I Am A Servant

A modern Bildungsroman. With Jesus.

[iamservantforchrist]

My purpose. My future. My hope. My God?

 Throughout high school I was constantly looking forward to college, yes I was that girl. To me, college was the solution to my discontent heart.  I unknowingly idolized what I thought to be the "college experience."  College was the extent to which my future was set in stone.  After college all I desired was to get married and have kids (I know, so stereotypical).  I’d placed so much hope in the joy I planned to find in the exciting new environment, and numerous people had assured me that these were going to be the greatest years of my life, my prime.  So much promise and anticipation!

 Yet here there I was.  Nearing the end of my first semester: anxious, stressed, defeated, restless, and uninspired.

 Let's venture back to the third week of school.  The newness has worn off, and schedules and studying are in full swing.  The harsh reality has set in; college is hard work!  When there aren't enough hours in the day, and there is ALWAYS homework to be done, prayer life, and personal devotional time are marginalized.

As long as I can remember I've been very focused on the future, whether it be the next hour or the next ten years, I'm a planner by nature.  I entered the school year as the idealist I truly am with my five-year plan in hand, ready to conquer the world, participate in every school event, and enjoy every glamorous moment.  Yet, just a couple months into the school year, and all the confidence I'd placed in my own strength was diminished.  I was in despair, and reluctant to pick up the pieces.  I'd become uncertain of my major, my calling, and my purpose in this life.  With only a few weeks left of the semester I still didn’t know what the future held, but I finally had accepted that I was where God wanted me.

I do not know if you can personally relate to this specific situation, but the scriptures God pointed me to during this time of need are applicable to every believer as 2 Timothy 3:16 boldly proclaims, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” 

As I introduce the encouragement God’s word gave me during this time of despair,  I’d like to testify that God is still undoubtedly working through me, through me weaknesses.  What I've relearned from these rough months is that I can do nothing by my own strength, and that God most definitely has a perfect plan for my life, even in the midst of failure.  Growing up in a Christian community, I’d heard this truth proclaimed time and time again, but through this trial, it was validated.

My mother recently pointed me back to Psalm 119: 105," Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path," as she so eloquently reminded me that God's plan for my life will be made known when he chooses, and no amount of stressing or feverishly scrambling around has the power to change that.  As I looked more closely at Psalm 119, verse 2 caught my attention. "Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!" And I realized something I'd been overlooking.  How can I seek God with my whole heart if I don’t even trust his plan for my life?

 To seek God with my whole heart means not worrying about tomorrow, after all:

"... tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble," Matthew 6:34.

"Whatever you do, work hearty, as for the Lord, and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

 These scriptures, concise as they may be, form the framework of the Christian life worth living, the very life we are called to live once we leave our sinful ways behind and follow Christ.

I wholeheartedly understand that this is far easier said than done, but we have no biblical justification to live a life that contradicts these principles in any way.  The Christian life is not promised to be easy, but as we walk through theses valleys of dryness, temptation or fear, God reveals Himself in the biggest of ways.

It's my prayer that these words are encouraging to you, and that I have presented God's word accurately.  Thank you so much for reading my first blog post EVER, and I'm praying there will be many more to come!

  All the glory and honor to him who speaks through me,

Megan Drew

[iamservantforchrist]

My purpose. My future. My hope. My God?

 Throughout high school I was constantly looking forward to college, yes I was that girl. To me, college was the solution to my discontent heart.  I unknowingly idolized what I thought to be the "college experience."  College was the extent to which my future was set in stone.  After college all I desired was to get married and have kids (I know, so stereotypical).  I’d placed so much hope in the joy I planned to find in the exciting new environment, and numerous people had assured me that these were going to be the greatest years of my life, my prime.  So much promise and anticipation!

 Yet here there I was.  Nearing the end of my first semester: anxious, stressed, defeated, restless, and uninspired.

 Let's venture back to the third week of school.  The newness has worn off, and schedules and studying are in full swing.  The harsh reality has set in; college is hard work!  When there aren't enough hours in the day, and there is ALWAYS homework to be done, prayer life, and personal devotional time are marginalized.

As long as I can remember I've been very focused on the future, whether it be the next hour or the next ten years, I'm a planner by nature.  I entered the school year as the idealist I truly am with my five-year plan in hand, ready to conquer the world, participate in every school event, and enjoy every glamorous moment.  Yet, just a couple months into the school year, and all the confidence I'd placed in my own strength was diminished.  I was in despair, and reluctant to pick up the pieces.  I'd become uncertain of my major, my calling, and my purpose in this life.  With only a few weeks left of the semester I still didn’t know what the future held, but I finally had accepted that I was where God wanted me.

I do not know if you can personally relate to this specific situation, but the scriptures God pointed me to during this time of need are applicable to every believer as 2 Timothy 3:16 boldly proclaims, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” 

As I introduce the encouragement God’s word gave me during this time of despair,  I’d like to testify that God is still undoubtedly working through me, through me weaknesses.  What I've relearned from these rough months is that I can do nothing by my own strength, and that God most definitely has a perfect plan for my life, even in the midst of failure.  Growing up in a Christian community, I’d heard this truth proclaimed time and time again, but through this trial, it was validated.

My mother recently pointed me back to Psalm 119: 105," Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path," as she so eloquently reminded me that God's plan for my life will be made known when he chooses, and no amount of stressing or feverishly scrambling around has the power to change that.  As I looked more closely at Psalm 119, verse 2 caught my attention. "Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!" And I realized something I'd been overlooking.  How can I seek God with my whole heart if I don’t even trust his plan for my life?

