jucie

maria/jucie • 23 • on all levels except physical, i am astarion’s juice box 🧃 • she/they/any • twitter&ao3: iamjucie • email: [email protected]

[iamjucie]

iamjucie fanfic masterlist!

The Master and His Pet:

Pet (ao3) (complete):

You have been the Vampire Lord Astarion Ancunín's Dark Consort for as long as you can remember. You don't remember much of your life before this undead life you live, but you do know you have a purpose. Obey.

Chapter 1: Thinking

Chapter 2: Boots

Chapter 3: Full

Chapter 4: Pink

A History in Lessons (ao3) (ongoing):

You have been the Dark Consort for centuries and your Master, Vampire Ascendant Astarion Acunín, has worked hard teaching you lessons to become an obedient spawn. The best version of yourself- at least, in his opinion.

Astarion's personality isn't immediately turned evil by the ascension Instead it slowly takes over him and his relationship with Tav by proxy. So slow, it's barely noticeable

(flashback spinoff of Pet)

Chapter 1: Raised in a Barn

Chapter 2: Light Reading

Chapter 3: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.1

Chapter 4: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.2

Chapter 5: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.3

Chapter 6: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.4

Chapter 7: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.5

Chapter 8: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.6

Chapter 9:"Your Most Prized Spawn" pt.7

Chapter 10:"Mail"(Only on AO3 for now) Part 1 Part 2

The Rescue (ongoing):

Something is going on in the Crimson Palace, but you're not sure what. All you know is that there are people, and they are not happy with your master.

An alternative, happy-ish ending to Pet.

Chapter 1: The Ball

[iamjucie]

guess who's writing again

its me <3 it took 2 years but i finally figured out how to move my fic forward yahooo

[iamjucie]

Rewriting "A History in Lessons"

hi. my name is maria, known as jucie online.

my life has been all over the place recently but for the first time in maybe ever, i feel content and happy with it.

with that being said, i also finally feel motivated enough to write again. i will be rewriting my unfinished 'ongoing' fic titled "A History in Lessons".

I'm keeping the plot exactly the same. i'm only making small stylistic changes to phrasing as well as changing the POV from 2nd person to 1st.

i think that i will have a very easy time with continuing the story knowing that the rest of it matches the voice that i've developed over time if that makes sense? idk

tl;dr i'm rewriting A History in Lessons in 1st person POV and with style edits

[iamjucie]

Astarion the Musical

Today, I spent several hours creating a playlist that tells Astarion's story (a version of it) through songs. I want to share the playlist with you, along with this post as a companion to describe the context.

In my mind it plays out like a musical would- context and dialogue happening between musical numbers. I hope you enjoy.

Song explanations:

The Code: Post game Astarion introducing his story to the audience. A synopsis of his story from the POV of the person who lived through it. 

"I, I went to Hell and back To find myself on track I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh Like ammonites I just gave it some time Now I found paradise I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh"

The story starts when he is attacked by the Gur and is approached by Cazador.

The Killing Moon: Cazador turns him into his spawn.

"Under blue moon I saw you So soon you'll take me Up in your arms, too late to beg you Or cancel it, though I know it must be The killing time Unwillingly mine Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him"

Dead Arms & Dead Legs: After he has turned, coming to terms with his new undead self. 

"I have been out walking with these Dead Arms & Dead Legs And the mysteries of the universe are patterned in my head The terrain becomes unbearable - too steep to stick your heel I imagine myself here again in 50 million years I run to the left... I run to the right And all my fears become a life And what is left... and who are you in the end?"

Queer: He is seducing victims and luring them to Cazador using his body and charm.

"Hey boy, take a look at me Let me dirty up your mind I'll strip away your hard veneer And see what I can find The queerest of the queer The strangest of the strange The coldest of the cool The lamest of the lame The numbest of the dumb I hate to see you here You choke behind a smile A fake behind the fear The queerest of the queer"

The Dead Come Talking: Feeling guilt about the victims he led to death. He can't seem to forget them.

"Feel the worms eating holes through my mind Like regrets that'll kill me in time Walking backwards is always a guess Distant faces burn holes in my chest, mm-mm, mm-mm Shadows floating, they're out in the hall They still haunt you long after they're gone Buried in the basement, cold cement Dead come talking, can't put them to rest"

rises the moon: Montage of his life as a slave under Cazador, time passes and his hope for an escape becomes less and less. 

"Days seem sometimes as if they'll never end Sun digs its heels to taunt you But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same Rises the moon Days fade into a watercolour blur Memories swim and haunt you But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke Rises the moon"

Abbey: He is out in the city hunting, daydreaming of freedom. 

"There is a light, I feel it in me But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me There is a dream and it sleeps in me Keeps me awake in the night Crying, "Set me free" And I wake every night Crying, "Set me free" "

Kidnapped by the Nautiloid.  Nautiloid crashes. 

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In!: He wakes up at the crash site and is freaking out. He is in the sun, and not burnt to ash.

"This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this"

Meet Tav.

Survival: He realizes he has an actual chance at freedom now that he met Tav.

"You won't pull ahead I'll keep up the pace And I'll reveal my strength To the whole human race Yes, I am prepared To stay alive I won't forgive, the vengeance is mine And I won't give in Because I choose to thrive Yeah, I'm gonna win!"

