The noise Happy makes the first time you kiss him is not a noise that a human should ever make, nor is it a noise that should ever be heard in public.
look i just wanted to make him a lil pathetic ok
Happy Lowman had been shot, stabbed, beaten unconscious, dragged off motorcycles, arrested, threatened, and once, according to stories told around the clubhouse that got progressively more exaggerated every time they were repeated, had continued a fight with three broken ribs because he was annoyed someone had spilled his beer.
None of those things had ever made the noise he made when you kissed him.
The sound itself was difficult to describe afterward.
It started somewhere deep in his chest and it ended somewhere near a growl. There might have been a strangled groan involved...Possibly a whimper.
Definitely something that should never have been heard by another living soul.
Especially not in public.
Especially not in front of the entire club.
The silence afterward was immediate.
Complete.
Absolute.
The kind of silence that only happened when everyone collectively witnessed something so unexpected that their brains temporarily stopped functioning.
You were standing beside Happy near one of the picnic tables outside the clubhouse, the afternoon sun warm against your skin, half-listening to whatever argument Tig and Juice were having while Happy leaned against the railing beside you, arms crossed, expression blank as always.
You'd been dancing around this thing between you for months.
Months of lingering glances. Months of finding reasons to sit next to each other. Months of Happy somehow always ending up beside you whenever you entered a room. Months of everyone else realising what was happening long before either of you admitted it.
The final straw had been that morning when you'd woken up after spending the night at the clubhouse and found Happy asleep in a chair outside the room you'd been using.
Not inside.
Outside.
Like some terrifying tattooed guard dog.
When you'd asked why he was there, he'd shrugged and muttered something about making sure nobody bothered you.
As if that was a normal thing to do.
As if sleeping in a wooden chair for eight hours because you wanted someone safe wasn't the most ridiculous act of devotion imaginable.
So now, standing outside while everyone talked and laughed around you, you'd finally gotten tired of waiting. Tired of pretending. Tired of watching Happy look at you like you hung the moon and then immediately acting like he hadn't.
So you turned toward him, reached up, grabbed the front of his kutte, and kissed him.
Happy froze instantly.
Completely.
Every muscle in his body locking up.
And then—catastrophically—that noise. That absolutely criminal noise.
The silence lasted another two seconds.
Then Tig choked on his drink, Juice doubled over laughing and Chibs nearly fell out of his chair.
"You hear that?" Tig wheezed.
"Oh my God," Juice gasped.
"Was that him?"
"It was absolutely him."
Happy slowly pulled back from the kiss.
His face was completely blank.
Which would have been convincing if his ears weren't bright red.
You stared at him.
He stared back.
Then you said the worst possible thing.
"Happy."
Nothing.
"What was that noise?"
A muscle twitched in his jaw.
Across the yard, Juice made a sound suspiciously close to a dying seal.
Happy looked like he was considering murder.
You smiled.
"Oh my God, that was you."
"Don't."
"It sounded like you got possessed."
"Don't."
"You growled."
"I didn't."
"You absolutely growled."
"I didn't."
"Tig, did he growl?"
Tig was crying.
Actually crying.
"Sweetheart," he wheezed, clutching his chest, "I've heard happier sounds from bears."
The look Happy gave him promised violence.
The look he gave you promised something significantly less violent. And much more dangerous.
Because despite the embarrassment creeping across his features, despite the entire club laughing themselves sick, despite the fact that he clearly wanted the ground to open beneath him and swallow him whole... He was smiling.
Just a little, barely enough for you to see, but more than enough to steal your breath.
The laughter around you faded into background noise.
The world narrowing until it was just the two of you.
Happy reached up, wrapped one large hand around the back of your neck, and pulled you closer.
His eyes dropped to your mouth.
"You done?"
The question came out rough.
Low.
Dangerously soft.
You knew immediately he wasn't talking about the teasing.
Your pulse jumped.
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
You smiled.
"Depends."
His gaze darkened.
"On what?"
You tilted your head.
"Whether you make the noise again."
Juice made a choking sound from somewhere behind you.
Someone—almost certainly Tig—slapped a table.
Happy closed his eyes.
For one long suffering second.
Then opened them again.
"You think you're funny."
"I know I'm funny."
His thumb brushed your cheek.
Gentle.
Almost impossibly gentle for a man who looked like he belonged in nightmares.
Then he leaned down.
Close enough that only you could hear him.
"Keep talking and I'll kiss you again."
Your heart nearly stopped.
Because Happy Lowman wasn't a man who made empty threats.
You swallowed.
His mouth twitched.
"There she is."
"Oh, shut up."
"You first."
And before you could think of a response, before you could recover, before the club could start making even more obnoxious comments—
He kissed you.
This time he was prepared.
Mostly.
At least until you slid your fingers up his neck and over the back of his head.
Then there was another sound.
Slightly quieter.
Equally catastrophic.
The entire yard erupted.
Happy immediately broke the kiss.
"Jesus Christ," Chibs muttered.
Tig collapsed against a table.
Juice was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.
And Happy, whose reputation as the scariest man in SAMCRO had survived years of violence and bloodshed, looked genuinely ready to disappear.
You laughed so hard tears filled your eyes.
Happy stared at you for a moment.
Then something in his expression softened completely.
The embarrassment vanished.
The annoyance vanished.
Everything vanished except affection. Pure, helpless affection. The kind a man carried when he was so deeply in love there wasn't any point denying it anymore.
"Yeah," he muttered quietly.
You blinked.
"Yeah what?"
A small smile appeared.
Real this time.
Warm.
Unhidden.
The kind almost nobody ever got to see.
"Was me."
You burst out laughing again.
Happy shook his head.
Then pulled you against his side, holding you pressed against him, keeping you with him. Like he'd finally decided he was done pretending too.
Around you, the club continued laughing, making jokes, giving Happy endless amounts of grief.
He ignored every second of it.
Because you were tucked safely against him. Because your hand was resting over his heart. Because every time you looked up at him, you smiled.
And for a man who had spent most of his life believing happiness wasn't something meant for people like him, that smile was worth surviving every joke the club would make for the rest of his life.
Even the ones about the noise.
Especially the ones about the noise.
Because in the end, everyone could laugh all they wanted.
You were still his girl.
And judging by the way he kept looking at you, like he'd somehow stumbled into a miracle he still couldn't quite believe belonged to him, he intended to keep you that way for a very, very long time.
ꨄ︎jax teller x reader | age!gap (but all legal ofc - however, y/n is referred to as “kid” a few times) | forbidden love | talk of past domestic violence but nothing too in depth | non-consensual sex enhancement pills taken NOT in a “date rape” kinda way, in a tig being fucking stupid kinda way | effects of said pill have been exaggerated for the purpose of the fic | possible offensive banter/language | explicit & sexual language | you know your triggers better than I do, read at your own discretion | 18+ MDNI
୨ৎ tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed) : @sweetiekayy @christianzior @tragicallysamcro @mylifeisanoxymoron21 @bellaxgiornata @hunnamandhoney @daryldixonswifesworld @primadonnasdream @desperate-and-broken @mylifeisanoxymoron21 @mayanqueenxx @ibeliveinunicornsandmagic @cinblogs @rideandruin @g0rewyrm @magic-sprinkled-daydreams @stevie75 @jaxtellerpls @deesh-e @venusesworld @king-teller @thiccemochic @etclouie @mermaidlover006 @leighla3 @menofletters-and-mayhem | let’s go crows 🖤
ꨄ︎I think I’ve messed up my updated tag list, so if you’ve asked & you’re not on here, please just remind me again and I’ll make sure you’re added
“I’m telling you man, this shits gonna work” Tig flashes a wicked grin towards juice who’s standing next to him looking down at the tiny pink pills in his hand, his enthusiasm not matching his friend.
“This feels…wrong” juices smile turns lopsided.
“I’ve seen you plug a bullet hole...in a guys ass..with your finger, but this is where you draw the line?” Tig barks a laugh, guiding his friends hand over the oversized pitcher and tipping each tablet in. “It ain’t…wrong. It’s all herbal man, from the earth. One love and all that yada yada yada”
“But that was differ-”
“No buts, Juicey boy” Tig says head shaking, “it’s an aphrodisiac, alright? If one of the girls already has the hots for one of us, she’ll just have em…a little hotter.” He shrugs, so unbothered “it ain’t gonna make her jump on the first cock she sees”
Trager gives the punch a lazy stir, the flash of silver peeking through the red liquid. “Just a few more turns and they should dissolve” he mutters, eyes zoning in on the drink as if he’s conducting some kinda science experiment instead of the cheap liquid sat before him.
Juice doesn’t say much at all, just stays hovering over his shoulder, chewing at the loose skin beside his thumbnail, Tig last not even five seconds before he realises “What is your problem?” He whines, not even bothering to make eye contact.
The apprehension is written across his face clear as day, “it just feels…I don’t think we should-”
Tig stops stirring with a heavy sigh, looking over at juice like he has no sense in the world. “Crow eaters love to drink right?” Juice doesn’t even manage to open his mouth to answer, “and crow eaters love to fuck…this is just… speeding up the process”
“Hey sweetie, you okay?” Gemma calls out halfway to her car when she notices me.
“Yeah” I answer, slamming my car door behind me, my voice sounding more tired than I had planned “is my dad here?” I ask, keys jingling softly in my hand as I make my way over to her.
