These first few days of motherhood have been beyond amazing. I never thought of myself as enjoying being a mom, but I was never more wrong. I think that my little baby girl was meant to be in my life. My little broke bestie 😭 🩷 but even with all this joy, I still can’t shake the trauma we both endured to bring her into this world. From what was a slow progressing labor, suddenly became my own life flashing before my eyes and especially hers. In that moment, I honestly felt like I was going to die. And I felt so selfish thinking that because I was supposed to bring her into this world. I felt like my body had failed me. My body put her in danger to the point where she almost didn’t make it. Looking back now, I know it wasn’t and isn’t my fault. Thankfully certain decisions my husband and I made that day made the emergency c section go a lot more smoothly so that the doctors could save my baby’s life. It’s just been so hard to have all this joy and happiness (even with the little sleep I can get) but to also experience dealing with feelings of trauma especially now that I’ll forever have a scar reminding of what happened that day. I know that I should be grateful that things didn’t turn out worse and that I do have a healthy baby girl at home now. But it’s still hard to just pretend that what I went through didn’t happen. But sometimes I have to, because as a mom no matter how exhausted and tired I am, I have to be the best version of myself for my child. And man oh man, do I have a new appreciation for how my own mom did all this on her own when raising me. So I’m still learning how to navigate this new role in my life, but I have such an amazing support system that I know I will get through this transition and find a healthy way to deal with these feelings. But for now, all I can do is take it one day at a time.