Biting Down: Drinks Tav’s blood for the first time. His first time drinking blood from a thinking creature and he realizes why it was kept from him. He feels alive. He feels powerful.

"Skip a hit, don't make a sound (It feels better biting down) Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown (It feels better biting down) Listen to the beats resound (It feels better biting down) It feels better biting down (It feels better biting down)"

Little White Lies: Gaining Tav’s trust, making her fall in love with him for protection.

"Would you leave me for dead, or would you come to my aid? If I don't tell you some pretty words Should it keep you coming my way I never meant to lie, but there are things we do and say to get by Little white lies, a small surprise, how big they grow in size It all starts simple enough Your present is dark because your childhood was rough So you shed your skin and you change your name in the hopes of Putting air in between you and the pain, so grab a mask Fill up a flask, slither like a snake into the mascaraed"

Terrible Thing: Seduces Tav enough for her to sleep with him.

"I know what you're doin' here Made your intentions clear Oh you, you terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Beautiful thing Honey, you're so cold You left me on patrol Lose my self-control with you (when I'm with you) Do things I don't want to do, ooh"

Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!): Feelings for Tav are growing, and the guilt of manipulating her is starting to get to him so he tries to justify his actions.

"It doesn't take a killer to murder It only takes a reason to kill We've all got evidence of innocence, it's "everything's coincidence" The difference twixt fate and free will is whether you're singing Ooh, could you take a look at me? Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad? And now we're singing, ooh Whatever you think of me If you were in my shoes (yes, it's only natural!) You'd walk the same damn miles I do Oh, oh, right!"

Gilded Lily: After Tav does not force him to drink Araj’s blood. He is processing his trauma. He realizes that Tav cares for him more than anyone ever has.

"Haven't I given enough, given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart But I know you'll take me with you We'll live in spaces between walls Every city's got a graveyard The service bought and paid for Now I'm sleeping in the backyard Passing out as night turns into day"

Against the Kitchen Floor: He confesses to Tav that he was originally manipulating her but now has genuine feelings for her. He has never known the feeling of somebody wanting him for more than his body and he doesn't know how to handle it well.

"I don't owe you my heart And I don't owe you my body But you should know that I'm sorry For being careless with you Lord knows I owe you more Than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects Bottom shelf erotic products like me So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arm's length Or hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough Unlikely to be more than just the coal you fail to crush, and I swear, I'm really trying It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me I swear, I'm really trying Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet"

you should see me in a crown: They find out from Raphael what his scars on his back mean, and about the Ritual of Profane Ascension. He is fantasizing about what he would do if he managed to overtake it in private. He wants the power it would grant him.

"You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by You should see me in a crown Your silence is my favorite sound Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by one"

Perhaps Vampire is a Bit Strong But... : Astarion fights and confronts Cazador for the centuries of abuse he put him through. 

"'Cause all you people are vampires And all your stories are stale And though you pretend to stand by us I know you're certain we'll fail I've seen your eyes as they fix on me, full of confusion Your snarl is just so condescending Try to explain that we're onto a win If the fee we are in near recoups what we're spending"

He can choose to complete the ritual in Cazador’s place, or kill him. Tav convinces him to not go through with the ritual, he kills Cazador:

What Was I Made For?: He kills Cazador and doesn’t complete the ritual expecting a sense of relief and gratification but feels nothing. He thought he would feel free without a master to rule over him, but he feels lost.

"What was I made for? Hm 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try I don't know how to feel But someday I might Someday I might"

Two Coffins: He is coming to terms with Tav’s mortality. He is mourning the loss of the opportunity to have her forever by not going through with the ritual.

"Two coffins for sleep One for you one for me We'll get there eventually In the dark of our graves our bodies will decay I wish you'd never change How lucky I ever was to see The way that you smile at me Your little moon face shining bright at me One day soon there'll be nothing left of you and me Two coffins for sleep Two coffins for sleep All the things that I have yet to lose Will someday be gone soon Back into annihilation All things will fade Maybe it's better off that way I wish you'd stay with me"

Rain: For a moment, he regrets not going through with the ritual and feels a slight disdain for Tav for stopping him. This song is when he comes to realize it was the correct choice and is thanking her. He knows that he would have just become just like Cazador, and thanks to her he is breaking the cycle of abuse.

"For so long, I have waited So long that I almost became Just a stoic statue, fit for nobody And I don't wanna get in your way But I finally think I can say That the vicious cycle was over The moment you smiled at me"

My Instincts Are The Enemy: He is confiding in Tav that he wants to be with her forever, but explaining what that means for her. He is tied to the night, and she is tied to him. Is she ok with that?

"I'm paralyzed, engaged in civil war What can I do? Either way, I lose You lose, too Days are nights, and nights are unbearable What can I do? Chained to this mood You're chained to me Keep asking different questions The same answer I receive I need you more than ever To tell me what you've seen"

Sunlight: The Netherbrain is defeated and the tadpoles are gone from their minds. Without the tadpole he is now unable to withstand the sun. He is coping with the lack of sun by replacing it with Tav. From now on she is his sunlight.

"I had been lost to you, sunlight And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight But it is sunlight All the tales the same Told before and told again A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

Fin.

[iamjucie]

i will be posting something non-fic astarion related later and it is a little bit unhinged but i’m very proud of it so stay tuned!

