intrusive thoughts, mostly

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

2025 reads

trying to hold myself accountable, so -

(last year i read at least 33 books but this year i suddenly got some hobbies so i've been slacking aaaaah)

Books read:

La quarantaine by JMG Le Clézio

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Le songe d'un homme ridicule (et autres récits) by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Free food for millionaires by Min Jin Lee

My name is Red by Orhan Pamuk

Machines like me by Ian McEwan

Gone: A girl, a violin, a life unstrung by Min Kym

The House Gun by Nadine Gordimer.

We should all be feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

Little Tales of Misogyny by Patricia Highsmith.

Phenotypes by Paulo Scott.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

Cannibale by Didier Daeninckx.

The Hare with Amber Eyes by Edmund De Waal.

The Child in Time by Ian McEwan.

La Peau de Chagrin by Honoré de Balzac.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain.

I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki by Baek Se-Hee.

Le Pigeon by Patrick Süskind (translated into French).

Les Misérables by Victor Hugo.

La mare au diable by George Sand.

The cat who saved books by Sosuke Natsukawa.

The remains of the day by Kazuo Ishiguro.

Enduring Love by Ian McEwan.

Le Diable au corps by Raymond Radiguet.

The Dyslexic Hearts Club by Hanneke Hendrix.

La girafe by Marie Nimier.

Encabanée by Gabrielle Filteau-Chiba.

Le Barbier de Séville by Beaumarchais.

Le Lion by Joseph Kessel.

Hit list / tbr: (likely to change this n add more) (edit: classic move, ignored tf out of this section lol)

Le Comte de Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The woman in white by Wilkie Collins.

Hag-seed by Margaret Atwood

Enduring Love by Ian McEwan

The Innocent by Ian McEwan

The Dyslexic Hearts Club by Hanneke Hendrix.

(still not counting ao3)

there is no rhyme nor reason to this simply because my tbr consists of vibes n books i find in charity shops. all finished books go to a pile in my closet that i just distribute to my friends whenever the stars align n i finally see them i fancy. unless it's a very valuable edition/a gift i just unhaul it lol. it's me n my own hubris vs my storage space.

[r04ches]

am i even mentally ill or am i just living in some kind of infinite torture chamber that would make anyone like this

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

self-love is stored in the calluses actually

[schlarklezyaoi]

i don’t usually find “[x character] has committed war crimes” jokes all that funny because they usually forget that what makes a war crime a war crime instead of a regular offense is that it’s happening during a declared war. i’m rewatching avatar though and nothing brings me more pleasure to be able to say shit like “sokka has canonically broken the geneva convention” and have it actually check out

[northirish]

In a shit mood. Release the locusts

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

On some level, Tobirama was vaguely aware that he had never been built for peace. His entire existence (a not-so-puny two and half decades, given the current times) had been solely dedicated to honing his craft, fine-tuning his reflexes, sharpening his mind, turning his body into the perfect and deadly weapon his father had envisioned. One could have argued predation was embedded in his very cells, the sensor abilities he had inherited from his mother meant he had actually never been awarded the bliss of ignorance, constantly plagued by the ill-intended chakra signatures that littered his ever-expending range. An innate drive to win.

His childhood, or lack thereof, had been a heart-wrenching and gruesome lesson in persistence. Second heir to the Senju clan head, the odds had been stacked against him. Hashirama, Tobirama, Itama, Kawarama. Canon-fodder Butsuma had produced with the explicit purpose of joining the battlefield as soon as they became of age. Boys acquaintted with the bite of steel and the taste of blood before they'd lost all their baby teeth. Trembling bodies sent too soon to the frontlines. Frail corpses returned home in too tiny caskets. Against all expectations - a premature birth, a fragile composition - Tobirama's continued survival had seemed to defy the laws of nature.

This surprising turn of events tasted like ash in his mouth. He'd never thought he'd make it past his teenage years, not after his younger brothers had-

And yet. Hashirama's and Madara's childhood dream had started to take root into reality. A lifelong promise between what should have been two sworn enemies. The seeds of hope in the shape of a near-mortally wounded Izuna at Tobirama's hand. A hardly-obtained bargaining chip he had immediately handed to his Anija, almost at the cost of his very life. Rekindled trust between brothers. Friendship blooming anew.

First, there had been a truce. Then, a more substantial cease-fire.

For all the hours he had spent painstakingly hammering out the terms himself, wrestling common sense out of the war-mongering geezers that made up a significant portion of the Senju council, Tobirama had not quite realised what this would entail. What he'd almost single-handedly brought into existence, owing to Hashirama's utter uselessness at bureaucracy, and just because it was expected of him. The conditions of a peace treaty he could rationally wrap his head around - had proofread countless times before it was sent off to the Uchiha clan, even - but that he still couldn't believe in wholeheartedly, because the damn situation felt so foreign, going against every instinct that was screaming at him not to let his guard down and to wait for the next opening and the opportunity for a deadly strike...that never came.

Tormented by the ghosts of his past, Tobirama couldn't fathom a world free of conflict, liberated from the bloody cycle of revenge both clans had been trapped in for generations. Peace was hazy concept at best, a fool's longing, a death wish. And delusion was Hashirama's jurisdiction. But regardless of Tobirama's inner turmoil, the agreements had been signed and were holding up, nevermind what the disgruntled elders on both sides had to say about the sudden cessation of hostility. There were talks of unity, a village built on neutral grounds, where both clans would concord and heal old wounds. The start of something unprecedented, a still fragile but budding sentiment that Tobirama could only categorize as 'unknown', that made him grow more uneasy as the weeks went by.

