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I have always wanted a lucky penny.

It would have my birth year on it and I would keep it in my wallet. It would be the only coin in there among health insurance, credit and business cards and the occasional folded bill when I had the luxury.

I'd find it somewhere familiar but odd. Like in that old battlefield late at night, pressed slightly into the once bloodsoaked earth; a glint of copper against the green of the grass. Or maybe I would find it where the two creeks meet by that path through the park. It would be resting just underneath the water

But every lucky penny I have ever kept hidden in my wallet either wound up used in a pinch at the cash register or merely vanished when I needed its security the most. Maybe I am too careless to have a lucky penny. Maybe every penny is lucky in its own way. Maybe nothing is lucky.

-----

I said my goodbyes in the worst way. For I have had vivid visions of you standing at the edge of the road in the deserts of Colorado. The sky opens up and plucks you from the asphalt like a coin from the floor and I know that you are safe from my careless needs.

#poetry prose acceptance admiration

iamnotacleverman-blog

Pt. I As she scoured the garden And picked every one but me

She said “You’re too beautiful to die While pressed in a book Or displayed in vase. You will die naturally, Alone, withering, and free.”

Pt II

One time I asked what kind of bug I would be And I don’t remember what you said. One time you asked what kind of bug you’d be And I said ‘praying mantis’ without hesitation.

So today I will drink from the earth The wasted life of those before me. I will grow stronger, I will take root, And I will be the weed that refuses to die.

When you steep your dandelion tea, Their yellow heads bobbing in the brine, Do you think of me?

iamnotacleverman-blog

I updated this one with a second part

Pt. I As she scoured the garden And picked every one but me

She said "You're too beautiful to die While pressed in a book Or displayed in vase. You will die naturally, Alone, withering, and free."

Pt II

One time I asked what kind of bug I would be And I don't remember what you said. One time you asked what kind of bug you'd be And I said 'praying mantis' without hesitation.

So today I will drink from the earth The wasted life of those before me. I will grow stronger, I will take root, And I will be the weed that refuses to die.

When you steep your dandelion tea, Their yellow heads bobbing in the brine, Do you think of me?

#poem #poetry #heartbreak

Writing: a haiku

Wow, as soon as I Get serious about it The well done dried up

An alternate version of the bottom part of the previous poem that I abandoned conceptually when that part manifested as it did. I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you making hot chocolate for me last year while I was bedridden with a cluster headache I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of snow melting I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of my new boots I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of you I think of the sweat forming underneath my clothes And how it is too warm outside to be wearing all of this I think of you I gouge the toe of my boot into the slush on the street and divert the Meltwater into the drain I think of you I think about agency I don't think of you I don't think of you I don't think of you I don't think of you I don't think of you I don't think of you I don't think of you I think of you I won't think of you

#poem #poetry #Experimental Poetry #longing #snow

Last year, around this time, Our city was covered in a layer of ice. We went for a walk Until the sun cast its dusk on us.

The first morning it was safe to drive, I went home. We didn't speak for 2 weeks.

Last night, while I was sleeping Our city was covered in 6-8 inches of snow. I could hear the world glistening From my bedroom window.

This morning, as always, I thought of you. We haven't spoken in two weeks.

----------------------------------------------------

It's not even 9 AM and the snow is already melting And is forming thick rivers and pools in the streets While warm wind makes the trees crackle with impatience Under the weight of their shimmering prison. "Release me!"

I walk not but 15 minutes and the sweat Underneath my long johns is making me feel itchy And overdressed when I prepared for an oppressive Chill. It's 15 minutes home in either direction.

I think in circles about where I was a year ago: You, making hot chocolate in your kitchen, me Under your purple sheets with ice over one eye, shivering Under the weight of my tightening skull. "Release me!"

So today I went out into the snow to watch it disappear And see huge branches fall on houses and watch My boots cut trenches into the slush to divert meltwater Into the drain. I have never owned boots until yesterday.

I find an untouched field surrounded by tall pine trees and Notice, that when I walk into the center of it, all of the smaller Douglass Firs bow towards me so I kneel in the middle of them And throw up my hands. "I release you!"