[iamjucie]

i’ve been brainstorming about The Rescue.

when i say happy-ish ending, id like to put extra emphasis on the ish.

[iamjucie]

met neil 🥰🩸🦇

[iamjucie]

i want to change a part of the fic i posted. i don’t want tav to be “dead” 20 years, i want her to be “dead” for 4 years. while planning the rest of the story i realized i need it to be shorter.

[iamjucie]

The Rescue Chapter 1: The Ball

You are sitting at your lavish vanity when suddenly you hear tons of noise from outside the chamber door. You pay no mind, however. Your master gave you a command and you continue to obey.

This is an alternative ending to my first fic "Pet"! It's a deviation from the original story and exists for hypothetical thinking only, I don't believe this to be how it actually plays out for our protagonists.

CW: Mind Control, Manipulating, Domestic Abuse Word count: 1k

You are sitting in the lavish master chamber of the ornate palace you call home. Gazing into your reflection in the vanity mirror combing your unnaturally long black hair, getting lost in thought. It’s really all there is to do when Master Astarion is away on extended business trips like this.

It does help, too, that before he left he told you to think of him while he was gone. It was a command. So you obey. And you think.

Master is so kind to have left you such a kind command.

“Think of me.”

It rings like a backtrack to the montage of memories that play in your mind. The glorious scenes he has you relive, the emotions he has you feel, the sensations he grants your body. You are so full of him even without him near; an ever-present ringing in your mind.

Although you miss him being physically with you, you feel blessed that you have him with you in your mind. He will be back with you in your arms before you know it, you must be patient. 

Your meditation of thought is interrupted by bustling outside your chamber door. Clinking, struggling, yelling. A plethora of heavy footsteps running up and down the halls of the palace.

What’s going on? You rack your mind as to what could be happening.  Is Master having a ball tonight? He must be, what else could it be? That’s the only reason there would be so many servants moving so frantically about. If they’re in such a hurry, it must be soon.

You gently place your elegant crystal comb on the tabletop of the vanity and you saunter your way to the wardrobe full of the most luxurious gowns, hand picked by your master on his travels. They are perfect, he chose them to see your body wrapped in them. And- they all fit you perfectly.

The racket outside quiets down for a moment before quickly picking up again.

“Where the fuck are you keeping her, you monster?” a brutish woman calls out from down the hall.

You put your hand on your chin, thinking about which gown to wear tonight.

“I told you! She died four fucking years ago! Do you not read Baldur’s Mouth?” Your master's voice is steady as it sounds like he is approaching the outside of the chamber door. “There’s been a tribute to her every year since she passed in my arms.” He continues, "Thanks for opening that wound, Karlach!”

What colour will you wear? Master says you look most dashing in royal blue. He says it compliments your beautiful pallid complexion.

“Yeah sure,” a different male voice replies. “like I’d believe the newsgroup owned by the person that would hold her captive?”

Yes, royal blue is the winner. But which one? You think it’s spring time, so a sleeveless, silk gown made by the finest tailors to fit only you is the one you decide on.

“Astarion…” yet another womanly voice says, this one far calmer. “This doesn’t have to get ugly. Just let her go and we can let bygones be bygones”

Now, which cover? You think the arctic fox fur shawl would go flawlessly.

“No, there will be no more bygones. Bygones are the reason we are in this situation to begin with! If you had never taken over the ritual and k-”

Your ears start to ring, as if an explosion had just gone off next to you. You flinch for a moment and put a hand to your temple. You can’t hear what the servants are saying anymore, not that you were paying attention in the first place. You have far greater things to worry about. 

How will you dress?

Your hearing is still deafened as you slip into the dress and peruse your glamorous jewellery collection. Pearls would go perfect with this dress. The long string you pull out of your case feels like it takes forever to end. You wrap it around your neck six times, the gems cascading the pale planes of your chest. 

Your sense of hearing floods back into your ears.

“I knew it! I detect the mind control magic you’re using!”  one of the male servants yells out. “She must be nearby! Get him!”

CRACK 

The sound of powerful magic echoes off the walls of the palace.

After you slip into your white silken gloves you hear the locks on the bedroom door begin to be undone, frantically and quickly.

Right on time!

You turn to face the door and prepare to curtsey for your master.

Astarion comes rushing in towards you; a look of flaming fury on his face. You instantly try to think of what you did to make him so mad but nothing comes to mind. You’ve done absolutely nothing other than what he asked of you. Gods damn it- you knew you should have misbehaved. He has gotten bored of your obedience again. You deserve the punishment coming to you.

He grabs you by the wrist. “Come with me love, we need to go now.”

You knew the ball was soon. Maybe you are still sharp after all!

“Of course, master. Just allow me to put on my shoes. I need to decide which will be best to dance with you!” you pull from his grasp and head toward your collection of shoes. 

“Dance? No-you fucking…” he pauses to look over his shoulder at the still open door. “Fuck it”

He scoops you and carries you bridal style running through the halls. Your hands wrap around his neck and you look at him. The man who is ever present in your mind. The man who knows more about you than you do. Your beautiful master.

He has a look of worry mixed with rage on his face. A look you haven’t seen from him in what feels like eternity.

You must be very late to the ball.

[iamjucie]

A History in Lessons

Chapter 9: "Your Most Prized Spawn" (final pt.)

