The Catch 22

A girl with a thing for cliches and absolutely no tolerance for mustard.

[iamthecatch22]

I've bean here before... #punsarelife #travel #publicart #sculpture #cloudgate #siranishkapoor #chicago #classic #windycity

[iamthecatch22]

You’re not allowed

Sometimes, the pain of regret is so overwhelming you wish that sleep would come to save you. You wish it would envelop you like a blanket and smother you until nobody could hear your cries. 

It doesn’t come in waves. It’s sudden, unexpected, sporadic. And it’s always, always followed by guilt. 

You don’t get to feel guilty. You’re not allowed. 

You can’t feel grief over something you caused — something you chose — something you did — something you wanted. Your lot in life is to feel it. To live with it. To let it fester and eat you up; to silence the cries it makes you want to let out. 

So you choke it back. It’s acidic and putrid; it tastes sour... and it’s fitting because your heart feels sour, too. You want someone to hold you and give you solace, but you won’t get it. 

And your mind wanders. The more you want to erase the thoughts, the more they burrow themselves in your brain... they are branded in your mind with an iron that only you can see and feel. You can never forget, and if you let go you’re a monster. You want to be better, but you can’t move on. You can’t move on. You can’t move on. 

You don’t get to let go. You’re not allowed. 

Even now, as you are filled with deep regret, you hate yourself a little more because you still can’t see in black and white. You still don’t know if you’d change things. How can you regret something if you don’t even believe it was wrong? You’re a dichotomy of feelings and nobody cares. Nobody will care, because regret is saved for those who are really sorry.

You don’t get to regret. You’re not allowed.

Some days, you think it was just a blip on your life’s map. A small deterrence in your lifeline. And some days it’s a tornado wreaking havoc on every thought; disrupting your life with such intense ferocity that you can’t even breathe for fear the dust will consume every inch of your lungs. Some days it stirs up everything and throws you right in the thick of it, and there’s nothing you can do but feel it. Live it. Consume it. Luckily, your brain will tell your lungs to keep breathing and your heart to keep pumping... just don’t cry.  Your grief is not allowed. 

[iamthecatch22]

In case you need this in your back pocket. 😂 #life #love #quotes #lifehacks #lol

[iamthecatch22]

#beyonce #gillettestadium #sorryaintsorry #Broncosallday (at Beyoncé Formation World Tour Gillette Stadium)

[iamthecatch22]

[iamthecatch22]

Birthday tattoos! Because why not? #dirty30 #besties #goodtimes #iwentfirst

[iamthecatch22]

Lol... 👑 🐝 #whatwouldbeyoncedo

[iamthecatch22]

Saying sorry is the hardest part. #life #quotes #words

[iamthecatch22]

#Duckface at the Irish Festival #friends #family #fun #goodtimes #summernights (at Colorado Irish Festival)

[iamthecatch22]

Why can't life always be this easy? 🌊🌎🌞🌈🌺🍹🐳🐠🐙🐚🐬#Mexico #family #vacation #whereisNatalie

[iamthecatch22]

What a great accomplishment, my seeeester! #grad #DU #pioneers #Denver #college #smartypants

[iamthecatch22]

Be careful what you seek

Don't seek answers and then ignore them when they present. Sometimes, often times, the actions around us tell us everything we need to know.

[iamthecatch22]

Those #adventures seemed so long ago. #Colorado #mountains #5280 #explore #nature #scenery

[iamthecatch22]

I got Funny a pillow pet with a twist for Christmas. Joke's on her because this pillow has claws!

[iamthecatch22]

There are some things you go through in life that are so messy, they create within you an immeasurable determination to NEVER again end up in the same place. I'm beyond grateful for finally seeing.

[iamthecatch22]

#Denver you get a pass today even though it's damn cold because this morning was gorgeous. #5280Life #MileHighCity #sunrise #early mornings

[iamthecatch22]

Whatever she says goes. #girlcrush #loveher #ScarJo #yum