 To seek God with my whole heart means not worrying about tomorrow, after all:

"... tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble," Matthew 6:34.

"Whatever you do, work hearty, as for the Lord, and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

 These scriptures, concise as they may be, form the framework of the Christian life worth living, the very life we are called to live once we leave our sinful ways behind and follow Christ.

I wholeheartedly understand that this is far easier said than done, but we have no biblical justification to live a life that contradicts these principles in any way.  The Christian life is not promised to be easy, but as we walk through theses valleys of dryness, temptation or fear, God reveals Himself in the biggest of ways.

It's my prayer that these words are encouraging to you, and that I have presented God's word accurately.  Thank you so much for reading my first blog post EVER, and I'm praying there will be many more to come!

  All the glory and honor to him who speaks through me,

Megan Drew

[iamservantforchrist]

My purpose. My future. My hope. My God?

 Throughout high school I was constantly looking forward to college, yes I was that girl. To me, college was the solution to my discontent heart.  I unknowingly idolized what I thought to be the "college experience."  College was the extent to which my future was set in stone.  After college all I desired was to get married and have kids (I know, so stereotypical).  I’d placed so much hope in the joy I planned to find in the exciting new environment, and numerous people had assured me that these were going to be the greatest years of my life, my prime.  So much promise and anticipation!

 Yet here there I was.  Nearing the end of my first semester: anxious, stressed, defeated, restless, and uninspired.

 Let's venture back to the third week of school.  The newness has worn off, and schedules and studying are in full swing.  The harsh reality has set in; college is hard work!  When there aren't enough hours in the day, and there is ALWAYS homework to be done, prayer life, and personal devotional time are marginalized.

As long as I can remember I've been very focused on the future, whether it be the next hour or the next ten years, I'm a planner by nature.  I entered the school year as the idealist I truly am with my five-year plan in hand, ready to conquer the world, participate in every school event, and enjoy every glamorous moment.  Yet, just a couple months into the school year, and all the confidence I'd placed in my own strength was diminished.  I was in despair, and reluctant to pick up the pieces.  I'd become uncertain of my major, my calling, and my purpose in this life.  With only a few weeks left of the semester I still didn’t know what the future held, but I finally had accepted that I was where God wanted me.

I do not know if you can personally relate to this specific situation, but the scriptures God pointed me to during this time of need are applicable to every believer as 2 Timothy 3:16 boldly proclaims, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” 

As I introduce the encouragement God’s word gave me during this time of despair,  I’d like to testify that God is still undoubtedly working through me, through me weaknesses.  What I've relearned from these rough months is that I can do nothing by my own strength, and that God most definitely has a perfect plan for my life, even in the midst of failure.  Growing up in a Christian community, I’d heard this truth proclaimed time and time again, but through this trial, it was validated.

My mother recently pointed me back to Psalm 119: 105," Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path," as she so eloquently reminded me that God's plan for my life will be made known when he chooses, and no amount of stressing or feverishly scrambling around has the power to change that.  As I looked more closely at Psalm 119, verse 2 caught my attention. "Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!" And I realized something I'd been overlooking.  How can I seek God with my whole heart if I don’t even trust his plan for my life?

 To seek God with my whole heart means not worrying about tomorrow, after all:

"... tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble," Matthew 6:34.

"Whatever you do, work hearty, as for the Lord, and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

 These scriptures, concise as they may be, form the framework of the Christian life worth living, the very life we are called to live once we leave our sinful ways behind and follow Christ.

I wholeheartedly understand that this is far easier said than done, but we have no biblical justification to live a life that contradicts these principles in any way.  The Christian life is not promised to be easy, but as we walk through theses valleys of dryness, temptation or fear, God reveals Himself in the biggest of ways.

It's my prayer that these words are encouraging to you, and that I have presented God's word accurately.  Thank you so much for reading my first blog post EVER, and I'm praying there will be many more to come!

  All the glory and honor to him who speaks through me,

Megan Drew

[iamservantforchrist]

Part Three: "Journey to Wellness" Poetry Series

Molasses- October 2014

  If I slow down,

Even for a moment-

Rest my head

Or take a seat

Upon this outdoor folding chair-

Will I just shrivel up?

Assume the position

Of the mummy that I feel I am-

The stroke effects that paralyze

And leave you numb.

I resist the rest because

I refuse to die-

One second that I spend not moving forward,

Is twenty lifetimes that I fall behind.

My eyelids droop-

Could be adorable

If it were time for bed

And I was eight.

But it’s 3 pm and I,

I am fully grown-

Each body part

As full or as flat as it will be-

And yet my energy

Does not match my youthful physique-

My perky breasts and slender thighs.

I imagine that my face is that of 95-

Worn out and faded

As the newspaper clipping of me

Swinging on the monkey bars-

A sad reminder of how many years it’s been

Since I felt full-

Pooching tummy, sparkly eyes,

Orange t-shirt with strawberry stains.

Will I live to see 35?

Not at this rate-

This rate of fast decay,

My bloated abdomen

Stopped being cute at 6-

And who wants a young woman

With eyes of a drug addicts:

Red, puffy, swollen,

Dark circles and watery whites.

And if I slow down-

Even for a moment-

I’ll lie here forgotten

And alone.

Who wants the company

Of the perpetually ill-

Ill since birth and to think;

I’ve been loved.

I dream of dancing long and hard,

But after 30 minutes, I head home early.

