a few weeks later i was standing under a bus stop waiting for minji to get out of class when he came up to me. he asked me a single question, completely skipping over any greetings.
“do you like minji?”
my breath caught in my throat as i started at him.
“what?”
i told him, shifting uncomfortably as my face warmed up and my chest filled with this now familiar pain.
“do you?”
i looked at him while trying to understand why he was asking me this.
“of course i do, she’s my friend, why’d you ask me that?”
“i was just curious. i have to go now.”
and just as he said, he left. i stood under the small roof as i looked at my watch. rain began to fall, the drops hitting the tin roof, a gentle pitter-patter filling the area.
“damn.”
i said while taking out my umbrella. i looked around for a bit trying to spot minji and from a distance i saw her running towards me. i watch as she reached the awning, her hair damp as her clothing stuck to her skin. my lips curl into an apologetic smile as she joins me under the roof.
“hey,” i said, smiling at her.
“hey,” she responded,
the air was awkward, almost as if we were meeting for the first time. i clear my throat and turn to look down at the floor.
“how was your class?” i asked her. i was very quiet as if i did’t want her to hear my words.
“it was boring,” she responded, “why’re you so awkward today?” she laughed loudly, playfully punching my arm.
when i heard her laugh i felt my chest to hurt again, i wondered if i was going insane. i laughed off the internal pain and responded to her, “i think i ate bad soup,” i improvised.
“bad soup..?” she asked, her face covered in confusion before bursting out into a laughing fit. “you ate bad soup!” she mocked as a boisterous laugh left her mouth.
i narrowed my eyes at her, finding her laugh suddenly annoying, “it’s not funny.” i said.
minji gasped for air as she stopped laughing, her face covered with light blush from the intensity of her laugh. i looked down at her as she calmed down, watching as she fanned her face.
“you done laughing now?” i asked sarcastically, glaring at her playfully.
she nodded, looking up at me with cheeky smile, “i’m done now.”
i looked at her as she smiled, my own lips curling into a smile. “we should go now before it starts raining harder.” i told her, holding my umbrella in my hand.
“let’s go.” minji said, taking the umbrella from my hand and opening it, the rain pattering against the fabric. “c’mere.” she said, moving to stand under one half of the umbrella.
we huddled under the umbrella as we walked home, our shoulders brushing against each other as we walked.
while we walk home i can't stop thinking about what he asked me earlier, did i like minji?
it had been a week since that day that minji had finally opened up about her relationship with him. i don’t know at what moment this feeling turned to resentment. worst of all, she ruined my favorite place, our place.
“this is —. he’s my boyfriend.”
i’d already met him previously so i didn’t think i needed to present myself again, i just nodded and stared at the ice cream in front of me. it had begun to melt somehow, completely ignoring the cold temperature from the parlor. i grabbed a napkin and cleaned up the small mess, watching as minji talked with him. jeez, i can’t remember his name, it’s been so long since then. i grabbed a spoonful of ice cream and ate it, my head began to hurt after that since i grabbed too much ice cream. i did my best to ignore the throbbing pain and focus on whatever they were saying.
minji asked me about my day and other random things, i think she was trying to get me and him to bond over a same experience or something similar. it never happened, we didn’t agree on anything and for such reason we bickered. some people argue casually, debating things and letting it go, but not me and him. we argued as if we were trying to prove something. i realize now that we were trying to prove that we were better than the other.
i decided to leave early under the pretense of my head hurting, not a lie but not the complete truth. i really left because i couldn’t stand the sight of him. i was so mad at her for that, i was upset that she brought him there. i ended up lying in bed the rest of the day.
minji never brought him around after that day, with the exception of major events. i think he told her that i was mean and that he didn’t want to be around me. i didn’t want to be around him either, i still didn’t know why at that time. i assumed it was because we were so different.
i was okay with it though, it’s not that i hated him or anything, we just never clicked so it was awkward most of the time. minji rarely came over after that, she was always with him. it stung a bit. she pushed me aside so quickly for him, after everything. i should've expected it.
i just never thought she would be that type of girl.
i remember the day i first experienced this chest pain. the day had begun like any other, the typical walk to my classes, the multitude of people in the courtyard. the only thing that had been different was the weather, the previous week had been promising as it had been sunny and warm, a wonderful end to the cold winter.
