silly insane goober

I LOVE BUNGO STRAY DOGS https://en.pronouns.page/@asherthesillu

[iamgodofthecosmos]

intro post :D

redoing it because the last one was short

hello :33 call me cosmo and i use he/him pronouns

i reblog a lot so my posts are tagged "my posts" and reblogs are "reblogs" (shocking i know). ill disappear for a bit then come back and spam post before disappearing again so if you msg/comment/ask something and theres no response for like ever its just bc I havent seen it

i do art stuffs and i write but I dont post it a lot (like ever) lol 😭😭. im neurodivergent, transmasc, in high school, i use tone tags and emojis a lot because im afraid of something I say being misinterpreted and i cant read tone, and yeah idk what else to put here

asks are always open in fact please spam my inbox whenever you get the urge :D

main fandoms im in :3

BUNGO STRAY DOGS!!!!!, arcane, httyd, the owl house, alien stage, pokemon, omori, etcetc

other media i like in no particular order

troll hunters rise of the titans, wizards tales of arcadia, troll hunters tales of arcadia, 3below tales of arcadia, nimona, kpdh, raising Dion, legend of kora, avatar the last airbender, lucifer, gravity falls, amphibia, the dragon prince, she ra, erased, the promised neverland, tokyo ghoul s1 + s2, fire force, naruto, naruto shippuden, demon slayer, fruits basket, assassination classroom, my hero academia, hunter x hunter, classroom of the elite, violet evergarden except for the end, demon slayer, and probably more

ok im not gonna write a whole dni list but i do have a few boundaries

actually just dni if youre homophobic/transphobic/racist etc

dms are fine but if all you say is "hello" and youve never interacted with any of my posts, im not gonna answer

pls dont dm me for anything nsfw

dont ask me for money or fundraising pls this is just my silly little blog where i be a goofy lil guy

have common sense and human decency

ENOUGH SERIOUS STUFF

I AM LITERALLY NIKOLAI HE IS LITERALLY ME ANYWAYS THANKS FOR READING ID LOVE TO BE MOOTS OK BYE

[iamgodofthecosmos]

ill be gone for the next month and a half ish, going on a trip :3

(not gonna share location until i get back, im paranoid lmfao)

[iamgodofthecosmos]

I hate my voice so much I'll legit have trouble speaking sometimes. I can feel this body dying around me.

[iamgodofthecosmos]

sorry for stuttering and looking at you like its your fault, it will happen again

[iamgodofthecosmos]

tw for SA and cursing idk

it makes me so fucking mad when i see my friends hanging out with him if they know what he did. ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING.

i would constantly say shit like "touch is overwhelming to me i dont rlly like it" "i get overstimulated really easily when ppl touch me" "i really am onky comfortable with my partner touching me" "only specific peopoe can touch me" "touch is really overwhelming to me" "i dont really like being touched" and variations while they were fucking touching me. i had expressed and expressed and expressed and i KNOW i only explicitly said "dont touch me rn" like two or three times and this happened over the span of a few months but still???

like i know its just my thighs even though he looks me in the eyes as he moves his hand closer to yk where and its just my hips and just my waist and he just joked about pulling my shirt up and he just kinda lifted ut up slightly and we're at school so hes not actually gonna do anything and hes grsbbing my hand and putting in on hus face so disgusting omg i hate how his face feeld it wssnso oily and wsy too warmnand i already have trouble with washung my hands too much and he would just not stopntouching me and my thighd snd my neck and lesning on mynshoulder and sitting on the floor next to my chair so he could hug my leg in a wsy i can only describe as possessive and constantly touchingntouchingtouching

and sendung me pictured with blood on his fsce from him picking his lips and smearing it all over his face and sending me a selfie of him crying even though uve ssked him not to because it made me feel sick and making up a gf twice

amd the CONSTANT comments like im gonna break a bed with you i love your hips i love your waist id let you do whatever you wanted to me i wanna do this and that with you my bed us so empty you should come over i need someone to cuddle with and maybe more LIKE PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I HABE MADE IT VLESR I DONT FUCKING LIKE YOU HOW MANT TIMES DO I HAVE TO FRIEND ZONE AND IM ALREADY FUCKING TAKEN

andnhe told his new friends (who i sm now friends with since they had a falling out with him already) that i was "okay with ut until i wasnt" THATS NOT FUCKING TRUE????

im so fucking tired of being used and i know that i was nice about it because im scared if confrontation and i was already kinda in a bad space so i didnt realize that it was affecting me but after he lost interest and started crushing on somone new snd he stopped touching me but and i got out of my depressive episode and he just casually touched my shoulder in a friendly nonsexual way snd i suddenly felt everything coming back and i disassociated and crashed out si bad

and i know hes lonely and has autism and i excused it fir so long because of that because hes jusr desperate hes just in a bad spor i just wasnt clesr enough he just didntt pick up on it but wow what stupid fucking excuses

and people know what hes done to me and still initiate conversation with hims nd still talk to him and yesh they dont knoe the full extent because saying all of this to them is a huge dump and instead i can put it herenwhere reading is completely optionsl snd someone can scroll past but god im so fucking tired of seeing themneith him snd feeling so disgusting and used especisllt with other experiences ive hsd like in one relationship someone slowlt wearing mh boundarues down over the course of months like im so fucking tired i fucking hatr thud plsce snd everhone that still talks to him genuinely make me feel sick

im sorry about the spelling i really dont feel like fixing all of it i just needed to dump. also i sm okay and im not having unsafe thoughts i just reslly needed to dump because this stuff has been bothering me for weeks (me saying this as if anyone read thst much lmfao) anyways idk night ig

