when i was little all i ever wanted was to be pretty and liked by the other popular girls. now that im grown, sometimes i feel that i’ve achieved that childhood dream, i get told im pretty by another pretty young woman like twice a week. its hard to explain because when i was younger i really thought “becoming pretty” would solve everything. but it hasn’t. and i like the way i look now and thats one less struggle. but some days i still feel ugly. on most days i just want it to stop mattering so much. i want how i look and how pretty i feel to stop taking up such an obscene amount of space in my brain. and then there’s the fact that im hyper aware of the fact that people are only nice to me because im pretty now. like they didn’t treat me like this when i was “ugly”. lol. like when i had a shaved head and didn’t dress feminine or anything , and even before that like in my middle and high school years when i was going thru puberty - i saw the difference between how “pretty” popular girls got treated vs me - anyways at some point, you grow up. and that popular stuff stops mattering as much but the pretty stuff doesn’t, really. it stays with you and it takes on a new form. suddenly being pretty matters in contexts that feel really important. like getting a cool job or even having friends. how you feel about yourself, because lookism is lowkey real and you receive real time feedback from the world based on how you’re treated. if you get treated poorly because you’re perceived as ugly then it stands to reason you probably won’t like yourself very much either. so like where and how do we draw the line. i’m genuinely curious when lookism will be the next thing we actually tackle as a society
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