What?!

Can you repeat that?

[iamconfusedallthetime]

i keep forgetting i have a tumbler. sorry

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I feel like my soul is being sucked out every time I go to work. I have been at this job for 7 years and this whole time I hadn't felt reluctant to go to work up until these past 2 months. I don't know if it's just my depression setting in or what.

The higher-ups this whole time have always said I'm doing great and they hadn't had any complaints. Only the last 4 months after a "split" in the company that suddenly what I'm doing is wrong. I've done all the things the same way this whole time. I don't mind if there's updated things we should do but them telling me to do it a certain way and then i do exactly that and then them come back the next week and say nope that's wrong. They've done this constantly within the last 3 months.

They want me to work more hours but I can't because of how my schedule is set up for my kids and husband. We only have one car and I'm the one who drives everyone everywhere. My direct boss knows this and is always working with me about it. She is not the problem. It's the people above her that are complaining that I can't do a 2 person job any more.

It was fine for me to work all the crazy hours but my kids are in school now and i have to be off at a certain time to pick them up from school. My kids are not stay at home age so i can't just have them ride a bus home.

Plus we have holidays coming up and my daughter's birthday next week. I am trying to figure out how to budget all that and still pay bills. I am in constant anxiety. The world usually provides but i can not stop thinking about what if this time it doesn't.

It is hard to be in a world that is so extroverted and being an introvert. The constant anxiety raises my blood pressure and my stomach hurts so bad all the time.

I've thought about getting a different job and even applied to some but only one has got back to me. Said they can't pay my worth and the hours i asked for aren't what they are needing.

My job is super flexible but i don't know how much longer i can stand it. I really hate my co workers.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

7-31-23

Yesterday i had to kick out my in laws.

A few weeks ago i was watching my husband's nephew's. The in laws were staying with us because they have become homeless from them just being dumb.(which i can explain later if needed) The in laws had been gone all day and apparently got a hotel to stay in for the night. which is fine. you do you. While i was watching the nephew's the in laws came back and said they'd forgotten something and i just let them be and went to my room. While i was in my room, i heard them leave and thought nothing about it until the nephew's dad called me screaming at the top of his lungs where his kids were. I am very confused and said they should be in the living room with my daughter playing minecraft. To which he said no their not he got a text from the in laws saying i told them they could take the boys to the hotel. I immediately went to the living room in a panic and only my daughter was in the living room playing minecraft. I ask her where the boys are and she said oh grampa took them with him. So of course i am calling them and my husband as well. The in laws don't answer to me or his nephew's parents. When i finally get a hold of my husband he says with no care that oh yeah his parents took the boys and they told him a whole conversation happened that never happened. I told him as such but he said i don't care what beef you have with my parents but leave me out of it. I am floored that he said that. Longer story short we got the boy back to our house and i have apologized to both of the nephew's parents and have said that the in laws are no longer welcome in my house.

That was 3 weeks ago.

Cut to Saturday. We were house sitting for the day for husband's sister. She gets home so we chat a bit and then go home ourselves. When we got home the in laws were already inside my house. I am extremely upset and my husband tells me he let them in on Friday while we were house sitting. I told him they weren't supposed to be there in the first place after they kidnapped his nephew's a few weeks ago. There was a big argument between us but i ended letting them stay the night since it was already past 1130pm.

Sunday comes and they were told they had to leave by 5 when my family is coming for dinner but they stayed all day. They drank beer literally all day sitting in my kitchen and kept saying snarkie remarks about my niece and nephew who was staying with me for the weekend. When my family came and dinner was made, everyone ate and then it was 10pm and only my family was leaving.

I asked the in laws 3 times when they would be going too but all 3 times they sat there and wouldn't acknowledge me. So i got closer and said i think it's time to go and not ignore me when I'm talking to you. To which they didn't like and told me, not asking, that it's hot outside and they're staying another night. To which i said no your not. You need to leave. They got upset and started saying racist things to me and telling me they hope karma gets me and that they're ganna call the police on me along with some other mean things. Right before they close the door they said "i hope you loose your job tomorrow. "

My husband thinks i should've just let them stay but they are very entitled and cause problems everywhere they go. I always say family helps family but they've taken things too far. I do feel a bit guilty but I am standing my ground.

At this point i don't even know if i want to stay with my husband anymore since he is taking their side.

tldr: in-laws kidnapped children and then tried to live with me. I told them no so they got mad and left. Husband is on their side.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

2023 Last day of June.

I went to watch Indiana Jones with my dad. Had a great time and the movie was also great. We've made plans to have dinner next Wednesday and to go swimming with my kids and my younger brother's.