Gemma pushes her dark lensed glasses up the bridge of her nose, squinting towards the clubhouse. “Pretty sure him and Bobby went out to run some errands. Shouldn’t be too long though” she tilts her head “Go on in sweetheart, Lylas in there setting up for the friday night shit show” she turns to leave then throws her head back towards me “That asshole still messin’ with you sweetheart?” Her expression shifts to that of a worried mother, I shake my head no, not wanting to start a whole debate about the situation, having to tell dad was hard enough. “cause if he is, you know where we are” she gives me a reassuring smile that makes me feel just a little better.
“Thanks Gem” I say, and she gives me a small wave before I turn and head towards the clubhouse, my havaianas slapping against the concrete with each step. The row of chrome catches my attention straight away, especially his. Even when he’s not close by, even when I don’t mean to think of him, I always fucking do, a silly little crush I’ve never learnt how to let go.
Jax Teller is my dad’s president and loyal brother, and unfortunately for me, that’s the only connection we’ll ever have, no matter how many far fetched scenarios I create in my mind, that's all he'll ever be, plus I doubt he’d ever look twice at me anyway, not in the way I’d want him too. “A samcro daughter” is how they all know me, and that alone solidifies everything. Not that it matters, my dad would lose his fucking shit if that line was crossed, president or not. It would just be another smiley added to his collection.
“Hey y/n, didn’t know you were stopping by tonight” Lylas smile is the first thing I see as I make my way over to the bar, she looks up from drying a glass, her expression softening a little as soon as she notices me.
I slide onto one of the rusted stools with a sigh, tossing my keys onto the bar, “neither did I” I admit, rubbing at my temples. “Dad said he needed to talk but Gem said he only just left”.
My eyes drift around the clubhouse, a few crow eaters scattered near the pool table, Rat and another prospect talking all hush hush in a corner and everyone else is…“Where is everyone?”
Lyla tilts her head towards the heavy double doors “I think something might be going down” she sighs, placing another clean glass back where it belongs.
“Isn’t it always” I roll my eyes, letting out a tired breath as I lean over the bar.
“Always” she laughs, placing a hand on her hip, “Don’t take this the wrong way y/n but…you look like you need a drink”
“That obvious huh?”
Lyla smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes like her usual smile. “Ope may have told me”
“Course he did” I gesture towards her with an open hand, reminding her of the drink she just offered. “Who knew outlaws were such gossips?”
“You’re Happys little girl, that business is their business” she slides the gin and tonic my way. “When your dad told the club what your ex did…” her voice lowers, leaning on her forearms” “…Jax didn’t hesitate to make it club business”
“Yeah…” I take a sip “…I figured”
“Every single one of them would kill for you y/n especially your dad”
I don’t really hear the rest of what Lyla says. I’m too busy picturing Jax’s face the night Dad had told them about the bruises he’d found, about me finally breaking down and admitting the truth after months of insisting I was fine. I wonder how his expression changed, did he do that beautiful jaw clench he usually does when he’s pissed, did he ask for more details? And part of me wants to know if it became club business because I’m Hap’s daughter, or if it’s because the club president has a soft spot for me. A girl can dream right?
“What’s in the bowl?” I raise my voice over the music, the clubhouse getting louder now that there’s more bodies crammed inside.
“Uh…honestly, I don’t actually know” he laughs under his breath, “Tig just said to keep it topped up for the ladies” I squint, leaning in and taking a closer look. Bright chunks of orange, strawberries and lime bobbing around in the red liquid. Rat leans in beside me, inspecting the ingredients himself, “um, fruit flavour maybe?”
I can’t help but laugh, “yeah, I gathered that much” I still can’t decide if Rat stumbles over his words cause maybe he likes me, or if it’s cause my dad would skin him alive for even looking at me too long.
One of the familiar girls parades over, reaching for the ladle. She fills her cup to the top before throwing back a mouthful without a second thought. “Hey, what’s in the punch?” Rat calls out to her.
She pauses, smacking her lips together dramatically as she tries to figure out the ingredients. “Vodka…or rum maybe…and fruit…and…more vodka” she flashes him a flirtatious grin before bouncing back off to her girls.
“I mean, it sounds good…” I glance around the clubhouse, still no sign of Dad “Will you make me one?” I ask, holding out a red cup towards Rat.
“Uh…” he scratches the back of his neck, eyes darting round for a way out. “…yeah, yeah sure” he takes the cup from me, avoiding eye contact.
“I hope you’re not getting Happy’s daughter intoxicated” Rat freezes, the stream of red still spilling from the ladle. I don’t even have to turn around, I already know who it is. “No…no I was just uh-”
His attention then turns to me, “You even old enough to drink yet?”
“I’m not a kid Jax” I scoff in his direction as the prospect hands me the now full cup with a hesitant smile just before giving Jax one of those manly nods and melting back into the crowd.
“Bobby just called your dads like 10 minutes out”
“Thank fuck for that” I take a sip, surprised at how good it actually tastes. “…I can finally get out of this shit hole.” I catch the raise of his eyebrow “…no offence”
“None taken” he chuckles, “Not really a place for a girl like you anyway” As soon as the words leave his mouth, I swear I see the exact moment he wishes he could take them back.
“What’s that spose to mean?” I ask, flirting with the possibility his words have a hidden meaning under the surface. “I grew up here”.
His mouth opens, then closes just as fast. “I know that, I just…I just meant…” he stares at the floor like it’s gonna give him an explanation, “You know what I meant”
“Ummm, not really” I can’t help smiling, hiding it behind my cup, eyebrows raised enough so he knows I’m still waiting on the explanation.
He lets out a muffled laugh, shaking his head “I just meant…” the skin of his cheeks begin to turn the same shade of red as the punch, “…stop it” he warns with a crooked smile on his face. Just as I go to tease him further, he nods towards the doors and I follow his eyesight to see Dad and Bobby strolling in.
“Speak of the devil” I mutter, leaving Jax with a smile, and making my way over to Dad
I wander into the parking lot, I need a breather from the unexpected emotional conversation I just had with my dad, and the effects of drinking a third cup of punch. We ended up talking about everything I’d come here for, and then some. He even managed to convince me to stay a little longer said something along the lines of “you’re always at 100, bring it down a little, kid” I agreed, on one condition though. Told him I’d rather not walk in that clubhouse and find him face down in a crow eater, he laughed, which is something rare if you know my dad. “Wouldn’t do that y/n…not in front of you anyway” Asshole.
Looking up at the star scattered sky, I draw in the deepest breath I’ve been able to take in a long fucking time. The cool night air fills my lungs to its maximum capacity and for a split second, I swear they feel close enough to touch, close enough for me to pluck one out of the sky and wish upon it.
But as I breathe out, something feels…different. I’m suddenly aware of every single inch of my body, the air dances along my skin to the sound of my too loud heartbeat as little goosebumps pave the way for the movement. I hook my thumbs in the waist band of my jeans, adjusting them out of habit, but the way the denim shifts against my skin causes between my thighs to throb…what the fuck.
“You good?” Jax’s voice stops the air from dancing with me.
I turn to find him sauntering over, a cigarette balanced on his beautifully plump bottom lip. The smoke curling around him adds to the fucking masterpiece that he is. I still haven’t answered him, I’m too busy taking in every single detail of his face. The roughness of his beard, how he just looks so dangerous but so gentle at the same fucking time.
He pulls the cigarette from between his lips and holds it out to me, silently offering. I take it without thinking cause all I can think about is how this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to having his mouth on mine. Whole time he’s saying something, and I can see his lips moving but I’m too hooked on the way his lips move around each word, too hooked on wondering how those lips would feel if they were doing anything but talking.
“y/n?” His hand wraps gently around my arm, giving me a little shake. The gesture pulls me straight back to reality, a quiet sound leaves my mouth before I can even stop it.
“Did you just…” he lets go slowly, “did you just…”
“No” I answer, trying to cover up whatever the fuck just happened. My face, just like the rest of my body, feels like a fucking furnace.
“That sounded like a moan” he says, both entertained and concerned.
“No I just…I’m fine I just-” can’t stop imagining what it’d be like to get throat fucked by you. I don’t wait for him to say another word, I practically throw the smoke back in his hand before turning and making my way back into the clubhouse, leaving him with 100 questions, the answers I don’t even have myself.
I have no idea what the fuck that was, but Hap's kid just moaned when I touched her arm. I finish the rest of my smoke, that’s now sticky with her lipgloss and can’t stop myself from draggin’ my tongue over the taste of her. I catch myself as soon as I fuckin’ do it, silently cursin’ my dumb ass before paddin’ my airforces across the lot to the heavy doors. The second I step inside, my eyes find her. She’s in one corner, completely fuckin’ taken over by the music, dancin’ to herself, her hands driftin’ over her own body in a way I’ve never fuckin’ seen before. She’s not new to these parties, even got a little drunk and loose once or twice, but nothin’ like this, this is…somethin’ else.
My eyes immediately search for my sargeant at arms, thank fuck. He’s already passed out, smothered in the tits of one of his favourite crow eaters. My eyes dart back to y/n, still doin’ the same shit. I make my way over slowly, sittin’ on the edge of the table in front of her, tryna break whatever fuckin’ trance she’s in. “y/n…” I keep my voice so only she can hear “you gotta stop darlin’”
She doesn’t answer, she looks at me, like really looks at me, but says fuck all. Then, still without breakin’ eye contact, she slowly trails a finger from her tits, bringin’ it to her mouth and catchin’ her finger tip between her teeth, directly at me.
