I Need Some Advice On…. @i-need-some-advice-on - Tumblr Blog

Hello and welcome to “I need some advice on”!

I created this blog for those of us who use the internet and want to get some advice on something going on but it doesn’t warrant an “am I the asshole” submission because sometimes you want some advice from strangers on the internet!

*DISCLAIMER* THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR LEGAL ADVICE. ESPECIALLY FOR PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. IF YOU NEED LEGAL ADVICE TALK TO A LAWYER OR A TRUSTED CONFIDANT NOT A COHORT OF TUMBLR USERS.

Rules:

1) feel free to submit anonymously! However I do hold the right to not post your questions if I deem them inappropriate. If you spam the inbox you will be blocked.

2) PLEASE do not censor your words. This is the die fuck bitch cunt dick website. If someone has a word or a tag censored, the only way it remains hidden from their blog is if the word itself has appeared in full. So stop censoring!!

3) please keep it civil and if you are arguing with someone in the comments, take it to the DMs

4) if you are OP and are looking to add some additional information, make a sideblog and reblog with the information needed and DM me to let me know there is some additional info! Don’t DM me the additional info

5) I will be deleting any submission requesting advice on how to harm yourself or another person. If you are thinking of self harming, please look here and not to this inbox. There is never any reason to hurt yourself. You will get through this I promise, but asking strangers on the internet how to best self harm or the fastest way to end your life means that you need more help than this blog can provide. You are loved, and you will be okay. Life is worth living. I promise.

6) Please remember: I run this blog for free. I do not get paid to do this. I have a full time job and relationships outside of this. If your submission isn’t posted the same day it is likely in the queue. I do my best to keep up on the submissions I am, however, human. Please don’t message me asking where it is. I will make a post if I deem your ask inappropriate or unwarranted for this blog.

7) Again, this is not a legal advice blog! If you are in a dangerous or challenging legal situation speak to a trusted confidant in your life (parent, friend, sibling, lawyer, neighbor, etc.) if you cannot speak to someone, a great starting place is Lawyers Without Boarders. You can also search for pro-bono, or free legal consultation services in your area.

8) One additional note since this is something that has come up a lot lately but, this is not a medical advice blog! I understand how inaccessible healthcare is around the world but please understand that medicine is extremely different across countries and cultures. Asking the void of the internet for medical advice is dangerous and can cause you harm.

Remember, this is the internet. We are all strangers here just trying to help one another out with semi embarrassing things we’re scared to ask people around us but there are lines that I as the moderator refuse to cross.

One extra note: I am just one person running this blog and I have a pretty busy life and sometimes will go a few days without checking tumblr. I do my best to get stuff queued as soon as possible but life does get away from me sometimes.

If you have any questions about these rules, please feel free to DM me, my DMs are open.

#rule posting #I need some advice on

My closest friend just got back in contact with someone who was extremely toxic to them, and Im terrified things are going to play out the same way and I'll have to be the one helping them through it again. The whole experience did a lot of damage to me the first time around because this person made me so so unhealthily angry because of the way they treated my friend and now theyre just letting this person back into their life after Ive confided confided in them how terrified I was of that exact thing occurring.

I know I cant change their actions or control what they do, but I'm just... so tired. I don't know how to handle this. I'm so upset, it almost feels like a betrayal, and I just nodded along and said I was happy for them when they first told me, but now I think it's a terrible idea.

What do I do? Part of me wants to tell them that I think this is a bad idea, but I don't know if that would be appropriate.

Cat training advice, if anyone has any? (And/or recommendations for blogs to ask)

I’m trying to acclimate my (14 year old) cat to a new carrier. She’s never liked being put in the old carrier, so in general she associates “human putting me in box” with travel and related stressful events. Currently the new one is being treated as a den. It’s there, she can sleep in it when she wants to, it’s in a good spot (protected but she can see my desk, and hear other people when they’re around). But I haven’t tried closing it when she’s in it. So…

Firstly, would it be better to zip up the entry when she’s already settled inside, or to only zip it up if I’m the one that’s put her in there? (I’m a little worried that she might think it could be closed at any point and therefore not a safe place to hang out. But conversely, if I only close it after putting her in there, does that reinforce the idea that “human putting me in box” is a problem?)

Second, picking up the occupied carrier: would it be best to do this the first few times when nothing else is going on? Alternatively, Thursdays are vacuuming day and she hates that, if I used the carrier to take her to one of the “safe” rooms (rooms that don’t get vacuumed) would doing that right before the noise starts, or after, be more effective for showing her that the carrier is being used to keep her safe?