(final pt. of the “Your Most Prized Spawn” part of the story, not the entire fic A History in Lessons)

“What?! Were you not hysterical?” Astarion stands up and follows you, standing close to your back.

You whip around and put a finger into his chest. “Did it not occur to you to even ask why I was in hysterics?! Why was I so utterly ravaged?! That man you were chumming it up with while I was forced into submission fucking assaulted me. R*ped me and drained me of my blood.”

His eyes grow cold, and he is looking away from you at the ground. He stands with his arms crossed and doesn’t respond.

“Did you hear me?! He fucking r*ped me Astarion.” You are in his face now, screaming. Still nothing.

You and Astarion leave the Ravenloft castle and talked about everything that happened.

CW: Domestic Violence Word count: 1.9k AO3 Link

“I suppose one more drink couldn’t hurt.” 

----

“Six Hundred and ten, six hundred and eleven, six hundred and twelve…”

It’s been around twenty minutes and one and a half drinks since the “one more drink” that Astarion insisted he should stay for. It’s been a little over ten minutes since you’ve decided to count the seconds to pass the time. 

You’ve been tuning in and out of the world outside your mind. The world where your body is present, standing politely at Astarion’s side. This party was a nightmare even with full bodily autonomy, now that it’s stripped from you it’s even more unbearable. Whenever you pay attention to your surroundings, you despise what you see. 

When your counting was at around two hundred, you heard the other vampire lords praising Astarion for managing to obtain such a “valuable spawn” as yourself. Impressed by him having the “Hero of Baldur’s Gate'' succumb to his every will.

So, you’ve decided it’s best to stay in your mind. And count.

----

“One thousand one hundred and ninety five, one thousand one hundred and ninety six, one thousand one hundred and ninety seven…”

The next time you tuned into your surroundings, you saw an elegant vampire woman sitting upon Astarion’s lap feeding him the grapes that were only meant for decoration. She pops them into his mouth and asks him to describe the taste to her. She hasn’t eaten any fruit for centuries. 

His devilish gaze leaves the woman on his lap and enters yours for a moment. After he looked at you, your vision went dark. You couldn’t see your surroundings and were forced into your mind. 

When your counting reached around two thousand is when your vision began to return to you slowly. There is an ache behind your eyes after vision is taken and returned, akin to a migraine. 

You can feel your muscles aching, stiffening up as you’ve been in the same position for thirty minutes. Can’t he compel you to just bend your knee or something? You don’t even care if he is still compelling you to be calm and quiet, you just want to move.

----

 “Five thousand four hundred and twenty two, five thousand four hundred and twenty three, five thousand four hundred and twenty four…”

Most guests have left by now. The celebrations have finished and now it appears to only be the most powerful lords left. It looks more like a business meeting than a party now. Men sitting around the head table discussing plans, arguing and debating different strategies for world domination.

Your vision is glazed by the exhaustion of standing completely still. Or, it may be the effects of being under such strong compulsion for a long period of time. You don’t know for sure, you find it difficult to formulate a full thought. It feels as though your ability to use your mind has dulled.

The men stand up, bringing your focus out of the mind palace you’ve cultivated for yourself for a moment. There’s five people left; Zarovich, Astarion, two lords you don’t know, and the monster that almost killed you. 

They push in their chairs and begin to give farewells to one another, cordially shaking hands and providing contact information. Astarion is shaking hands with the monster and he pulls your lover into his chest and whispers something in his ear. You can’t hear what he said. The world has a filter over it as if it were an abstract oil painting. And your mind is unable to interpret your own thoughts properly, let alone attempt to read his lips.

Gods finally, it’s time to leave. You wait for Astarion to drop his compulsion on you, surely he knows you can handle your own now. Surely he knows that you’ve learned your lesson. 

He doesn’t. 

Instead, he takes control of your movements once again. Your legs begin to move to walk out of the ballroom. The first movements are accompanied with loud popping of your joints, Astarion looks at your legs startled by the sound. He laughs slightly to himself. Surely the eight goblets of wine are giving him the giggles. He isn’t laughing at you, you reassure yourself.

You both walk out of the hall and the carriage is waiting on the road at the bottom of the stairs. Every step you take down the stairs is unbearably painful. Standing and not moving for so long had made your muscles and ligaments rigor. 

Being under compulsion is strangely exhausting, you are finding it difficult to be present. You glimpse in and out of reality, as if what your eyes are showing your mind is but a slideshow of photographs. Completely separate from yourself.

You approach the carriage door, Astarion opens it for you and simultaneously has you climb into the cabin. You move over to the opposing seat and Astarion sits to your right, closing the cabin door behind him.

You are sitting, back straight and your hands placed politely on your lap; the way he has set you up to be. He’s going to drop the compulsion any second now. There’s no vampire lords around to judge you anymore, so there’s no need to force you to submit now. Right?

The carriage begins to move and his hold on your body and mind isn’t let go yet. What is he waiting for? Who is this for? 

Several minutes pass and you are in the thick of the Shadowfell, far away from the castle. Suddenly, he drops the hold and gives you back full control of your body.

You scream as loud as you are able to. Every muscle in your body aches and stings, your head is pounding, your vision is swirling. You look over to Astarion. He is not looking at you. His legs are crossed and he is looking out the window, biting his thumb nail.