“What the fuck” I mutter under my breath, immediately pushin’ myself off the table and steppin’ in front of her, blockin’ the view just in case her father decides to come back to life.
“You’re looking at me like you like what you see” she whispers, I actually glance over my shoulder to make sure it’s me she’s talkin’ to. I mean, she’s not wrong but right now, this shit don’t sit right with me. She’s smilin’ and slowly closin’ the distance that’s left between us, her hands ghostin’ over the president patch on my kutte.
“I can tell…” she hums, “…you wanna taste it” my jaw clenches on instinct. Jesus fuckin’ Christ. What is happenin’ right now?
My eyes flick around the clubhouse, tryna make sense of what the fuck I’m actually lookin’ at. Crow eaters wrapped around each other, tongue kissin’, titty lickin’ like half the fuckin’ guys in this room don’t exist. Others are dancin’ by themselves doin’ the same shit that y/n’s just been doin’, everythin’ just seems…off.
Then I see them. Juice and Tig, standin’ in front of our mugshots, empty punch bowl on the table between them, nothin’ left but the ladle and a mixture of discarded fruit at the bottom. Juice looks like he’d rather be anywhere else…but Tig? That smug bastards got a grin from ear to fuckin’ ear which tells me he knows exactly what the fuck is goin’ on.
“Come with me” I say to y/n grabbin’ her by the arm and weavin’ us through the bodies.
“Ooooh boy” she mutters, clawin’ at her neck with her free hand.
I shoot Hap a quick side eye to make sure he’s still facedown and thankfully he is. As we pass, I lock eyes with the two dicks. “You two have some fuckin’ explainin’ to do”
We reach my dorm, and I shut the door gently behind us. “y/n listen to me…” I say, grabbin’ her shoulders and lookin’ her in the eyes. Probably the wrong fuckin’ move right now.
“I really wanna please you Jax” she whines, “please” she reaches for the back of my neck, but I catch her wrists, guidin’ her hands back down to her sides.
“No…no you don’t y/n listen to me…” she keeps pressin’ against me, turnin’ until her ass is flush against my trying-so-fuckin’-hard-not-to-be hard-cock. Fuck. It’s takin’ everythin’ in me not to react, not when she’s like this. “Somethin’s wrong but you gotta stay here and let me figure this shit out, okay?” I move her towards the mattress, easin’ her down onto the bed.
“Sit here, and don’t fuckin’ move” I warn her, hopin’ like fuckin’ hell shes in the same place when I get back. I go to leave the room, grabbin’ the key from the drawer and as I turn to shut the door behind me, I get one last glimpse of her, layin’ on her back, hands slippin’ beneath the waistband of her jeans. I lock the door before I see anythin’ else, and stand there in fuckin’ disbelief, my hands restin’ on the top of my head. It’s almost as if I’m being pranked.
“Talk” I say, stepping behind the two culprits “now”
Juice looks straight at Tig almost as if to beg him to speak up, which he obviously doesn’t. So it lands straight back on Juice, the words come out like vomit, I’ve never seen a man confess so quick. “Tig put pills in the punch” I stare at him in fucking shock, or rage, I don’t know which emotion is strongest.
“Uh… technically you put them in… they fell out of your palm”
“So you’re tellin’ me... you two fuckin’ idiots spiked the punch bowl?” I shake my head, “Tig I knew somethin’ was off with you…but this? you can't fuckin' do shit like that brother!”
“They’re herbal man…” Tig begins to mumble, “…how many times do I gotta explain” he whines in that monotone way of his. “Once they uh…take care of it, it’ll wear off”
Juice jumps in, like he’s tryna outrun the blame. “Tig said Venus uses them, they’re like…female sex enhancers or somethin’ makes chicks wild!”
“Female sex enhancers” I repeat the words, emphasis on the first one, noddin’ my head as I try to unpack this situation.
“Yeah” juice says, soundin’ like he’s tryin’ to convince himself.
Tig goes to speak but I raise a hand to stop him “I don't even know how to ask what I wanna, without soundin' like an asshole” I huff a laugh, “but what I do wanna know, is which one of you is gonna explain to Happy, that his kid daughter is currently in my dorm strung out on herbal sex enhancements beggin’ for attention?”
“Shit” they both say, their expressions switching up quick time.
“Yeah…shit” I echo, throwin’ my hands up in annoyance.
“We didn’t know she was gonna drink it man” juice blurts out, “we wouldn’t have-”
“I can’t find y/n” Happy appears out of nowhere, drunk and slurring “Her cars still out...side”
Silence. Absolute, fuckin’ silence.
“She’s uh..she’s around I saw her” Tig says, draggin’ his words out like he’s makin’ them up as he goes. Cause he is.
“Yeah she’s uh…” I clear my throat, givin’ myself a second to make up somethin’ believable “…she uh drank too much, told her to sleep it off in the dorm, didn’t think you’d want her drivin’ home like that, or any of these fuckers takin’ her” I give a threatenin' look to the bastards standin' beside me.
“Yeah…” for a second he doesn’t look convinced, but then he continues “…she’s had it rough these past weeks. My fault, I convinced her to stay and party…she’s probably just…drinkin’ it all away like her dad” he shrugs, finishing what’s left in his bottle. “Better to let her sleep it off” he begins walkin’ in the opposite direction. “Thanks brother”
“Count yourselves fuckin’ lucky” I just about snarl the words to the two idiots in front of me. “Herbal or not, don’t you ever put any form of fuckin’ pill, powder, or fuckin’ dust in a drink round here again” my eyes flick between the two “fuckin’ assholes”
“You know Jax…” Tig drawls nudgin’ Juice in the elbow and stoppin’ me in my tracks. “I’m startin’ to think maybe you’re enjoyin’ this attention from little miss Lowman”
Not gonna lie, his words land somewhere I didn’t expect em’ to and not cause he’s wrong, cause I mean technically he ain’t even though I’m not thinkin’ shit like that in this current situation but I’d be lyin’ if I said I ain’t never thought em’. y/n’s always been happys kid to me…to everyone in the club. But now she’s grown and at some point the I guess I did start seein’ her differently but Hap trusts me, he’d put his life in my fuckin’ hands whole time I’m thinkin’ bout’ puttin’ them hands all over his daughter. It’s fucking wrong.
Juice, clearly smart enough to value his life, keeps his mouth firmly shut as Tig continues. “I mean I know I ain’t the only one who’s looked twice at-”
My elbow catches him straight under the chin before he can even finish whatever the fuck he was about to say. His teeth crash together, a spray of blood and spit hittin’ the floor as he doubles over clutchin’ at his jaw.
“Please, feel free to tell Happy exactly why you’re pissin’ blood” I say coldly, shovin’ past him and purposely knockin’ into him with a shoulder. “Have some fuckin’ respect” a small scoff makes its way up my throat, the fuckin’ hypocrisy.
My skin feels hotter than satans throne, not that i’d actually know, I’ve never sat on it. The goosebumps that covered my skin earlier have now turned into tiny little prickles beneath my skin. I drag my hands over my arms, desperate to find some kind of relief, but it only makes it worse, like rubbing shards of glass straight into my flesh. What the fuck is happening to me?
Not even ten minutes ago I was completely lost in whatever had come over me, my hands moved by some invisible force to play with myself until the moment swallowed me whole and I came undone all over Jax’s bed, and just like that, the euphoric feeling just…stopped, replaced by whatever the hell this is.
Speaking of Jax, oh my god. Did I really say all of that out loud to him, or is this some kind of sick, very twisted, lucid dream? I really wanna please you. The words echo in my head on repeat, my stomach clenching in a cringe, “fuuuuck” I whisper to the empty dorm. My chest suddenly tightens as if the air refuses to go in any deeper no matter how hard I inhale.
Just as my thoughts begin to get a little too loud, I hear the slight sound of the lock turning, my eyes snapping straight to the door. Jax steps inside, closing it quietly behind him before tossing the key onto the side. There’s a look on his face, something like sympathy maybe? Or maybe disbelief I can’t even work it out right now.
“Hey” the word comes out short and sharp.
“Hi” I manage to make a sound, the panics still there though, and it’s so close to erupting.
“You okay?” He studies me as he walks over slowly, sitting cautiously beside me. The denim of his jeans brushes against mine and my skin automatically prickles with that clawing sensation.
“No…I…” I rub hard at the skin just above the lace of my black cami, trying to ease the tightness. “I…” I try again but the words just won’t come out. I can’t fucking breathe.
Jax understands without me even having to use the words. He moves swiftly from beside me to kneeling between my legs, those ocean eyes pinned on mine. “I need you to listen to me y/n, alright?”
I nod, barely.
He rubs a hand over his beard like he’s tryna work out how the fuck to word this. “Tig and Juice thought it’d be funny to add a little somethin’ to the punch”
A little something? Oh my god, have I been drugged? The question must make its way to my face because he answers straight away. “No” he shakes his head quickly, “Not drug drugs…well…” he chews on the inside of his cheek, like he’s tryna find the best explanation for this. “Nothin’ like that, I mean it’s still fuckin’ stupid but…” he lets out a defeated sigh. “The way you’ve been actin’…the stuff you’ve been sayin’…”
My heartbeat is so fucking loud I can just about hear him over it.
