Gotta admit that I've had a poetry crush on you since I've started reading your stuff. Keep being inspired.
Thanks yo!Â
Peter Solarz
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@ianomoly
Gotta admit that I've had a poetry crush on you since I've started reading your stuff. Keep being inspired.
Thanks yo!Â
2013 vma will always be the best vma
HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT DAFT PUNK????!!!!!
Iâm actually just reblogging this because of daft Punk!
The Truce of a Concept
In the past No one would listen...
Yeah I get it Felt the same type of "pissed" But my ears have been open And all this silence exists
Wondering if it's the wall you've built as a guard Or the ghosts that still hold pieces of your heart Stole your songs Selling it out when it was priceless Looking over the edge of this pessimistic pedestal The view is getting old And these stories told are only a fraction of who we are
Everybody wants to lend a hand but honestly I need to deal with this shit like a "man" A term that changes every day Yet these days right now still blend the same "You're a nice guy and all, but..." Heard it so many times now But never lessens how much it sucks
Used to play the game But now I'm used up So I waved the white flag And stopped giving a fuck So even if this isn't saying much The corresponding actions speak as such So you can unravel this mind like a new toy But the line of tension still has the knife hovering over So I'll keep being positive "Play it cool, Boy"
What/Makes/Us
Others consider caking up to add color to this Black and White Town Meanwhile This wanderer is trying to balance work and school So he can have a shot at getting out
In the meantime Let's color in the lines while we're here It's becoming a fear Going out and walking home at night Who would've thought this was Upstate New York right? How can you not get a little tight?
There's one thing that never dies And that's Hope Making it through intact is the best way to cope Nervous energy exchanged for a chill approach
So don't be afraid to approach this
Together we can exploit What makes us all uncomfortable
Epileptic
All the red lights were dashing in front of me Not even a leap of faith But a hope that fate would bring something different
To open enough as an introduction has been enough to make countless others shudder at the thought But after it all You hadn't just stayed there You were smiling
That smile may have just pulled the string that runs the yo-yo I call a heart
It's easier to be an optimist when you handle things as such I've left you the keys to the doors It's up to which one chosen No need to worry about may it will lead Cause those seconds of time that came to stop Are where I wanna be
The Passion of The Plight
Searching for a reason to clean these untied ends up Not a puppet But I'd rather let these strings be pulled by someone in control Than an equally lost mass of limbs and matter
There's this thing were both after Where we can look into a pair of eyes And feel as though nothing can match the high Replicate the buzz Of when our eyes lock And our hands touch
We're both past the point of social crucifixes
Our souls crossing paths is a blessing in it self Let's give thanks the right way And cherish the relief of fighting through all this nonsense
Take The Time?
We've been in the dwellings for a bit But Me + You Could equal this view
Just wanna make sure this is reciprocal This could be something tangible While the rest are consumed in the digital
Create something metaphysical
Mental Vasectomy
Nearly two years celibate And the closest thing to an orgasm Is resting my head and closing my eyes at night
Detached Memories sit in this frontal lobe And a smile can't be cracked Stuck like glue Setting alone Flanked by singular reinforcements With similar disdains
"Men are awful and can't be trusted" Ad nauseum Give two shits about Alpha Males who feel I'm a bitch I just live alone, read and write words that itch In a place no one wants to scratch if I were their "significant other" So it's just the "other" No brothers or sisters The only child with a spotlight that flickers From "The Sellout Oreo" To "The Out There Nigga" With a path that's only getting bigger and bigger Leaving enemies with a taste in their mouth so bitter
A Letter in Lines
Ascent, Descent, Dissent
 Lost in Translation
My heart was the eye
And you were the BB gun
These eyes are shot out
Nothing feels the same anymore
 Illusions distorting everything
You thought my love was shared
While I was waiting for yours to sing
Barking up the wrong tree again
Then why am I growing?