You continue to wail, you mind reeling. Recollecting everything that happened, it’s too much. 

Your screams and sobs continue uninterrupted for the entire ride back to Baldur’s Gate.

----

By the time the carriage pulls up to the Crimson Palace, you’ve exhausted yourself. You’ve expelled every ounce of energy you had in your crying and begging to whatever God would listen to make sense of what happened to you. No Gods answered. You only received a cold shoulder from your lover.

You walk silently into the entrance of your home, eyes vacant of life. Your face is sore from crying. Your head is pounding from both Astarion’s extended hold on your mind and from sobbing.

Following Astarion, you end up in the den. He sits down onto the couch with a loud sigh and leans back, arms against the top of the cushions and a hand over the top of his face. He knows a conversation he doesn’t want to have is bound to happen, you can tell.

You walk up to him, hovering over him. You pause for a beat, waiting to see if he will start the conversation first. He doesn’t. “We need to talk about what happened.” you state plainly. 

He scoffs and looks up at you. “Oh? Is that so? Whatever do we need to talk about, my dearest?” he asks you, patronizingly.

Rage fills your body, you can feel the pressure of the little blood in your body rise. “You saw me having a fucking panic attack and took control of me. For hours, while you had the grandest of times. Does that ring a fucking bell?!” You are in his face, voice stern and volume rising.

“Tav you were in hysterics,” he responds with the same intonation as you. “You left me no other choice!”

You stand up straight and turn around and laugh to yourself. If you don’t indulge in the ridiculousness of it all, you’re not sure what you would do. 

“What?! Were you not hysterical?” Astarion stands up and follows you, standing close to your back. 

You whip around and put a finger into his chest.  “Did it not occur to you to even ask why I was in hysterics?! Why was I so utterly ravaged?! That man you were chumming it up with while I was forced into submission fucking assaulted me. Raped me and drained me of my blood.” 

His eyes grow cold, and he is looking away from you at the ground. He stands with his arms crossed and doesn’t respond.

“Did you hear me?! He fucking raped me Astarion.” You are in his face now, screaming. Still nothing. 

You lift your hand, about to slap him across his face. Without even looking at you, he grabs it before it makes contact with his cheek. His grip grows in strength, your hand cracking as he turns his gaze to you. You’re curling into his grip, the pain agonizing. Every bone in your hand is shattered before he lets go, throwing you to the ground. Your breath wavers as you stare at your hand, horrified at its disfigured shape. 

“I heard you, you wench.” He put a finger in your face. “Don’t you dare think you can lay a hand on me.” 

You hold your hurt hand with the other and look up at him. His eyebrows are furrowed and there's something in his eyes you’ve never seen before. You don’t recognize this man. It’s the same stranger you saw at the ball, the man impressing vampire lords with his charm. This isn’t your lover.

He turns away from you to look out the window of the den. It overlooks the garden. He places a hand on his chin as he gazes, pondering something. 

A few minutes pass before he interrupts the pregnant silence in the room. “He’s a very powerful ally to have, you know. We will remain in his good graces.” he says facing away from you.

You look from your mangled hand to him, horrified. Trying to think of a response is impossible. You have nothing to say, until your thoughts leak from your lips.

“Who are you?” you whimper.

He closes his eyes with a slight chuckle coming from his lips. Still not facing you, he walks up to a cabinet and sifts through various potions and elixirs until he finds a healing potion. He takes it in his hand and walks over to where you are collapsed on the ground. 

“I am your eternity, darling.” he says as he holds the potion out to you. “Drink this.” you take it from him, shaking.

He begins to walk out of the den into the hallway that leads to your shared chambers. He stops and turns his head over his shoulder slightly. “I am heading off to bed now, I will see you there when you are ready.” he says before continuing to the bedroom.

You stare at the potion in your hand before drinking it dry. You watch as your hand cracks and bends back into place from the effects of both your vampiric healing abilities and the potion. 

A few minutes pass, your hand is back to normal as if nothing happened. Your eyes glaze over with a feeling of numbness. A sigh escapes your lips as you stand up and head to the chambers to join Astarion in bed.

[iamjucie]

Alternative ending to "Pet"

Hello friends. I decided to take a little break from "A History in Lessons" for a bit to work on an alternative ending to "Pet" called "The Rescue." I am hesitant to call it a "happy ending" because it is still definitely dark, but it is different.

I'll probably be posting the first chapter soon after I post the latest chapter of AHIL.

[iamjucie]

I feel… happy!

[iamjucie]

are we still getting the alt pet happy ending🥺 tav deserves it

i started to write it but my heart wasn’t in it. i will meditate on it more and try to see into fruition ♥️

[iamjucie]

i am so back. i took a little break between the last chapter of AHIL and this one and it was soooo needed. my voice is back! its darker and sadder than ever babes :)

[iamjucie]

sorry there’s no update to A History in Lessons yet, but here is my Astarion cosplay!!!!

[iamjucie]

A History in Lessons

Chapter 8: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt. 6

“A-Astarion!” You run up to him and he stares at you. Shock is visible on his face, his eyes scanning you up and down and his mouth agape.

He stands up from his seat, force pushing the chair he was sitting in backward. “Tav, what in the hells happened to you?!”

Words don’t seem to want to leave your throat, you only choke on them. The tightness in your chest is so profound you can only cry. You scream and sob, babbling nonsense. Fuchsia walks up next to Zarovich, she must have followed you through the crowd.