“…it’s because of what they put in the punch. Some herbal shit…an aphrodisiac or whatever the fuck Tig called it” his jaw clenches tight, so beautiful. “They thought it’d make everyone a little more…honest. Though I don’t think you were part of their plan” he lets out deep chuckle that immediately sets off the paranoia I inherited from my fathers side of the family.
“You’re…you’re laughing at me?” The words leave my mouth more like a question than an actual statement.
“No! No…y/n I’m not laughin’ at you” he tries his best to smile softly, reaching for my hand and letting his thumb absently brush back and forth over my skin. “I’m laughin’ at the situation…” he shakes his head dragging his free hand down his beard “…had to be you to put me in this position, huh?”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” The longer he keeps me talking, the easier it is to ignore the panic attack that could still possibly spill.
I follow the movement of his eyes as they drop to where his thumb is still moving over my hand. “All the shit you said tonight…the shit you did…” eyes are back on me now “…stuff like that doesn’t usually come from nowhere darlin’”
“So you think I meant it?” My index finger finds the edge of his ‘NS’ ring and I start tracing the letters, giving my hands something to do as my heart picks up the pace again, I stare down at the silver instead of him.
“I think…” he pauses, like he’s figuring out how to say shit without making this something more than it needs to be…or should be. “…I think the shit you drank tonight made it easier for you to say stuff you probably never intended to say out loud” he moves from below me to take up the space next to me again, the wood creaking under his weight.
“And if I did…mean it?” The remaining alcohol gives me the confidence to ask, but the second I say it I feel so fucking young sat beside him.
His thumb rolls slowly back and forth across his bottom lip like he’s weighing up exactly how far he can go with his answer and the longer he takes, the more I feel physically sick and suddenly don’t want to hear what he has to say, I cut in, taking away his chance to answer. “You you gonna tell my dad?
“Tell your dad?” Whatever composure he had left finally crumbles, his head rocking backwards with a laugh like thunder and it’s obvious now, he is definitely laughing at me. “Am I gonna tell your dad I was about two seconds away from watchin’ you…” I look closely at him as he fights to pull himself together, clearing his throat and sitting a little straighter. “…watchin’ you handlin’ yourself on the edge of my bed?” His lips pull upwards into a tight and disbelieving smile, shaking his head slowly “…you know your dad just as well as I do darlin’. Don’t think that conversation ends particularly well for any of us”
“Fuck my life” I sigh, burying my face in my clammy hands. My skin still feels all kinds of weird but at least I’m no longer on the verge of having a full blown episode. I fidget and shift against the mattress, knowing Jax has noticed I can’t stay still for more than five seconds.
“Haven’t seen you since your old man told me all about the shit that went down” I think he asks to distract me from the now.
I close my eyes at the mention of the topic I tried so hard to hide from everyone, chewing my lip out of awkwardness, “I’m fine” it’s become a habit to lie about it.
“Yeah…that’s what you kept tellin’ your dad right?…” I look towards him just as his eyes drop to the skin on my upper arm, it’s so faint you’d have to really be looking to see it, so it surprises me that he finds one. “…this don’t seem very fine to me” his index finger grazes over one of the last bruises that’s fading away, his touch giving me even more chills, but this time it’s not cause of what was in the punch.
He shakes his head, tipping my chin up with his thumb so I have no choice but to meet his eyes. “Anythin’ ever happens like that again, with anybody…I don’t give a shit if you’re scared, embarrassed or just don’t wanna tell your old man…” he slips straight into his authoritative mode. “You tell me. Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”
“Yup” I pop the p and say it with so much breath I almost cringe, but not enough to stop be from letting my head fall against his shoulder.
His kutte smells just like dads, leather and ash and like home. I feel his hesitation before his arm slowly curls around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. Neither of us say anything for about two minutes, which feels like a fucking life time. At some point, he relaxes enough to let his chin rest against the top of my head, smushing my face against the leather across his chest. I hate how easy I could get used to this.
Eventually he clears his throat, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe he just had similar thoughts to what I did. Probably not though, right? His chin lifts away softly and the warmth of his arm disappears as he pushes himself up off the bed, pulling me with him. I get to my feet but I’m still all slouchy and awkward with embarrassment, Jax just gives a quiet laugh as if he’s trying to make this whole damn thing seem normal.
“Cmon’ Darlin…’” his fingers move to straighten the twisted cami strap against my shoulder, “…coulda been worse…” his mouth tilts at one corner, his eyes making my stomach twist into a tight ball of yarn. “…I coulda stayed and watched” the grin he tries to hide is fucking sinful and for the quickest moment, I almost laugh with him, almost let myself play into the delusion I’ve had forever, so close to forgetting who he actually is, forgetting he’s the same grown up who used to flick me in the back of the head, or in some cases straight on the forehead whenever I got too mouthy with Dad around the clubhouse. “Quit talkin’ to your old man like that” he’d grumble at me around a toothpick tucked between his teeth, not even giving me a second thought cause back then I was just the teenage brat hanging around after school.
“Don’t do that” I had doubt he’d hear me but he pulls back a little, eyebrows showing his confusion, “Don’t…” I suck in nearly all the available air in the room, deciding if I should carry on. Fuck it. “…don’t start something you know we can’t finish”
He nods in silence a few times, like he’s trying to gather all his thoughts before using his words. “You should get some sleep darlin’…” he takes a step back, forcing space between us. “… I’d offer to take you home but I already told your pops you were in here cause you drank too much and I didn’t trust any of those drunken bastards to drive you” his hands rest on his hips like he doesn’t know what to do with them “….so…take a shower, take the bed for the night and if you need to, there’s some spare clothes in the top drawer just there and just…forget about tonight, aight’?” He steps towards the door plastered in samcro memorabilia.
“Thank you” the words come out a mumble.
He stops, looking back at me over his shoulder, “For what?”
“For…” I start scratching at my arm, even though there’s no longer any itching sensations “…not being weird about it”
“About what?” He tilts his head in fake confusion, eyebrows touching in the middle like he genuinely has no idea what I’m talking about. It takes me a second but I realise what he’s doing, pretending tonight never happened to save me the embarrassment. “Get some sleep trouble” he leaves me with a sinful grin and a wink that has no fucking business coming from the man my dad calls brother.
A/N: you guys know I love me a lil forbidden trope. I wasn’t planning on doing a part two to this BUT after talking with my babe @ibeliveinunicornsandmagic and scrolling across @mrtynae on tik tok - I couldn’t get the fucking dads best friend trope out of my head and now I NEED to make a part two so I can get to some smutty smut x (shoutout to you btw, if you’re on here PLEASE make yourself known!!! or if anyone follows them tell them secretlysamcro LOVES! - my tik tok is not as inconspicuous as this tumblr lol ) I’m deffo gonna have to write some more about this naughty lil pair hehe, thank you for taking the time to read!!!! Loves u all Xx
ꨄ︎jax teller x reader | age!gap (but all legal ofc - however, y/n is referred to as “kid” a few times) | forbidden love | talk of past domestic violence but nothing too in depth | non-consensual sex enhancement pills taken NOT in a “date rape” kinda way, in a tig being fucking stupid kinda way | effects of said pill have been exaggerated for the purpose of the fic | possible offensive banter/language | explicit & sexual language | you know your triggers better than I do, read at your own discretion | 18+ MDNI
୨ৎ tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed) : @sweetiekayy @christianzior @tragicallysamcro @mylifeisanoxymoron21 @bellaxgiornata @hunnamandhoney @daryldixonswifesworld @primadonnasdream @desperate-and-broken @mylifeisanoxymoron21 @mayanqueenxx @ibeliveinunicornsandmagic @cinblogs @rideandruin @g0rewyrm @magic-sprinkled-daydreams @stevie75 @jaxtellerpls @deesh-e @venusesworld @king-teller @thiccemochic @etclouie @mermaidlover006 @leighla3 @menofletters-and-mayhem | let’s go crows 🖤
ꨄ︎I think I’ve messed up my updated tag list, so if you’ve asked & you’re not on here, please just remind me again and I’ll make sure you’re added
“I’m telling you man, this shits gonna work” Tig flashes a wicked grin towards juice who’s standing next to him looking down at the tiny pink pills in his hand, his enthusiasm not matching his friend.
“This feels…wrong” juices smile turns lopsided.
“I’ve seen you plug a bullet hole...in a guys ass..with your finger, but this is where you draw the line?” Tig barks a laugh, guiding his friends hand over the oversized pitcher and tipping each tablet in. “It ain’t…wrong. It’s all herbal man, from the earth. One love and all that yada yada yada”
“But that was differ-”
“No buts, Juicey boy” Tig says head shaking, “it’s an aphrodisiac, alright? If one of the girls already has the hots for one of us, she’ll just have em…a little hotter.” He shrugs, so unbothered “it ain’t gonna make her jump on the first cock she sees”
Trager gives the punch a lazy stir, the flash of silver peeking through the red liquid. “Just a few more turns and they should dissolve” he mutters, eyes zoning in on the drink as if he’s conducting some kinda science experiment instead of the cheap liquid sat before him.
Juice doesn’t say much at all, just stays hovering over his shoulder, chewing at the loose skin beside his thumbnail, Tig last not even five seconds before he realises “What is your problem?” He whines, not even bothering to make eye contact.
The apprehension is written across his face clear as day, “it just feels…I don’t think we should-”
Tig stops stirring with a heavy sigh, looking over at juice like he has no sense in the world. “Crow eaters love to drink right?” Juice doesn’t even manage to open his mouth to answer, “and crow eaters love to fuck…this is just… speeding up the process”
“Hey sweetie, you okay?” Gemma calls out halfway to her car when she notices me.
