there will be no part two for this~ it's gonna be a long one!
mostly written in reader's pov and prepare some tissues!
Pairing: Miya Osamu (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)
Genre(s): angst, tragedy
Warning(s): reader's! death, mention of hospice, mention of terminal illness, brief mention of car accident, lots of sad stuff.
Please proceed with caution
Miya Osamu 宮 治
Miya Osamu was my whole life, and my world revolved around him. All I could see in my future was standing beside him, opening up his third franchise and maybe a child or two. Now, my future was just empty, hopeless and lost. From my youth to adulthood, I dedicated my life to this man I still love very much, Miya Osamu.
How did I end up here? I have to take you back to three years ago.
It was my birthday and I was waiting back at home for him to come back to surprise him with a gift. The dark clouds loomed over the bright skies and I felt a chill go down my spine when the thunder roared loudly.
Then, on my 25th birthday, I received the call that will change my whole life.
My boyfriend of three years was in a car accident on his way home and may never have the chance to wake up, or even if he wakes up, he might not recover 100 percent.
But I trust Samu, he would never leave me alone.
I was the one who visited him everyday and ran Onigiri Miya, and when he woke up…he asked for my best friend’s name.
Even when I tried to explain that I was his girlfriend but he refused to talk to me.
I was lost and his family was confused. They knew that my best friend came to help take care of Samu but…this was all too sudden. He refused to talk to anyone unless it was her.
So…I left.
And three years went by, I saw him on the news, joining the same team as Atsumu. I moved back to my hometown with our twins, a girl and boy. My parents could only comfort me when I arrived back from Hyogo and my swollen belly with the twins back then.
After I left, Atsumu tried to contact me but I cut off contact with all of them.
I knew, sooner or later, Osamu will know about his kids but just not now. He was having so much fun playing along with his brother and…having a loving relationship with his new girlfriend. This was all too heartbreaking.
My twins, Rei and Reki, were like the exact replica of Osamu and I. Rei is just like Osamu while Reki resembles me more. Her mannerism often reminds me of Osamu but we are just strangers now.
I would just tell him about the twins when they are older.
Just not now, when his life is going so well.
[Two years later...]
I am going to leave this world soon. Not on my own free will but the cruel fate I was destined for.
Even with treatment, I would at least be given a good two months, but I do not want to traumatize my children with sickly appearance.
After a long and tearful discussion with my parents, I decided to place myself in hospice. My children were confused but I had to let them meet their uncle at least. So, for the first time in nine years, I called Atsumu.
He was still a crybaby and drove to my house the minute he was off from practice.
“Tsumu, what are you standing there for? Come and give me a hug.” I spread my arms towards him and he ran into my embrace, nearly knocking me off my feet and bawled his eyes out. Then he noticed the twins staring curiously at him and it clicked in his head.
He pulled me up to my feet and I knew what he was going to do.
“I’m not going anywhere, Tsumu. I want you to help me with a favour.” I tug on the tail end of his jacket, just like back in high school.
“What is it bunbun? What do you need?” He wiped off his tears and mustered up a determined expression.
“To take care of my children when I’m gone. I know it’s a huge responsibility but you can reject me if you want. I’m sorry for contacting you out of the blue and even pulled-” Atsumu suddenly pulls me into his arms, and I could feel my shirt dampen with his tears.
“Are you for real? What do you mean you’re going to be gone? Where are you going? Can you please not go?” Now, the twins are also bawling their eyes out.
You have explained to them that you might not be able to stay with them for a long time but you will always be in their hearts forever.
“I’m going to hospice, Tsumu.” I could see the lost and broken expression on his face.
My parents took the twins back to the room while I calmed down Atsumu. He broke down in my arms and I cried along with him. If I could, I would have avoided the Miyas forever but forever doesn’t exist for me.
I was just starting my life and my kids, and Samu. I still didn’t get the chance to tell him about our children and all that he missed. How I miss waking up early to open the restaurant with him or just waking up next to him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life together with him.
I wanted to stay with Samu forever.
“Tsumu, I miss Samu so much. I still love him so much but I can’t bear to ruin his life by showing up suddenly. I really miss him, and I don’t want to leave this world this early. I didn’t even get to apologize for not staying by his side. I’m so sorry…”
That night, we just stayed in each other's arms crying.
Atsumu sent me to the hospice and promised that he would visit when he was free and hopefully bring Osamu along.
All I could do was hope.
My days at the hospice consist of preparing my will and other necessary preparations after I leave. My kids would visit every single day with my parents, and my best friend and brother from another womb would visit me no matter how packed his schedules were.
Not a single day has Samu come.
Each day, I was getting weaker and the pain meds were less helping with the current pain that I have to go through.
The hospice director allowed my kids to sleep over in my room and I hugged them to sleep everyday. They remind me of Samu constantly and it just made it harder for me to leave this world. My precious babies, I’m so sorry that I have to leave this early.
I heard from Atsumu the other day that Osamu proposed.
Since I am dying, I do not give my blessings at all.
“Tsumu. You don’t have to tell Samu about Rei and Reki. He is going to have his own family and…” I trailed off, as my vision began spinning and I could not hear anything before falling into a pool of darkness.
All I remembered was Atsumu’s panic expression. Silly Tsumu, why was he so worried? I still have a few more days left.
When I woke up, Atsumu was snoring softly beside me, holding my hand tightly as if I would just disappear if he didn't hold it tight enough.
“Tsumu, wake up. I wanna go see the stars by the sea.” I lightly shook his shoulders and he was about to reject me but I just smiled at him.
He helped me put on Samu’s high school varsity jacket and helped me to his car. The night was silent and cooling, perfect weather for a drive and a short trip to the beach to see the stars.
I rolled down the window and enjoyed the cool autumn breeze as we drove to the beach.
When we reached the beach, Atsumu set up the picnic mat on the floor and helped me to sit and bundled me up in another blanket. We both sat in silence and just stared at the night skies filled with bright stars.
“Tsumu, I will be up there soon~. If you miss me, you can just look at the stars and I will be looking at you from above.” He was sobbing quietly and nodding his head.
I suddenly recall the summer night that the five of us forced Kita-san to drive us to the beach at night to do stargazing and that was when Osamu got together officially as a couple.
“I’m suddenly feeling really sleepy, Tsumu. Should I sleep? I feel like if I sleep this time, I might never wake up…” You leaned against Atsumu’s broad shoulder.
Through the silent autumn night, you heard the heavy yet quick footsteps running towards your direction.
You opened your eyes and it was Samu.
Before you could say anything, he pulled you into a hug.
“I was the one in the wrong this whole time. I’m sorry that I came so late…” He was really here, my Samu finally came.
Atsumu left to give us some privacy, and even after we had been separated for so long, he was still the Samu that I love and miss.
“It’s okay. I’m glad that you came to watch the stars with me.” You smiled at him and he gently caressed my face as if he was trying to remember my face by touch. I decided to tell him about what I did after our separation and even our children.
At the mention of our children, he could not help but burst into tears and apologized to me over and over again.