I am home again, wishing I had hot chocolate And to lay under purple sheets again, but I am still Trapped in this horrible cycle of thoughts of you, Longing to be released.

#poem #poetry #snow #longing #emotional oppression

I watch you on the screen with your interviewer |...................| I focus on you as you speak ....................| Incredible, powerful, intentional, evocative, informational ..............|.....| And it hurts me ....|...............| Red Bull |...................| That I cannot understand ....................| That I would never have understood ....................| Outside of this ......|.............| Context |...................| [Bear with me on this one as it's probably the most experimental piece I've done. The idea was that I was watching an interview with Holly Herndon. I started to kind of direct all of my brain processing power to just listening and my eyes started to cross, even though I knew I was mostly focusing my vision on Holly speaking. The two lines are Holly and the interviewer and them bouncing around is my eyes struggling to not maintain focus. There's a lot of conceptual moving parts in this poem besides the overt visual piece but I felt the need to explain that since I don't think I executed my idea very well, even if I like this poem in general.]

#poem #poetry #experimental poetry #holly herndon #red bull #corporatism #advertising

i am imagining our directed graph me <-> you is now turning into something else me -> you with a loop at the end

#poem #poetry #math #graph theory #relationships

I felt my skeleton grow 'neath my skin Consuming muscle, flesh, and organ within I lay prone and taught naked and fraught And dissolved into the earth once again

#poem #limerick #poetry

Nobody move anywhere Everybody stay put

Let abandoned neighborhoods Fester and bloom in their own decrepitude Rather than be strangled and bludgeoned By the hip astute youth of tomorrow

Let us not die free and well-fed But rather honest and humble

#poetry #poem #gentrification

that nagging pain when you notice subtle shifts in tone

from "I love you" to "love you"

#poem #poetry #short poem #relationships #love

Intimacy in the 21st Century

as you reach the zenith

of your orbit around the moon you smile, sigh, and say

"there will always be space between these two arms for you"

and i know this. i can see it, your lithe upper limbs forming a circle, my head moving like the tide against your chest

"i wish that we could reconcile our differing definitions of love"

because the insecurities that reside in me do not rest in the space between your arms as my hand runs along the small of your back

#poem #personal #personal poem #love #heartbreak

"I am a genie! I will grant you three wishes!" I just wish for death.

#poetry #poem #poetic humor #funny poem #dark humor

2014 gave me two new first kisses. Exchanging commonalities and platitudes With strange tongues in strange mouths For the chance at another little death.

The first was nothing but lust; The simple pleasures of skin-to-skin contact And a need for reassurance that We are worthy of another's attention.

The second was a calculated risk; While navigating the sheets of a new city, There was the willing bed of a straight boy For a girl that wanted anything but.

2014 gave me two new first kisses. Both times, I made sure my eyes were closed So that I could disguise the unfamiliar With thoughts of you.

#poetry #poem #2014 #modern romance

I have nothing to Say politely; angry screams Into digital voids

#poetry #haiku #haiku poem #digital void #the void #poem

Recurring Daydreams

I. I am walking down the alleyway towards my old downtown apartment. It declines at a fairly steep grade, in a way that forces me to lean back So that, as I walk, were it not for the weight of my body, I would feel like I'm floating as I descend.

a. I imagine myself to do just that. As I hit the junction of two side yards The openness of the area forces my body to expand to fit the space. I continue to rise and grow until my body blocks out the sun, But only until I am a mere speck silhouetted against it.

b. I imagine myself to do just that. As I hit the junction of two side yards My suspended body begins emitting a soft glow as buckles against itself. The air heats up as I vibrate and violently disappear leaving nothing but A fine mist of blood in its place.

II. I enter a room bathed in the cool blue pallor of moonlight, Sheer white curtains billowing around tall, open windows. I watch a body, shrouded within a white sheet, rise from the bed before me

It hovers just above my head creating a small canopy. I move beneath it to examine the floating body. All I see is bloody pulp. I know that this body is me.

#poem #poetry #daydream #death imagery

The great thing about tinnitus When you've grown up in the south Is that it always sounds like summer

#poetry #poem #tinnitus #the south #summer in the south

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