“Yeah” I answer, slamming my car door behind me, my voice sounding more tired than I had planned “is my dad here?” I ask, keys jingling softly in my hand as I make my way over to her.
Gemma pushes her dark lensed glasses up the bridge of her nose, squinting towards the clubhouse. “Pretty sure him and Bobby went out to run some errands. Shouldn’t be too long though” she tilts her head “Go on in sweetheart, Lylas in there setting up for the friday night shit show” she turns to leave then throws her head back towards me “That asshole still messin’ with you sweetheart?” Her expression shifts to that of a worried mother, I shake my head no, not wanting to start a whole debate about the situation, having to tell dad was hard enough. “cause if he is, you know where we are” she gives me a reassuring smile that makes me feel just a little better.
“Thanks Gem” I say, and she gives me a small wave before I turn and head towards the clubhouse, my havaianas slapping against the concrete with each step. The row of chrome catches my attention straight away, especially his. Even when he’s not close by, even when I don’t mean to think of him, I always fucking do, a silly little crush I’ve never learnt how to let go.
Jax Teller is my dad’s president and loyal brother, and unfortunately for me, that’s the only connection we’ll ever have, no matter how many far fetched scenarios I create in my mind, that's all he'll ever be, plus I doubt he’d ever look twice at me anyway, not in the way I’d want him too. “A samcro daughter” is how they all know me, and that alone solidifies everything. Not that it matters, my dad would lose his fucking shit if that line was crossed, president or not. It would just be another smiley added to his collection.
“Hey y/n, didn’t know you were stopping by tonight” Lylas smile is the first thing I see as I make my way over to the bar, she looks up from drying a glass, her expression softening a little as soon as she notices me.
I slide onto one of the rusted stools with a sigh, tossing my keys onto the bar, “neither did I” I admit, rubbing at my temples. “Dad said he needed to talk but Gem said he only just left”.
My eyes drift around the clubhouse, a few crow eaters scattered near the pool table, Rat and another prospect talking all hush hush in a corner and everyone else is…“Where is everyone?”
Lyla tilts her head towards the heavy double doors “I think something might be going down” she sighs, placing another clean glass back where it belongs.
“Isn’t it always” I roll my eyes, letting out a tired breath as I lean over the bar.
“Always” she laughs, placing a hand on her hip, “Don’t take this the wrong way y/n but…you look like you need a drink”
“That obvious huh?”
Lyla smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes like her usual smile. “Ope may have told me”
“Course he did” I gesture towards her with an open hand, reminding her of the drink she just offered. “Who knew outlaws were such gossips?”
“You’re Happys little girl, that business is their business” she slides the gin and tonic my way. “When your dad told the club what your ex did…” her voice lowers, leaning on her forearms” “…Jax didn’t hesitate to make it club business”
“Yeah…” I take a sip “…I figured”
“Every single one of them would kill for you y/n especially your dad”
I don’t really hear the rest of what Lyla says. I’m too busy picturing Jax’s face the night Dad had told them about the bruises he’d found, about me finally breaking down and admitting the truth after months of insisting I was fine. I wonder how his expression changed, did he do that beautiful jaw clench he usually does when he’s pissed, did he ask for more details? And part of me wants to know if it became club business because I’m Hap’s daughter, or if it’s because the club president has a soft spot for me. A girl can dream right?
“What’s in the bowl?” I raise my voice over the music, the clubhouse getting louder now that there’s more bodies crammed inside.
“Uh…honestly, I don’t actually know” he laughs under his breath, “Tig just said to keep it topped up for the ladies” I squint, leaning in and taking a closer look. Bright chunks of orange, strawberries and lime bobbing around in the red liquid. Rat leans in beside me, inspecting the ingredients himself, “um, fruit flavour maybe?”
I can’t help but laugh, “yeah, I gathered that much” I still can’t decide if Rat stumbles over his words cause maybe he likes me, or if it’s cause my dad would skin him alive for even looking at me too long.
One of the familiar girls parades over, reaching for the ladle. She fills her cup to the top before throwing back a mouthful without a second thought. “Hey, what’s in the punch?” Rat calls out to her.
She pauses, smacking her lips together dramatically as she tries to figure out the ingredients. “Vodka…or rum maybe…and fruit…and…more vodka” she flashes him a flirtatious grin before bouncing back off to her girls.
“I mean, it sounds good…” I glance around the clubhouse, still no sign of Dad “Will you make me one?” I ask, holding out a red cup towards Rat.
“Uh…” he scratches the back of his neck, eyes darting round for a way out. “…yeah, yeah sure” he takes the cup from me, avoiding eye contact.
“I hope you’re not getting Happy’s daughter intoxicated” Rat freezes, the stream of red still spilling from the ladle. I don’t even have to turn around, I already know who it is. “No…no I was just uh-”
His attention then turns to me, “You even old enough to drink yet?”
“I’m not a kid Jax” I scoff in his direction as the prospect hands me the now full cup with a hesitant smile just before giving Jax one of those manly nods and melting back into the crowd.
“Bobby just called your dads like 10 minutes out”
“Thank fuck for that” I take a sip, surprised at how good it actually tastes. “…I can finally get out of this shit hole.” I catch the raise of his eyebrow “…no offence”
“None taken” he chuckles, “Not really a place for a girl like you anyway” As soon as the words leave his mouth, I swear I see the exact moment he wishes he could take them back.
“What’s that spose to mean?” I ask, flirting with the possibility his words have a hidden meaning under the surface. “I grew up here”.
His mouth opens, then closes just as fast. “I know that, I just…I just meant…” he stares at the floor like it’s gonna give him an explanation, “You know what I meant”
“Ummm, not really” I can’t help smiling, hiding it behind my cup, eyebrows raised enough so he knows I’m still waiting on the explanation.
He lets out a muffled laugh, shaking his head “I just meant…” the skin of his cheeks begin to turn the same shade of red as the punch, “…stop it” he warns with a crooked smile on his face. Just as I go to tease him further, he nods towards the doors and I follow his eyesight to see Dad and Bobby strolling in.
“Speak of the devil” I mutter, leaving Jax with a smile, and making my way over to Dad
I wander into the parking lot, I need a breather from the unexpected emotional conversation I just had with my dad, and the effects of drinking a third cup of punch. We ended up talking about everything I’d come here for, and then some. He even managed to convince me to stay a little longer said something along the lines of “you’re always at 100, bring it down a little, kid” I agreed, on one condition though. Told him I’d rather not walk in that clubhouse and find him face down in a crow eater, he laughed, which is something rare if you know my dad. “Wouldn’t do that y/n…not in front of you anyway” Asshole.
Looking up at the star scattered sky, I draw in the deepest breath I’ve been able to take in a long fucking time. The cool night air fills my lungs to its maximum capacity and for a split second, I swear they feel close enough to touch, close enough for me to pluck one out of the sky and wish upon it.
But as I breathe out, something feels…different. I’m suddenly aware of every single inch of my body, the air dances along my skin to the sound of my too loud heartbeat as little goosebumps pave the way for the movement. I hook my thumbs in the waist band of my jeans, adjusting them out of habit, but the way the denim shifts against my skin causes between my thighs to throb…what the fuck.
“You good?” Jax’s voice stops the air from dancing with me.
I turn to find him sauntering over, a cigarette balanced on his beautifully plump bottom lip. The smoke curling around him adds to the fucking masterpiece that he is. I still haven’t answered him, I’m too busy taking in every single detail of his face. The roughness of his beard, how he just looks so dangerous but so gentle at the same fucking time.
He pulls the cigarette from between his lips and holds it out to me, silently offering. I take it without thinking cause all I can think about is how this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to having his mouth on mine. Whole time he’s saying something, and I can see his lips moving but I’m too hooked on the way his lips move around each word, too hooked on wondering how those lips would feel if they were doing anything but talking.
“y/n?” His hand wraps gently around my arm, giving me a little shake. The gesture pulls me straight back to reality, a quiet sound leaves my mouth before I can even stop it.
“Did you just…” he lets go slowly, “did you just…”
“No” I answer, trying to cover up whatever the fuck just happened. My face, just like the rest of my body, feels like a fucking furnace.
“That sounded like a moan” he says, both entertained and concerned.
“No I just…I’m fine I just-” can’t stop imagining what it’d be like to get throat fucked by you. I don’t wait for him to say another word, I practically throw the smoke back in his hand before turning and making my way back into the clubhouse, leaving him with 100 questions, the answers I don’t even have myself.
I have no idea what the fuck that was, but Hap's kid just moaned when I touched her arm. I finish the rest of my smoke, that’s now sticky with her lipgloss and can’t stop myself from draggin’ my tongue over the taste of her. I catch myself as soon as I fuckin’ do it, silently cursin’ my dumb ass before paddin’ my airforces across the lot to the heavy doors. The second I step inside, my eyes find her. She’s in one corner, completely fuckin’ taken over by the music, dancin’ to herself, her hands driftin’ over her own body in a way I’ve never fuckin’ seen before. She’s not new to these parties, even got a little drunk and loose once or twice, but nothin’ like this, this is…somethin’ else.
