you are the focus of my spiritual habit. the center of my universe, you have replaced a spot left empty for so long.
i used to worship God, more than any little girl should. he was everything to me because he was supposed to keep me safe. God was more than some unattainable deity i was always looking for, God was shelter. i was tainted by this devotion, by this need for someone who was rooting for me. prayer would be at the tip of my tongue in every situation.
i stopped believing when my hopes that he would save me fizzled out. hurt was at every corner of my life. it consumed my being and made me ache within my bones. if this was God's plan, i didn't want to be a part of it. so i stopped wanting to go to church. i stopped relying on him for stability.
i had pushed myself into a world with no guidance. all i truly had was myself, he had abandoned me. or he was simply never real. i think the second option was easier for me to handle at that age. there was a hole where god used to be, an endless cavity expanding within my chest.
until i met you. you pulled me into your arms and held me there, keeping me warm against bitter cold. through gentle words and soft touches you've put me onto my knees. my hands are together when i look at you, my head is bowed. bloodstains coat my dress, my hands, the delicate fabric soiled in it. i'm not bleeding anymore, and you are cleansing me. you dip my head into the water and i am new. i am whole once again.
pixelskylines
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blakekathryn