What a crybaby, what’s he going to do when I’m not around anymore?
We talked for the whole time until we saw the sun slowly rising.
“Samu, I love you.”
“I love you too, my forever moon.”He leans down to kiss my lips, and I softly kiss back.
And I close my eyes forever.
Osamu’s P.O.V
My forever moon just left me.
During those weeks that Tsumu was telling me that I was making a mistake by not following him to visit the hospice, I regretted it deeply. When I realised Tsumu was telling the truth and the person that I trusted so much was the one who betrayed me and her best friend, I drove all the way to the location my brother sent me.
We have twins, the older twin named Rei and the younger twin named Reki.
I promised her that I would take care of them and tell them how brave their mother was and all the beautiful memories that we have made. She told me that she prepared presents for them till their 20th birthday and got their coming-of-age ceremony kimonos prepared. And my presents too.
I don’t need any presents.
I…just need my moon back.
Well, isn't it a long one? I was going through something and yeahhhh...it turned out like this. Hope y'all lovelies enjoyed this!
my writing have become rusty but i was getting into emotional...and yeah i wanted to write an angst piece for a long time~
Pairing: Miya Atsumu (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)
Genre(s): angst
Warning(s): emotional cheating, lots of sad stuff.
Please proceed with caution.
Miya Atsumu 宮 侑
Realizing the person that you have loved for your whole life was just using you as a replacement hurts like pieces of sharp glass shards scraping all over your scarred heart. Constantly stabbing on all the broken pieces until you just became numb to the pain. By the time he realized that he hurt you so deeply, it was far too late to salvage the pieces and repair the wounded heart.
It was not even that difficult to notice the minute details that Atsumu keeps in his life to remind himself of her. Their past, the present without her, and the future were left unknown by numerous factors.
You were the factor X, the outlier in his life. The outlier that was not supposed to have any relations with the compatible factors.
But…with that confident and cocky personality of Atsumu, you instantly got attracted to him. An outlier should have stayed from afar and observed, not mixed in with the main group.
Hana and Atsumu were the ultimate couple. They grew up together, have been each other's support system since young and she was Atsumu’s ideal girlfriend. Hana was everything that Atsumu needed. Their love for each other was the sweetest and perfect, everyone thought they would last together.
However, life has its own way of telling a story.
After high school, Hana moved to Tokyo to become a model and broke up with Atsumu.
That was when you decided to take the chance and pursue your first love.
It was not easy but after two years of traveling back and forth from Tokyo to Osaka, you got the title of ‘Atsumu’s Girlfriend’ and the privileges of becoming his girlfriend. You thought life would be easier if you become his girlfriend.
Life has a bitter way of saying ‘fxxk you’ in your face.
On the first year of your anniversary, you were going to surprise Atsumu by turning up at one of his games after he announced that you two were dating publicly. You even got his jersey and got all dolled up for the sake of surprising him.
The first shard.
You spotted Hana in the VIP first row, in Atsumu’s personal jersey. Even after dating for a year, Atsumu still did not allow you to even take one shirt from his closet. But, his ex-girlfriend could wear it for a public event.
Instead of staying to watch the game, you decided to head back to Tokyo.
Not one single call nor a message.
The second shard.
Their old couple rings, past love letters and their old photos still lingered at their new apartment that they got together. It was slowly suffocating you but you believed that you two had a chance and even moved in together.
The third shard.
Endless comparison between Hana and you. It was always ‘Hana used to do this for me…’ or ‘If Hana could, why can’t you?’ but never a thank you for trying or just trying to be there for your girlfriend of four years.
But Hana was his best friend and you were just some random stranger that decided to barge in their life eight years ago.
The fourth shard.
Birthdays, graduations, job celebrations, important dates, he was never there. One call from Hana, he was out of the door.
And, the cycle repeats.
Till you become mentally and physically drained.
“Atsumu, is it me or Hana?”
You saw how he hesitated and struggled to answer you, but deep down…you knew his response.
It will always be Hana for him.
Without even waiting for his reply, you head to your room to pack your stuff. Five years together, and this was how it ended.
“Are you leaving?” Your hand tightens around the one and only gift that he remembered to buy in your five year relationship.
You threw the necklace into the bin and nodded your head at him. He grabbed your hand to stop you from packing your clothes into your suitcase.
“Atsumu, why are you stopping me? Isn’t it time for us to end? You never let go of Hana and never will. I tried to…I tried very hard but all you did was to break my heart into a million pieces. If I don’t leave you, we are just making our lives difficult. So, Atsumu, please let me go. I can’t do this anymore.” You begged him, tears streaming down your pale cheeks. His grip loosened and you swiftly got out of the apartment before you regret it.
Atsumu was scared to be alone. When he and Hana first broke up, he was a wreck but only you stayed by his side. And soon, you became familiar and constantly pursued him so he gave it a try.
But everything that he did together with you, reminds him of Hana.
She never left his mind. Hana could never be replaced.
Then he hurt you in the process of his own healing process.
Everything was too late.
Nothing can’t be fixed anymore.
Atsumu was left alone again.
You were left with a broken heart that can’t be pieced together again.
A short and impromptu piece written, and I hope you guys enjoyed this!
i wanted to update regularly but work has been hectic. during the month of october, i was supposed to upload weekly but...i was sent off to china and yeah...i couldn't upload anything nor write....
Hihi~, it's Ro! I'm just dropping a Kenyu piece cause he's one of my favourite blue lock boys!
Pairing: Yukimiya Kenyu x fem!oc(she/her)
Genre(s): Romance, fluff
Warning(s): jealous Kenyu~
Enjoy!
It was a secret that the two of you were dating because Kenyu is a popular model, and your parents do not allow you to date in high school.
In front of your friends, the two of you just appeared to be very good friends since you lived just next to each other.
One of the few people who knew you two were dating is his manager, who caught you sharing a kiss at the back gate and your best friend.
Like Kenyu, you are very popular in school, which means lots of guys confess to you on a daily basis, but you took none of them seriously.
Being the student council president and as the vice-captain of the Kendo club, Kenyu has very little time with you.
He does not like to admit that he is jealous even though he is pretty much all the time when you are surrounded by your admirers all the time.
But today, it was different. Today was the school’s annual sports event, where the student council helped put together this event, and since you were the president and also the umpire for the kendo matches, you were pretty much running around.
And, since you and your good guy friend, Shin was the umpire for the Kendo matches since he is the Kendo club captain.
Seeing you laugh and joking around with Shin, it just stirred something up in Kenyu.
For the whole sports day, he ignored you and even glared at you when you waved or smiled at him.
“Yu-chan, what’s wrong? You’ve been ignoring me the whole day and even glared at me! What did I do that made you so angry~?” You confront your boyfriend, after pulling him into the empty art classroom, the very same one that you confessed to him.
He looked away and you try to make eye contact with him.
But it doesn’t last long since he is weak to your eyes.
“I was getting jealous, okay?! You have been smiling and joking with Shin so openly! Not even caring about how your boyfriend would feel seeing that!” He burst out and you almost laughed out.