Basically I’m trying to minimize stress for both learning and health reasons but it’s hard to know what’s more likely to do that. (She gets treats and pats whenever I do something new in this process so positive reinforcement is all good, minimizing the negative associations is my main concern)

any advice on what should I do to improve my results on tests when some mistakes happen because I don't understand them right? I start to feel like I'm developing learned helplessness, because the more I prepare for tests, the worse I do, since I start looking too deep into the questions and the answer is actually very basic. as example, it's things like "can you do this?" and the real-life answer is "in some specific situations, yes", but the test wants me to answer no, as it is in most cases. how do I... read the mind of test makers?

I have an unusual writing dilemma. I’m in the process of coming up with an original story idea (very, very early in the process) but I can’t for the life of me figure out the main character’s pronouns. Nothing fits and it’s frustrating (and, admittedly, kinda silly). I’ve considered writing in first POV, but 1) the story is demanding to be written in third POV, and 2) that wouldn’t solve the pronoun problem anyway since other characters would need to refer to the main character somehow. Does anyone have any writing advice to figure this out? I’ve never had this happen before but this character is very stubborn and doesn’t want to be written apparently.

Hello! Hoping this blog is still active. I have a question!

How do I get rid of acne? Specifically on my face, back, neck and shoulders. I keep tearing it off, but it bleeds and stings and it keeps coming right back. And it hurts a lot and feels gross. My mom suggested I take birth control to make it go away but I don't really like that idea. Is there anything else I can do? :(

Around 2 months ago, I got in a bad argument with my partner of 3 years, and immediately after that i lost all affection for them and can barely tolerate speaking to them anymore. I have bpd and an undiagnosed dissociative disorder so I'm not sure if that is what's causing this? I thought I was splitting on them but it's not getting better.I've gone back to our dms from a day before and everything was fine and normal and I was very affectionate with them, now I feel nothing towards them and everything I used to like about them just annoys me. I don't know what to do. It feels wrong to break up because of this, and though the argument didn't end on a great note, it wasn't on an awful one and there's nothing more to be discussed, so I'd be breaking up with them over literally nothing. When i go back to those old messages, i feel like a completely different person was sending them. What should i do?

#mental health #relationships

What's wrong with me? A while ago I blocked my close friends because I was feeling depressed and antisocial. I unblocked them after a week. It was pretty normal after that, until we hung out yesterday. They were incredibly touchy with each other, making references to stuff and just being pretty close. I was pretty upset about it and I can't help but feel like they don't like me as much as they like eachother. I'm incredibly jealous, and a little scared. I feel like they're going to leave me. How do I stop feeling like this? I don't know why I'm acting like this. Please help. (Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this).

#mental health

im in my second to last year of highschool, and me and a friend said that wed do lights and sound for the musical this year. neither of us have ever done this before so it would be something completely new for us to learn. thing is, i have no study periods and a lot of subjects that require memorising things, so i will need to study quite a bit. i dont know if ill be able to consistently get good grades and help out with the musical and not completly burn out. but i also dont want to be the friend that back out of everything. me and her have been friends for less than a year and ive never been good at having long term friendships. i dont think ive ever had a friend for more than two years and i really dont want this to end up like that. i dont know what to do, but i have to let the teachers know if im backing out soon so they can find someone else to do lights and sound. its been a while since ive seen this friend in person and idk if this is something i should bring up over text please help

theres this one person in a small-ish community im in on tumblr who's really nice and does try to help me but i cant help but feel uncomfortable with them trying to start a conversation with me due to how young they sound and the fact im an adult

i feel really terrible since it does seem sort of obvious to me how they see me as a role model, considering im one of the few eastern europeans in that community (hell we met up irl at comicon once by pure coincidence because i happened to recognised the character they were cosplaying as)

obviously i cant stop them interacting with my blog by reblogging/liking and were in a shared discord server for this community so im not saying they arent allowed to interact with me at all, im also worried i might be unintentionally ableist because it seems like they're on a higher support level (i dont know how else to word this, which i think shows how irrational my thinking is) and i dont want them to think im trying to avoid them because of them or them thinking i think theyre cringe

theres nothing wrong with them, infact theyre really sweet, im just not comfortable with them directly talking to me but i also know theres nothing i can do and theyre harmless and im fine with them interacting with my blog / in the same discord server otherwise

what should i do? i dont want to block them because everyone in this community makes gif's to use for eachother to make what is essentually moodboards and their gifs are fine, but i dont know how to tell them that im not comfortable with them trying to connect with me due to my age