You frantically find Astarion to tell him what happened, but you can't seem to get the words out. You can't seem to think straight at all.

If you skipped the previous chapter here is context that will be needed: +Tav was assaulted sexually and physically by the vampire lord that was compelling her +He fed from her and when he finished, he was able to see a faint image of himself in the mirror, because of the nature of Tav's blood. +The chapter ended when she fell unconscious due to blood loss.

CW: Detailed description of a panic attack, Domestic Abuse, Mind Control, Unwanted compulsion Word Count: 1.6k AO3 Link

photo credit: @astarionposting

You’re still unable to move. Mind clouded and vision blotched with black spots, darkness slowly fills your eyesight. You stare at the mirror that was just so profound for the monster. You close your eyes, succumbing to the heaviness of your eyelids. You feel nothing.

-----

“Vincere est vivere!”

Your eyes open and your lungs fill with a gasp. The blood in your veins regenerates unnaturally fast, filling you with a newfound vigor. You shoot up and  scurry off the bed. On the opposing edge of the mattress, a figure stands hovering. You take a defensive position, your vision not fully adjusted to your newfound consciousness. 

You stand panting frantically, fists raised ready to fight the monster that attacked you. Only when your focus increases, you see Fuchsia holding a spell book in one hand and a healing potion in the other. 

Suddenly you realize you are safe and a wave of relief washes over you. You collapse onto the bed and sob, trying to comprehend what just happened. Fuchsia walks over to where you lay, leans down and rubs your back in an attempt to console you. You sit up and look into her eyes, tears cascading your cheeks. You crash yourself into her, sobbing into her shoulder. She wraps her arms around you.

“You poor child…” Fuchsia mumbles quietly into your hair. 

It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. You’re no longer being compelled and yet you still feel so absent from your body. You feel so cold and despite being in the arms of Fuchsia, you feel so alone.

You pull back from the embrace and stare absently at the ground, sniffling.

“I need to find Astarion. I-” You frantically gather your shoes from the ground and turn to leave the bedroom. “We need to go home.” 

“Tav, wait.” Fuchsia follows you cautiously. “Let me help you… clean up first.”

You catch a glance of yourself in the vanity mirror. You’re covered in bruises, blood, saliva, and tears. Your hair is half undone from the updo it once held, knotted and matted from your struggle. 

You shake your head subtly. “No…” you whisper, looking yourself in the eyes before turning to leave. “No, he needs to see.”

You crash yourself through the door. As you stumble through the hall, the crying starts again. Gasps and sobs leave your mouth as you pick up speed. Your chest is tight and your vision is warping. Is it the blood loss? Adrenaline? Remnants of that cursed wine in your body?

You don’t care. You just need to find him and get the fuck out of here.

You push yourself through the middle of the ballroom. “Astarion?!” you scream between sobs. Pushing vampire lords with weak shoves from the arm holding your shoes to get through. 

“Astarion?!” You look around, the room is spinning. Your vision is glazed over. You scan the faces of the crowd. You sense they’re all staring at you with disgust, yet you can’t see them. You can only see through the tunnel forming in your vision as the room seems to cave in around you. 

You spin and catch a glance of him. He’s sitting at the far right end of the head table talking to Zarovich and other noble looking vampire lords.

“Astarion!” You sprint clumsily towards him. He is sitting casually with his legs crossed. One hand holding a goblet of the same style you drank from earlier and the other gesturing enthusiastically as he talks to the group of vampire lords surrounding him. They’re all so enamored by his charm.

“A-Astarion!” You run up to him and he stares at you. Shock is visible on his face, his eyes scanning you up and down and his mouth agape.

He stands up from his seat, force pushing the chair he was sitting in backward. “Tav, what in the hells happened to you?!”

Words don’t seem to want to leave your throat, you only choke on them. The tightness in your chest is so profound you can only cry. You scream and sob, babbling nonsense. Fuchsia walks up next to Zarovich, she must have followed you through the crowd. 

You turn and survey the crowd of people in Astarion’s audience. You see several vampire lords, two ladies, Zarovich, and him. That monster that did this to you. He stares at you with raised eyebrows, feigning ignorance. Acting as if he knows nothing of what happened to you. He leans to the man next to him and whispers some snide comment while looking you up and down.

You feel utterly ill. The room is spinning, and you can’t seem to breathe properly. Inhaling and exhaling at a rapid pace, you turn to Astarion still looking at you. He’s clearly trying to talk but your mind is so filled with panic that you can barely comprehend it.

You are just staring at him, hoping he can understand what you need. You need to get out of here.

Zarovich leaves his seat at the opposing head of the table and saunters over to casually stand next to Astarion. He places a hand on his shoulder and leans in to stare at you, like you are a specimen to study. A situation to be handled. You find yourself focusing on his words. 

“Lord Astarion, what ever will you do to handle this?” he gestures to you before turning to face Astarion. “You will handle it, won’t you? I mean, you are it’s master after all.” he leans into Astarion’s ear as if to share a secret, yet does not whisper quietly “Unless, it only calls you that in the bedroom.”