One the lesser expected effects of the end of the war - all he had known since the age of four - was touch starvation. The sudden lack of Uchiha punches and blades trying to get past his guard was acute. And frankly quite unnerving.

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

As a result, the day Madara shoves him into a wall, holding Izuna's blade against the delicate skin of his neck, he can't help but notice the pang of familiarity that courses through his body as the blow reverberates through his skull.

The sensation is not entirely unwelcomed.

He distractedly writes it off as a symptom of the mild concussion that follows - the Uchiha's punch may have been devastating, but Tobirama's battle instincts are not yet so blunt as to not let him send healing chakra to vital areas before impact. Hence the fact that he is still alive, staring directly at Madara's mangekyou, black tomoes spinning lazily against the crismon blood of the sharingan - and how many can say that they've observed it from up close and lived to tell the tale.

Tobirama is not sure if he didn't let it happen, didn't let the man in his space - he remains the best sensor on the damn continent for Kami's sake - and the way the other man's eyes imperceptibly narrow in surprise at the fact that his punch not only connected but sent the Senju flying tells him that much.

Uchiha or not, one does not simply best Tobirama Senju. Is this foul play or the exhaustion of the past few months finally catching up with his reflexes, his tired body betraying him ? Endless hours perusing over scrolls may have dulled his senses but could a few weeks really undo a lifetime spent surviving ? Sabotage or not, the faint buzz of satisfaction in his senses only spells trouble. He dismisses the idea for what it is: foolish.

The second time Madara backs him into the wall of his brother's office inside the Hokage tower (a heated disagreement regarding the chain of command for the village), is when Tobirama realises that the relief coursing through his veins is going to be a problem.

[fleetingreprise]

i do think madatobi has breached containment of the definition of a rarepair at this point and entered a new classification of niche i personally think is best described as "the girls who get it, get it"

[fleetingreprise]

had the urge to check ao3 just now and i didnt know peepaws have this going on for them. ranked SIXTH overall AND the most popular founders pairing with the most works in the fandom on this gay little site. wwow

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

furious nod to all of the above but somehow this still feels like rare-pair hell bc of how much they've altered my brain chemistry. never enoughhhhhh

i blame the incredible blakkat and madmothmadame for writing so good this ship is now permanently etched in my soul (lots of other great works out there but gotta credit the founding fathers ya feel).

brainrot been marinating for so long I just realised what I thought was an unrelated wip of mine was acc mdtb in a trench coat. n now I kinda want to take the whole thing apart and just. accept that we 20k words deep in this dark academia enemies to lovers shiet n that the only way out is thru. must stop marinating n start cooking. many thoughts being thunk. none of them appropriate.

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

in hindsight, there were some signs

[steveyockey]

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

— Tobirama's daily morning affirmations before he enters the Hokage tower

[fleetingreprise]

i do think madatobi has breached containment of the definition of a rarepair at this point and entered a new classification of niche i personally think is best described as "the girls who get it, get it"

[fleetingreprise]

had the urge to check ao3 just now and i didnt know peepaws have this going on for them. ranked SIXTH overall AND the most popular founders pairing with the most works in the fandom on this gay little site. wwow

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

furious nod to all of the above but somehow this still feels like rare-pair hell bc of how much they've altered my brain chemistry. never enoughhhhhh

i blame the incredible blakkat and madmothmadame for writing so good this ship is now permanently etched in my soul (lots of other great works out there but gotta credit the founding fathers ya feel).

brainrot been marinating for so long I just realised what I thought was an unrelated wip of mine was acc mdtb in a trench coat. n now I kinda want to take the whole thing apart and just. accept that we 20k words deep in this dark academia enemies to lovers shiet n that the only way out is thru. must stop marinating n start cooking. many thoughts being thunk. none of them appropriate.

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

controversial canonicals? in my ao3 ? it's more likely than you think

[istolemyneighborsdog]

you know that one spiderman meme

[ID: Naruto fanart. The first piece is black and white with the exception of young Obito's red Sharingan eye. He looks up while crushed under a boulder, surrounded by darkness and only half his face visible as he says with a bleak smile, "I'll become your eye... and see the future with you."

Second is a meme redraw. Kakashi leans over a roof, frowning, then pulls up his hitai-ate and says, "do you see this shit obito". End ID]

[autistobrat]

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

[howdoistormspirit]

Someone has done this before right

[3-idiots-in-a-trenchcoat]

I dint watch any Naruto media in like 5 years but sometimes i like to imagine Gaara rolling in sand like a chinchilla taking a dust bath

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

PLEASE DRAW THIS, I BEG

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

does thinking about itachi every morning when you fry eggs mean you are a collateral victim of tsukuyomi

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

still there btw

and on the 1 year anniversary of this post GUESS WHAT

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

shhh the stainless steel pan can sense your fear

[iamlostonthepathoflife]

not to get ahead of myself but eggs were a success this morning, chat i believe this is a breakthrough

[whineosaur]

There is no greater bond on this earth than when you all despise and carry untold righteous anger about one person and then when you’re all together someone is like “so about that dead horse” and everyone starts sounding like Michael Jackson with the way they’re chanting beat it