no homo. we’re fresh out. we should get a new shipment in on monday
can you check in the back
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Xuebing Du
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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Cosmic Funnies
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Cosimo Galluzzi

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Show & Tell
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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art blog(derogatory)
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@i-ran-over-0prah
no homo. we’re fresh out. we should get a new shipment in on monday
can you check in the back
im never deleting twitter
Aldo the Malamute by Dylan Furst.
Eugene for Messy Issue 4 : Jawbreaker, shot by Sham Shawan
2000 copies, 416 pages, 54 interviews. get your copy.
Physics: More pencil tricks
Source
i.e. why when you or someone else gets stabbed or impaled, you should leave the object in the wound until medical help arrives.
THIS. RIGHT HERE. This is an amazing example!!
If you take the thing out, they’re going to bleed a lot more.
SO. DONT.
News Flash from the Medical Help ™ — we don’t touch it either! Unless the object they’re impaled with is literally too big to fit in the ambulance, We. Don’t. Touch. The. Thing.
The only people qualified to Take-The-Thing-Out are surgeons. End of story.
Okay, but for the love of God, please, PLEASE, if you did, if you panicked and took the thing out…. DON’T…. PUT IT BACK IN.
Or else, congratulations, you just stabbed them AGAIN. I reeeeeally shouldn’t have to say this guys, but I do.
A concept: me, getting my pussy ate by someone who truly loves and appreciates me
Why aren’t there more posts on here about the Scooby Doo movies? Because seriously
these
are
the
best
movies
ever
Fun fact: James Gunn, man behind The Gaurdians of the Galaxy movies, wrote for both films!
Me: is this job really worth it????
My bills:
common practices that need to stop
-outdoor cats
-exotic pet ownership ((servals, foxes, coyotes, monkeys, etc))
-vegan diets for carnivorous pets
-obese animals being seen as cute
-”cute” predator/prey interactions ((cats with rodents, snakes with small animals, etc))
-getting pets high
-intentionally putting animals into uncomfortable situations for the sake of it being funny or cute
Feel free to add more.
what’s wrong w outdoor cats ….
outdoor cats aren’t native predators to most places so they disrupt the ecological balance.
they live shorter lifespans (5-8 years compared to 12-15) bc of harsh weather, cars, predators, starvation, sickness, poisoning, etc.
if they’re intact then they can breed and contribute to stray cat overpopulation.
they’re more susceptible to FeLV and FIV, as well as zoonotic diseases like rabies, fleas, parasites, and URIs. most people who are careless enough w their cats to let them outside won’t bother to get them vaccinated.
they have a shitty quality of life considering they’re exposed to heat, rain/snow, other territorial cats, coyotes, strangers, and other stuff that stresses them out and has them constantly on the defense
“cats are wild animals” they’ve been domesticated for about 10000 years and they pretty much just wanna chill
there’s less chance of them being subjected to animal cruelty, kids love being assholes to cats
An emotion: *pokes its head through the mountain of suppression I’ve buried it under*
Me, beating it with a stick: Back! Back!
if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:
do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”
while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.
this is an oddly specific post are you ok
People without glasses are really out here seeing for free
do you ever look back at a childhood memory and think that it should have by all rights become a significant theme in your life and you wonder why the fuck those things/people haven’t come back around yet and then remember that your life isn’t a perfectly plotted out novel?
Aww shucks. It’s almost like I asked for this opportunity. (I did. Thank you for indulging me, @laughingthelaughiest) General warnings for the description of things involved with terrible car accidents – aka screeching metal and lots of blood. Happy ending though, I promise! Nobody died.
I am six years old. My father plows snow in the winter months, which means that bolted onto the front of his work truck is a very heavy snow plow that – when not in use – rests primly about a foot above the ground like a lady lifting up her skirts as she steps over a puddle.
“Hey kiddo, do you want to come to work with me?” my dad asks one day during a relatively minor* snowstorm.
(* minor my ass)
Because there was nothing more exciting to me at this time in my life than sitting in a warm truck and watching what is essentially a large metal trough push tons of snow from one end of a parking lot to the other, I practically yell, “WHY YES DAD, THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!!” and we get in the truck.
Only instead of arriving at our intended destination, we encounter a car coming from the opposite direction that spins out on a patch of black ice and manages to hurtle broadside at full speed into the plow.
I am pretty much just flung forwards, and terrible things happen to my face when my body continues on its general trajectory towards the windshield. Thanks, momentum!
Luckily (and novel-like), there was a nurse a couple of cars behind us who stopped to see if everyone was okay. She opened my door to find that I was very clearly not okay, and while my father did his best to staunch the blood that was streaming down my face, she tasked herself with keeping me conscious until the paramedics arrived.
Being six and probably concussed, she didn’t talk to me about anything complicated. I did not know who the president was. I sure as heck couldn’t have told you the date. But my favorite subject in school? I know that! Reading! My favorite color? Yellow! My favorite animal? GIRAFFES.
It’s important at this stage to mention that this car accident occurred on a street where people lived, and there had been a group of boys playing in the snow two houses up from where the truck stopped. Boys + crushed cars + blood = apparently just riveting, because a couple of them were staring at me/the vehicles from a couple yards away.
At my presumably slurred but very enthusiastic response of “GIRAFFES!” one of these boys split off from the rest and hoofed it through the snow towards his house. I was too focused on wanting to sleep and the nurse not letting me to notice this, but it for sure happened. As you will see.
Several sirens later, I am loaded into the ambulance wearing a neck brace and what feels like all of the gauze on planet Earth. My dad climbs in next to me, and the paramedic is just about to shut the doors when there’s a very small voice from outside.
We are all as so:
My father: probably still terrified that I’m going to die, literally could not care less what this other tiny child who is not his has to say, wants to get to the hospital, still has to call and tell my mom that I’m injured
The paramedic: good at his job, knows I’m stable, has a moment to spare, leans back out of the ambulance.
Myself: still in shock, staring up at the rows of medical supplies and disgustingly bright lighting, more concerned that my dad will crush my fingers than anything else going on in, say, the bleeding face area. (Severe head injury? Who’s she? DAD I KNOW YOU LOVE ME BUT PLEASE LET GO OF MY HAND THAT HURTS.)
The boy who had hoofed it home and then evidently hoofed it right back: “Would you please give this to the little girl who got hurt?”
Me now in the year 2018: wanting to cry because I still can’t believe this is a real thing that happened to me in real life and it wasn’t a dream it was real
So the paramedic says “Yes, of course. She’ll love it!” or something equally as efficient because I am still technically quite injured and they really do need to get to the hospital at some point. The boy leaves, the door is shut, the paramedic sets something on the stretcher next to me.
[pause for dramatic effect]
We tried to find the kid who gave him to me, but nothing ever came of it. In the back of my fully healed head I’m still waiting for the novel that must be my life to shoehorn that boy back into the plot. Where are you, giraffe man? I have to thank you for the best gift I’ve ever been given.