The confession of Yukimiya Kenyu being jealous of his girlfriend.
“But, he’s the captain of the Kendo club and we were the umpires for the kendo matches. Plus, Shin is a very good friend of mine, who happens to be dating Mika, my best friend.” You retorted back and loosely wrap your arms around his neck to bring him down to your height.
Kenyu was taken back by the revelation.
“So…oh…I’m sorry.” All he could do was apologised because he felt so embarrassed. His cheeks were flushed from embarrassment and he could not look you in the eye.
You peck his rosy cheeks and then a light kiss on his lips.
“Oh my gosh, all it took was Shin to joke with me and you confess to being jealous? Did you forget that I was going to sleepover at your place because our parents decided to ditch us for their vacation?”
He was busy being jealous that it totally slipped out of his mind.
“Right…, let’s go now. I can’t wait to cuddle with you. Also, you look absolutely adorable today.” He leans in and kisses your lips.
The two of you continue your little makeout session since not many people pass by this place, but a loud shriek made you two pull apart from each other.
“You…Oh my gosh!” It was one of Kenyu’s fangirls, who happens to be in the same art class as you.
Kenyu and looked at each other, then starts laughing.
Guess the cat’s out of the bag now.
I hope you guys enjoyed this! I am preparing to write a Sakusa fanfic! Hopefully, I can stick to it, as I have a terrible habit of starting something and never seeing to the end of it:) See you guys!
warnings! none, fluff ♡ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ note! hi it’s been so long + i just got a sudden urge to write with the new season + all! life has been super cray but hopefully i get to do some more jjk again ueueue! back to my roots <3
✩ ˛˚ . GOJO SATORU
it was almost a mission getting up next to gojo, or more so having to actually get out of bed when you have your overgrown clingy boyfriend wrapped around you.
his breathing is soft, the rise and fall of his chest is steady and despite the way the light barely breaks into the room you can see the way his lashes still rest along his cheeks.
now’s your chance, you think to yourself as you ease gojo’s arm from where he’s got it draped over your waist — gently as to not jolt him awake as you push yourself closer to the edge of the bed. you gently swing your legs over the edge, but just as you go to push yourself up you hear the slow, drowsy drawl of a man who’s definitely not about to let you do that.
“oh, what’s this? i don’t think so, sweet thing.” your snowy haired boyfriend grunts as his arms take their previous place around your waist from behind, tighter this time before you’re pulled back into his chest with such an ease you almost squeak. you barely heard him move and the speed he always seems to despite the early hours still makes your head feel dizzy.
“you wouldn’t leave me cold would you? where’s your heart?” gojo teases but you note that he’s warm when he’s pushing himself into the crook of your neck, letting his lips graze along the skin there as he chuckles at the way you shudder at the touch. he knows you’re pouting, your little mission not so successful—but he still thinks it’s adorable the way you melt back into him regardless.. like you were secretly hoping for the loss.
“you were literally asleep a second ago.” your words are accompanied by a playful pinch at his cheek before his large palms graze under your shirt, squeezing at your waist as he pulls away to give you a tilted look. his sleepy smirk is in place as it stretches wide before he leans into to press a quick kiss against your lips, then another against your cheek that lingers.
“oh yeah? but i thought i was still in a dream, sweet girl.” crystalline eyes pull back to look over you, mapping out your features like gojo hasn’t already committed them to memory. but you think it’s unfair how handsome he seems to look in the mornings, especially when you’re trying to resist the way he makes you want to give in to his request to stay in bed a little longer.
“yeah yeah, just get up already.”
“nuh ugh, you’ve not even given me my good morning kiss yet. how will i survive the day, hm?”
✩ ˛˚ . GETO SUGURU
you need to get up, geto knows when your alarm goes off for the third time even though it was the first that woke him. “i know you’re awake, pretty girl.” he hums against your temple, but you’re still pressed up into him and every attempt to shake you gently awake has you inching yourself closer to his chest rather than to the edge of the bed.
“come on.” his words are accompanied by the smooth trace of his hands along the curve of your spine and you think it’s a little contradictory, the way he’s making you melt even more into him despite the way it’s supposed to be waking you up instead.
“sugu, but i’m tired.” a kiss to your forehead and a squeeze of his hand at your hips and you hear geto chuckle as he pulls back to look at you — his dark hair still messily framing his features as he pushes himself up.
“yeah? you seemed to be sleeping well when you were snoring.” he teases even as one arm still wraps around you and pulls you into him anyway. chuckling, long and low when you grumble before nuzzling into the crook of his neck to press butterfly kisses along his skin.
“i don’t snore.” you reply before you find yourself lost in him, geto always smelled good, so good you wanted to wrap yourself in him like the blanket you wrap yourself in at night. you hear him hum at your words; like he’s not quite convinced before he’s reaching over you to tap at the alarm, again.
“but we really need to get up.” he sighs but somehow manages to keep you still pressed against him as he sits up, letting you curl up against his chest as the first cold press of morning air rolls over your shoulders while he stretches.
you look up at him with drowsy features but it seems to warm you from the inside out when you notice he’s already staring, a smirk in place before he’s pinching once at your cheek and kissing your lips when they jut out into a pout.
“hey, don’t gimme that look after all of those alarms, pretty girl.”
✩ ˛˚ . NANAMI KENTO
waking up with nanami was easy, or more so being woken up by him. he was always up early, waking you up with a sweet kiss against your cheek, followed by another against your temple. his coffee still lingers on his lips but you think it’s familiar, like it makes the first stretch of the day come a little easier when hes resting over you.
“morning, sweetheart.” his voice is a low drawl but he knows you’ll probably still be in bed by the time he leaves. but you know you’ll walk into the kitchen to sliced fruit on the table and your slippers will be waiting in their place over the edge — perfectly positioned for you to slide into because he knows the floor is a little colder in the morning.
“morning, kento.” your voice is cute, barely audible but nanami’s still close enough to hear it as he lets his palm push gently down the curve of your shoulder — squeezing at the skin affectionately. your eyes are barely open, but you can still feel the way he tucks the comforter over you, sighing softly before he pulls back.
“do you want me to bring in dinner?” he asks, you’re barely awake but he still waits for an answer. a little nod follows and he smiles to himself when you subconsciously roll onto his side of the bed, seeking out the small remainder of the warmth he’d left behind although you’d still rather he be next to you instead.
“then i won’t be late, i have dinner plans now after all.” nanami pulls back to take another sip of his coffee but you still seem to find the consciousness to reach out to grab at the cuff of his shirt. a drowsy blink up at him and he knows he can’t deny you when he’s leaning over you again, leaving you with another few kisses that find him having to smooth down his shirt and hair again afterwards.