I dream of running fast and far,

But my new gray tennis shoes won’t

Chase pavement by themselves.

To be killed quickly,

With absolution,

Doesn’t scare me;

Wasting away, in molasses-moving minutes,

Does.

   Email: [email protected]

Chronic illness has been a life time reality for me. Born with Strep B which is usually fatal to the baby, I survived with the modern miracle of antibiotics but my compromised immune system has progressively worsened over the span of my 26 years. I began to really tackle my health problems three years ago.The Lord has taught me so much about His goodness in the midst of intense suffering which I share a bit about in my first article published in Gracious Life Magazine entitled "Giving Thanks in All Circumstances."  This 4-part poetry series gives a darker glimpse into my day to day reality over the past year of being back in my mothers home in Portland Oregon.

[iamservantforchrist]

I'm Alive, I swear!

 Hi, I'm alive! I swear I am! I know, it's been too long of radio silence... 

A few weeks ago, I finished an antibiotic for my stomach and also four rounds of an IV antiviral for the Epstein Barr and lingering Lyme. My body has endured a lot and boy, how I underestimated the severity of the treatment. Even though both the antiviral and antibiotics are known to be rigorous killing-agents, I thought I could at least be able to blog while being sick. Silly me, that definitely was not the case. 

 The antiviral is what hit me the hardest . . .  It was like having a horrendous flu that lasted for a month. I had days where I could barely function. Every muscle and pore in my body felt like it was fighting something disgusting. I say "disgusting" because that's how the treatments made me feel. I just felt icky and gross without any control of my body, as if my body was unraveling from the inside out. But I would say the worst part about the whole ordeal, was that right when I would start to feel better I had to go in for another round, thus repeating the cycle of feeling like death.

 While facing these few miserable weeks, I thought that I would become spiritually stagnant. Which in a way I was; the brain fog came on heavily and my hope for recovery was diminishing. However, God used my misery to teach me a very valuable lesson. Due to the brain fog, exhaustion, and pain, I was left unable to do little reading, writing, or even praying. My unfortunate brain just couldn't comprehend a word or produce any thoughts. Along with my blog, my whole mind was experiencing radio silence. It’s one thing to be in physical discomfort but there is nothing like the pain of being unable to quench a thirst to be close to the Lord. . No Bible reading and no praying... This was dangerous.

  An unwanted separation from the Lord had a toll on me. To experience much physical pain without running to the word for comfort and aid caused my hope to fade, my endurance and strength started to dwindle, my joy turned in to seeds of bitterness, and by the end of the last treatment the happiness I found in my Lord and Savior was gone. I quickly discovered that we must fill our minds with the Word of God when facing challenges. It's very difficult to combat negative thoughts without the words of our Savior.

 To be honest, I am still struggling with some negative thoughts about being sick but a lot of these troubles vanished the moment I turned my eyes back on the Bible. Instead of focusing on my burden I am shifting my eyes towards my citizenship in heaven (Philippians 3:20). I urge you, open your Bibles and find hope. 

 Below is a Snapchat story I took during one of my antiviral treatments, (which took more than 3 hours). 

[iamservantforchrist]

Poetry Series: Journey to Wellness

September 19th 2014

 Take me down to the waters,

Dunk my body in the well of life.

 No more pain, I say,

No more sorrow in this wasted and weary form,

No more strife, no more

Dirty little fragments of sickness

That ache from the deep place,

Cover my deep place

With the living waters.

Carry me or drag me,

Throw me over your shoulder or gently guide me

With your hands in the palms of mine-

No matter the way you take me-

Just get me to those waters.

 No more pain, I say,

No more bitterness festering

In the creases of my smile, 

No more endless slumbering

That brings no relief,

No more feverish nightmares,

No more tear-stained pillow cases.

I need me some of that cold relief.

Take me down to the waters,

Dunk my body in the well of life.

 No more pain, I say,

No more sorrow

Take away that ache from the deep place,

Cover that deep place

With the living waters

  Chronic illness has been a life time reality for me. Born with Strep B which is usually fatal to the baby, I survived with the modern miracle of antibiotics but my compromised immune system has progressively worsened over the span of my 26 years. I began to really tackle my health problems three years ago.The Lord has taught me so much about His goodness in the midst of intense suffering which I share a bit about in my first article published in Gracious Life Magazine entitled "Giving Thanks in All Circumstances."  This 4-part poetry series gives a darker glimpse into my day to day reality over the past year of being back in my mothers home in Portland Oregon.

[iamservantforchrist]

Rescued from the grip of grief

 by

Tammy Davis

 I spent the better part of the first two years after my husband’s death sitting in the blanket of darkness of my clothes closet.  It was a comforting place that helped to block out the noise of grief that had shaken me to my very core. I could only be found there when the children were in school.  I made sure that when they arrived home they were always greeted by a clean house, the scent of vanilla candles and homemade cookies, never the wiser that in their absence I was wrestling with God and the changes he had allowed in our lives.

Just two weeks prior to my husband’s accident on his police motorcycle I had been listening to a woman being interviewed by Dr. Dobson on Focus on the Family.  She spoke with such passion for our Lord Jesus.  I had picked up the children from school and as I turned off the freeway onramp I prayed and asked the Lord to show me how to love Him the way this woman did, to make my family warriors in His service. 

On the day that that redirected what I thought was the trajectory of our lives, I found my self in a Sheriff’s helicopter on my way to my dying husband’s side, all the way saying in my head, “Please, Lord help me not to be angry with you.  Please help me not to be angry with you." Somehow, I intuitively knew that anger would only distance me from my Savior when I was going to need him the most.