 I just want to know why you stay silent
Why you never realize what you have till itâs gone
I offered you empathy
You took it as sympathy
And the hopes of getting through to you
Faded with your thoughts of what we could be
 This wonât be the death of the dreamer in me
But I shouldâve know this whole time
You wanted security
Now Iâm locked in the weight of my decisions
Lucid emotion in my head
We couldâve built each other up
But weâve broken down instead
  What Was Really Meant
 When I read your writing for the first time
I shouldâve just stopped there
Because every sentence brought back
Feelings I had felt in the past
 I started to hang on your words
Rather than confront you about them
Those were never stabs
Just couldnât think what to do
Because it started to hurt me
And then falling ensued
 The last post you wrote
Made me go insane
Because you had this one line
About not giving up your name
I knew what you were getting at
And it left me in tears
Foolish to think
I could end all your fears
When you just wanted me to be there
 When you just wanted me to be myself
Dark Space
 Bright Eyes is ruined for me
 Not that Connor Oberst
Isnât a talented artist
But knowing you listened to
Iâm Wide Awake, Itâs Morning
Had me mourning
Knowing youâve heard him say
âDonât you weep...â
Made me weep
 A lover you donât have to love
 Iâm all for unconditional
But look at the condition weâre in
Wanting the perfect picture
When weâre still putting the puzzle of our lives together
 I had it all planned out
That when I went there
I was going to wander and write
Smoke and sink into myself
I shouldnât have been where I was
Drinking and thinking
This was all I needed
But you got me so bad
And my best friend asked
Why you were on my mind so much
When we just met and hung out over 2 days
 I told him
It was as if you had seen through me
And knew I was lying to myself
 You make me want to be a better person
I canât say I can carry everything
But the least I owe you is a listen
And my undivided attention
 My cards have been laid out on the table
And I just wanna know at this point
Is if youâll check, call or fold
Either way, it would feel better to know
 Because all of this
Has us split
Iâve you all the space I can
If thatâs what you want me to do
Just know this never started to make you be with me
To ruin anything you had
I just wanted you to see
I would never risk hurting you
And that no matter what else was happening
What you thought was happening
Or any doubts about what I was telling you
That my writing began
Because I couldnât say the things I needed to say
To those I care about most
The fear that if I kept it real with you
Youâd leave
And toss me off as Sensitive Garbage
Like every girl in the past I had given my heart to
Cause there was one point
Where thoughts of you left me shaking
Intimidated
Wondering when everything would go to shit
And you didnât have a clue
You had this the whole time
And thatâs why I feel like I failed you
As a friend
As a person
As a human
 So please
Shut me the fuck up with that sweet voice of yours
Keep calling me out when Iâm being an asshole
Because you know how to do it
And you done it so well
That youâve left me silent
And no choice but to listen
 Clear the air
So I can see
Who you really are
And donât be afraid to take your time
Because that means nothing to me
When it comes to you
The Walking Dead/Protect and Condemn
Is this rural city
Planting the seeds to be the next
Town in turmoil?
 AK-47âs laid down in honor
Of someone of attempted to end the lives
Of those who try to Protect and Serve the right way
From playing football with kids to Critical condition
A fair representation of the current state of affairs
 My best friends and I wander like outcasts
The outsiders
Up in smoke on the ground
Through back roads and city streets
Are we the walking deceased
Or the lost cause?
 Disappearing into the dark
Hoods and heads down
Marching with mental picket signs
Protecting our minds
And serving the world
They Keep Saying/Spewing
People keep saying
âDonât say everythingâ
Because when the words are fully out
They canât mask the sting
 But hereâs the thing
Are they really there because they care?
Ulterior motives are all thatâs in the air
Trust lost through other people has made it tough to find again
Attention that misses the point
Good intentions
Tarnished results
But at least it reaches an end
 Iâd rather tell the truth
Than have lies tell them
That their slam of the gavel was incorrect
Why play nice to receive bullshit in return?
Keep it real and give them a lesson to learn
Synthesis
All this talk of change is matter-of-fact With one step forward Two steps back An instant fix to panic attacks Never leads to victory Yet we fail to see the epiphany In how we live and breathe Relying on inorganic chemistry In an organic reality
Itâs Just A Game/Wonder Walls
Deflated like Tom Brady The love I've given to others Has been traded away like Shady Gluttons always want more gravy As their lives become more hazy
You're not an Oasis So I said maybe Cause the Wonderwall was built By the fall It'll take more than cliches To get over it all
Not really the type to ball Nor sit and wait for the call Just standing back watching it all In training to become the next Chobsky Listing pros and cons Could name them all Since I started growing on these walls
Lyrical Genius/Common Sense Failure
The mind is a horrible prison
Being unable to escape
The bars that you spit
Can completely flip the meaning of
âLiving the Dreamâ
Dynamic diction
Counteracted by static beliefs
Too young to think long term
Too young to think about the one
But are you really the good guy
If you treat her right using the bad guyâs resources?