✩ ˛˚ . FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
you think it’s charming, the way megumi is already looking at you as you wake, blinking blearily at your dark haired boyfriend as he gives you a content sort of look. you blink again, stretching slightly before you roll onto your side, edging yourself closer before you speak. “were you watching me sleep?”
your question is still drawled as you tease him, barely awake but you can still see the way it makes him jolt slightly — like he’s been caught in a daze as the tips of his ears sting with a blush. “no” but his reply is too quick, followed by a tsk while he’s suddenly looking everywhere but at you with a pout on his lips that only seems to lure you closer.
you giggle as you press yourself into megumi’s side, humming at the grumpy expression on his face because you still think it’s cute the way he lets you climb all over him. “what? i think it’s cute.” he softens at that, slightly as his eyes dart quickly to look at you before they’re gone again.
you let the silence settle for a few moments before you feel his arm reach to wrap gently around your waist, securing you against him before he clears his throat to finally say something. but his gaze remains on the ceiling. “i wasn’t staring..” he begins before he gives you another quick look, “.. you, you just made a sound, i was checking on you.”
you hum at megumi’s little excuse as your press your cheek into his shoulder, failing to hide the way your lips are starting to stretch into a grin that he notices before his brows furrow slightly. “hm? you looked happy about it.” you tease again and you feel his fingers squeeze at your waist slightly as he breathes out a long sigh and curls you closer.
“shutup.”
✩ ˛˚ . ITADORI YUUJI
on the rare occasions itadori seemed to wake up before you, you were never far behind — mostly because he couldn’t seem to wait too long without you. so you always seemed to find yourself woken up by a few messy kisses, pressed quickly into your cheeks, then your neck, then your nose until you’re pushing him away playfully at the way they tickle your skin.
“yuuji! i’m awake..” you huff out as your overgrown boyfriend leans his weight over you, like a giant puppy licking his owner awake in the morning as he sends you a bright grin. you always thought it was cute how pretty he still seemed to be in the mornings, even when his hair is messy and it’s barely 8am— there’s still a soft sort of glow in his eyes when they meet yours.
“morning!” itadori replies, his voice is lower than normal but he still handles you softly despite how tightly he wants to wrap you in his arms. but he was warm, sort of like sunshine and you think you quite enjoy the moments when you get to wake up under the sun.
“do you wanna get breakfast?” you ask softly and you swear you feel your boyfriend squeeze you tighter at that. but your arms wrap around him and he doesn’t think anything is gonna be as good as the feeling of you against his chest right now.
“five more minutes, babe. i wanna cuddle a little longer.” itadori’s words are muffled when he speaks them into your skin, continuing where he left off on his onslaught of kisses as he peppers them across your features. across your cheeks, along your jawline and down your neck until he’s pressing you into your pillows and groaning when you scratch your fingers through his hair.
but you accept, even though in five more minutes you know it’ll be ten.
✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。i know you still think about the times we had
synopsis. satoru will always comes when you call him, he just never thought you’d stop calling
— word count. 5.2k (where did i go wrong)
— contents. college au, rich boy! gojo, break ups and make ups <3, it’s the cliche trope where the rich guy’s parent forces you to leave him aka gojo’s father is the villain, angst with a happy ending—i don’t want my cause of death to be angry rb! gojo stans, emo gojo ft. marvin’s room (iykyk), cliche rain scene—this fic is so cliche i’m sorry, reader is gn! but gojo is mentioned to like pics of girls on instagram (he was being petty)
— notes. well, it finally happened. the long awaited break up. this one’s for you niku 🤞🏽
you open the door when satoru knocks—just barely, though. it’s just enough to hand him the bag with the remaining things he’s left at your apartment. it feels familiar, being here, but it feels so different too. it’s always been happy knocking on your door—he never thought he’d dread letting his knuckles meet the cool wood. it’s like taking the last bite of something sweet when you’re too full. when the sugar is too decadent on your tongue and your head spins and your stomach twists and it’s too much even though it used to be so good.
it’s too much being here. it’s too much trying to meet your gaze and get nothing in return. it’s too much being handed back that sweater he basically let you keep. and yet, it’s good to see you. he wants nothing more than to be here with you, wherever you are, even if you don’t want him to stay.
“that should be everything,” you murmur, still looking down. “let me know if there’s anything missing.”
satoru would never tell you if there’s something missing. he’d never come back and demand back something he gave you, he doesn’t think he could ever take back something he gave you—being handed back his heart after pressing it to your palms is hard enough. but then again, maybe he should look for small things you probably missed. just so he can come back. just so he can see you—how else will he see you now?
“no, it’s alright,” he says quietly. he doesn’t miss the way you quickly let go as soon as his hands grab the bag, almost like you’re being careful enough not to let your fingers meet each other. “you can uh…you can just keep them. or…throw them out if you don’t want them,” he mumbles.
you nod, standing there silently. it’s quiet, and then it’s quiet some more. and finally, you look up at him for the first time since he got here, staring at him a little expectantly. oh, right. now would be the part where he leaves.
“can i…can i just know why?” he croaks. fuck. he’s not supposed to cry. you ripped his heart out and threw it at his feet, you didn’t even care to hand it to him even after you tore every artery apart. but he sniffles anyway, lips wobbling as he stares at you. “why are you leaving me?”
your fingers twitch, like you itch to reach over and wipe that tear that rolls down his cheek. in the end, you cross your arms instead. “i already told you, satoru—”
“that’s bullshit,” he clicks his teeth, shaking his head as he stares at you frustratedly, “you gave me some bullshit reason.”
satoru has worked so hard to be here—to be with you. hadn’t he done enough? hadn’t he told you about himself, things he didn’t want to? hadn’t he tried to become something, someone more than just a guy swimming in trust funds? hadn’t he worked for your attention, waited outside classes and walked opposite directions in the hall with you just to seem dedicated? fuck, he even burned his hand trying to learn how to make pancakes to impress you, let the maids laugh at him as he twisted the stove the wrong way to try and turn it on.
why wasn’t it enough? what more could he give you than everything? how can the guy who has everything not have enough to give? he doesn’t understand.
“satoru, we weren’t gonna work,” you pinch your nose—it’s like you’re the one who doesn’t understand why he’s being like this. “the sooner you accept that the more hurt you’re saving the both of us—”
“we were working just fine,” he says exasperatedly. it’s like you insist he’s crazy when he’s nothing but sane. like he’s trying to tell you the sky is blue, and you’re refusing to believe it’s anything other than green. it’s clear. it’s practically a fact. you were doing just fine—why don’t you see that? “we were happy,” he takes a step forward and cups your cheeks, pressing his forehead to yours, “was it someone? did they tell you something? just tell me who, baby—i’ll fix it. i’ll put them in their place, okay? no one can bother you if i get them to leave you alone—”
“then you leave me alone,” you whisper. he stills. you pull away from his hands. “sator—gojo. please just leave me alone. it’s better that way.”
you close the door, and he stands there. numb. maybe a little shocked. entirely ruined.
gojo. he laughs quietly after a moment at that—it’s a laugh meant for men who’ve lost the last thread to sanity. gojo. it’s like a slap in the face, being called the name he worked so hard to get you to drop. it took him weeks—months, even, to convince you to call him satoru. then he upgraded to toru. then it was baby. sometimes you teased him and called him pumpkin—he called you peaches in return. when you introduced him, you called him your boyfriend.