Alot has happed in the last few months. The job my husband, sister and I work at, have been doing some real shitty stuff lately. First it was that they gave my husband a General Manager job but didn't transfer his job tite. They kept saying it'll change next week every week. Three months later they brought some woman from a different store and then told everyone that she's actually the manager. That was 3 weeks ago.

Then, i was still trying to transfer to husband's store anyway but the new GM won't say yes to it because she's "over budget " on people's hours. There was 2 people who quit on the spot but she still said no. Made my husband take over more hours and she didn't do a whole lot and left him by himself alot. Denied my transfer and then a week later rehired the 2 people who quit.

At my store, we have crappy employees. Two people who bearly work, one who keeps getting arrested and doesn't show up and then one who keeps calling the Upper management people to say that my sister isn't doing her job. She's pretty much the only one who does her job though. She subs in for every one who calls in. She goes to the store late at night if the alarms go off. She does hitches, csr work and janitor stuff.

She got her back hurt and with a Doctors note that says she has to be on rest for 3 days. She can't lift anything more than 5 pounds.

The place we work for forced her to come in to a meeting between them and her assistant manager. Then made her help a few customers before she left. That was last week. She now has to see a chiropractor to help ease some of her back pain.

But none of that matters to our job. The assistant manager and a shitty employee called up our higher up manager and told them that she hasn't been at work much. Which was just some of last week, WITH a doctor's note. Those ass holes didn't care. They told her she now has to work 50 hours and be paid for 40 because she's salary. There has to be something illegal that their doing here.

I love my job and the flex hours but i don't like the other employees. I don't know how to jump ship or when to do so yet.

When i do finally quit though, I'm ganna be leaving the company with a piece on my mind.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

My partner and i have celebrated our first year of marriage. We didn't do anything huge but we did spend a whole day together.

We also got to drive to Kansas last week to visit my brother and his family. His kids are growing so fast. They are so smart and so sweet. They enjoyed having our kids over so much they were trying to get us to stay longer.

We wanted to but we had to drive 5 hours back to Oklahoma because we had work the next day. Hopefully we will be able to visit again soon .

Our dad has or still is taking medication for his prostate. He says it's alot better than before. He also said they're still looking into if it's cancer or not. The doctors haven't fully decided yet for some reason.

Our grandma on our moms side, wasn't able to get a ride to her surgery that was on my sons birthday. She lives all the way in Nebraska otherwise I'd have taken her. She has to reschedule her surgery now. She said she's waiting for our Uncle to come down from i believe Colorado to take her to make another appointment.

Not sure why she's waiting for our uncle because he doesn't even want anything to do with her. Our mom is having resurfaced memories from the way grandma treated her as a kid but still wants grandma to get better.

Apparently on my brother's first birthday our grandma said she was taking our brother to the store but hours later they couldn't get a hold of her so they reported him missing. A few more hours later she was pulled over a state away and our parents had to press charges to get our brother back. A few weeks later she did the same to one of our cousins. They had to press charges on her too.

I sure wish i had known that when i let her watch my son when he was a new born. Nothing happened but omg that terrifies me what could of happened.

We love our grandma but sometimes she doesn't make good decisions for sure.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

Things that have happened this year of 2022 so far,

My partner and finally got married on 2/22/22. It definitely was a joyous day. My family showed up minus my brother.

He was in Kansas in the hospital with his youngest. She had a fever and covid going on. She is doing much better now.

Unfortunately, my partners family couldn't attend the wedding. Even though they were given months in advance. My dad and his wife and kids drove 18 hours to make the wedding though. My partner is one of the family now.

My grandma passed away a few months after our wedding. It has been absolutely devastating to our whole family and our friends in McPherson. She was a really good person. Full of love and joy. She was the best and we all miss her soooo much.

At her funeral everyone cried. I did too. It was so heart breaking to see my dad cry. I've only seen him cry twice in my life and both events where horrible ones. My soul changed both times and i feel like a different person.

My partner got a promotion but got sent to a different store to manage. My partner says they enjoy working there. Our boss man at my store finally retired. He is missed a lot too. My sister, has taken over our store as the general manager now. She promoted one of our other employees to assistant manager. We all like him. Then my sister hired our dad. I love it. He is forced to hang out with me more. Haha. Then she hired her EX husband. It has been a strange arrangement but we're makin' it work.

Speaking of our dad working with us, he did move back into town from living in Arizona for a year. We are absolutely happy to have him back. I know i missed him a lot. I cried a bunch of times because of it. My partner had to help calm me down a few times.

While it is wonderful having him home and able to see him more, he dropped a big news mess on us today too. He said he had some blood work done. He said it was to test for prostate cancer. He also said that some of the markers hit on cancer in the bones. He said that it might be fatal but he said it could also be just an enlarged prostate infection. So far they've only done blood work and has been put on some strong antibiotics. We are hoping for the best.

