This is not a poem, not a sweet serenade, this is not a declaration of love or anything so poignant. These are but the ramblings of a man, a man gone half mad from his obsession with you. It started innocently enough, a smile, a glance, a timid hello and a friendly reply. It progressed in almost stereotypical fashion, a joke here, a quip there and a collection of memorable rebuttals. Then one day, on what some might call a fateful day it begun, a spark. Maybe it was the summer air, maybe it was the buzz from all the over caffeinated sugar infused drinks or maybe it was the music wafting in from the speakers. The sing along was raucous, the energy contagious and we both knew. I leaned in to lend my voice to your rendition of whatever trashy pop song we were singing at the moment, and at that moment my eyes couldn't pull away from yours, I'd never really noticed just how pink your lips were and just as I wondered how soft they might be they seemed to grow larger, in fact your whole face did as you came closer. I wasn't fully aware of when your lips brushed against mine, but I remember it was tentative, searching, looking for an answer. The slight tilt forward of my head and parting of my lips was all the answer you needed, you took control of me in more ways than one at that moment. It wasn't a perfect kiss, but it didn't matter because we managed to practice to perfection that summer. Each day brought a new adventure and a new discovery, days were filled with laughter and nights with breathless gasps and moans, sometimes vice verse. It was the closest thing to perfect I'd ever known. Yet as the days went on I could sense a dread creep into you, I could feel you holding back, it was obvious to see that something was weighing you down. I wasn't too surprised honestly, two strangers who met for the summer don't normally have a future together as such but I had hope, heart tugging soul crushing hope. You thought it would have to end, I mean I was just a man on a holiday, passing through your country for a while as I move on through my life. Only cause I never disclosed the full truth, my actual objective in this city, I never explained to you that I'd come for interviews. Interviews to jobs, jobs that wanted me, jobs that accepted me and all I had to do was say yes. That's all I had to do.
I was excited to share this news, ready to watch your face beam in joy, lips part into that smile that was so deeply engrossed into my mind. I planned to let you know before you headed back to your family, before summer ended, before this little bubble burst, I'd let you know, there was a future, that I'd be back. I felt bad for not having told you earlier after we'd had such an honest and genuine connection.
We met that night, me with my secret and you with your dread. Your face almost ashen, wracked with worry and what seemed to be regret. Before I could even speak you let me know, it is then you let me know. In this part of the world, people are betrothed quite early and alas while your heart was mine your hand had already been promised to another…
Maybe this will never see the light of day and maybe you'll never have to read it. But if you are reading it, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to distress you but I guess they found this when they found my body.