not anymore. now he’s back to gojo—that god-forsaken name with everything but what he really wants attached to it. his grandfather’s legacy. his future. business deals. fancy invites. more money than he knows what to do with. the name gojo comes with everything but you.
but he had you for a bit, didn’t he? when he was just satoru—but now he’s gojo again, and you’re gone. the only sign of you left is in the faint traces of your perfume in the sweaters you’ve returned.
and satoru still isn’t sure what brought the break up on. he thinks it’s the part that stings the most—when everything seems perfect one second, and then it’s not. had he not tried enough? maybe he was too much. maybe he didn’t understand you the way you needed him to. maybe he was too overbearing. maybe he asked for too much too fast.
he’s not sure. he tried asking when you broke it off—you only shook your head and said it wasn’t going to work out between the two of you, that it was a mistake to try at all. mistake? how could you call this a mistake? things were so perfect, weren’t they?
satoru doesn’t think there was even one second he wasn’t smiling when he was with you, and he used to think the same was true for you too. had you been faking it this long? or was it real at one point—had he really failed you so badly, seen past you so blindly that he didn’t notice when your smiles stopped reaching your eyes?
it’s too late, he figures. you and satoru are broken up.
you ask him to come over one morning, and he does—because he always comes when you call. he brings your coffee order from that cafe you like, the one you don’t go to often because the coffee is more overpriced than any other coffee shop you’ve ever seen. he’s grinning when you open the door, leans in to kiss your lips excitedly. you turn your head then, and his lips meet your cheeks instead—he supposes he should’ve known it at that moment. he should’ve seen that your lips weren’t smiling. your eyes were tired, a little red. you were hugging yourself in that way you do when you’re nervous. you didn’t let him kiss your lips, you made him kiss your cheek.
and then you sat him down on that worn-down couch of yours, took off that bracelet his mother gave him to gift you on your anniversary, and pressed it to his palm as you said we should break up. break up. you wanted to leave him—and satoru didn’t understand, still doesn’t understand.
he’s tried for so long, replayed the last month of your relationship in his head over and over and fucking over. you always smiled. you kissed him first. you held his hand, and even squeezed. you asked to see him. you laughed when he was around. you said i love you. you were happy. but then you weren’t—when did you stop being happy? and how could you have stopped feeling it with him?
—————
breaking up with satoru is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. how long can people live without the sun? you think not longer than a few minutes—that’s what it feels like without satoru’s warmth, anyway.
gojo satoru has always smiled as long as he’s been with you. he smiled smugly on your first meet, smiled bitterly after every rejection, smiled in pure glee when you finally said yes, and smiled like his fingertips could touch the sky every time he saw you after that.
satoru has never looked sad for long in your presence—you have that effect on him, you make his lips curl and his eyes brighten in that way that they deserve to shine. but for the first time ever, his eyes dim with you around, his lips curl into a frown at your words, and he cries for you. his eyes glisten with tears instead of wonder, and you think for a moment that you might be making a mistake.
but then you remember that this is for the best—that if you really love gojo satoru, you’ll let him go instead of clipping his wings.
“he’s picked up his things,” you speak quietly into the phone. you don’t sniffle even as you desperately need to—it’s the last bit of control you have left, and you intend to keep it. “i won’t be seeing him again.”
“good,” his father speaks, “that’s good to hear.”
satoru’s father is a cold man, you learn that on the first meet. he doesn’t look at his wife with a soft look that tells you there’s any love built between the decades of marriage, and he doesn’t look at his only son with any affection for the boy he raised. instead, he stares at satoru like any businessman would an opportunity—with a calculating gaze that tries to work out the best course of action for the most profit.
satoru is young, but he’s charming and conniving and knows how to get what he wants when he wants—he’s quick on his feet and rarely lets himself get cornered into a wall. in the last three generations of the family business, no heir has shown as much promise as gojo satoru. that’s what his father tells you, anyway. you believe him—satoru is smart and knows how to play his cards right, you won’t deny that. his future is set to be comfortable, and he’s never known anything outside of that, never built any other plans for himself.
you can’t rip that away from him—not for your own sake, not for your own happiness.
“you promised you wouldn’t freeze his trust funds once i ended things,” you remind him, “and that he’d keep his inheritance.” somehow, because the world grants you this one favor, your voice doesn’t shake—it’s steady and firm as it reminds the stone-cold man at the end of the line of your agreement—and he offers a slow chuckle that makes your jaw clench.
“yes, i do recall,” he hums, “i’m glad we could come to agree. you understand, don’t you? it is my job as his father to do what’s best for him.”
you know what he’s saying—what that means. you’re not what’s best for him. maybe he’s right—maybe satoru needs someone who’s equally as promising to build a successful company into even more success. maybe he needs someone who can take him out for a change to those fancy places he takes you every few weeks. maybe he needs someone who’s heard of half the brands he wears and doesn’t scold him to turn the lights off so the electricity bill isn’t high. maybe he needs someone who can keep up with everything that gojo satoru is—and that someone is not you, no matter how deeply you love him.
“—the offer still stands, should you change your mind. i’m willing to compensate you for the trouble this must all be.”
your lips curl into a scowl at his words. that’s the thing about rich people, you think—money is always enough to sugarcoat everything. why worry about the dead grass in your lawn when you can paint it green? but you don’t leave satoru for extra cash on your hands—nothing can be worth auctioning off the only man who’s ever made you feel anything. you leave satoru because he deserves to continue living comfortably, to make a name for himself that isn’t just a ghost of his father’s. if that means being cut from the corner of the picture, you’re willing to pick up the scissors yourself.
“no thanks,” you hiss, “i don’t need the money.”
“i would disagree,” his father sneers, “but suit yourself.”
the line ends, and for good this time, satoru is no longer yours. was he ever to begin with?
—————
you try to forget your ex-boyfriend—keyword, try. every hour of your life consists of you using your burner account to refresh his instagram page to see if he’s posted anything new. you unfollow satoru from every social media platform the same day he picks up his belongings—you know he’s noticed within the first thirty minutes because all of his pictures with you are gone, just like all your pictures with him.
in what you assume is an attempt to be petty, he likes every picture of every girl he sees, and he even blocks you on twitter—you know he picks twitter because twitter is the only social media that blatantly states you’re blocked. but then you’re unblocked in two days, and you know he must be missing you now that the initial anger is faded.
it makes you laugh a little, even through your tears. satoru is not satoru without petty fits of emotion, and you can’t bring yourself to be mad, not when it’s your fault he’s hurting like this. he’s extra sad today, you gather—if the way marvin’s room is posted to his instagram story on a blank screen is of any hint. it makes you scoff in amusement that in true gojo satoru fashion, he’s effectively told all eight-thousand-something of his followers he’s pathetically in his feelings.
you scroll through suguru’s story, too—he didn’t unfollow you even after satoru temporarily blocked you, but you figure suguru is the only person satoru really has. you shouldn’t keep yourself close to him, not when it could hurt satoru more, so you remove him too.