My eyes immediately search for my sargeant at arms, thank fuck. He’s already passed out, smothered in the tits of one of his favourite crow eaters. My eyes dart back to y/n, still doin’ the same shit. I make my way over slowly, sittin’ on the edge of the table in front of her, tryna break whatever fuckin’ trance she’s in. “y/n…” I keep my voice so only she can hear “you gotta stop darlin’”
She doesn’t answer, she looks at me, like really looks at me, but says fuck all. Then, still without breakin’ eye contact, she slowly trails a finger from her tits, bringin’ it to her mouth and catchin’ her finger tip between her teeth, directly at me.
“What the fuck” I mutter under my breath, immediately pushin’ myself off the table and steppin’ in front of her, blockin’ the view just in case her father decides to come back to life.
“You’re looking at me like you like what you see” she whispers, I actually glance over my shoulder to make sure it’s me she’s talkin’ to. I mean, she’s not wrong but right now, this shit don’t sit right with me. She’s smilin’ and slowly closin’ the distance that’s left between us, her hands ghostin’ over the president patch on my kutte.
“I can tell…” she hums, “…you wanna taste it” my jaw clenches on instinct. Jesus fuckin’ Christ. What is happenin’ right now?
My eyes flick around the clubhouse, tryna make sense of what the fuck I’m actually lookin’ at. Crow eaters wrapped around each other, tongue kissin’, titty lickin’ like half the fuckin’ guys in this room don’t exist. Others are dancin’ by themselves doin’ the same shit that y/n’s just been doin’, everythin’ just seems…off.
Then I see them. Juice and Tig, standin’ in front of our mugshots, empty punch bowl on the table between them, nothin’ left but the ladle and a mixture of discarded fruit at the bottom. Juice looks like he’d rather be anywhere else…but Tig? That smug bastards got a grin from ear to fuckin’ ear which tells me he knows exactly what the fuck is goin’ on.
“Come with me” I say to y/n grabbin’ her by the arm and weavin’ us through the bodies.
“Ooooh boy” she mutters, clawin’ at her neck with her free hand.
I shoot Hap a quick side eye to make sure he’s still facedown and thankfully he is. As we pass, I lock eyes with the two dicks. “You two have some fuckin’ explainin’ to do”
We reach my dorm, and I shut the door gently behind us. “y/n listen to me…” I say, grabbin’ her shoulders and lookin’ her in the eyes. Probably the wrong fuckin’ move right now.
“I really wanna please you Jax” she whines, “please” she reaches for the back of my neck, but I catch her wrists, guidin’ her hands back down to her sides.
“No…no you don’t y/n listen to me…” she keeps pressin’ against me, turnin’ until her ass is flush against my trying-so-fuckin’-hard-not-to-be hard-cock. Fuck. It’s takin’ everythin’ in me not to react, not when she’s like this. “Somethin’s wrong but you gotta stay here and let me figure this shit out, okay?” I move her towards the mattress, easin’ her down onto the bed.
“Sit here, and don’t fuckin’ move” I warn her, hopin’ like fuckin’ hell shes in the same place when I get back. I go to leave the room, grabbin’ the key from the drawer and as I turn to shut the door behind me, I get one last glimpse of her, layin’ on her back, hands slippin’ beneath the waistband of her jeans. I lock the door before I see anythin’ else, and stand there in fuckin’ disbelief, my hands restin’ on the top of my head. It’s almost as if I’m being pranked.
“Talk” I say, stepping behind the two culprits “now”
Juice looks straight at Tig almost as if to beg him to speak up, which he obviously doesn’t. So it lands straight back on Juice, the words come out like vomit, I’ve never seen a man confess so quick. “Tig put pills in the punch” I stare at him in fucking shock, or rage, I don’t know which emotion is strongest.
“Uh… technically you put them in… they fell out of your palm”
“So you’re tellin’ me... you two fuckin’ idiots spiked the punch bowl?” I shake my head, “Tig I knew somethin’ was off with you…but this? you can't fuckin' do shit like that brother!”
“They’re herbal man…” Tig begins to mumble, “…how many times do I gotta explain” he whines in that monotone way of his. “Once they uh…take care of it, it’ll wear off”
Juice jumps in, like he’s tryna outrun the blame. “Tig said Venus uses them, they’re like…female sex enhancers or somethin’ makes chicks wild!”
“Female sex enhancers” I repeat the words, emphasis on the first one, noddin’ my head as I try to unpack this situation.
“Yeah” juice says, soundin’ like he’s tryin’ to convince himself.
Tig goes to speak but I raise a hand to stop him “I don't even know how to ask what I wanna, without soundin' like an asshole” I huff a laugh, “but what I do wanna know, is which one of you is gonna explain to Happy, that his kid daughter is currently in my dorm strung out on herbal sex enhancements beggin’ for attention?”
“Shit” they both say, their expressions switching up quick time.
“Yeah…shit” I echo, throwin’ my hands up in annoyance.
“We didn’t know she was gonna drink it man” juice blurts out, “we wouldn’t have-”
“I can’t find y/n” Happy appears out of nowhere, drunk and slurring “Her cars still out...side”
Silence. Absolute, fuckin’ silence.
“She’s uh..she’s around I saw her” Tig says, draggin’ his words out like he’s makin’ them up as he goes. Cause he is.
“Yeah she’s uh…” I clear my throat, givin’ myself a second to make up somethin’ believable “…she uh drank too much, told her to sleep it off in the dorm, didn’t think you’d want her drivin’ home like that, or any of these fuckers takin’ her” I give a threatenin' look to the bastards standin' beside me.
“Yeah…” for a second he doesn’t look convinced, but then he continues “…she’s had it rough these past weeks. My fault, I convinced her to stay and party…she’s probably just…drinkin’ it all away like her dad” he shrugs, finishing what’s left in his bottle. “Better to let her sleep it off” he begins walkin’ in the opposite direction. “Thanks brother”
“Count yourselves fuckin’ lucky” I just about snarl the words to the two idiots in front of me. “Herbal or not, don’t you ever put any form of fuckin’ pill, powder, or fuckin’ dust in a drink round here again” my eyes flick between the two “fuckin’ assholes”
“You know Jax…” Tig drawls nudgin’ Juice in the elbow and stoppin’ me in my tracks. “I’m startin’ to think maybe you’re enjoyin’ this attention from little miss Lowman”
Not gonna lie, his words land somewhere I didn’t expect em’ to and not cause he’s wrong, cause I mean technically he ain’t even though I’m not thinkin’ shit like that in this current situation but I’d be lyin’ if I said I ain’t never thought em’. y/n’s always been happys kid to me…to everyone in the club. But now she’s grown and at some point the I guess I did start seein’ her differently but Hap trusts me, he’d put his life in my fuckin’ hands whole time I’m thinkin’ bout’ puttin’ them hands all over his daughter. It’s fucking wrong.
Juice, clearly smart enough to value his life, keeps his mouth firmly shut as Tig continues. “I mean I know I ain’t the only one who’s looked twice at-”
My elbow catches him straight under the chin before he can even finish whatever the fuck he was about to say. His teeth crash together, a spray of blood and spit hittin’ the floor as he doubles over clutchin’ at his jaw.
“Please, feel free to tell Happy exactly why you’re pissin’ blood” I say coldly, shovin’ past him and purposely knockin’ into him with a shoulder. “Have some fuckin’ respect” a small scoff makes its way up my throat, the fuckin’ hypocrisy.
My skin feels hotter than satans throne, not that i’d actually know, I’ve never sat on it. The goosebumps that covered my skin earlier have now turned into tiny little prickles beneath my skin. I drag my hands over my arms, desperate to find some kind of relief, but it only makes it worse, like rubbing shards of glass straight into my flesh. What the fuck is happening to me?
Not even ten minutes ago I was completely lost in whatever had come over me, my hands moved by some invisible force to play with myself until the moment swallowed me whole and I came undone all over Jax’s bed, and just like that, the euphoric feeling just…stopped, replaced by whatever the hell this is.
Speaking of Jax, oh my god. Did I really say all of that out loud to him, or is this some kind of sick, very twisted, lucid dream? I really wanna please you. The words echo in my head on repeat, my stomach clenching in a cringe, “fuuuuck” I whisper to the empty dorm. My chest suddenly tightens as if the air refuses to go in any deeper no matter how hard I inhale.
Just as my thoughts begin to get a little too loud, I hear the slight sound of the lock turning, my eyes snapping straight to the door. Jax steps inside, closing it quietly behind him before tossing the key onto the side. There’s a look on his face, something like sympathy maybe? Or maybe disbelief I can’t even work it out right now.
“Hey” the word comes out short and sharp.
“Hi” I manage to make a sound, the panics still there though, and it’s so close to erupting.
“You okay?” He studies me as he walks over slowly, sitting cautiously beside me. The denim of his jeans brushes against mine and my skin automatically prickles with that clawing sensation.
“No…I…” I rub hard at the skin just above the lace of my black cami, trying to ease the tightness. “I…” I try again but the words just won’t come out. I can’t fucking breathe.
Jax understands without me even having to use the words. He moves swiftly from beside me to kneeling between my legs, those ocean eyes pinned on mine. “I need you to listen to me y/n, alright?”
I nod, barely.
He rubs a hand over his beard like he’s tryna work out how the fuck to word this. “Tig and Juice thought it’d be funny to add a little somethin’ to the punch”
A little something? Oh my god, have I been drugged? The question must make its way to my face because he answers straight away. “No” he shakes his head quickly, “Not drug drugs…well…” he chews on the inside of his cheek, like he’s tryna find the best explanation for this. “Nothin’ like that, I mean it’s still fuckin’ stupid but…” he lets out a defeated sigh. “The way you’ve been actin’…the stuff you’ve been sayin’…”
My heartbeat is so fucking loud I can just about hear him over it.