A shiver grows up your spine and you turn to Fuchsia who is standing arms length from Zarovich. She has her arms crossed at her chest and she bows her head down, avoiding eye contact with you. You can’t believe this… It was all a ruse. She was only fishing for dirt on Astarion for Zarovich the entire time. This woman who just held you and comforted you after being assaulted was a fucking spy. Your hyperventilating increases speed. 

Astarion whips his head back toward your hysterics. His face is void of color and he has a look on his face that you can’t quite interpret. Embarrassment? Anger? Pity? Whatever it is, he is feeling it toward you. 

You want to grab his hand and drag him to the carriage and get the hells out of this place, but your panic renders you useless. You sit on the ground and grab your hair in your fists. You’re so overwhelmed. Astarion’s face relaxes slightly and he flinches forward, like he instinctively wants to comfort you until glancing at Zarovich. You don’t see what Zarovich’s face does in response, but you know it gave a message to Astarion to stop because he only straightened his posture and squatted down in front of you.

He grabs your face covered in mucus and tears. Although he’s not doing anything particularly kind or romantic, his touch gives you a semblance of comfort. You melt into his hands, stifling sobs leaving your mouth. If only he would just pull you into an embrace and tell you it’s going to be okay, maybe this would stop. He moves his head to enter your view, establishing contact with your frantic eyes. You lock onto him. Your eyes plead to him to give you any semblance of comfort.

His eyes glow as his compulsion fills you.  

“Stand up, stop crying.” he commands quietly while looking into your eyes. 

What is this? That’s not what’s supposed to happen. Your legs straighten and you rise from the floor. Your sobs and hyperventilating come to a sudden halt. This isn’t what he was supposed to do. You still need to cry, the feeling burns in your chest and it needs to come out but it won’t. It can’t

“Astarion…” you whimper, pleading. 

He glances slightly around at the audience that cultivated around you, all staring at him judgmentally, expectantly. 

“Do not speak.” his nose turns up slightly, displaying a false sense of confidence. You know it's not real. Looking into his eyes they scream only weakness. He looks so pathetic putting on this act.

You hear his voice in your head, ringing like a thought. 

I’m sorry, we are going to leave now.

You could respond telepathically, but don’t. There's nothing to say to him. When he looks into your eyes, you can almost recognize him. But, as soon as he turns away, it’s like his face changes shape and you do not see your lover. You see only a stranger. A stranger who has complete control over you. 

You stand still, unable to move if you wanted to. Unable to speak if you wanted to. Any autonomy over your body has been stripped from you.

He clasps his hands together and faces Zarovich. “Well, it has been lovely. Truly a great party, but I must be seeing myself out.” His puppeteering of your body guides your feet to start to walk to the exit next to him. The feeling of moving without moving is disorienting. You feel like screaming.

“What? Leaving already? Surely you aren’t letting an unruly spawn ruin your entire evening.” Zarovich laughs. “Pity, we didn’t have time for our toast.” Zarovich’s voice is quieter, trying to emulate speaking under his breath, but still loud enough to be heard.

Astarion turns from the exit to face him. “A toast? For whom?”

“For you of course! The very first Vampire Ascendant.” He proclaims, voice projecting through the hall. There’s still a silence lingering in the crowd from the scene that just played out. There are some hums of approval amongst them, you cannot see them however. Astarion still has you facing the exit. 

Suddenly your heels turn, you are facing Astarion and Zarovich. Astarion looks from you back to Zarovich. 

“I suppose one more drink couldn’t hurt.”

To be continue...

[iamjucie]

A History in Lessons

Chapter 7: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt. 5

HEY! THIS IS GOING TO BE MESSED UP! ****I know I have the Dead Dove tag on all of these stories, but I really mean it this time. In this, there is descriptions of sexual and physical assault that can definitely be triggering.

If you are uncomfortable reading that but want to continue to read the story, you can with no issues. Just move onto the next chapter, I will be posting it directly after posting this one as its already written. I will put whatever context is needed in the beginning notes there.

special thanks to Helmi (@itsthatpearl on tumblr) and Mert (@mertesque on twitter) for beta reading. And an extra special thanks to Mert for helping me brainstorm, I couldn't have done it without him.

Also, lore note: I'm not sure if it is lore accurate that a Vampire Spawn can be drank from by a Vampire lord, but we are pretending they can. Ok? Cool.

The glow in his eyes dims ever so slightly.

Suddenly, you are back in your body. You aren’t even sure where you were a moment ago. You were here, but elsewhere. Your mind was… different. You wanted to be here, you know that much. But where is here? Who is this man? You’re so disoriented, you take a minute to recollect yourself. A moan is drawn from your lips.

You and the vampire lord find somewhere to be alone.

CW: Depictions of assault, Dead Dove, Mind Control Word count: 1.2k AO3 Link

“Let’s get out of here and find somewhere we can be alone.”

Warmness shoots from your ear to your core. Yes- you need this. You need him. Suddenly you have an appearingly insatiable desire for him. To be with him- no, to be his. All you can manage is a faint nod, words don’t seem to be able to form in your mouth no matter how hard you try. You must be so flustered that you’re speechless.

As soon as you give a semblance of agreement, he grabs your wrist and sweeps you away through the crowd. You’re struggling to keep up with his pace. He’s practically running, twisting your wrist uncomfortably as he pulls. It doesn’t seem to hurt, surprisingly.

