head colds are really sexy, because it's typically just enough to be annoying, embarrassing, to the point you can't ignore it, but also not enough to really be an excuse to stay home to most people. so you're just going through your day, very conspicuously sniffling, sneezing, blowing your nose, sounding congested, and you're either trying not to acknowledge it even though you can't ignore it, or you're constantly apologizing and/or complaining about it.
Niche snz that i never see people talk about— when they have tissues stuffed up their snotty nose to stop it from running but its pretty much useless because the tissues keep tickling their nose and they sneeze the tissues out and a glorious amount of snot along with them
SNZ, WLW, LOTS OF MESS, ILLNESS, CONTAGION, LIGHT SEXUAL TOUCHING, NOSEPLAY, TASTING SNOT, ETC
My friend Maddison is the most incredible loving person. We met near the end of high school and her joy for life infected me so thoroughly that I call her my favourite drug, which makes her laugh in the most perfect head-tilt back genuine way I've seen every time, which is so characteristic of her. One of her best qualities, and what really sets her apart from everyone else I've ever met, is how intently she listens. When you're talking she makes you feel like the world has stopped and you're her lifeline, like there's nowhere she'd rather be, as if there couldn't possibly be anything more important than what you're telling her right now. I think it could start thundering above our heads, rain pouring down in solid sheets soaking our bones, and she would just keep looking at me with her rich brown eyes, heavy mascara running down her cheeks. I adore her completely, my other half.
We are almost nothing alike, or at least we weren't when we met, in personality or appearance. Since then she's cracked me out of my shell a bit, although she herself isn't wildly social she's certainly moreso than me, and I've in turn introduced her to a plethora of my favourite novels and films, from mystery to romance to historical. But I've tried to be as present as she is, and it just doesn't come naturally. Eye contact scares me with most people (except Maddison, whose eyes I have memorized) and I always get distracted by something, or someone, or everything happening behind me and end up missing half a conversation. I swear, I try, especially with Maddison. But that's just another thing to her credit, she understands that it's not an insult when I ask her in earnest to repeat what she just said twelve seconds ago after I already somehow forgot.
If we now have some slight similarities in interests, then we are complete night and day in looks. She has sleek glossy black hair with brown highlights around her face, pale freckled skin, and her tallness is accentuated by her slight build. And, part of her that I find enticingly adorable but would never admit so, is her upturned nose and the way her very visible nostrils flare when she sneezes, never turning or covering. I'm too timid to correct her, way too timid, and I respect her too much to embarrass her in this way anyway (even though she wouldn't be), but she's not a messy sneezer so it doesn't really matter. Or so I thought, until today.
Maddison met me outside class because we share an apartment for uni, and she has a car (I failed my test three times and have given up until I graduate). As we crossed the parking lot I noticed she was sniffing a lot, but I didn't want to interrupt her talking about how her art class went just to mention it. I was simultaneously having a very hard time paying attention to what she was saying and utterly transfixed on her. It was so rare to see Maddison sick, and I would know if she had allergies by now. Her nostrils were such a defining feature of her face, which made it even more obvious that something was wrong since I could always see right up them. Their usual emptiness was replaced with a thick cascading stream that must be just as obvious to any other onlooker, which made me wonder if Maddison knew how visible it was, and why she didn't grab a tissue. Was she not embarrassed by that?
"...but maybe we can just buy pizza on the way home, since I'm already exhausted tonight."
I completely missed the topic changing, but agreed enthusiastically at the mention of pizza, one thing we both enjoy eating. I jump in her passenger seat, throwing my bag in the back, and we're off. This is the one time she won't give me undivided attention, keeping her eyes firmly on the road, along with the rest of her head. But I'm looking at her, and her leaking nose threatening to overflow if not for her near-constant and stubborn sniffles which have only gotten more intense since we left the school. She seems to feel no need to address the situation, despite the full box of tissues sitting in wait between us, and her nose desperately begging to be emptied into them. I briefly imagine it, the relief it would give her, the sound... but the energy is almost unbearable for me, and I find myself squirming in my seat uncomfortably from secondhand embarrassment, too late socially to mention anything about her apparent cold now, hands tucked firmly between my thighs.