but that day, it was cold again, cloudy and windy. there was no trace of the sun or the blue sky that had come the past few days. the ground was barely wet from the morning dew, yet the air was sticky, suffocating. i thought that i might’ve gotten sick the previous day, cursing the thin jacket i had worn. aside from the odd weather everything had gone well that day, until the very end of my last class.
i had left my class and walked to a separate area where my friend had always waited for me. it was a small garden that was hidden behind some tall shrubs. i heard faint talking and curiously looked into the garden. i saw her locking lips with a guy we had both known from a few years back. i felt my body stiffen and my breath got caught in my throat. before i could properly process what i had seen, i found myself out of the campus, my breathing erratic and my chest hurting.
i panted as i placed my hand over my chest, my heart raced as i tried to steady my breathing. i took my phone from out of my pocket and texted her something along the lines of ‘hey i got sick and had to go home asap.’ i don’t remember it all too well after that. it all became a foggy memory.
but one thing i can remember was that it began to rain as i walked home. my clothes stuck to my body and my shoes became soaked. i shivered under the rain, trying to find my umbrella in my bag only to remember i had lent it to minji a few weeks ago.
“fuck.”
i don’t think i had ever cursed as much as i did that day. when i got home i tossed everything onto the floor, water droplets fell onto the floor as i walked to the bathroom. i dragged my feet, stumbling around the hall. i walked into the bathroom and leaned on the sink, my breath still shaky. why was i so shaken up by this? shouldn’t i have been happy for her?
she finally found someone good for her. i peeled myself out of my wet clothes and showered in water that felt like it had been boiled. i stayed in the shower for a while, just feeling the warmth of the water on my skin. i don’t remember how long i was in there for, might’ve been an hour and a half, maybe more. when i came out of the shower i wrapped myself in a towel and walked to my room, slipping into my pajamas.
i picked up my phone and i saw i had a message from minji, she was asking if she could come over. i told her that i felt really bad and didn’t want to get her sick. she only read the message, she didn’t insist like she would’ve done a few weeks ago. i tossed my phone to the side and laid down on my bed, placing my hand over my still aching chest. i closed my eyes as i felt my heart pounding against my ribcage.
my eyes began to water as i couldn’t handle the pain, i felt as if i were drowning in this feeling. a feeling i didn’t know could happen. what was this called? why did it happen? i asked myself that question ever since that day.
warnings — written in first person, non-idol au, student minji + student reader, angst, cursing, plenty of denial, more will be added as chapters are posted ^_^
notes — i was supposed to post an aespa oneshot for christmas but never got to it (-_-,) so minji angst is my christmas present to you guys !
warnings - kim minji + fem reader, implied homophobia, sneaking out
the sudden ping from your phone made you jump, your head turning to your phone that was charging on the nightstand. you get up from your desk and pick up the phone, the screen lighting up to show a notification.
one new message from ‘minji’
you unlock your phone and read the message, grabbing your coat from a hanger. you carefully open your window, your feet stepping on dry leaves as you closed the window again. you shiver as the cold air hits your warm skin, you begin to walk towards the street, shutting off your phone. you walk towards a convenience store two streets over, burying your face in the collar of the coat. walking into the small shop you immediately go to the drink section, another person standing beside you.
“minji,” you breathe out, your cheeks warming up.
“hey,” she responds, her voice soft and warm, full of emotion. “wanna go?”
“mhm, just let buy something quickly.” you responded, grabbing something and going to the register. you paid and walked outside to see her waiting. “wanna share with me?”
minji nodded, “do you want me to split it down the middle for you?”
“yes, please,” you responded, watching as she tried to split it down the middle, “i know you like these.”
minji smiled at your words, handing you one of the halves before taking a bite, the vanilla ice cream coming out of the sides as she bites. you chuckle as you watch the ice cream spread. you both begin to walk aimlessly, eating ice cream as you roamed the empty streets. you soon finished the ice cream, your hands left sticky from the sugar in the snack.
“i’m gonna wash my hands, you should too,” you said, seeing a public restroom.
minji nodded and followed behind you as she stared at the stars in the sky, her heart racing. you both enter the restroom and wash your hands, cold water pouring from the faucet as you lather soap in your hands. you dry your hands and walk out, the area silent with the occasional passing car.