If this is how you feel about justification
Then your karma will be equally distorted
The light can be seen by everyone
But so can the darkness
How can one find the truth masked under lies
Past pathological
Already on the path of destruction
Those with your best interest now posses the warrant
Cuffing you to your wants
And taking away your needs
Cause you failed to see the world
And didnât want to believe
Rehydration/Dehydration
These eyes
Sip on Blood, sweat and tears
From the straw of my cornea
To the stomach of my cones and rods
A smile
Non-existent
Consistent in never being there
Just these advances and conversations searching for meaning
A nightmare dressed up as a dream
But the role being auditioned for
Will not accept a damsel in distress
For a princess
There was never a throne to begin with
No longer full of it
Floating back and forth between blinks
All thatâs being consumed is the cycle routine
Run it off in the morning
Drink it on in the night
A freeze frame in the worst state
Hoping for the critique to be alright
Good night
and good riddance
Giving reasons for your frown to turn upside down
Can get thrown up or thrown out
Instead hereâs something to think about
Are you really happy with who you are right now?
Is your glass half full or empty?
Donât tempt me
Blood still lingers on my tongue
From the last victim I killed with the truth
Who knows the extent of the buckets taken from the well of you
Is it worth the risk of falling
If even a drop could leave everything dried upÂ
Blue Collar Blues
You canât cover a hole in your heart with plaster
 Nothing felt the same
The hug that had me enthralled for nearly a whole season
Felt like an empty vessel
Almost a year had passed
From clueless of my affection
To desperate for my attention
She started the conversation
As we took the T to meet the friends
Iâd met the first time I was in Pittsburgh
 One of them was her ex
Who I bonded with well
Until the three of us became entangled in a triangle
That left us lost like Bermuda
We sat at the empty platform of North Side Station
âDonât bring it up, donât bring it upâ
Yet that was the only thing I could come up with in my head
I looked away with every word I said
Her hazel eyes were too much to handle with how hurt I was
And knowing how much more sheâs hurting herself
 After a T ride with the same feeling
We walked out from the Wood Street station
To catch the bus
As she spewed venom about her ex
It felt as though my mind and heart were elsewhere
She paid for my bus ticket
I countered with an offer of Starbucks when we got off the bus
She said sheâd wait outside âcause she just lit a cig
I asked what she wanted
âOhâŠ.you were being politeâŠ.â
 It became clearer with each step
That she wasnât lying when she said
She was horrible with âNice Guysâ
 Eventually we met up with the group of friends
Her ex saw me and smiled
âWhatâs good dude?!?â
We exchanged a dap and a hug
Followed by everybody else
Our mutual friend
The one who I asked where to smoke a blunt
When I showed up mysteriously almost a year ago
Gave me a solid dap
âWhere it all began manâ we said in unison
The ex asked me how Iâd been
Told him the truth
That I might get the highest GPA Iâve had
When I was getting the most fucked up I ever had
He could see I wasnât as happy as the first meeting
 I had a feeling he knew why
 After walking through Oakland to the corner store to grab brews
We squeezed into his Suzuki
She snuck in the trunk
And we drove to Flagstaff
To chill at the park
 From there
The ex and I caught up on lost time
He talked about his experience working out of town in Florida
Heâd just been back six weeks
As our conversation got deeper
The elephant in the room became bigger
Every move to gain attention on her part was met with silence
To the point where she just sat on the ledge across Phillips Conservatory
And had a cig to herself
I finished the lone beer I bought
He lit a cig across the way
Another friend could feel the silence
âCold and distantâ was how he put it
And they decided to go under the bridge
Near the pond
 As I went to walk
I saw our mutual friend get between her and the ex
âI wanna fight him, I wanna fight himâ
Followed by her saying hey to me after yelling my name repeatedly
I said âHeyâ real quick
Then picked up my pace
and got to the front of the pack to space myself
 The elephantâs size continued to grow under the bridge
The guy who she claimed had âlittle going on in his headâ
Was engaged with an unreal conversation with me
Philosophy
Literature
History
Music
She sat to the right of us
And after more attempts of attention were shot down
Reaching the form of a climax
In which I reminded her that her name
Was a popular video game
She played âSic Transit GloriaâŠGlory Fadesâ
On her iPhone
 They sang the final verse in unison
While I sat silent in between them
Forced her to give me one of her beers
Took it
And drank it in front of her face
 By the time we ran out of beer
It was still only 11
So we went to Uncle Jimmyâs in Oakland
I went there last trip so I wasnât uncomfortable
But I could definitely tell that she was
Especially after our friend introduced me to the bartender
Who was a friend that had heard about the first time I was there
âSo it was true you met a chill kid from Upstate NYâŠâ he said
We shook hands as she opened up a fresh pack of cigs
And slammed down a 20 she got from the ATM
âMake me a concoctionâŠDoubleâ she said sternly
 The elephant was becoming enormous at this point
 I grabbed a Bass from said bartender and watched her ex and friends go at it at pool