“…it’s because of what they put in the punch. Some herbal shit…an aphrodisiac or whatever the fuck Tig called it” his jaw clenches tight, so beautiful. “They thought it’d make everyone a little more…honest. Though I don’t think you were part of their plan” he lets out deep chuckle that immediately sets off the paranoia I inherited from my fathers side of the family.
“You’re…you’re laughing at me?” The words leave my mouth more like a question than an actual statement.
“No! No…y/n I’m not laughin’ at you” he tries his best to smile softly, reaching for my hand and letting his thumb absently brush back and forth over my skin. “I’m laughin’ at the situation…” he shakes his head dragging his free hand down his beard “…had to be you to put me in this position, huh?”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” The longer he keeps me talking, the easier it is to ignore the panic attack that could still possibly spill.
I follow the movement of his eyes as they drop to where his thumb is still moving over my hand. “All the shit you said tonight…the shit you did…” eyes are back on me now “…stuff like that doesn’t usually come from nowhere darlin’”
“So you think I meant it?” My index finger finds the edge of his ‘NS’ ring and I start tracing the letters, giving my hands something to do as my heart picks up the pace again, I stare down at the silver instead of him.
“I think…” he pauses, like he’s figuring out how to say shit without making this something more than it needs to be…or should be. “…I think the shit you drank tonight made it easier for you to say stuff you probably never intended to say out loud” he moves from below me to take up the space next to me again, the wood creaking under his weight.
“And if I did…mean it?” The remaining alcohol gives me the confidence to ask, but the second I say it I feel so fucking young sat beside him.
His thumb rolls slowly back and forth across his bottom lip like he’s weighing up exactly how far he can go with his answer and the longer he takes, the more I feel physically sick and suddenly don’t want to hear what he has to say, I cut in, taking away his chance to answer. “You you gonna tell my dad?
“Tell your dad?” Whatever composure he had left finally crumbles, his head rocking backwards with a laugh like thunder and it’s obvious now, he is definitely laughing at me. “Am I gonna tell your dad I was about two seconds away from watchin’ you…” I look closely at him as he fights to pull himself together, clearing his throat and sitting a little straighter. “…watchin’ you handlin’ yourself on the edge of my bed?” His lips pull upwards into a tight and disbelieving smile, shaking his head slowly “…you know your dad just as well as I do darlin’. Don’t think that conversation ends particularly well for any of us”
“Fuck my life” I sigh, burying my face in my clammy hands. My skin still feels all kinds of weird but at least I’m no longer on the verge of having a full blown episode. I fidget and shift against the mattress, knowing Jax has noticed I can’t stay still for more than five seconds.
“Haven’t seen you since your old man told me all about the shit that went down” I think he asks to distract me from the now.
I close my eyes at the mention of the topic I tried so hard to hide from everyone, chewing my lip out of awkwardness, “I’m fine” it’s become a habit to lie about it.
“Yeah…that’s what you kept tellin’ your dad right?…” I look towards him just as his eyes drop to the skin on my upper arm, it’s so faint you’d have to really be looking to see it, so it surprises me that he finds one. “…this don’t seem very fine to me” his index finger grazes over one of the last bruises that’s fading away, his touch giving me even more chills, but this time it’s not cause of what was in the punch.
He shakes his head, tipping my chin up with his thumb so I have no choice but to meet his eyes. “Anythin’ ever happens like that again, with anybody…I don’t give a shit if you’re scared, embarrassed or just don’t wanna tell your old man…” he slips straight into his authoritative mode. “You tell me. Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”
“Yup” I pop the p and say it with so much breath I almost cringe, but not enough to stop be from letting my head fall against his shoulder.
His kutte smells just like dads, leather and ash and like home. I feel his hesitation before his arm slowly curls around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. Neither of us say anything for about two minutes, which feels like a fucking life time. At some point, he relaxes enough to let his chin rest against the top of my head, smushing my face against the leather across his chest. I hate how easy I could get used to this.
Eventually he clears his throat, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe he just had similar thoughts to what I did. Probably not though, right? His chin lifts away softly and the warmth of his arm disappears as he pushes himself up off the bed, pulling me with him. I get to my feet but I’m still all slouchy and awkward with embarrassment, Jax just gives a quiet laugh as if he’s trying to make this whole damn thing seem normal.
“Cmon’ Darlin…’” his fingers move to straighten the twisted cami strap against my shoulder, “…coulda been worse…” his mouth tilts at one corner, his eyes making my stomach twist into a tight ball of yarn. “…I coulda stayed and watched” the grin he tries to hide is fucking sinful and for the quickest moment, I almost laugh with him, almost let myself play into the delusion I’ve had forever, so close to forgetting who he actually is, forgetting he’s the same grown up who used to flick me in the back of the head, or in some cases straight on the forehead whenever I got too mouthy with Dad around the clubhouse. “Quit talkin’ to your old man like that” he’d grumble at me around a toothpick tucked between his teeth, not even giving me a second thought cause back then I was just the teenage brat hanging around after school.
“Don’t do that” I had doubt he’d hear me but he pulls back a little, eyebrows showing his confusion, “Don’t…” I suck in nearly all the available air in the room, deciding if I should carry on. Fuck it. “…don’t start something you know we can’t finish”
He nods in silence a few times, like he’s trying to gather all his thoughts before using his words. “You should get some sleep darlin’…” he takes a step back, forcing space between us. “… I’d offer to take you home but I already told your pops you were in here cause you drank too much and I didn’t trust any of those drunken bastards to drive you” his hands rest on his hips like he doesn’t know what to do with them “….so…take a shower, take the bed for the night and if you need to, there’s some spare clothes in the top drawer just there and just…forget about tonight, aight’?” He steps towards the door plastered in samcro memorabilia.
“Thank you” the words come out a mumble.
He stops, looking back at me over his shoulder, “For what?”
“For…” I start scratching at my arm, even though there’s no longer any itching sensations “…not being weird about it”
“About what?” He tilts his head in fake confusion, eyebrows touching in the middle like he genuinely has no idea what I’m talking about. It takes me a second but I realise what he’s doing, pretending tonight never happened to save me the embarrassment. “Get some sleep trouble” he leaves me with a sinful grin and a wink that has no fucking business coming from the man my dad calls brother.
A/N: you guys know I love me a lil forbidden trope. I wasn’t planning on doing a part two to this BUT after talking with my babe @ibeliveinunicornsandmagic and scrolling across @mrtynae on tik tok - I couldn’t get the fucking dads best friend trope out of my head and now I NEED to make a part two so I can get to some smutty smut x (shoutout to you btw, if you’re on here PLEASE make yourself known!!! or if anyone follows them tell them secretlysamcro LOVES! - my tik tok is not as inconspicuous as this tumblr lol ) I’m deffo gonna have to write some more about this naughty lil pair hehe, thank you for taking the time to read!!!! Loves u all Xx
I’m ready for chapter seven!!!!! No rush of course 🤩
heyyy! here she is in all her glory 😛 ty for being so lovely to these two!!! 🫶
risky and you hit send (smau) | brendon park x sunshine!ERdoctor!reader | pt. 7
in which you realize things are getting serious between you and brendon
a/n: i struggle IMMENSELY when writing the turning point from crushing on someone to actually dating them. and while this is just a socmed au, i still want these two characters to feel real and have depth. sooooo here ya go :) i'll be posting the next chapter later today since it's a direct follow up
below is my taglist for ryhs. i've had sooo many of u request to be included but unfortunately tumblr only allows 50 accounts to be tagged :( and since i am nothing if not paranoid, i decided i'll only list 49 👍
if youre part of the list, friendly reminder that comments feed my soul and reblogs help tumblr writers! :D
lmk if u dont wanna be part of the taglist so i can tag someone else <3
so little weird fun fact about me is that I collect troll dolls . So I came up with this idea
Summary : Jax teller x fem!Reader who-collects-troll-dolls headcanons
He first noticed the dreaded collection when he stayed over for the first time and opened a cupboard in her bedroom for a pillow. Dozens of little, crazy, neon-headed bastard dolls stared back and judged him from their shells, hundreds of them. He just froze. “What the fuck is this, some kind of cult?” She laughed and introduced him to all her “children.”
Every time he comes over now, he turns them around quietly to their face in the wall. He started to feel like a tig. She notices it by morning and turns them back around with a huge smile plastered across her face.
One of her biggest dolls . A 2 foot one with pink hair and a face so ugly you can’t help but love it— has a tiny cut she made out of felt . Jax stares at it for a solid minute before turning it away. He secretly likes it but won’t admit it.
He refuses to have sex if any of the little bastards are present; he thinks they’re “ watching him .”
he catches himself talking to one once half drunk late at night as he waiting for her to get out the shower.You stay the fuck out of my business, you little shit.” She walks out To see her the Prince of charming threatening a plastic troll…
I am ten thousand percent here for odd concepts. This made me giggle and I could totally picture Jax's face when he first found them 😂 And drunk Jax threatening the trolls? Please. I could use a full on conversation of that!