How do I survive my last two semesters of college. Ive considered dropping out but I really need to see this through & I have to stay a full time student for my scholarship to apply. I am SO tired of this and sometimes its all I can think about

im thinking about completely starting over on tumblr and forging a new identity, but im not sure if thats just because i havent been in a great headspace lately. a new identity means leaving behind the friends i made, and self isolating is a bad habit of mine.

i have been pursuing professional help, so do i give that an earnest attempt and see if i settle back down, or do i just go for it and say goodbye hoping i dont regret it later?

So, I think I fucked up really bad with a friend, and I'm not sure what to do.

The other day they were venting to me about something they were struggling with, and after a bit they mentioned about how it must be so tiring for me, hearing about this same thing again. After I had said it's okay to be venting and it doesn't bother me. And that really stung.

This happens sometimes when they vent, where they start talking about how they don't want to bother me even though I'm actively telling them they're NOT bothering me.

It irritates me partially because it's making assumptions about me to my face, but they're also disregarding me telling them in the moment it's okay to be venting and I don't mind. No matter how many times or how many ways I say it, it always comes up again.

I'm not sure what went through my head, but I tried a different approach of telling them the venting didn't bother me, but talking about how I must be so tired of this and the like did, (because I thought maybe saying its all fine came off as fake or lying, so maybe a more realistic mix could make it seem more genuine?) except I worded it really badly and that really wasn't the time to be bringing up that particular grievance and I most definitely hurt them.

I hadn't told them about it before now because they weren't doing mentally well during those conversations (and werent during this one either, i made a stupid choice), and then I tend to forget about it once its over and I've sufficiently distracted myself from being mad about it.

I don't know what to do, or how to start a conversation, or if I should be waiting for them to be okay enough to approach me. I don't know if this is fixable but I'd like to try, if possible.

I’ve been considering breast reduction surgery on-again off-again for several years. While looking into it again today I realized the reason I wanted it was my mom.

She made comments calling parts of my body ugly (mainly my chest) and that her body looked so much better when she was my age. I know I’m not ugly and i thought I didn’t take her comments to heart, but I feel uncomfortable in my body.

The reason I’m considering getting breast reduction is I feel like (i thought I felt, idk how I really feel anymore) my breasts are unproportionate to the rest of my body and that they are one of the first things people see when they see me, making me feel uncomfortable and sexualized (me being ace might also play a part in this). Her comments brought an unnatural amount of my attention to it and made me think everyone else sees me that way too.

How do I know if a breast reduction surgery is really what I want or my mom’s voice whispering in my ear? How can I feel more comfortable in my own body?

im able to take a depression screening virtually before my first therapist appointment. what happens if i answer yes to questions like "i feel like id be better off dead"? do they legally have to tell someone even if im an adult?

i want to answer honestly since i havent in the past but i dont want my family (who i still live with) to know

I have a lot of people I’m friendly with, but not a lot of friends (actually don’t think I have any lol).

My hypothesis is that is because I’m too nice, like I’m the mom type friend who carries band-aids and wet wipes in case someone needs them, I double check your projects for any spelling mistakes and give suggestions. I’ve noticed that the friends of the people I’m friendly with are kinda mean to each other, not in a malicious way more in a make fun of each other way. That’s not my idea of fun to give or receive (except maybe w/my siblings, but maybe that’s why they’re close? they treat each other like siblings??)

Idk when I’m hanging w/friend groups I always feel like an afterthought or add-on, not a primary focus, some people feel like the core of the hangout. When I go out it’s so I don’t get FOMO not because it’s fun.

The people I would say I’m closer to being friends with I’ve noticed are like 4-6 years younger than me (I’m in my senior year at uni and they’re somewhere between the end of middle school and the beginning of high school) Maybe it’s because I’m older so I tend to steer the convo more? (But it feels pretty equal to me?) Or maybe its because they’re younger so the topics we talk about are more interesting to me (like fun movie recommendations or silly hypotheticals)

I want to apply for a masters degree in the UK or USA but the application process is different from the application process in my country and I don’t know what I need, how much I’m expected to pay, how to start applying or even what university I should apply to! (I’m a tech major, want a masters in data science, ik MIT is a good tech university but I don’t know anything else) advice & info appreciated :)

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