Help! I'm locked inside this screen?!

- hermit ceramist doing random crap on the, what's that word again? oh, on the internet -

[hypochondriacghoul]

Fictional TV Shows I’d Watch (part1)

Baby's out to adopt A TV show where children act like rich mean bitches and drink Robby Bubble from plastic champagne glasses while glossing through adoptable parents catalogues. 10 year-old Sarah would say to her living partner, Chrissy (9), with whom she supposedly shares a small vila on The French Riviera, "Honey, I know they're super cute, but do you think we can handle another pair of parents?" Chrissy firmly nods. "Yeah. Should we tell them they're adopted?"

Ghost stories A competition-based reality shows where people who were ghosted in stupid random ways get to tell their stories as dramatically as they can in front of a jury made of serial ghoster, serial ghostée, and Simon Cowell to even things out. Think of it as an acting school audition, but with even more drama.

Top Grills Just like regular Top Gear with our favourite boys, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, except instead of cars, they just test grilling equipment. Dad jokes are still on, as well as all the other silly challenges. First to set up an underwater grill gets a free ride home from Stig. they probably already did the grill part on the show

[hypochondriacghoul]

This is a Victorian Chatelaine, or, for those who can’t stomach French, this is a belt hook (sometimes a brooch) worn around the waist, that helped women carry essential stuff as they went on around their days. Tiny scissors, tiny lipstick, tiny-tiny purse, this lady’s got everything she needs within an upper arm’s length, ready to hit the ballroom right away.

Do we maybe have a similar practical thing that we could carry all the time? ‘Course we do! Let me introduce you to the dreaded fanny pack! Shove in your favourite lippy and head on to Coachella (or whatever over-hyped festival may be trending this year) straight away!

Of course, this is probably the most historically inaccurate correlation I could think of, but it makes me smile thinking about fanny packs as being the dumb-and-slightly-odd descendents of the gracious chantelaine.