suguru is, as always, drinking at some fancy party with obnoxiously rich college students who have not a care in the world for midterms around the corner. who needs to pass when you’re swimming in money whether or not you have a degree? the first thing you learn about the rich is that most of them are only at college for the experience—they don’t see college as the stepping stone to better opportunities, there’s nothing education could offer that trust funds already don’t. but satoru attends college for himself—he enjoys business classes, you learn, and especially finance ones. for someone who spends money so carelessly, he understands it particularly well.
there’s no sign of satoru at whatever party it is suguru is at, there’s no trace of strikingly bright white strands anywhere in any corners—you do see naoya in a corner, though, and you crinkle your nose in distaste. if satoru were here, he’d say something bitterly under his breath about the asshole, and you would giggle. but satoru is not here, and even naoya the women-hating jackass makes you miss your obnoxiously whiny ex-boyfriend.
everything reminds you of satoru. that bear he won you at the fair (after maybe six tries) by your pillows, those polaroids at your desk that you can’t bring yourself to take down, that sticky note on your fridge he left promising to replace the creamer he finished (he’s replaced it more times than he’s needed to by now), that extra big blanket you keep on the couch because the old one barely covered his legs, that pair of silly matching mugs you both had for coffee in the mornings.
every corner of your apartment has something that reminds you that satoru was here, that he was yours, that for a short while, he was the best thing you ever had. it’s your fault, you think—that satoru and you are here in this mess in the first place. he’s always looked at life through a hopeful lens. having everything does that to you, makes you ignorant to the misfortunes of the world, makes you think everything is within the realm of your reach. you, on the other hand, knew this was bound to happen. the two of you together is like hot oil and cool water—what feels like sparks is just the oil shooting out to burn you. you should’ve known this would never have lasted.
in a way, you think you did. it’s why you hated him so fiercely at first—maybe deep down, you always knew you wanted him, that he would never be yours. maybe that’s why you were so adamant about rejecting him, that even when he was clearly trying, it would never be enough. satoru has always been enough, has always been what everyone has wanted—you’re not so sure you can say the same for yourself.
you love gojo satoru. he loves you too—he falls first, and you think maybe, he might have fallen harder too. no one loves like satoru. they say if you press a coal hard enough, it turns to diamonds—you think if you gave satoru coal, he would hand you back the sun and all of her stars. it’s just the kind of guy he is, the one that turns everything dull into something bright and warm and worth it. you wish you didn’t have to break his heart, you wish you could’ve walked out of this the only one hurt. but maybe, at the very least, if you break him good enough that he hates you, he’ll move on quicker, maybe have something to look forward to while you continue to work your way up and cheer him on.
before you can refresh suguru’s page one more time to stalk his story, you’re pulled from your thoughts as someone knocks on your door—correction: pounds on your door. you jolt on your couch, standing up and making your way to the front door quickly and looking through the peephole.
satoru.
of course. he’s soaked to the bone—it’s raining outside, and of course, just as on brand as always, he must’ve rushed here without an umbrella.
you shouldn’t open it. but you can’t just leave him in the rain, can you? but he’s not your problem anymore, you agreed to leave him, didn’t you? but how could he not be your problem when he’s all you think about? but this could cause him trouble, if his father found out he was here, right? but can you really leave someone, ex-boyfriend or not, in the pouring rain? you can’t be that cruel can you?
before you can make up your mind, he speaks up, “i know you’re standing there. open the door,” he demands.
“satoru, go home,” you sigh, head pressing against the surface that separates you, “don’t make this anymore difficult than it has to be.”
“if it’s difficult, that means you don’t really want this,” he argues. he’s still as good as ever at sweet talk, still as persistent and charming as ever at getting what he wants. “please,” he croaks, “just let me in.”
you know it means more than one thing. you know it means more than just your home. you shouldn’t, you can’t let him know why you did all this—how can you protect someone from something if they don’t let you? satoru would never let you if he knew, and that’s why you can’t let him know.
“satoru, if you don’t leave…i’ll…i’ll call the cops,” you warn.
“no you won’t,” he says instantly. “i’m not leaving until you open the door. and if i get sick, i’ll send you my bill for the emergency room visit.”
“you’re not going to the emergency room for a common cold, you idiot,” you scoff.
the rain doesn’t slow—in fact, you can hear thunder. satoru is still stubbornly outside, knocking away.
“i’ll start screaming,” he insists, “your neighbors will complain for noise again. do you want to be kicked out of this apartment? just let your cold, wet, heartbroken ex-boyfriend in if you have a heart.”
and because you are, and always will be, weak to the charms of gojo satoru, you open that damned door—even though you shouldn’t, even though you can’t, even though you said you would never again. but you do. because it’s satoru, and he always comes when you call, and you’ll always let him in when he’s here.
“you don’t come to your ex’s house less than one week after the break up,” you sigh once you open the door. he takes a step in, shutting the door behind him.
“why did you leave me?” he asks.
“satoru, you can’t keep bringing this up—”
“why? just tell me why.”
“i don’t have to—”
“tell me why and i’ll stop bothering you. i just need to know why,” he insists.
and then you break.
you’re only human. you’ve lost the man you’ve given everything to for over a year in the span of one week, you’ll never see his lovely mother again who spoiled you rotten, you’ll never hang out out with his funny best friend who treats you like family, and you’ll never be enough for gojo satoru, the rich, loud, sheltered, obnoxious, handsome jackass you met and had to do a project with and accidentally fucked over and over again until you fell in love.
so you shove his chest, once, then twice, then a third time, each time getting weaker and weaker than the last as tears slip down your cheeks as you simply break down. “just leave, satoru,” you sob, “why can’t you just leave? why do you keep coming back?”
you hate seeing him here. you want him gone. you never want to see him again. you hope he never leaves. you’re glad to see him. you hope this isn’t the last time. you hate that he seems to not be getting enough sleep. his eyes are hollow. he must not be eating properly. he probably hasn’t attended class. he has a quiz next week. he probably forgot about that. his clothes are wrinkly. he probably hasn’t showered in days.
“last month you said i was it for you,” he glares at you, his eyes red and swollen and every shade of heartbreak. you miss when they were blue, that beautiful, bright, perfect shade of blue. “last week you said we were a mistake. what the fuck do you mean, huh? what are you playing at?”
“you can realize a lot in a month—”
“not enough to erase over a year,” his voice booms. it makes you flinch and hug yourself tightly. tears slide down your cheeks, your vision is blurry. this might be the last time you see satoru, and even if he’s angry, you want to remember the curves of his features. so you wipe them away. they keep coming back. “so tell me,” he clenches his jaw, “did you string me along for a year or did something happen last week that you’re not telling me?”
“i realized you were bad for me,” you say quietly.
satoru stares at you. it’s a piercing gaze—his eyes are electrically blue and his lashes are unfairly long and every time he stares at you, you think he almost sees into your soul. they’re tired—there are purplish bags under them on that pale skin of his, and the whites of his eyes are concerningly bloodshot. he stares, and stares, and for a second, you think you’ll die like this. watching him stare at you as your heart bleeds out.
