the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift
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the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift
I know what I know
I know what I know Once again, someone bleeds brand new. What are you to me? You are what I know, and what I know Is a souvenir of a terribly broken heart.
You called yesterday, It brought me back to when I heard from you I was still winning I loved you like nobody else would I told you so, and never heard from you again.
I lost it so many times, Drinking alone at weekends 'cause all I wanted was you, Spilling my feelings at unanswered voice calls and messages. Not even when things got bad, not when I gave up on dreams older Than when you came in. But that's my prize, my cross to bear after loving you.
Four years is a long time, Did it finally get lonely at Mount View? Are you scared of getting old? Did you marry and get bored? I can only know what I know You are just an old idiot That broke my heart When I was 22 or 23, And I am such a slow forgetter.
I made it out of this love alive, I lost it so many times Licking my wounds from the sidelines Nobody healed me, I did it on my own, I finally got the love I deserve, No one is taking that away from me, I will always put up a fight for life, I am brave, authentic and loyal. I am sorry for the bullet you missed.
I will never answer you again, you never spared me any kindness After I was not the one you wanted. I know what I know And you dreamed of a river of light leading you to me, Lost your appetite, your sleep and, Don't think of anything else but me ever since.
I know what I know I am surprised I wasn't the only one Who bled brand new, After such a long time, That's now your prize.
I love my dad as the man I hear talking
about books, music and philosophy.
I hate my father as the coward who raised me,
getting out of the room every time
my mother started to scream.
I love my dad as the man who taught me,
as my grandfather did, to be curious about the world.
I resent my father for being the man who kept driving
when my mother threw me out of the car.
I resent my father for getting two jobs
to get away from his wife.
I love my dad, I hate my father
do the bills make it easier?
do I own anything?
do I owe them anything for being alive?
The bills, do they come from love or guilt?
I hate my father, he allowed bad things to happen to me.
I love my dad, he is the floor that doesn't let me fall through.
A kid yesterday asked why I was so sad.
I said: I am not.
He said, oh well, it looks like someone did you wrong.
I don't remember when it started,
did it ever?
An axiom:
the world exists.
There is me, and the little gravity points
every room I go to, they guide me,
an axis of rotation, don't make a fool of yourself,
the same teacup, the same seat, the same same
it brings me enough stability to know I can stay.
Something just happened, and as they said:
I am head over heels.
Meditations in the laundry mat aside,
It’s rainy, and there’s a 24 hours neon sign,
The kaleidoscope droplets there remind me
Of your eyes, always blurry from night shifts.
Suddenly, I am not afraid anymore
Of being too late and having to go home
I am not alone.
Time goes softly by,
In your your arms, in the clouds
Inside everything I love you for.
The building lights are all flickering
I am not afraid, I found a home,
Yèmāozi, hold my hand
Sleep on my chest.
If the world looks for a Sun,
I am the happiest one
Because my world orbits around The Moon,
You are the love of my life,
You are my favorite one.
I love you,
When this world is gone,
I love you.
When everything is done,
I love you.
Companion
I was once just a lonely teenager in the waiting room.
And you were a punk rock teen, stealing red hair dye
from your mom.
Some weeks are tough, we have to talk on the phone,
But this is finally real,
You say my thoughts
before I can form the words as if we have
a world of our own inside ourselves.
Then, the weekend is here,
And the love of my life is stretched out in my bed
With the confidence of a cat.
You make my father laugh, you amaze my stepmother,
You made me love myself, my face, body, and soul.
Just like heaven, just like our song,
because we cannot stop kissing, ever.
You are the love of my life,
You are better than a reverie,
You are a beautiful dream that I can reach.
Reverie of people, people, and people.
I am 27, and I still wear braces.
Rolf won’t ever call again.
He doesn’t feel lonely anymore at Mount View
surrounded by his shining few.
It was the last time I loved
as my parents’ poor daughter.
Life goes like a tidal wave
I've finally got it all.
a sine wave
back-and-forth, see you later,
now, later, all-in-between
then, cased in glass, forever goodbye.
The mistakes I made years ago
They come back and haunt me, sometimes.
In and out of love, loneliness, and despair
Time passes, and I am alive,
It is the easiest of times.
All I should know, there’s no way
I could’ve known better.
Nowadays, Frank has an ugly mustache
the kind you only see in rats.