Deep in my soul I knew He loved me, felt my sorrow, and was meeting my needs even when I had no idea what they were or what was coming next.  When I was the most desperate He sent me friends willing to knock at my door in the middle of the night saying, “The Lord put you on my heart.”  When I cried out for wisdom and the ability to mother three heartbroken children, the wisdom came.  When I begged Him to give me purpose, the purpose shone bright in my darkened mind.  And when I pleaded for joy it broke thru in unexpected ways. Some friends were shaken by the depth of sadness they had never experienced themselves, and slowly backed away out our lives much like a glass on a table moves out of your reach during the vibration of a small earthquake.  When that happened I asked God to help me to be understanding and compassionate, he answered those prayers with unshakable friendships and unconditional love.

But during those first few years, deep depression would come and go. The Simon and Garfunkel lyrics were on a loop in my head, “Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again” And then I had it out with God. I was tired of wrestling with Him and I let him know he had robbed me.  Desperate, I lay prostrate on my bedroom floor asking him to reveal himself to me.  Like a feather slowly wafting from above my head a quiet question, “What do I know of my God?” 

                                     He is omniscient  (Isaiah 46:9)

                                    He is omnipresent (Psalm 139:7-12)

                                    He knows every hair on my head (Luke 12:6-7)

                                    He knows the number days of my life (Job 14:5)

 Ah, I reasoned, he also knew the number days of Matt’s life.  He knew when we came together in marriage how many days that would be.  He knew the children that would be gifted to us and that all three would seek after Him and that they would drag with them as many as they could along the way.  The light bulb was turned on and brightly shone.  Therefore I was not robbed.  The only one that was really surprised by the turn of events was . . . me.  Actually, my gracious and wonderful God waited for my heart to align with his will.  That prayer in early September 2002: “Please show me we love you, make us your warriors.” 

Sweet acceptance and the assurance of steadfast love flooded thru me.  That moment of realization altered everything!  My God was in control and more important “in the know.”  While I have had sad days or moments, my battle with depression ended that day.   What a Magnificent God we serve!

[iamservantforchrist]

Top SIX Items Every Patient Should own

This week I’ve been preparing for my next round of IV antivirals that start on Friday. It sounds weird but I do prepare my room and my belongings for life during treatments. I’m just going to say it. Treatments suck. But I’m hoping that sharing the things I do to ease the experience will help you or a friend. Maybe you are looking to buy your sick friend a gift? You may be stumped, what on earth do you buy? Before my first treatment I definitely didn’t know what to buy in preparation. Don’t worry this list will help you! There are certain items that are essential for treatment and chronic illness and I hope they will help you or your friend too. 

 6   Something to Do

A lot of people get bored just watching movies all day. I know it gets old for me really fast. I often find myself searching from something to do with my hands while I watch a movie. Do you or your friend knit, craft, scrapbook? Find out what laidback hobby they enjoy and supply them with new materials. Note: If their hobby is physical then it’s probably best that you try to find them a new activity to enjoy.

 I love shopping at Craft Warehouse! 

 5  Uggs (Or Knock-Off Uggs)

I know! I know! I can hear your “ews” and “they are so ugly” from here! But sick people need Uggs, okay?! Comfort is top priority! I’ve haven’t bought heels in two years. It’s tragic. Going to doctor appointments or even grocery shopping can seem like a huge chore, so dressing up isn’t something I always want to do. Having these on hand is incredibly helpful.

 BEARPAW boots found here

4   More Blankets

What do you think we do all day? We cuddle with blankets and watch movies. There is nothing more exhilarating then a new blanket. It’s like my version of getting new jeans. 

These blankets are heavy and warm

 3 Sweat pants, Leggings, and Sweaters

I have a battle of being comfortable and cute. When I feel sick I hate being in tight clothes and at the same time I do not want to feel frumpy. I know this may sound like an oxymoron but buy yourself or your friend some cute loungewear.  Look for clothes that can be acceptable sitting in a waiting room but also be comfortable sleeping in. H&M, Arie, and The Gap are great places to start! Grab some loose, soft shirts and cute leggings, or jeggings that look like jeans but are actually sweats in disguise. 

 2 Mornings and Evenings by Charles Spurgeon

Some people who are sick can read a ton while others experience high doses of brain fog. I was a once honors student and lover of books who got extreme brain fog and couldn’t read more than 2 pages without falling asleep. To make matters worse, I was incredibly saddened when I struggled to read my Bible.. I would crave intimacy with God but I just couldn’t focus or retain anything I read! That’s why Mornings and Evenings devotional was a perfect dose for me. Its incredibly deep and powerful, yet the passages aren’t terribly long.

 You can find this book here

 1 Electric Blanket

Yes, this is my number one with out a doubt. Cold chills, body aches, the need to climb into a cave and never leave, this is your safe haven. I’m actually at a loss for words to describe how my comfort levels changed once I received this for Christmas. If you are going to buy anything for your sick friend or yourself, this is calling your name (or wallet).

 You can find an electric blanket here

 BONUS

What Not to Buy: FOOD

 I know this isn’t true for everybody and simply drawing on my own experiences, but food cravings and repulsions come and go and are very unpredictable. Sometimes treatments causes stomach pain and sensitive stomachs. You don’t want your friend to feel obligated to consume your gift. 

