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(Vent blog) This is where I am posting all of my trauma related things. DNI will be added soon. major trigger warning for a bunch of depressing/disturbing shit ahead. I also have a separate recovery blog @/welcome-home-friend

[i-am-a-calamity]

Weirdly enough, even though this Tumblr is all about my trauma and it's negative effects and discusses my triggers and whatnot, even though this blog is depressing and full of dark shit;

It's one of the biggest steps in my recovery that I've made.

It's here for me to vent, it allows me to express my negative feelings in an open, honest, and health way. I had a bad habit of trying to never think about it, or talking about it at bad times, and thus blog has helped with that.

Even though I haven't had it for long, it's helped me so much.

I am pretty far in my recovery, I'm generally happy, and I can healthily handle getting triggered on my own, I take care of myself better now, I'm doing pretty good.

So when you see all the things I talk about, please don't be concerned for me. This blog is just here for me to vent, so I can express my negative and often extreme feelings in a safe way.

If you look at this blog, I seem like I'm halfway in the grave, but that's because this one is solely for my trauma. I am a very positive person nowadays, i just needed this space to put the bad things in.

Im really glad I made this blog, but I do hope that no one sees my posts and gets overly worried, because I'm genuinely okay.

Not perfect, and maybe not great all the time, not somehow un-traumatised, but I'm pretty alright.

And that, for me, is more than enough.

[i-am-a-calamity]

daily reminder to stay paranoid forever and never trust anyone

[i-am-a-calamity]

I'm so glad I never killed myself<3

[mamoru]

the older I get, the prouder I become of younger me.

[mamoru]

you never deserved what happened to you, you never deserved what people did to you, it was so much worse than you realized

and even though you grew up weird™️ in a nightmare you were too young to fully wrap your head around,

you still tried harder than anyone could have ever asked

to survive and to be kinder to others than the world was to you

[4waystreet]

the idea that predators and abusers are an ontological category of person, rather than everyone having the capacity to be predatory and abusive, leads to people having no regard for boundaries because they think that predation only comes from evil people ™

[crippled-peeper]

maybe I’m mentally unstable but you’re abusive and that’s worse

[eldritch-metalhead]

i want my body back

i want the body you never touched back

i want the feel of your hands on my body gone

i cant fucking do this anymore

[i-am-a-calamity]

by the way if someone says "i don't think I'd be comfortable with that" it means fucking No 👍

[easybreezyscatterbrain]

i think one of the reasons i struggle so much with my assault is that i don’t think of it as an act of violence, per se. it felt more like being swindled or conned. being persuaded by a salesman into something i didn’t even really want, being misdirected by a pickpocket while they take something behind my back.

it felt less like being punched and more like being tricked.

[nonbinary-jakey]

surely treating suicide as the most horrible forbidden thing possible and making it difficult to discuss candidly not only through social stigma but also the threat of kidnapping and forced drugging will prevent people from doing something that makes me personally uncomfortable

[crippled-peeper]

I know these “sometimes trans people abuse each other, yes for real” type posts are incredibly uncomfortable but every time I make them I get dozens of responses like “my trans ex destroyed my (also trans) life and I’ve never had this hurt acknowledged by a stranger before, ty” and that heals me a little bit too.

[dpriestxripleysgirl]

Sometimes your past creeps up on you. Sometimes it takes years to actually see something for what it was.

When something traumatic happens, you try to shove it away. You rewrite it in your head, make it smaller, try to convince yourself it wasn’t that bad.

Because who wants to sit in something that heavy? Who wants to stare it in the face?

But today… today i finally did.

I was today years old when i found out that just because you don’t explicitly say “no” doesn’t mean it wasn’t sexual assault.

Just because you didn’t say i don’t want to be recorded doesn’t mean it wasn’t assault.

If he doesn’t ask permission, it’s assault.

Permission to touch you. Permission to grab you. Permission to record you. If he doesn’t ask. If he just takes— it’s still assault.

And even if you can’t form that two‑letter word, even if your body freezes, even if you tell him “it hurts” over and over,

And he does nothing…

It’s still assault.

And if he keeps begging, keeps asking, after you’ve already said “no” again and again until you finally say fine just to make it stop— that’s not consent.

That’s coercion.

Which is still, you guessed it, assault.

[thedamsolangelofan]

It is still SA if…

You enjoyed it for pleasure reasons

You would’ve consented if they had asked

You enjoyed it for kink reasons

They didn’t realize what they were doing

You were in a relationship

You were fully clothed

They didn’t touch anywhere typically considered bad, they just got close (Ex: inner thighs)

You had consented but changed your mind

You were both children

They were a lot younger than you (This does include a child SA’ing an adult)

You didn’t realize it was SA

It was done by someone of the same sex

You were attracted to the assaulter

You are a male

They started without your consent but stopped when you said no

You aren’t traumatized

It was online (Someone sending you sexual stuff without your consent is a form of SA)

It was someone you trust

You don’t remember it

You stayed friends afterward (For whatever reason, that’s your business)

They were a victim too

Your story is valid. Please share if you would like to, but I’m not forcing it at all. Edit: by share I mean reblog. Come on guys this is awareness please reblog it. Still obviously not forcing but this is actually important.

Also fucking unfollow me rn if you disagree.

I felt the need to post this so I will.

[lyraeon]

who taught you that suffering in silence was noble, and how would you shutting up have benefited them?

[g-l-i-t-t-e-r-and-g-u-t-s]

[cvttcat]

me: huh, i have this problem, i wonder if i can find any resources to help support me!

google: 7 ways to KILL a person with this evil manipulative abuser trait! how to know if someone you know has this trait and is LEECHING off of you and SECRETLY ABUSING you! remember that people with this trait are EVIL and SUBHUMAN and UNWORTHY OF ANYTHING GOOD!!!

[bpdbimbo]

sorry for showing symptoms of the disorder i told you multiple times I have. Do you want me to kill myself?