May, or may not (definitely am) planning for this years halloweeeeeeeeeen event. Only gonna be doing 13 out of 31 days, cause last year killed me off & deffo was the catalyst for my writers block!!!😮💨
firstly, how the fuck has it been nearly a YEAR already? Secondly, this year I’m gonna do a lil bit of everything not just smut (boo you whore I know! But smut after smut can sometimes get repetitive for me when writing 😂) SO, I wanna know…
What kinds of stuff would YOU as the reader like to see go down? Vampires, zombies, dark romance inspired things you know??? Gimme some hintssssssss in the comments | also, keep in mind I still ONLY write for jax and jax only xo
You, Juice's best friend, show up in Charming and unintentionally steal Tara from Jax.
Warnings: Canon Jax cheating on Tara, not canon Tara falling in love with a woman.
Tara cheats on Jax with reader, but it's true love. Jax cheats on Tara with randos first and it's just for a quick fuck. So who's really in the wrong here.
The first time you met Dr. Tara Knowles, neither of you realised your lives had just tilted permanently off-axis.
You had rolled into Charming in your truck with nothing but a duffel bag strapped behind you and Juice Ortiz grinning like an idiot beside you after meeting you outside town. You'd known Juice since you were teenagers, long before either of you had ended up circling outlaw clubs in different corners of California, and he'd spent years trying to convince you to come visit Charming. According to him, the town was a complete disaster, the people were worse, and somehow he loved every miserable second of it.
He neglected to mention the beautiful trauma surgeon with intelligent eyes who smiled politely when Juice dragged you into St. Thomas Hospital after he'd split his knuckles doing something monumentally stupid.
"This," Juice announced proudly while Tara pulled on gloves to inspect his hand, "is my best friend."
Tara looked up.
You smiled.
Something happened.
Not dramatically. No lightning strike. No music swelling in the background.
Just... recognition.
Like two strangers somehow remembering each other.
She introduced herself with professional calm.
You cracked a joke about Juice being medically allergic to common sense.
She laughed.
Actually laughed.
Juice looked between both of you before narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"...Uh-oh."
At first, Tara told herself she simply enjoyed your company because you were refreshingly normal.
You didn't want anything from SAMCRO.
You weren't impressed by the motorcycles.
You didn't flirt with the patched members.
You asked Tara questions about medicine because you genuinely found it fascinating, listened when she answered, remembered things she'd mentioned weeks earlier, and never once made her feel like she had to choose between being a doctor and existing around the club.
She hadn't realized how desperately she'd missed conversations that weren't interrupted by gun deals, arrests, family feuds, or another emergency involving Jax.
Especially because Jax...
God.
Jax had been disappearing again.
Late nights. Phone calls he'd take outside. Lipstick that wasn't hers. Perfume lingering on cuts she'd stitched closed herself.
She wasn't stupid.
She'd always known.
Maybe not every woman. Maybe not every motel room. But enough.
When she confronted him, he'd apologise. Cry if necessary.
Promise it meant nothing.
"It doesn't mean anything, Tara."
"It's just sex."
"I love you."
He always came back to that.
Like love somehow erased betrayal.
Like saying the words enough times could stitch trust back together.
You never asked about Jax.
You noticed things.
The exhaustion around Tara's eyes. The way she checked her phone before smiling, as though preparing herself for disappointment. The silence whenever someone mentioned her boyfriend.
You didn't push.
Instead, one afternoon while she sat outside the hospital eating vending machine crackers because she'd skipped lunch again, you simply sat beside her and handed her half of your sandwich.
"You forgot to eat."
She blinked.
"...How did you know?"
"You've got doctor face."
"My what?"
"The face where you've saved three lives today and forgotten you're technically one of them."
She laughed so hard she nearly dropped the crackers.
It was ridiculous.
It was a stupid sentence.
And somehow nobody had ever cared enough to notice before.
Juice began quietly regretting introducing the two of you.
Not because anything inappropriate happened.
Because absolutely nothing inappropriate happened.
Which was somehow worse.
You'd stop by the hospital with coffee.
Tara would accidentally stay an extra thirty minutes after her shift ended.
You'd read books together.
She'd borrow your novels.
You'd debate movies.
You'd sit in your truck outside her house talking until two in the morning.
Neither of you crossed any lines.
Neither of you even flirted.
Which made the growing tension nearly unbearable.
One evening Juice found Chibs watching the two of you laughing outside Teller-Morrow.
"They're doomed," Chibs muttered.
"They haven't even kissed."
"Aye."
"So?"
"So look at her."
Juice did.
Tara was smiling.
Not politely.
Not carefully.
Not trying to hold together a thousand fractured pieces.
She was smiling like she'd forgotten what anxiety felt like.
"...Oh."
"Aye."
Jax noticed too.
He just misunderstood why.
He assumed Tara was simply happier because she'd made a new friend.
He thought nothing of hugging random women inside bars while Tara waited at home.
He thought nothing of disappearing for hours.
He thought nothing of climbing into strangers' beds because, in his own mind, he'd already decided there was a difference.
Sex wasn't love.
It was stress relief.
Escape.
Meaningless.
So it didn't count.
That was the lie he told himself.
Until one evening he came home early.
Tara wasn't there.
Instead, he found her jacket missing and her phone left charging on the kitchen counter.
He shrugged.
Probably working late.
She wasn't.
She was sitting beside you on the hood of your truck overlooking the hills outside Charming, watching the sunset paint the sky in impossible shades of orange and pink.
Neither of you spoke for a long time.
Finally Tara whispered—
"I think something's wrong with me."
You looked over.
"What makes you say that?"
"I look forward to seeing you more than anyone else."
Silence.
"I miss you when you're gone."
Another silence.
"I've been trying to convince myself it's because you're easy to talk to."
She laughed quietly.
"I don't think that's it anymore."
Your heartbeat became painfully loud.
"...Tara."
She looked terrified.
"I've never..." she admitted. "I've never looked at another woman this way."
"You don't have to say anything else."
"But I want to."
Her voice broke.
"I feel guilty."
"You haven't done anything."
"I've wanted to."
You reached over slowly.
Carefully.
Giving her every opportunity to pull away.
Instead, she took your hand.
Her fingers trembled.
"So have I."
She closed her eyes.
The kiss that followed wasn't desperate.
It wasn't reckless.
It wasn't about sex.
It was astonishingly gentle.
A hesitant meeting of lips that felt less like starting an affair and more like finally admitting a truth both of you had been carefully avoiding for months.
When they finally separated, Tara rested her forehead against yours.
"I don't know what this means."
"It means we stop lying."
She broke up with Jax the following morning.
Before anything else happened between the two of you.
She walked into Teller-Morrow with her shoulders straight despite feeling sick.
Jax frowned immediately.
"What's wrong?"
"I know."
His expression shifted.
"...Know what?"
"Enough."
"Tara—"
"I stopped counting the women." Silence. "I stopped believing the apologies."
He rubbed a hand across his face.
"It wasn't emotional."
She laughed once.
An exhausted, almost disbelieving sound.
"You think that's better?"
"It didn't mean anything."
"It meant something."
"It was just—"
"Every time you chose someone else."
He had no response.
Because there wasn't one.
Then she took one steadying breath.
"And I met someone."
His head snapped upward.
"What?"
"I wasn't looking."
"Tara..."
"I fell in love."
The words landed like a gunshot.
His voice became dangerously quiet.
"...Who?"
She hesitated only a second.
"You know her."
Understanding spread across his face with horrifying speed.
"...Juice's friend."
She nodded.
He actually laughed.
Not because it was funny.
Because he couldn't process it.
"You're leaving me...For her...You've known her a few months. I've known you for years."
That hurt more.
Because it was true.
The club reacted exactly how one might expect.
Tig nearly choked on his beer.
Bobby blinked several times before quietly muttering, "Didn't see that coming."
Happy looked between Tara and you once.
Then looked at Jax.
Then back.
"...Makes sense."
Juice, meanwhile, looked absolutely vindicated.
"I knew it."
"You knew?" Jax snapped.
"I knew something."
"You didn't tell me?"
Juice stared at him for several long seconds.
"You were sleeping with half the county."
Jax opened his mouth.
Closed it again.
Juice wasn't finished.
"You kept saying it didn't mean anything because there weren't feelings." He pointed toward you and Tara. "Well, congratulations. They've got feelings."
The silence that followed was almost unbearable.
Finally Chibs sighed heavily.
"Jackie..." Jax looked over. "Ye betrayed her body."
Then Chibs nodded toward Tara.
"She found someone who loved her enough that she refused to betray her heart any longer."
No one pretended the situation wasn't messy.
No one claimed the timing was ideal.
Even you and Tara wished life had unfolded differently.
She wished she'd left Jax before she'd fallen in love with someone else.
You wished she'd never been put in a position where genuine kindness from another person felt revolutionary.
But love had arrived anyway.
Quietly.
Unexpectedly.
Not because either of you went looking for an affair, but because one relationship had already been hollowed out by repeated betrayals, while another grew slowly from friendship, honesty, laughter, and the simple, radical act of making someone feel seen.
Months later, Tara would admit that she'd spent years believing love was supposed to be difficult—that it was supposed to hurt, require endless forgiveness, and survive disappointment after disappointment simply because history demanded it.
Then she'd look across the living room where you sat reading one of your novels while waiting for her to finish a chart she'd brought home from the hospital.
You'd glance up.
Smile the second your eyes met hers.
No games.
No wondering where you were.
No lipstick on your collar.
No excuses.
Just peace.
For the first time in years, Tara realized that love wasn't supposed to feel like surviving.
It was supposed to feel like finally getting to come home.
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