“let’s sit over there,” minji said, pointing towards a swinging bench. you nod and follow behind her, sitting on the bench.
“i like doing this,” you said, exhaling while you placed your head on her shoulder. “i like seeing you like this.”
minji’s face heated up at your words, her heart beating against her chest like a drum. “i like doing this too, i just wish we could do this during the day too.” she said, leaning her head on yours.
“i do too, but you know how things are.” you responded, “who knows what would happen if someone saw us.”
minji hummed in acknowledgment, checking her watch. 11:22. she closed her eyes, sighing. her eyes became watery as they began to burn, a yawn escaping from her mouth.
“it’s getting late,” you yawned, your eyes blinking lazily. “work’s been stressful lately.”
minji listens your words, nodding her head along as you continued to speak. her eyelids fluttering as you rambled, your voice slowly lulling her to sleep. the night continued to progress until minji’s watch beeped, signaling that it was now 11:50. you both lifted your heads, your eyes droopy from the lack of sleep and your faces cold. minji sat up properly as she stretched, her body stiff from the awkward position she had been in.
“guess it’s time to go back?” you sighed, your heart aching at the imminent goodbye.
minji nods, standing from the bench, placing her hoodie over her head. she walked closer to you, taking off her scarf and wrapping it around you. “you’ll get sick,” she said, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
you look up to meet her tired eyes, “what about you? you’ll get sick too,” you said, pulling her hoodie further to cover more of her face. you place your hands on either side of her face, “don’t get sick, kim minji.”
minji smiled at your words and placed her hands on top of yours. “i won’t, i promise.” she responded, nuzzling into your hand.
you two began your walk back to the convenience store where you would go your separate ways. a comfortable silence filled the space around you as you walked in unison, your hands intertwined. the cold air passing over your skin. the bright lights of the store coming into view.
with a few more minutes of walking you reach the small store, the surrounding area completely deserted. a sigh escapes your lips as you turn to face minji, her cheeks a vibrant shade of red as her watch beeps once again, 12:00.
you smile warmly at her, taking her hands into your own. “happy two years, kim minji,” you said, placing a chaste kiss to her lips.
minji smiled as you kissed her, her heart swelling with emotion. “happy two years,” she whispered as you pulled apart from one another. “i hope for more years to come.”
your lips curl at her sweet words, you pinch her cheek gently, “i hope for that too,” you said, chuckling gently as placed your hands into your pockets. “i’ll give you your scarf tomorrow.”
she nodded at your words, a comforting smile stretching from ear to ear. “we can go to a café, if you want.” she mentioned as she attentively looked at you.
“i’d like that,” you grinned. “i should, um, get going now.” you said, tapping your bare wrist.
minji’s expression faltered for a moment, dreading the departure, “sleep well, i’ll see you here tomorrow.”
you nodded at her words, “see you tomorrow, minji.” you said, turning away from her and beginning to walk back home.
after a few moments you hear footsteps rushing towards you, turning around to find minji. her hair was slightly disheveled and her cheeks and nose a vibrant shade of red. minji takes your hands in hers.
“i love you,” she said, huffing as she gathered her breath. “i.. i don’t want to hide this anymore, i can’t.” she said, looking at you, her eyes filled with a newfound passion.
you stood there shocked by her words, a gentle smile creeping onto your face. “i don’t want to hide either,” you said, wrapping your arms around her. “and i love you too.”
minji’s eyes began to water at your words, an overwhelming sense of calm settling into her heart. her arms wrapping tightly around you. she sniffled as tears fell from her eyes, her eyes shutting tightly.
you rubbed her back as she cried, “i won’t hide you this time,” you said, mindlessly tracing shapes on her back. “i’ll love you proudly this time, i promise.”
minji hummed at your words, wiping away her tears while grinning softly. there would no longer be more late night conversations and meetups. no more hushed phone calls or hidden messages. you said goodbye to the middle of the night, graciously welcoming the evening sun. the cold night turned into the warm day, and what was once hidden was now flaunted.
“i’ll love you forever,” you both said as you walked back home with a newfound sense of belonging.
notes — this wasn't the best but i wanted to post something for today :[
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