At the pizza place we make our order at the counter, since it would be unnecessary to call ahead when the drive is three minutes, and sit at the high counter in front of the window to chat while we wait. My face is now red-hot from the lingering look of apprehension and disgust the cashier gave Maddison's germ infested nostrils as she spoke, snot quivering in wait ready to escape before she snorts it back up loudly and shamelessly, even though that hardly prevents it from being visible. I can barely look at her head-on without blushing, thinking about it.
She's telling me about class again, maybe sensing that I missed it the first time--she is observant--and I do enjoy hearing about her day, when suddenly her head tilts back slightly, not in a laugh, but in preparation to sneeze."
Eheh--ehehhh... EHEEHH--" she hitches in warning, making a minimal but futile effort to hold the illness at bay. "EHH-KIIIITSCHUEWW!"
As usual, she neither covers her mouth nor turns to the side, keeping her face trained on me regardless of the sudden interruption. Unlike usual, her flaring nostrils each expel a thick river of snot onto her upper lip, and I can feel a spray of saliva hit me directly. I'm caught incredibly off guard to the point where I stammer out the world's awkwardest "b-bless you, wow," something I hardly do in the first place.
Maddison continues talking right where she left off, sniffling back the snot rockets as if it were nothing different than blinking. I realize I might need a third run-through of her day after this. I'm still in shock processing the droplets dotting my arms and face, freezing me in place.
There's a couple standing outside in front of the glass when Maddison sneezes again, fullbody.
"Hehhh--HEH... EHHH--HITCSSSCHUUH! IITSHHUEWUH!"
She barely even tries holding back this time, forcefully launching projectiles towards both me and the window, globs getting caught in my curls and hanging from my hair like ornaments, and showering the glass enough to thankfully hide our faces to the outside world. I'm not sure if Maddison has noticed the mess she caused, but the couple have moved away, their appetites ruined. Surely she must be able to tell from looking that my face is a bit more than misted? But my own embarrassment keeps me from wiping my glasses clean, and I simply blink at her slowly as if that will fix it. I do take notice that she stops sniffling so much after clearing out her nose, at least temporarily.
But our pizzas are ready and we pick up her spicy pepperoni and jalapeño, and my plain cheese with ranch on the side, and head back to the car.
On the road she keeps the window open, ruffling her feathered bangs into her face gently from the breeze. In the setting sun she practically glows. And just minutes later she starts sniffling again, thickly, wetly. She brings her knuckles up to roughly massage her wide open nostrils, and when her hand leaves to rest back on the wheel it's glistening with wetness. I think it must be a miracle how her nose has already filled up again, just as ready to go after the disaster I just witnessed in the pizza place.
Unfortunately, she doesn't sneeze in the car, but as soon as we step into the apartment she nearly drops both boxes as she breathily sneezes on them, coating the lid of mine in droplets.
"Hiiiiiisheww, HISCHEWW, heh-eschiuuew, ITSCHUUUH, HEESHEWW... ehhh... HEEHH... oh god..." she tries to catch her breath, almost bent in half, clutching the pizzas like a lifeline. She can barely get the door closed behind her with her foot before the next fit takes over her body.
A single thin hanging strand of snot glistens almost cutely from her right nostril (the rest of her nose's contents splayed out less cutely drenching the top of my pizza box) and stays suspended as we sit side by side on the couch to eat.
Now it's my turn to tell her about my day, and even though I know the material baffles her, I recount my statistics class in as much detail as I remember, which doubles as review for me. I also add in my professor's personal anecdote about his ongoing feud with his neighbour's cat digging up his tulip bulbs every spring, just because I like knowing Maddison is listening to me. Right in the middle of me humourously quoting my professor's neighbour I think Maddison is going to laugh again, but instead as she tilts her head back to expose her flaring drippy nostrils I remember she's sick just in time and move my pizza to the side. Of course, it has never occured to me to move out of the blast radius, even though I have plenty of time as she screws up her face and hitches repeatedly. Probably that would be rude, anyway, and I really don't mind her sneezing on me at all. What I'm not expecting is the sudden explosive fit that comes out of her, even more intense than before, sending her careening forward right into my lap and so close to my own face that I could have nearly kissed her, had she not been teeming with contagion. She doesn't even pretend to stop it coming now.
I think the onslaught has stopped when I see her nose twitch once again and she sends the wettest sneeze I have ever felt directly against my mouth.
"Uhhh... UHHH... HUHH--UMPTSSCHEEW!"