[iamservantforchrist]

"The Talk"

by

Jane Ellen Smith 

 I had "the talk" with Joy the other day. Not the one you're thinking of. The one about the two moms she saw on the tv show "The Dome." She mentioned the girl had two mothers and then she found out that she had a father, and then one mom and her dad got killed. She was left with the black mom who wasn't really her mom. She thought that was confusing. This is what I told her:  

 The white mother never told the girl about her father or the father about the girl, but she married the black woman who adopted the girl. They both loved her. You'll be hearing a lot more about men marrying men and women marrying women because our government has said that it's legal to do that now, but being legal doesn't mean that it is right in God's eyes. God gives us his design for marriage in Genesis. He created man and woman to be husband and wife, one husband and one wife married to each other for their entire life. But when Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, sin came into our lives, and sin causes us to do things against God's will. God's will is the best way for us to live. We are healthier and happier when we live in his will for us, but we sin and make bad choices. When a man and a woman decide to act like they are married when they aren't (we sometimes call that "naked people doing what naked people do), that is sin. When a husband and wife are married, but meet up with someone outside of their marriage and act like they're married, that is sin. When two women get married, or two men get married, that is sin.There is no sin that is worse than the other because any sin comes between us and God. Any sin gets in the way of our relationship with God. 

 Does that mean we hate people who sin? No. Does that mean it's my job or your job to shout at someone who is doing something wrong and tell them that God hates their sin? No. Jesus loves people who sin. He came to earth and died to take away our sin. He rose from the dead so that all the sinners who believe in Him can enter into God's holy presence. God calls us to love people who are sinning because He does. 

Here's a caution. Loving someone even though they are sinners does not mean putting ourselves in danger. You should never trust someone just because I've told you that we should love them as Jesus does. Loving someone the way Jesus does means being respectful and polite, but not trusting and stupid. Run away from sin. Trust God to tell you when you are in danger and run. Run hard and run fast.

But back to the two women getting married. The world will tell you that sin is beautiful and fun and will make you happy. And it might for awhile like eating a dozen donuts or a whole bag of Cheetos, but then it will make you sick, and you will really wish you hadn't done that. We need to trust that God has designed the best life for us--one man, one woman, one lifetime. 

Every time we step outside of God's design, we hurt. He uses that hurt to draw us back to Him and to help us find His will for us. Remember when your dad left? How broken I was, how much I cried? That's what sin does. It hurts. Because we broke God's best design for us. But God forgives our sin and draws us back to Him. After He forgives us, we still have to live with the consequences of our sin, but we can draw close to God, and He will draw close to us. (James 4:8)

(By this time we'd been driving in traffic for awhile and I thought I was losing her. She had been very quiet.) So, about the two women who got married. The world, that's the word used in the Bible to mean people who don't follow God's will, the world will tell you that it's good for two women or two men to marry and have a family, but it isn't. We can still be friends with them; we can love them; but we need to know in our hearts that it isn't God's design. We should always try to follow what the Bible teaches in our own lives.

 That's pretty much everything I said. She was quiet, then we got out of the car and went into Target. I thought I'd share that with you in case it comes up in a conversation. 

Love you all.

[iamservantforchrist]

Fighting Lyme, Epstein Barr, and SIBO

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,"  -- Psalm 103:2-4

 Two years ago, I was 90 pounds, had body aches, a parasite called rope worm, paralyzing stomach pain, fevers, skin rashes, trouble speaking, nerve numbness, muscle twitching, was mentally unavailable with severe brain fog, and was bedridden with exhaustion. By the grace of our merciful God, more than half of those symptoms have been cured. But recently I realized that I have never given you a full synopsis of the illness I am fighting or my treatment plan! So today I’m going to share with you a huge window into my life. I am going to fill you in on this pestilent thing that dictates my life and schedule.

 Lyme and Epstein Barr

 There is no cure for Lyme and Epstein Barr. This is why it has been two years and I’m still struggling to live a normal life. To make matters worse, there are only a small percentage of doctors who understand this epidemic. Most western doctors give their patients doses of antibiotics, treating these diseases like bacteria not a virus. When in fact treating a viral infection with an antibiotic has proven to actually be damaging because antibiotics cause the virus to fight back and to attack the body more aggressively. In most cases, doctors who understand the ineffectiveness of using antibiotics to fight against chronic Lyme and Epstein Barr are naturopaths. This is why I chose holistic doctors from the National College of Natural Medicine to treat me.

Okay, okay. . . I know what you’re thinking. Some of you are shaking your heads because I’ve been sick for two years and I’m still under natural care. But I wasn’t always a hippy girl; there was a day where I didn’t ramble about homemade ghee and bone broths, organic produce, and essential oils. I’m not radical because of certain beliefs; I’m radical out necessity, because seeking natural medicines have saved my life. I was involuntarily led down the holistic path by my health crisis, because “conventional” doctors and pharmaceuticals have repeatedly failed me.  Not one MD could correctly diagnose my symptoms, they would tell me I was either depressed, tired, or making it up. Not only did my holistic doctors immediately diagnose me but they also have successfully used natural medicine to heal previous cases. By using natural antivirals they are able to kill the active virus and keep the inactive cells dormant. God has blessed me with these wise doctors and I couldn’t be happier with the care I have been receiving.

 A Note About Antibiotics

 It’s important to remember that there is a time and place for antibiotics. In fact, I will be taking an antibiotic to treat my SIBO. Antibiotics are great to kill bacteria not viruses. Chromic Lyme and Esptein Barr are viruses while SIBO is a bacteria.