A mama’s boy with no real problem but the ones
He got by himself ‘cause he watched Sid & Nancy once.
Frank only does what’s best for Frank
Unfortunately, I was there for all of it.
Just not to see him nickname his wife
the same as all his past girlfriends.
Sugar leaves, old bushes,
walking down to a bus stop that once
made me cry and wish for a second childhood.
Looking back at the men who gave it to me,
I should’ve stuck to the first one.
Frightened of the world as I once was,
I pretend to wear my favorite daddy’s shirt.
hanging on to it tight while I go to outer space.
It is the easiest of times.
Tomorrow, 27.
Birthday lasted a whole week, with glimpses of love, affection, and warmth, never felt so much before.
I haven't been seventeen in a decade, haven't felt like a big, disgusting wound in a long, long time.
The future is scary, and the past is comfortable, It invites me in, sit here, dream about when you loved a Latvian boy, never touched it, but first love never dies, I came to terms with being unusual. I can't stay here forever, though.
Tomorrow came by, Godeč, you look like someone I want to know better, Want to take a walk in the park sometime?
The world crushed me, so many times, Every time I came back alive, wasn't cruelty that got me here, It was love.
I smile, and just before I invite you in, You should know, I don't waste my time on just anybody, I don't change my mind for just anybody, I don't go after just anybody, I won't share my life with just anybody.
My confidence, my backbone, and articulation, comes from the fact that I was loved before, comes that I am loved now, and by seeing it, I see myself with the care they put into me. Then, I see you, And like me, you aren't just anybody.
“used to be one of the rotten ones
and i liked u for that
now ur all gone
got ur makeup on
and ur not coming back”
oh we must stop meeting like this
and they nicknamed her "The Bolter"
a requiem to solitude
Sundays are for drinking way too much coffee, savoring my wounds, licking them like a dog lost in self-pity. Why do I never bite back?
This morning, I forgave myself.
For not having the same body I had when we met. Losing myself, being the other woman, and then breaking my own heart, so many times.
For dating that stupid old American I was only nineteen, so wide-eyed Ignoring that anger and entitlement.
I lied so many times, and it's a dangerous game. It comforts me, you never saw the real me. So what's the big fucking deal? I also lied to myself, so we are even As I took all the collateral damage.
Living is dangerous, and coming as who you are Unshamed, it's generous. At what cost? My love, Do me a favour, and just once, Accept me as who I am.
Weekly thoughts #1, June: the way we were
Katie Morosky's complex, Did he ever wonder that the places he lives in give everything way too willingly? Did he ever feel guilt when all the good things happen all at once like you are a fallen angel, and life hugs you 'cause this is just the way things are.
I sigh, I don't think so.
Why not even the brightest women can get spared from Eros intolerance? Meanwhile, those creatures are incapable of love outside of peripheral vision.
I wish I didn't believe in fate, I am out of control, hearing your late-night dumplings of supposed taste. Bad blood, said once. A low life path, unspoken but felt.
I should beg, untie me from my bad blood, please, please. I should be ashamed of my circumstances, of being born into a low life.
I am in control, a heartfelt voice that only belongs to me. I am the Universe's best well-kept secret, You have to look twice to get it, and once you do, You won't forget it anytime soon.
I am in control, and I see I was the one who tried to untie you from your bad blood, bitter, low-life, and spiritually demeaning. I was never the one that should have been ashamed.
Laura's street
May's blizzard, Mother's Day is around the corner, and I am no longer in pink house arrest. Surviving neglect isn't all cracked up to be A survivor that it is.
I used to accept so little 'cause I didn't have much ahead of me, no one taught me how to live, how to take care of myself in the same way I loved the others. I could've drowned, the way life took advantage of it, I should've drowned, instead, I screamed and made sure to hide, and never again to be found.
Today, I took a bus ride, fighting for myself no one can be a victim of circumstances forever. I take myself to all the appointments they never took me, I am not afraid to ask for help, or demand that my needs be satisfied, otherwise, what are you here for?
I take the wrong direction, it always takes me a while to get on the right track.
I am in your neighborhood, and I never meant to but that's Lauras Street? Who is she? That's where you have been hiding since we were 19? She gave you structure, endless green, and architectural love.
The way things were, The way we were raised, The past goes right through me, it allows me to let it go.
I wasted so much time wondering what could have been wrong? Everything that it is. You never were going to be good, or good enough for me.
b2b - charli xcx