The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”