You'd spent almost your entire childhood learning the dynamics of your little group, the way that the boys would interact between themselves and how it was blaringly different to how they acted with you. Not only were you the oldest (you'd made such a big deal about it with James when you were younger; back then, the months felt like days. Now they felt like centuries), but you were the feminine energy that battled whatever the hell they had going on. They looked up to you. Or, at least they did at some point.
There was a time when the mothers sat around and laughed about how they actively grew up in your care. It was obvious that you'd logged in the hours, noted the behaviours, kept them in line, watched as them grow into their shells. You'd been there for most of it anyway.
However, time couldn't help but keep moving, right? You'd left for the big, wide world when the youngest turned 15. Now they were 21. Time was not kind to you at all.
At that point, you'd have to wonder whether they remembered you at all.
Out of the boys, you and James were naturally close. The two of you had to deal with the shenanigans of the younger ones; you'd taken almost the exact same classes in high school, got invited to the same parties, sat in the same exam halls, listened to the same speeches from the six sets of parents about responsibility. Hell, you were the first number on his speed dial. If you thought about it too long, you'd drift back to the memories of when he'd call you during the early hours, hoping you'd cover for him after a party, or having to send messages on his behalf to a girl he liked. If you didn't think at all, you'd recollect the times when he'd have a spare pair of shoes after your heels gave you blisters, or how he'd blare an airhorn in your face after you slept through 7 of your alarms.
You leaned on each other; that was for sure. Solidarity, as one could call it.
In the same way, both of you had unknowingly picked an '08 and '09 to take under your wing.
Seonghyeon had fallen into your care while Keonho got dragged into James', and it made sense, even now, watching them after all this time. But somewhere along the way, the lines blurred. They weren't kids anymore, not really, not in the way you remembered. They'd grown into their own shapes, their own voices, their own lives, and suddenly, much to your chagrin, you had to play catch up. They let you, of course. This morning was reflective of that. Hyeon had sat next to you at breakfast and gave you the longest run down of the past few years and you had to hold back the waterfall of tears that were threatening to erupt, while Keo tried to pretend that he didn't make an entire presentation to show you afterwards.
Admittedly, you were scared that they wouldn't want you back, but somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that that would be an impossible thing. They did love you. How could they not? According to them, you were the best person they knew when they grew up.
You almost regretted living your own life because you had to leave them behind. Fortunately, time was not inherently cruel, and it gave you a chance to earn the lost moments back, at a speed that not even a time machine could comprehend.