goblin. It’s me. Hi, I’m the dildo goblin,” Dan sung to the tune of “Anti-Hero”. 

Phil broke out in laughter. “That worked too well.”

Dan pretended to bow.

“So, where were we? Hickeys, grinding, me being pushed against the wall…” Dan moved the laptop from his lap and placed it between his legs, giving Phil a perfect view of his crotch, as well as his face. He pushed down his fishnets and his boxers enough to give him access to his cock. Phil mirrored him. He was surprised Dan wasn’t fully hard yet, unlike himself. But, Phil wasn’t the one wearing the sexy nun costume. 

“After all of that, we’d only make it as far as the middle of the room before I undo my pants and you would drop to your knees. You would take me into your mouth and I would have to restrain myself to not make you take it all at once.” Phil took himself in his hand. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? My cock moving in and out of your mouth.”

“Yes,” Dan breathed as he worked his hand over himself. “Miss that.”

“Me too.”

Dan was so good at sucking cock. The way he would tease Phil at first by mouthing over his balls and then up his shaft before circling his tongue around his head. If his nails were long, Dan would sometimes run his nails lightly near the base of Phil’s cock while he took the rest of it into his mouth. God, Phil loved it when he did that. It was never hard enough to hurt, but it was always just enough to drive him crazy. Phil closed his eyes and rested his head on the headboard just thinking about it. He was getting lost in his imagination, imagining that his own hand was Dan’s mouth. 

“What else would you do?” Dan’s question brought Phil back to reality. He opened his eyes and saw Dan was now fully hard. 

“I would get you on the bed, on your hands and knees. I would pull your fishnets and boxers down around your thighs and start to kiss up the back of them. I would kiss around your rim, licking into you before pushing a finger in. I would scissor you open, and then properly eat you out.” Phil hoped Dan couldn’t tell how embarassed he was talking about this. He had no problem physically doing these things to Dan — he loved sex with Dan — but talking about them was totally different. 

It didn’t seem like he noticed, though, since Dan moaned at Phil’s words. “Please. Want that so bad.”

Dan pushed the laptop towards the end of the bed, and then got on his hands and knees as Phil described. Phil was not expecting him to change positions, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to complain. 

He watched as Dan lifted the skirt up a little, lubed up his fingers, and reached behind himself to push in his index finger. 

Phil was almost in a trance as he watched Dan finger himself. There were now two fingers inside of Dan, and Phil could see he was scissoring them. By the time Dan was using three fingers, Phil was having to remind himself to slow down his pace unless he wanted this to end early. 

“Once you were stretched, I would fuck you hard into the mattress.”

Dan reached out of view and grabbed the dildo. He squirted lube onto it before getting back into position on his hands and knees. Phil didn’t miss the way Dan glanced at the screen to make sure everything was still visible.  

Dan’s mouth hung open in pure pleasure as he slowly pushed the dildo into himself. Once he found a rhythm, he took his body weight off of his arm and rested his upper body against the bed. Dan had his eyes closed with his mouth slightly parted, letting out small moans each time he pressed the dildo into himself. 

A moan escaped Phil’s lips as he watched. He matched the speed of his own hand to the pace Dan had set for himself.

He wondered if it was possible to die from being as turned on as he was right now. The sight of Dan with his back arched, legs slightly spread, and him moving the dildo in and out of himself all while wearing that damn nun costume was almost making Phil lightheaded with want. 

God. Phil wished that dildo was him right now. 

“How does it feel? Are you imagining me pounding into you from behind?”

“It’s— it’s so good. It, ah fuck, it feels just like you.”

“Fuck, Dan,” Phil groaned. 

His hand moved faster over his cock, no longer matching Dan’s rhythm. 

“I’m not gonna last,” Phil warned, feeling his orgasm build. 

“‘M close, too. Talk to me.”

“Fuck, um,” Phil couldn’t think straight anymore. All his brain could think about was his impending orgasm. What typically sent Dan over the edge? “Do you want me to come inside of you? Fill you up so much that when I pull out, it spills out of you?”

“Holy shit. Yes, yes!” Dan moaned loudly. 

Dan reached underneath himself fisted his cock as he chased his orgasm. A high pitched moan left his lips as he came. He grabbed the tissues just in time. Seeing Dan get his release brought Phil to his as well. He closed his eyes and let out a moan as he released onto his stomach. 

As Phil came down from his high and opened his eyes, Dan was lying on his front, catching his breath. He gave Phil a soft smile, which Phil returned. 

“That was incredible,” Dan said quietly. 

“It was.”

This was the one part of Skype sex Phil didn’t like— not being with Dan. He was a sucker for after sex cuddles, and he wanted nothing more than for Dan to curl up next to him so he could lightly trace his fingers up and down his body and run them through his hair. He wanted them to share sweet words and soft kisses before they fell asleep. But, this would have to do for now.

“Sorry for waking you.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was worth it. It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

“Yeah,” Dan sighed. He laid his head on his arms. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. So much.”

“Only 40 more days.”

“Not counting, or anything, are you?” Phil teased. 

“Shut up,” Dan pouted. 

“It’s alright. I have a countdown on my phone.” Phil picked up his phone off of the nightstand to prove it. “Only 39 days, 11 hours, 22 minutes, and 47, 46, 45 seconds.”

Dan smiled fondly. “Nerd.”

“Your nerd.”

“Unfortunately.”

Phil picked up the pillow next to him and pretended to throw it at Dan. Dan laughed, and that sound caused Phil’s heart to ache. He missed Dan so damn much. 

They stared at each other in comfortable silence before Dan spoke.

“As much as I’d like to stay on here and fall asleep like old times, I really need to get to bed.”

Phil frowned. “Okay. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Before Dan ended the call there was one last thing he wanted to say. “Oh, and Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You better be bringing that home.”