She sat alone at the bar still
Running through her cigs with her woes
One by one
As she sipped a large glass of a tequila cocktail
I walked over and sat next to her in silence
Her ex sat two stools away
And drank a Yeungling with the bartender
I made sure to look her dead in the eyes
She looked like she wanted to slit my throat
âYour comments are making me upsetâ she said
âYour writing and choices makes me upsetâ I responded
âI view that as an utter failure, so donât even deconstruct my writing for meâ she said
âOkâŠcan I tell you what my friends back home think of you, even when you the only thing inside my head?â I asked
She finished a gulp of tequila and took a drag
âWhat? That Iâm a horrible person?â She answered
I took the last drink my Bass had left
And looked her dead in the eyes
 âThey think youâre a toxic bitchâ
 And with that
The elephant exploded
 âI know Iâm a toxic bitch!â she bit back
We began to go toe to toe
âHave you tried to put in work on your writing? Youâre capable of more than you thinkâŠâ
âNo one has accepted any of my submissions, theyâre too raw and not acceptableâŠâ
She jotted down a memo in her phone
Muttered âIâm not dealing with thisâ
And went to the bathroom
The ex and the bartender looked like they had just seen a bomb drop
The former took a shot and went back to the pool table
He motioned me to come over
A friend of his who was with us that night that I just met that night and him were looking at a picture on his phone
âThis is one of my exesâŠguess the age?â
I looked and guessed early 30âs
â40â he said
I nodded
âOk...my best friend back home keeps saying I should be focusing on older womenâ
I took a hard stare at her back at the bar
The drink and the pack of cigs were almost gone
The ex saw this
Looked at me and said
âOhâŠyeah Iâm sorry about all that happenedâ he said
âNo Iâm sorryâŠI ruined your relationshipâ I responded
âIâm surprised you havenât knocked me out cold yetâ
He let out a laugh so hard everybody looked up at us
Except her
Her figure remained motionless
âWhy would I do that?!?!â he said matter-of-factly
I looked back perplexed
âDudeâŠwanna talk about this man?â I asked cautiously
âYeahâ he said
âI need to hear your side, for my sakeâ
 We sat at the two last corner stools
A good five stools away from her
But with a clear view
 âI had no idea you two were even talkingâŠwhen I found out I felt horribleâ He started off
âI respected so much that you were upfront and honest about it when we became boyfriend-girlfriendâŠI just didnât know what to sayâ
âNeither did Iâ I responded
âI knew you were a great dude, just what she needed too. So when she broke up with you and started talking to me again a week after going official with you, I felt an unreal amount of guilt.â
âI know, I could read it as soon as I saw you tonightâ He said
âYou were so much happier the first time aroundâŠwhat happened man?â He asked with genuine concern
I looked at her as she talked to the bartender and our mutual friend at the bar
She knew we were talking about her
Ash filled her ashtray as she gulped the last of her cocktail
âThisâ I said
His eyes watered a little and he looked down momentarily
âDudeâŠIâm so sorryâ He said
âI think itâs safe to say that neither of us came out a winner in this situationâ I said
âI couldnât agree anymoreâ he responded
 It felt as though we were both blind
He bummed me a cig from his Marlboro
And we traded phrases about her character and choices
That ranged from self-destructive to hypocritical
âHow could you call yourself a writer when your dream job is Buzzfeed?â He said
âWhat a sellout of integrity when sheâs capable of so much moreâ
âI know right?!?! My respect level for her went from the rafters to the basement floorâ
âWe both had the same issues with her, the same concerns and the sad part is we might have been better off being callousâŠâ
âWhat do you mean?â I asked
He shook his head
âDudeâŠthere are more layers to this than you knowâ
 At this point
The bartender, our mutual friend and her were all looking dead at us
She was saying something
Eyes beyond glossed
But we couldnât hear the words
Nor did we care
âShe had sex with both of them before we even tried to go after herâŠ.â
My jaw dropped to the floor
ââŠ.whatâŠ.â
âYeahâŠâ he said
She saw my expression
And at this point
She was incensed
Our mutual friend had to hold her back from going over there and trying to fight us
We just stared and shook our heads in disappointment
âNeither of us needed to go through this againâŠâ he said
âI know⊠must be the all-boys high school curseâ I responded
We had a laugh and gave each other dap
âIâm glad I could see you and we could see how we were both kept in the darkâ he said as he accepted my friend request on FB
We hadnât been friends on there since the breakup
âI know, Iâm glad tooâŠbecause this whole situation made me not even want to come back hereâ
He shook his head with a sort of empathy that we both felt
âWe were both hurt dude, and we both realized that we could never be with her. It would tear us apart in our own way. Weâve had to put up a wall because of this. Itâs sad, but itâs lifeâ
By now, she was drunk and flirting with the exâs friend Iâd met that night at the pool table. Our mutual friend came over and asked if we wanted to smoke a bowl at his place. It was almost as if he sensed weâd talked about the situation. The ex had work at Panera at 6, and my momâs graduation was at 8. So we left and drove over to the apartment and smoked on the front steps. Neither of us made eye contact. Neither of us said bye to her.
