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@iammelik
I am stuck between being an empathic angelic healer who brings sunlight and happiness and smiles into people's life, or, being an apathic destructive bitch who shoot first and ask second.
Till now I've chosen the former, let's see how much more life can push me toward insanity...
“With despair, true optimism begins: the optimism of the man who expects nothing, who knows he has no rights and nothing coming to him, who rejoices in counting on himself alone and in acting alone for the good of all.”
— Jean-Paul Sartre, Characterizations of Existentialism
To dance at the edge of madness
To hanging by a thread of love above the abyss of nothingness
To being just one step away from turning off your emotions entirely
Can we normalize slapping men across the face who mansplain the thing that you've tought them yourself, like 10 min earlier?
I mean, just shut up! I stopped listening to you when you identified as a he/him.
Am I a hateful bitch? Yes
Do I care? No
Do I have patience for a man to explain basic things to me, when he can't do a simple interview with a patient without my presence? No
Did my female patient asked me to let him take her blood pressure because she thinks he is better at it than me while i've been examining and interviewing her for 20 min? Also,Yes
Am I tired of this shit? Yes, absolutely yes
In the name of patriarchy
16 year old girl came to GYN clinic with abdominal pain, she said she is betrothed, the MALE intern took history and went for PCOS or Ectopic pregnancy. I asked her if she is a virgin? She said yes, of course. I explained that if she is lying, it will affect her diagnosis.
"I've been raped 2 months ago, it wasn't my husband. I didn't know him. "
She is 16, with a husband and father and brothers who will kill her when they realize she is not a virgin.
She is shaking.
She is thinking about suicide.
She is begging to be admitted to the hospital.
Her story is vague. She is trying to hide who was the raper. She is not ok. She is crying. She is 16.
She has an infection.She needs medical help. She hasn't been checked by a forensic physician. She hasn't been checked for HIV or HBV or STIs.
She doesn't care. Just cry and beg me. "They will know, they will know I'm not a virgin"
Later, my attending said: the rape may be wanted by herself, maybe she had a boyfriend and was dollying behind her husband.
My attending is a woman.
My male colleague laughed and said: poor her husband, he doesn't know WHAT he is getting. Poor man is getting second hand.
My other male colleague said: when girls are not vigilant, this will happen to them. Take care of yourself.
Everyone laugh and forget.
And I'm screaming in my mind. Nobody hears me. Nobody cares.
She was just 16. Crying, panicking. Because she wasn't a VIRGIN. Not because she was raped. Not because she has infection. Not because she may have HIV.
And in my mind I'm planning. We need shelters. We need somewhere for these girls. Somewhere for them to take their medical help.
We need doctors.
We need lawyers.
We need empathic people.
We need to free them.
We need a plan. No one helps us. We need a plan.
“The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.”
— John Dewey, Democracy and Education
Being a woman in OR as THE surgeon is a combination of you disappointing yourself, men in the room and then yourself a little more, while being proud of yourself and fight with men's dirty glares and gibberish nonsense while performing the best procedure a surgeon can do because you're actually freaking better than all of them and fight for new cases with your fellow male surgeons and also, save the patient. Yep, easy peasy. Nothing too serious, we are just EMOTIONAL.
FYI, true feminine energy is the energy that have men at your feet, kneeling, crying, begging and praying. Not acting cute and shit. But acting like a true feminine entity, with the ability to create and destroy.
Fuck princess treatment, let's bring up goddess treatment
“You must want to spend the rest of your life with yourself first.”
— Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
As I get older, year by year, I understand more that emotions are the most important weapon an individual has. You see, emotions never change but logic varies from second to second. When you are 4, you cry for a broken doll.
When you are 17, you cry for a broken relationship.
When you are 27, you cry for the broken business plan.
All in all, you CRY. But you cry for different reasons. Emotions are messy, and beautiful and steady. So analyze your emotions, find what is the reason you are showing them and then find the logic and your brain processing patterns. And boom, you have found what is the foundation your life is operating on. Is it working or dysfunctional? Assess it. Change it.
And yes, that passion that you have in you, and you think is dead due to growing up fast or hard or just living in a society where being passionate is like bleeding in a tank of sharks, is not dead. It just doesn't have a reason to show itself in YOUR LIFE. Give it a reason. Navigate your logic, what is now logical to you? And what reason can that mindset give you to be passionate about?
Find your passion. Find your reason. This world needs more emotions. This world needs more passion.
Remind Yourself:
1. Things end, and that’s okay.
2. Tough times are temporary.
3. The story of progress has never been linear.
4. Trust your intuition.
5. Anchor yourself in what you can control.
6. Never give up on yourself.
7. You don’t have to figure it all out today.