“i spent weeks,” his voice shakes, “i waited outside your class. i followed you to the next one. i memorized your fucking schedule.”
“satoru, you need to leave—”
“and then you fucked me and left every morning like i was nothing,” he glares, sniffling. you don’t know where the rain drops on his face start and where the teardrops end. “and then i begged you for a chance—begged. i burned my hand, got laughed at by the maids to learn how to make stupid fucking pancakes for you.”
“i didn’t ask you to—”
“it took you two months to call me baby for the first time. did you know that? i waited two months to hear that. i thought it was the best two months i ever waited.”
“satoru,” you plead.
you’ve given up trying to wipe away the tears—he’s given up on crying altogether. you’ve never seen him so hollow, so dead in the eyes and so, so tired. satoru has never gotten tired—not when he’s fighting for you.
“and then you kept pushing me away, acting like i was some shallow guy who wanted to get in your pants and leave cause i had some money to my name. i took you everywhere, introduced you proudly, let everyone say what they wanted to about me because i loved you, and…and i thought you loved me too,” he shakes his head.
“i do love you,” you admit it before you realize what you’re saying.
“then why did you fucking leave me?” his voice is loud. satoru never yells, not at you. his voice is always gentle, patient, like he worships the ground you walk on, like he’ll get on his knees if you ask him too. satoru never yells—but he does tonight.
“because i had to,” you sob, fingers digging into your temples as you shake. the words spill from your lips faster than the tears, like a swarm of angry bees, one following after the other. “or you’d lose everything. the trust funds, the inheritance, the company. i couldn’t let that happen to you—not for me,” you whisper.
it feels like defeat—in the end, you couldn’t have satoru, and you couldn’t leave him either. you couldn’t love him like you wanted, and you couldn’t let him go like you should have. what else is there left to fuck up? what more can you ruin in less than a week? the bees feel like maggots in your mouth, swarming a dead carcas.
“you left me because my old man threatened you with my trust funds?” he asks in disbelief. you think something in satoru dies at that—something in his shoulders falls and his eyes almost seem gray.
satoru gets his blue eyes from his mother—they’re bright and kind and deeper than the ocean. but unlike the ocean, they’re not scary to fall into, to lose yourself in no matter how far you are from shore. his father’s eyes are gray—cold and blank and not laced with a single hint of emotion.
you can’t help but think that blue suits satoru so much better than gray ever could.
“it wasn’t just that,” you shake your head, “that’s not fair, satoru. what was i supposed to do? know you were about to lose everything and stay?”
“you could have talked to me before you decided for me,” he hisses, “what do you want me to say? thank you? thank you for breaking my heart? thank you for making me feel like a worthless piece of shit who wasted a year for someone who didn’t seem to care? thank you for walking out on me?”
“you know i’d have stayed if i could,” you argue, voice breaking.
“then why didn’t you? why the fuck didn’t you?”
“because i couldn’t!”
“you could!” he screams—you realize, for the first time in your life, you hate when satoru screams. he never screams. “all my life, that old man has been making decisions for me. satoru, wear this. satoru, go here. satoru, don’t do that. satoru, put that away. satoru, stay away from them. satoru, come with me. that’s all he’s ever fucking done—make every choice for me. and now…now you’re just like him,” he breathes, lips wobbling as he stares at you with hurt.
it’s like that for a bit—you stare at him as he crumbles, and he stares at you like he doesn't know you anymore. you don’t know who leans in first, if it’s your hand or his face, but one second you’re feet apart, and the next second his face is cradled in your hands, thumbs swiping away at his tears. you catch them, one by one, waiting to wipe them away no matter how fast they come. because satoru always comes when you call, and you’ll always be there when he finds you.
“i don’t want to leave,” you mumble, “i never do. you are it for me, i meant that, you know. who else will melt extra chocolate in my hot chocolate?”
“then don’t leave,” he pouts, voice cracking, “i don’t want you to. i’ll handle that old geezer—my grandfather will knock some sense into him. fuck, suguru and i can even hide his body, it’s fine. just don’t leave, okay?”
you let out a watery chuckle, pinching his cheek as you shake your head. “i don’t know if i’m worth homicide, satoru.”
“i think you’re wrong,” he huffs, “you’re wrong about a lot of things, you know. so wrong.”
“i never said i was perfect,” you pout.
he buries his head into your neck, clinging to you tightly—you cling back, because nothing is as safe as satoru’s arms. you’d melt into his skin if you could, live in that spot right where his heart is so you can make sure it’s always beating.
“you’re still perfect,” he mumbles, “but you’re always mean to me. this was the worst you’ve ever been.”
“i’m sorry,” you murmur, slipping your fingers into his hair—it’s still wet, you realize. he’s soaked, and he could catch a cold but you don’t care. satoru is home. he’s here in your run-down apartment with the mugs and the blanket and that toothbrush you forgot to return and that pair of socks you found in your drawer. satoru is finally home. “i’ll never leave you again.”
“promise?”
“yeah. as long as you don’t block me on twitter again.”
“you deserved that.”
“and for the love of god, toru, delete that marvin’s room story. that was so dumb.”
“are you stalking me?” he pulls away with a grin, making you glare with a huff. he chuckles, kisses your forehead as he murmurs, “missed me that bad, huh? yeah, i would too.”
“obviously not enough to post marvin’s room on my story.’
“you can’t be mean to me after you broke my heart!” he whines. yeah, you think, satoru is home. he’s still that loud, obnoxious, pestering brat that he always was—and he’s still the only love you’ve ever known.
“i love you,” you press your forehead to his, kissing him slowly. you want to kiss him harder, you want to kiss him desperately like you’ll never kiss him again. like you lost him and miraculously got him back. like you’ll never see the sun without him.
but there’s time for that—lots of it, in fact. because satoru is home.
“i love you too,” he whispers, “wanna shower with me? if you really love me, you would.”
Heyyyyyy~! It's Ro here:) I just wanna let you guys know that my requests box is open! So drop in your requests if you want! A little overdue but I'm working on a Sakusa piece:) I'm planning to write some of my works so...you can either request a rewrite or something new! I now write about Blue Lock too:0
I just don’t understand why people here have transitioned to preferring likes at all?? Like how could you just like… exist here and NOT want to fill your blog with things you love?? Like how do you see a post and think “WOW!!!!! This is so fantastic! I love it so much!!!!! …. I’mma give it a like tho because it’s cool but not worth spreading to other people.” Because THAT is the message you’re passing along to the creator when you like a post instead of reblog it. You’re basically telling the creator that their work isn’t worth sharing.
And as a content creator who pours my heart and soul into my creations, it fucking sucks.
As a writer, I see a lot of blogs that have no content posted on them, liking a bunch of my fics and then NEVER reblogging them.
I’ve read a few comments about liking and reblogging later and thinking this post was about you. I can’t speak for anyone aside from myself, but I’m ok with that. The problem is that most of the time that is not what’s happening.
If it’s because they didn’t like what I wrote, then fine. My content isn’t everyone’s cuppa and that’s okay. I’m not a complete idiot. I know that’s possible.