  Past Treatment

 For almost two years my treatment plan has consisted of a modified paleo diet and tinctures made up by powerful herbal extracts that detoxify my body and kill the viruses. These tinctures are able to kill the diseases in most patients. Although they have helped me greatly, my viruses seem to fight back unlike the other victims of these diseases who usually respond really well. What usually happens is that I’ll go on the tinctures and become very ill during this time. Die-off (bacteria that is being killed at a dramatic rate) can make you just as sick as the disease itself. That being said, the doctors couldn’t treat my SIBO (small intestinal bowel overgrowth) because I was too weak. There was no way my body could hold up to both antibiotics and antivirals. Complicated, right?

 Current Treatment

 Even though the tinctures have helped me tremendously, there is still a lot of work to be done. I still suffer from a great amount of fatigue, brain fog, and stomach aliments. That is why my doctors have decided to graduate me to IV therapy.

I would like to think that my doctors are pulling out the big guns. These past couple of months I have been given IV pushes with minerals, vitamins, and other “goodies.” This is to raise the baseline of my immune system, hoping that I can have enough nutrients to fight the virus off on my own. They made me feel fantastic! Well, for about a week, then I would crash and become bedridden again. So my doctors have recently further graduated me to an IV drip, a much more concentrated version of the push. This is currently helping the effects of the nutrients last longer, however the virus eventually overcomes my immune system.

 So what’s Next?

 Here is where it gets exciting yet almost depressing. They want to start me on IV drip antivirals in September. The doctors are excited to pursue this treatment because they believe they have found a window into killing the viruses in my body. (YAY!) However, they have stressed to me that the treatment itself will make me feel extremely sick and will definitely put my current bad days in perspective. In their words, this is because the IV antivirals are considerably more aggressive then my past treatments. Prayers would be very much appreciated during this time. They want to do 6-8 rounds every 2-3 weeks, *Sigh*. I’ll let everyone know when they start this this treatment and I’ll keep everyone updated with health posts.

 WAIT. What about the SIBO?

  Oh yes! They want to treat me for the SIBO soon too, since my body is so much stronger. But that will most likely happen after some rounds of the IV therapy since the SIBO antibiotics can make me very ill as well.  So that is up in the air at this point. However, the paleo diet has helped me manage the stomach pain. I will talk more about diet and SIBO in a future post.

 Below are random low-quality photos that have captured moments and symptoms of my journey.

*Disclaimer* These photos are somewhat humiliating for me, however it's the only way for you to see the destruction of these diseases. I want to thank you, my reader, for being so kind and allowing me to feel comfortable enough to share my darkest moments. 

" Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face."  -- Job 13:!5

[iamservantforchrist]

Coffee 101

Considering that I am allergic to coffee, many of my friends were shocked to hear that I am having Ryan, my coffee guru friend, teach me the ways of coffee. I want to know everything, from roasts to brews.  Why should my coffee allergy separate me from this awesome culture? Remember, coffee isn’t just a drink; it’s a trade, art, culture, and science. This is something Ryan truly embraces, so I knew he was the right person to study under.

 One of the reasons why I wanted to learn about coffee is because I truly view womanhood as an art form (this is something I will talk in depth later). Being Christ-like, graceful, intelligent, and buying a new dress all contribute to the artistic expression that only women get to practice and explore. It’s such a beautiful gift! It’s the practice of viewing Proverbs 31 as God’s beautiful masterpiece. With this in mind, I knew having knowledge about coffee would only add to my artwork of womanhood.  There’s nothing more elegant and attractive than a woman wearing her favorite shade of lipstick making her guests the best pour over of their lives.

   About Coffee.

First, let me tell you how much fun it was to begin my coffee overview with Ryan, my mother Tammy, and my brother Jack. We plan on having more detailed lessons but this week Ryan gave us an overview about soils, location, roasts, and filtering methods. I won’t be able to regurgitate all the information that we learned but I will definitely fill you in on the highlights of our session. 

 Soil = Flavor

 If you’re like me, I thought the roast had everything to do with flavor. You know how coffee menus and coffee bags address the flavor of the bean, “chocolate, ginger, dark,” or “citrus, lemon, bright,”? Well I always assumed they did some kind of flavor infused roasting methods . . . Some of you are probably laughing at me while the rest of you are nodding along. It turns out that the flavor is all from the soil! Yes! Weird, right? It all depends on climate, environment, and what is in the soil. Sometimes the farmers use land that was previously used for a different type of crop like lavender or cocoa. In other cases, they also put food in the soil like citrus peels and ginger.  Below you can see a photo of my brother smelling the bean – MMM . . . Blueberry and chocolate!

   Coffee is a Fruit

  "Funny to hear someone say “I don’t like fruity coffee,” uhhh coffee IS a fruit."  -- Ryan Leith

 I totally respect your taste palate if you genuinely do not enjoy a strong fruity flavor in your coffee, but let me tell a little bit about the remarkable coffee fruit. Take a look at the diagram below. You will see that the coffee fruit looks like a cherry, which is why it’s actually called a coffee cherry!

A coffee cherry consists of a thick skin, a pulp that is a jelly consistency, and a pit, which you may know as the bean. An important part of the technique is to strip the bean from the pulp to dry it out after it is picked; this is known as processing. The three main processing types are dry, semi-dry, and wet.

                       Dry: This is also known as the natural process, since and it is the oldest method. The whole cherry is cleaned and laid out to dry underneath the sun. Many of the African coffees use this process, resulting in a strong fruity flavor with a sweet, dark, heavy body.