During that session, our friend described the events that led to her banging the bartender and him. It made me realize and agree with what the ex had said. We couldnât be a part of her life in that way. We couldnât be that callous. It wasnât in our nature. What made it even more ironic was that both had moved on to stable relationships with other women, while I wasted some of my best writing, some of my most beautiful works, and my attention and time on a dime a dozen. Â
The following day, she sent half-hearted congratulations to my mom and a sarcastic âThanks for saying bye last nightâ. Last nightâs prior events brought the New Yorker out of me, so I said the graduation was fine and thanked her for being a sarcastic Debbie downer.  âYou put me there⊠you werenât honest with meâŠhow was I to know you got so close that visitâŠmy ex is a liarâ I texted her that she had put us there for nearly over a year, and asked her how the medicine tasted. âNice knowing you, youâre not making it past this, Iâm doneâŠhappy you all are friendsâ she texted. My paragraph back was as blunt as a dutch filled with loud. âIâm done too, I got all the closure I needed last night. Hopefully over time, you will take a look in the mirror and realize we have all been through shit and no one is alone. Only you can find yourself, a cig or guy or a job or drink canât do that. Iâve learned this now. I didnât before I met you. Rip my poetry I sent you to shreds, itâs obvious it was lost on you but maybe in the future you will see this in a different light and be stronger for it. Laterâ
I celebrated my Momâs graduation and spent the remaining after noon at Point State Park looking at the 3 rivers. Later that evening, I saw she unfriended me and I received this text:
âYou win. Iâm dead. Rip. Toxic Bitch. Youâre Welcomeâ
I finished her half-assed attempt at a goodbye, blocked her from everything else, and deleted her from my life
Iâd be lying if I said I believe I can write with that emotion, better yet, feel that emotion for a girl again. This experience has left me indifferent and emotionless, at a time when I should be celebrating all the steps and strides Iâve taken in the past year. Despite this. Despite her. She can play the victim all she wants and pass the blame like a potluck dinner. Either way, both her ex and I knew we needed to wipe the slate clean, no matter how much it hurts, because we canât afford to be the one hurting someone else due to this. Itâs only 1 in 1,000,000 situation. 9 times out of 10, there wouldâve have been beef. But both of us had been hurt like this in the past. It was our connection, what allowed us to be above it and talk the situation out. Thatâs the difference between infatuation and friendship: One is imaginary, the other is reality.
Itâs times like these that I appreciate my family and the group of friends and coworkers that I share this patch of valley within Upstate New York called the Capital Region. This experience didnât make me hate Pittsburgh, but it makes me want to take its good parts: the acceptance, the diversity, the community, and bring them with me. If that was brought to the Capital Region, it would be the breath of fresh air weâve been looking for. It would make the developments happening in Troy actually plausible. It would eliminate Arbor Hill being the red-headed step-child of Albany and its Police Department. It would truly bring the country and city together.
But maybe Iâm thinking too far ahead, just like when I met that girl for the first time last August. So for now, Iâm just staying on my grind, and with the amount of pieces that have been fitting recently, I know this complex piece called love will fall into place.
Because it will be the driving force behind my life
And everything that I do with itâŠ