He takes you into an empty hallway adjacent to the ballroom. Feral for you, he barges into the first door he sees without a knock or a care about what’s on the other side. You enter the room behind him with a yank from his grip on your arm. It's a bedroom. Your eyes gravitate to a vanity similar to the one Astarion said he loved so much.

Astarion… 

The vampire lord scoops you up bridal style, drawing a giggle from your lips. You kick off your elegant slippers before he tosses you onto the bed. Glowing eyes stare through you as he climbs on top of you, grinding his length into your leg through your dress. Your mind is filled with an unbearable lust that cannot be contained. 

You paw at the bulge in his pants, displaying your desperation for him to be inside you. You want it so badly. No- you’re beyond want, you need him. Your pussy is pulsing and your head is spinning with unbearable lust. He bunches up your dress to expose your folds to the elements. You’re completely bare, wearing no underwear. He inhales deeply through his nostrils. 

A scowl spans across his face. “Someone has already been here, hm? Pity.” a sigh leaves his lips, disappointment in his tone. “I wanted to fuck you myself, but I suppose I can make this work.” he says, staring longingly at your aching pussy. He looks into your eyes and says, “Fuck yourself. And make it good.”

With no thought behind it, your hand moves from his bulge to your cunt. You tease your entrance before sticking two fingers into yourself, massaging your inner walls slowly and sensually. You take your other hand and massage your clit simultaneously. Your head rolls back with a smile spread across your face. It feels so fucking good. Never have you felt such a pleasurable experience masturbating before this. It feels like golden waves of pure ecstasy are washing over you after every slight movement of your fingers. 

“Very nice, love.” He says, hovering above you watching your every movement, watching for the cues indicating you’re close. Your breaths and movements begin to lose any semblance of rhythm. “Now, I’m going to do something. I want you to brace yourself, okay?”

You nod. His words sound like music to you, the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard. You look into his eyes, he is so beautiful. 

The glow in his eyes dims ever so slightly. 

Suddenly, you are back in your body. You aren’t even sure where you were a moment ago. You were here, but elsewhere. Your mind was… different. You wanted to be here, you know that much. But where is here? Who is this man? You’re so disoriented, you take a minute to recollect yourself. A moan is drawn from your lips.

You look at the strange man on top of you and then down to your hands. You’re fucking yourself with a passion that you don’t have, with no input from your brain. Your hands are moving completely on their own. You look back up at the man, horror in your eyes. You scream at the top of your lungs.

“Who the fuck are you?!” You begin to thrash, he quickly puts a hand on your shoulder, pushing his entire weight onto it. You continue your attempt to escape. Thrashing, riving, doing anything to try to get him off of you. His grip doesn’t loosen. He only presses into you harder to punish your lack of submission, eventually dislocating your shoulder. You let out a blood curdling scream from the pain. 

“Why am I here?! What are you doing with my hands?!” Your fingers enter and exit your pussy over and over with vigor while you attempt to wriggle away from the cage he’s made with his body.

A predatory grin grows wide as he bares his fangs at you, “Thatta girl.” he hisses. He grabs your aching shoulder with one hand and your throat with the other, his bruising grip digging into your air pipe. 

You manage to let out a measly “Please don’t…” before he dives into you. He bites your neck with the strength of a beast. A gasp is drawn from your lips that shortly envelops itself into a struggling scream. He drinks from you with an animalistic force and speed, unlike any of the feeding sessions you’ve shared with Astarion.

Your body reacts to you fucking yourself, finally going over the edge. An unfortunate, yet beautiful feeling of euphoria washes over you while this monster is still latched to your throat. Your hands finally are unoccupied, but so much of your blood has already been drained that any attempt to hit or push him falls limp. Your arms drop to your sides, they are so heavy.

Slowly your struggle stops and your body is rendered null as the coldness of blood loss washes over you. Your screams turned into words, words became whimpers, and eventually the whimpers stopped. Your head rolls to the side. Your vision is beginning to be spotty as your eyelashes flutter, fighting to stay open.

He unlatches from your neck with a satisfied sigh. He gets off the bed and straightens his suit. He leans into your view, you’re lying motionless with your eyes still open slightly. “Sorry about dropping the whole compulsion thing. Fear just tastes so… delectable. I’m sure you understand.”

He turns to the vanity in the room. In the mirror is a slight reflection; a mostly transparent image of the monster appears. He takes a double glance at the looking glass before running up to it, placing a hand on the reflection. He stares in awe at the slight preview of himself. 

“Six hundred years…” he stares at himself in the eyes. “Six hundred years since I’ve seen that face. Not in a painting or a drawing. In the flesh.” He continues to stare at himself, barely blinking for several minutes as the reflection slowly fades; most likely due to your ascended blood being digested and recycled inside himself. 

He turns away from the mirror. “You…” he starts as he approaches where you lie. He kneels down next to the bed, inserting himself into your view. He places a hand on your cold cheek and leans his head into the crook of your neck, languidly licking the wound he created. Drinking up the last droplets of your blood. His hand is slightly warmed from the heat he stole from you. “Th-thank you.” He continues staring at you for a moment before standing up and walking out of the room.

You’re still unable to move. Mind clouded and vision blotched with black spots, darkness slowly fills your eyesight. You stare at the mirror that was just so profound for the monster. You close your eyes, succumbing to the heaviness of your eyelids. You feel nothing.

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