Wet: The skin and pulp are removed and the bean undergoes a lengthy process of being washed and processed with specific equipment.  The taste profile also has a fruity flavor like the dry methods. However, because this method reduces the acidity in the coffee bean it tastes clean and bright.

Semi- Dry: A crossover between dry and wet, this process removes the skin, dries the bean within the jelly, and then undergoes a washing process. The flavors produced by this process are the best of both worlds. It can retain both fruity and earthy flavors but they tend to be sweeter.

"If we just make coffee to become our morning sludge we have completely disrespected the entire process."  -- Ryan Leith

 Roast

           I didn’t retain a lot of information about the roast because there is only one roast that matters – light. Thanks to Starbucks and its mass production, our country has been addicted to the burnt, flavorless dark roast for the past 15 years. However, the light roast is claiming its rightful place back into our cupboards and hearts. Why is it the best though? Since we now know that flavor lies within the bean’s origin of harvest, we can correctly assume that the roast serves a different purpose. The roast wasn’t made to give it a darker, earthy flavor, it is actually meant to awaken the flavors and oils to prepare it for grinding and brewing. If you desire a “darker” coffee, Ryan would suggest coffees from South America rather than blends from Ethiopia or other African countries.

Can you believe that all the information I just spat on this page is merely a reflection of the highlights? I only wrote a tenth of what I learned! I can’t wait for more coffee talks and to share more information about this art.

"The whole point is to bring the same level of respect to the process of making coffee that the farmer did growing and harvesting it."  -- Ryan Leith

 ​

[iamservantforchrist]

Healthy Ginger Ale Recipe

It’s been hot, record breaking hot . . .  and  since Portland is the land of no air conditioners I have been drowning myself in cool (sugar free) drinks. Yes, sugar free. My doctor has put me on a strict no sugar diet to kill my SIBO (small intestine bacteria overgrowth), basically my condition thrives off of sugar. Otherwise, right now I would be drowning my sorrows in ice cream. I’m not complaining about my choices, I love drinks! I love fizzy water, kombucha, ice tea, but lately I’ve been really craving ginger ale. My doctor suggested that I should make some myself with honey. This was actually a brilliant idea, because what I whipped up is delicious. You should definitely try making this yummy, healthy soda replacement this weekend. 

WHAT:

1 Large Ginger Root

2 Cups of Water

½ - ¼ Cup of Honey

1 Bottle of Lime flavored Club Sod 

 HOW:

1.     Take your ginger root and peel it.

2.     Zest 1 tablespoon of the ginger, chop the rest of the ginger in medium sized chunks.

3.     Pour your honey, 2 cups of water, and ginger in a small sauce pan. Bring to a boil and then simmer for 20 minutes. *Note about the honey: I prefer a less sweetened version and use ¼ cup of honey resulting in a strong ginger flavor.

4.     Once cooled strain the "syrup" in a container. Its not going to be a thick consistency.

5.     Pour 1-3 tablespoons (1 TBS for a weak soda – 3 TBS for a stronger flavor) into a glass, pour your club soda, mix, drink, be merry! 

[iamservantforchrist]

Now Streaming..

Guess what, guys! I'm now on Blog Lovin'! Woohoo! 

I'll admit it, I'm not the most tech savvy person.. Running a website has been a huge growing experience, which is why it took me forever to figure out how to connect this site to Bloglovin'. Thank the Lord for patience and the friendly squarespace tech support. But hey, each problem has allowed me to learn!

For those who do not know what Bloglovin' is, let me explain. It allows you, a reader, to follow all of your favorite blogs.  It's like Facebook for the blogging world.. except the only "news stories" on your feed are new blog posts by the bloggers you wish to follow. Its simple, easy, and you should join. The link below will lead you to the Gracious Life page! Click it! 

Follow(function(d, s, id) {var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) return;js = d.createElement(s);js.id = id;js.src = "https://widget.bloglovin.com/assets/widget/loader.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, "script", "bloglovin-sdk"))

[iamservantforchrist]

Now Streaming..

Guess what, guys! I'm now on Blog Lovin'! Woohoo! 

I'll admit it, I'm not the most tech savvy person.. Running a website has been a huge growing experience, which is why it took me forever to figure out how to connect this site to Bloglovin'. Thank the Lord for patience and the friendly squarespace tech support. But hey, each problem has allowed me to learn!

For those who do not know what Bloglovin' is, let me explain. It allows you, a reader, to follow all of your favorite blogs.  It's like Facebook for the blogging world.. except the only "news stories" on your feed are new blog posts by the bloggers you wish to follow. Its simple, easy, and you should join. The link below will lead you to the Gracious Life page! Click it! 

Follow(function(d, s, id) {var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) return;js = d.createElement(s);js.id = id;js.src = "https://widget.bloglovin.com/assets/widget/loader.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, "script", "bloglovin-sdk"))

[iamservantforchrist]

Why Do You Feel Guilty? (Grief Part 2)

by

Julianna Davis 

 You may remember in my last letter I explained that grieving over your illness or other personal trial is okay only if you cling to God.  I would like to continue sharing what I have learned about grief, primarily because I find myself living in an age where church culture has led us to believe sadness is a sign of a selfishness, negativity and a lack of faith.  When I became grieved over my illness I felt guilty.  I thought my sadness was a sin because it was contradicting so many bible verses that instructed me to be happy.  But let’s face it; no one will escape a period of grief because we live in a chaotic and sinful world.  But, Church!  Let us remember who we are, and who our creator is!