Our dad doesn't want us to worry but i am and I'm not sorry about it. We love him and refuse to have him do this alone.

Our grandma from our moms side is also having some difficulties. Two weeks ago she went to the ymca and got in the sauna and passed out! She was told by someone that she was in the water for 2 hours before anyone found her They resuscitated her some how and got her to the hospital. She didn't even tell us that she was in the hospital till last week when she'd already been there for a week. She said she's still in pain but breathing better. She said she has to have an oxygen level above 90 before they'll let her go.

So now i am very worried that i will loose my dad and my other grandma soon. It is extremely terrifying to think about. i have not a clue what to do right now. I am not prepared to handle a loss right now.

2022 is turning into the worst year of my life. And thats something to say after we've all lived through 2020 too.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I have "completed" therapy with my original therapist. He graduated school and is now on to other things. That's why he isn't my therapist anymore.

I've not seen anyone since then. it's been almost a month without it. I really liked going because he had the right vibe. I've considered going again but right now, i think I'm okay.

Still taking zoloft. I've ran out of my stronger dose but still have the lower dose. The lower dose doesn't make me as tired. I am not sure if i want to go down with lower or stay with my current dose.

I am still crying at random times and still unable to sleep well at night. Doctor says i need a better bed time schedule. I usually go to bed at midnight and get up at 9am. But even if i go to bed at normal people time i still lay there for forever before i can feel myself falling asleep. I have also stopped taking naps in the middle of the day.

Zoloft is working because i don't have too many out of body experiences. Less days of feeling like my limbs are not my own too.

Not sure what my next step in life will be but we'll see.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

Day 5 on Zoloft.

I don't think there's a difference in me yet. I don't feel differently. Maybe more sleepy. I do know that I haven't been real hungry for the last few days too. Don't know if that's related though.

[fiti-vation]

[mamabearteacher]

Lunch ideas

[scatterpatter]

These are actually amazing??? This can really help me eat more??? And are legit good and creative lunches??? THANK YOU IM AAAAAAAAA-

[neurodivergent-crow]

Good for spoonies who like to pre-prepare stuff when they do have some extra spoons

[iamconfusedallthetime]

Its now been 3 weeks since my ear infection. I went to the doctor and they gave me amoxicillinx which helped a lot. It took the pain away and healed the inside infection. Unfortunately, I still cannot hear very well. The swelling in my ears is gone but everything is still muffled. I have a follow up appointment Jan 10th. If I cannot hear by then, I'll have to see an Ears, Nose and Throat doctor to probably put tubes in my ears.

If there's another option than surgery, I will probably go with that one.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I know for a fact I would not survive a post apocalyptic world. I have double ear infection and it's crippling me right now. I can barely move and I cannot hear because my ears decided to swell up. I am in so much pain it's unbelievable right now. No matter how much tylenol or ibuprofen I've taken in the last 3 days have helped at all. Have a doctor's appointment today at 11. I hope they do something to help. I don't want to have to go to the er department. They're not always nice people to someone with extreme anxiety.

[lgballt]

Update on my doctor                          

lgballt

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I'd like to have a doctor like that.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

Things just don't feel right since my grandma passed away 2 weeks ago. It feels like a bad dream. My family and I went to her house to clean up some things and to sort a few things out but I honestly just wanted to leave everything as is. I know she's not coming back but it just doesn't feel right to move her things.

I only took a few things that she wanted me to have. A small music box and ceramic chicken. The 2 things that are my grandmas essence to me.

My grandma and I were really close. We used to call each other all the time. We'd send pictures and videos to each other as often as we could. She was the person I went to for life advice and to just talk with. I miss her so much.

She was a truly an awesome person.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I'm over being thirty and hurty.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

I am so angry with AnimalCrossing New Horizons. I keep getting the same damn islands. I've done all the things that every one else has said and it's just not working.

I am really considering getting rid of it because it bugs out too much. Takes loooooong time to load to both screens and when i click the icon it says "checking if software can be played ". I the damn game card. 🤬

[iamconfusedallthetime]

Last night i relized, i play all video games like I play silent hill. I always explore the whole area and always check to see if my person is looking at something. I always have to have some kind of pipe if it's in the game. I check every door and every vent. Save as many healing items as i can and save as often as i can.

[iamconfusedallthetime]

My sister has twice now came home to a mowed lawn.

No idea who is doing it. Not ungrateful but just confused. We've asked everyone we know and the neighbor. They don't know either.

🤷‍♀️ Thank you to the mystery mower.