[iamgodofthecosmos]

and people are there and our friends are around us and theyre seeing it and ive said i dont like being touched and hes still touching me and i know im 16 and hes 15 and i should be able to handle myself and im almost an adult and hes a grade below me but please just this once why did nobidy do anything to help and why did nobody say anything im right in front of you just this once and hes moving hus hand up my thigh as peopoe watch snd i ssy that i only like being touched like that by my partner and hes stilk doing it and eberyome is around us can someone please just help me and someone reported a pda to admin but they brushed it off since i told fhem we werent even dwting and after that he would tease sbout gettimg anothrr pda like i feel like im back there over a year ago to when its hsppening and i can feel hisnhands on me still and its been over a yesr snd it wasnt even that bad im so fuckimg tired

[iamgodofthecosmos]

tw for SA and cursing idk

it makes me so fucking mad when i see my friends hanging out with him if they know what he did. ESPECIALLY THE PEOPLE THAT WERE THERE WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING.

i would constantly say shit like "touch is overwhelming to me i dont rlly like it" "i get overstimulated really easily when ppl touch me" "i really am onky comfortable with my partner touching me" "only specific peopoe can touch me" "touch is really overwhelming to me" "i dont really like being touched" and variations while they were fucking touching me. i had expressed and expressed and expressed and i KNOW i only explicitly said "dont touch me rn" like two or three times and this happened over the span of a few months but still???

like i know its just my thighs even though he looks me in the eyes as he moves his hand closer to yk where and its just my hips and just my waist and he just joked about pulling my shirt up and he just kinda lifted ut up slightly and we're at school so hes not actually gonna do anything and hes grsbbing my hand and putting in on hus face so disgusting omg i hate how his face feeld it wssnso oily and wsy too warmnand i already have trouble with washung my hands too much and he would just not stopntouching me and my thighd snd my neck and lesning on mynshoulder and sitting on the floor next to my chair so he could hug my leg in a wsy i can only describe as possessive and constantly touchingntouchingtouching

and sendung me pictured with blood on his fsce from him picking his lips and smearing it all over his face and sending me a selfie of him crying even though uve ssked him not to because it made me feel sick and making up a gf twice

amd the CONSTANT comments like im gonna break a bed with you i love your hips i love your waist id let you do whatever you wanted to me i wanna do this and that with you my bed us so empty you should come over i need someone to cuddle with and maybe more LIKE PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I HABE MADE IT VLESR I DONT FUCKING LIKE YOU HOW MANT TIMES DO I HAVE TO FRIEND ZONE AND IM ALREADY FUCKING TAKEN

andnhe told his new friends (who i sm now friends with since they had a falling out with him already) that i was "okay with ut until i wasnt" THATS NOT FUCKING TRUE????

im so fucking tired of being used and i know that i was nice about it because im scared if confrontation and i was already kinda in a bad space so i didnt realize that it was affecting me but after he lost interest and started crushing on somone new snd he stopped touching me but and i got out of my depressive episode and he just casually touched my shoulder in a friendly nonsexual way snd i suddenly felt everything coming back and i disassociated and crashed out si bad

and i know hes lonely and has autism and i excused it fir so long because of that because hes jusr desperate hes just in a bad spor i just wasnt clesr enough he just didntt pick up on it but wow what stupid fucking excuses

and people know what hes done to me and still initiate conversation with hims nd still talk to him and yesh they dont knoe the full extent because saying all of this to them is a huge dump and instead i can put it herenwhere reading is completely optionsl snd someone can scroll past but god im so fucking tired of seeing themneith him snd feeling so disgusting and used especisllt with other experiences ive hsd like in one relationship someone slowlt wearing mh boundarues down over the course of months like im so fucking tired i fucking hatr thud plsce snd everhone that still talks to him genuinely make me feel sick

im sorry about the spelling i really dont feel like fixing all of it i just needed to dump. also i sm okay and im not having unsafe thoughts i just reslly needed to dump because this stuff has been bothering me for weeks (me saying this as if anyone read thst much lmfao) anyways idk night ig

[iamgodofthecosmos]

looking back and feeling used and disgusted<<<

[iamgodofthecosmos]

god I feel so disgusting like being misgendered isnt even only dysphoric anymore I just feel gross

[iamgodofthecosmos]

i lowk hate interacting with so many of my friends 🥀🥀

[iamgodofthecosmos]

no i can't even describe why im angry its just *gestures vaguely at the world*

[anxeious]

[lamarviva]

Are you sick of me?

Would you like to be?..

[pinnakoladda]

hey as a local aroace, i want to specify something.

we're no strangers to love. you know the rules and so do i (do i). a full commitments what im thinking of. you wouldnt get this from any other guy. i just wanna tell you how im feeling. gotta make you understand. never gonna give you up. never gonna let you down. never gonna run around and desert you. never gonna make you cry. never gonna say goodbye. never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

[iamgodofthecosmos]

a little while ago i was being sexually harassed and touched constantly despite me voicing dislike/discomfort and a lot of it happened in front of mutual friends and i know they didnt want drama but i do kinda wish they had done something

like i dunno. im right in front of you. im clearly uncomfortable. ive said 50 variations of i dont like being touched and it makes me uncomfortable. cant someone help me? arent i something?

[iamgodofthecosmos]

i mean this as respectfully as possible but "it's not homophobic if you just respect and not support!!" is a belief born from ignorance

[iamgodofthecosmos]

had a convo with my mom about being trans earlier and I actually feel like i retained all my braincells. this progress makes me happy :3

[iamgodofthecosmos]

can I ask my friends not to initiate conversations with the person that sh'd and kinda sa'd me or is that like controlling and selfish