 We were made in God’s image

 This means that we are created with God’s same character traits. Thus, our emotions, strengths, interests, etc., are all inherited from God. Think about genetics, you may have your mother’s eyes or your dad’s dry wit. In that same way, God created Adam by replicating his own “DNA” into him. Yet this doesn’t exclude emotions that we would consider to be negative, for instance, we can be jealous, angry, and sad. Yes, ALL of our emotions have been inherited. We tend to assume that these emotions are considered sinful, however because of sin any emotion can be contorted into sin. Even your happiness can be a sin. Think about it. Have you ever become happy when someone’s failure made you a little giddy? Let’s say that one woman who always bragged about her successful career was fired and you felt a sense of satisfaction? That happiness is sinful! So I am here to remind you that all emotions reflect God (even sadness) and they all can be used to give God glory or shame.

 Therefore, when I am grieved over my illness I am reflecting my likeness of God.

 We know that God is capable of feeling these “negative” emotions because of scripture (Genesis 6:6, Exodus 34:14. Deuteronomy 29:27-28, Psalm 30:5, Psalm 78:40). To be more specific, we know that God has expressed great sorrow instead of choosing to find the more optimistic view. Let me clarify, there are times when we have the choice to find the blessings in the midst of adversity but given the circumstance there are also times to grieve. What I find awesome is that the Bible gives us assurance to grieve without guilt. In John 11, Jesus grieves over the loss of his friend, Lazarus. He didn’t say, “well, our friend is in Heaven, so we should be celebrating not mourning!” No, Jesus wept. He didn’t cry with anger or frustration, he cried in sympathy, submission, and pain over the loss of His friend.       

             My joy is gone; grief is upon me; my heart is sick within me,” (Jeremiah 8:18)

 Jeremiah 8:18 is another great passage of assurance. How powerful are the words of God Himself! God’s joy was gone when He saw the sins of mankind turn against Him. He was so devastated that He was repulsed. Then why is it that we are surrounded by a church that thinks we must always be smiling and rejoicing? When in fact we were created to experience these deep feelings – feelings that are no longer just an emotion but a physical burden that can be felt inside of our chest. 

We know that all emotions can be used to give God praise or shame, and if grief can be a dangerous emotional place to be in then how can we ensure that we are grieving in a righteous way? Its simple - we must grieve like Christ! He did not grieve in anger or bitterness towards God. Instead He clung to hope and grieved with the church body. I’m not saying this is easy, because for some it may take a lot of work to shed your anger towards the Lord, but once you find that God is the Lord of comfort you will have a sense of peace and joy in the midst of your sadness.

 If you are burdened with loss, either from a physical burden or death of a loved one, guilt should be absent from your heart. If you reevaluate your emotions and know that you are coming to Christ with your sadness, then be reassured that Christ is bearing these same emotions. He too is grieved by your trials.  Put your trust and hope in the Lord and you will bring Him praise, even with your tears.

[iamservantforchrist]

Two Books and a Nap

My fatigue comes in cycles. Usually after an IV treatment I feel fabulous for a week, maybe even two, but then I start to fade again. I’ll wind up in bed, watching TV, and if I'm lucky, reading. I wish I could explore and take pictures but lately I've been experiencing a "low." Instead of waiting until my next IV therapy to gain the strength to post, I figured I would share about what I currently have been reading.

1. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

 It's been awhile since I've been physically able to sit down and read for more than an hour. But this book is riveting! I feel like it's been channeling my recent thoughts about my walk with God and the state of our nation. Basically, he writes that despite all the seminaries and churches in America a small amount of people actually experience God. We thirst for him, yet we rarely enter his presence, "But the highest love of God is not intellectual, it is spiritual." Get. This. Book.

2. The Story: The Bible as One Continuing Story of God and His People

 This has been such a great experience for me. It's word for word chapters from the NIV bible arranged in an ongoing story about Christ. I find this useful to develop a big picture of both old and new testament and how they should not be separated. The bible is one big story!  Another reason why I love this book is because I lost a lot of memories when I got sick. Unfortunately, that also includes my Bible knowledge (especially the Old Testament). This is helping me reclaim an overview on the Old Testament before I do any in depth study on individual books.

There you have it, two books I would recommend to anyone.

[iamservantforchrist]

Two Books and a Nap

My fatigue comes in cycles. Usually after an IV treatment I feel fabulous for a week, maybe even two, but then I start to fade again. I’ll wind up in bed, watching TV, and if I'm lucky, reading. I wish I could explore and take pictures but lately I've been experiencing a "low." Instead of waiting until my next IV therapy to gain the strength to post, I figured I would share about what I currently have been reading.

1. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

 It's been awhile since I've been physically able to sit down and read for more than an hour. But this book is riveting! I feel like it's been channeling my recent thoughts about my walk with God and the state of our nation. Basically, he writes that despite all the seminaries and churches in America a small amount of people actually experience God. We thirst for him, yet we rarely enter his presence, "But the highest love of God is not intellectual, it is spiritual." Get. This. Book.

2. The Story: The Bible as One Continuing Story of God and His People

 This has been such a great experience for me. It's word for word chapters from the NIV bible arranged in an ongoing story about Christ. I find this useful to develop a big picture of both old and new testament and how they should not be separated. The bible is one big story!  Another reason why I love this book is because I lost a lot of memories when I got sick. Unfortunately, that also includes my Bible knowledge (especially the Old Testament). This is helping me reclaim an overview on the Old Testament before I do any in depth study on individual books.

There you have it, two books I would recommend to anyone.