I can taste the saltiness of her snot on my lip, a strand connecting me to her straight from her nose, and see more of it slowly falling from her wide open nostrils onto her cleavage, with no more attempts at sniffling to hold it back. We are so close, I can hear her breathing. Or maybe that's because of how thick and ragged it sounds.
"What?" she catches me staring. "Want to kiss me or something, Anna?" she teases, still breathless.
I do, very very much, I realize, not sure if that's even allowed. Or push her into the couch with my entire body.
"How about getting me a Kleenex or several instead of sitting there staring?" she smiles with a stream still running down her face. "I must look absolutely atrocious."
So she did notice the mess, although she deliberately didn't apologize to me. Oh god, she knew this whole time.
My face burns as I get up, pushing her from my lap, and now finally her head tilts back in laughter instead, giving me yet another excellent view up her nose before I turn to the bathroom.
When I return with the goods she insists I wipe her nose completely for her, because she "can't see it" herself. I try to get away with a quick swipe but she cleverly keeps saying there's more, even when I've got it all from her face, so in my confusion she guides my hand down to gently wipe her cleavage. I'm paying attention to her expression as I stick my hand between her breasts and all the way into her bra to make sure I've got it all. I realize with embarrassment that I'm taking my time, shocked at how big they feel under her clothes. She doesn't stop me or look one bit uncomfortable even when my hand "accidentally" brushes against her nipple for the seventh time, only arching her chest forward into my touch, but even after I'm sure I'm done she says there's still more, and pushes back the tip of her nose to reveal the endlessly stuffed up interior.
"Hahh... HAPPSCHUHHH..." as if on cue, she sneezes again, catapulting fresh boogers down the front of my shirt with surprising force, almost intentionally.
Miraculously, her face is still clean, but now she's pulling my head closer to her and positioning my mouth over her nose. I yelp as her burning feverish hands grab my chest under my shirt, and unclasp my bra.
I hungrily swirl my tongue around her nostrils, sucking out her snot in the strongest suction I can manage, and tickling inside as deeply as possible while she plays with my nipples.
She quivers under me and sneezes again, "APPSCHEEW," the mess exploding into my mouth, and then a second time even stronger, with moaning.
"Mmm... HXSSHUH... unnghh. It feels so... so... oh my god. I can't... mmm. Sorta tickles--GUHHHTSCHUHMPH!"
Her nose is soaking inside and out, and I can feel her body going into overdrive to flood her system with mucus that won't stop flowing.
"Feels good, though. To get it out." she murmurs. "You're much better than a Kleenex, Anna."
You know the drill. She has a terrible head cold and blowing through tissue after tissue. Her sneezes are thick and wet. Down to the last tissue and after three or four stifles, it’s reduced to a shredded damp pile of pulp in her hand.
But another sneeze is working down from the sinus into her left nostril… what to do?
She reaches for the soaking wet remnants of a tissue, brings it up to her nose, head goes back and immediately sneezes hard with a huge honk right into what remains. There’s no time and the force is too great. She just lets out a full honking l, snot filled blow into the torn tissue. It fails!
Snot has gurgled up the sides of the tissue and her nostrils, soaking her nose thoroughly in green goop.
…oh no! another sneeze is on the way… She has no choice - drops the tissue and just sneezes hard into her hand, letting loose a full blow as soon as she stifles between her two fingers and thumb.
… then the mad dash to the bathroom to clean the mess before another sneeze takes hold. “Hey Out of the way - Sdotty bess bakig way - ahhhh ahhh chhhhhoooompppph - too late Sdiff Sdiff “.
Hope you are feeling better! Your nose must be so sore! Would love to see it sneeze close up if you are still battling. Feel better and thank you for sharing!
SPRAY WARNING ⚠️ 💦 You asked for up close Anon 🙊 A few induced sick sneezes!
I was miserable this weekend! And my nose was definitely chapped and sore… but the constant coughing was the worst.
Working from home today, but at least I can breathe out of my nose 🤪 There *is* more to this… but it was incredibly snotty 🙈 lmk if yall want it 🙈
Always a fan of flying characters being knocked off course by a sneeze (-ing fit??), especially the extra dramatic versions caused by them actually controlling the air currents in some way or by being powerful/small enough that their own sneeze is strong enough to have a big effect.
dededos
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
snowghoul
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