But then, why do they keep liking my fics after that? 🤔 if that’s the reason, then why continue to serial like my works when I post them?
Worrying over keeping a certain look for your blog to the point you aren’t sharing things you enjoy on it makes me think that the whole point of having a blog on this site has been lost along the way.
Gentle reminder that likes DON’T feed into an algorithm on Tumblr. This isn’t Insta. It’s not TikTok or Facebook. Liking a thing does sod all except send a little note to the author that you liked it. That’s IT. Won’t boost your content or theirs or lead to more engagement on either side, and it won’t affect what you see on your dash.
REBLOG CONTENT YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF. MAYBE WITH A LITTLE NOTE SAYING WHY YOU LIKED IT.
I am not complaining about anything, but I would appreciate more reblogs. Or a note that mentions how much you like or why this post would do. I have been on Tumblr for about 2 years now, and my posts are mostly likes and 10% of reblogs. It's kind of sad. I love reading comments, even if it's one or two (which are rare, too); it boosts my motivation to write and make new content.
This is getting a little too serious, but I stand by what I said.
It's been a long time since I've written a Sakusa piece, and I kind of got a little crazy with it.
Judging by the title, it's not your usual fluff.
Pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)
Genre(s): tragedy, angst
Warning(s): terminal illness, reader's death, lots of sad stuff.
Please proceed with caution.
Sakusa Kiyoomi
“Kiyoomi, let’s break up.”
On the seventh anniversary of our relationship, I decided to break it off with the man that I once decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew he would propose to me in that fancy restaurant that would have taken months to get a reservation to go in. I even know that he got my dream ring because he hid it in the drawer of his socks compartment.
I broke it off with him because I want him to resent me.
I want him to resent me to the point that he does not want to remember me or forgets all about me.
Why?
He deserves someone better than me because I am a bad person.
After the dinner date, I successfully stopped the proposal and ditched him there and spend the night at a cheap motel. No matter how many times he called or messaged, I ignore all of it. I deleted all the photos we shared together in my phone, so that I will not regret what I am going to do for the next few months.
This was killing me on the inside but I have to do this.
On the first day of post breakup, I packed up all my stuff and send it back to my childhood home back in Okinawa. I wanted to throw all of our pictures hanging around our home, but I want to give him the honours of destroying our happy memories.
I quit my job in Osaka and left for Okinawa. On the same day, the news article of our breakup was released. I felt some weight lifted from my heart. At least he accepted it.
During my first week back, it finally hit me. I broke up with the love of my life. I cried every night to sleep. It was painful, harsh and torture to sleep by myself but it was all of a choice made by myself.
As I was not working anymore, I had more time to spend with my family and helped out with the family small yet bustling inn that was filled with tourist.
Weeks turned into months and it was time for my family to know the truth. It was the first time I saw my tough bear papa bawled like a baby that day. I felt bad but the truth was going to come out sooner or later.
Every evening, either my mother or father would bring me to the beachside for a light walk. They say it was for my own good, but I know they are just worried about me. I guess I should not let them worry more.
Instead of going out for one of my usual night walks, I asked them to give me some privacy.
I prepared three envelopes and begin writing.
Oh, it’s not some love letters. It was my will. One for my parents, another for…him and another one for our baby girl. I used to be a lawyer, so this was a piece of cake for me. Who am I kidding? It’s never easy. I’ve tried written my wills a thousand times but I could not do it.
It kind of seals the deal that I am going to die.
When I received my diagnosis, it was a nightmare in disguise. I was 18 weeks along and…I have cancer. A terminal one at that. Life sure loves me…huh. I have already started on chemo, since I have passed the danger zone but I have lost all my hair.
I hope my baby girl gets her daddy’s luscious dark curls. How do I know if it’s a girl? I just know in my gut feeling that it will be a girl.
Besides, I hope my baby girl looks like him, I don’t want to leave another piece of me behind for him.
This is torture.
Why is life so unfair? I just wanted to be a good lawyer, get married to the love of my life and have children with him. Is it so difficult for me to live a normal life?
But I am glad to see him moving on. I recently read on an article that he was spotted on a date with one of the famous actresses that my mother probably watches.
I am happy for him. Truly, I hope he lives his life for himself and not for me.
My doctors told me that I will be able to carry my baby to full term and that was all I need. I hate chemo but I needed to do it for my baby girl.
There could be a change of events cause Mama’s body is very sick, so I am going to name you Miyuu.
I am going to add in the will in case someone objects to your name.
When my friends flew into Okinawa to see me, they all broke down and bawled like babies. Do I look that terrible? Guess I don’t have the pregnancy glow that most pregnant ladies have.
And yes, I am having a baby girl. My chemo treatment has stopped as we have about eight more weeks to my delivery date.
Everyone was updating on how their life has gone and then they told me about him too.
I am glad that he is moving on well with his life.
That is all that matter, his happiness.
As long he is happy, I can leave this world happily.
I hear the beeping of the machine and my shallow breathing in the oxygen mask that helps to breathe better. I felt my bump weakly and relaxed when I heard the strong heart beating of my baby girl.
Miyuu, darling, I’m sorry that mummy got sick before you came out to this beautiful world.
I hope you are as healthy as your father, but not the anal person like him. Be more like mummy and make more friends.
But don’t lie to your loved ones like mummy. Always be truthful.
I know you will grow up and be loved by everyone.
Mummy is going to take a rest now, my sweet darling, be safe and healthy.
“Code blue!”
The flatline, the dreaded beep sounds, the anxiety and helpless of not being able to do anything. The doctors tried their best to stabilise the mother but it was no use. She was gone at the age of 28, and now they have to save the baby in her too.
They promised the young lady that they would save this baby of hers no matter what.
“Call the OBGYN, Paediatric surgeons and book the operation theatre. We have to deliver this baby now. I will inform the family.”
It was all too soon for the family but time was of the essence.
After losing his only daughter, now they have to pray for their granddaughter.
With shaky hands, he signed the form. The form to save his granddaughter but nothing could bring back his daughter. His precious girl that he raised for 28 years old, passed before him.
“Please…please tell me I’m not too late. No…Wait, what is going on?”
Kiyoomi lets out a shaky breath as he slowly approaches the glass window, and saw it all. Your lifeless body lying in there, while the doctors were prepping to go in for an urgent surgery. The baby bump broke him.
Your father wrapped his arms around the tall volleyball player and no words were needed.
He did not even say his last words or even spend your last moments together.
Without a care in the world, he cried in your father’s arms. He was too late, to hold you in his arms, to say I love you for the last time.
At least you did fulfil one of the promises that you make together, half of it, was to build a family with him.
Every second was agonising as they waited outside the operation theatre. Kiyoomi refused to rest until he knows his baby girl was out safe and he just wanted to hold your hand for the last time.
All this time, you were suffering and he was oblivious to it.
“Babe, it’s so painful. Why didn’t you tell me that you were suffering? Just how much pain were you in? I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”
His siblings who flew down with him, could only wrapped their arms around him and comfort him.
[Two months later…]
After putting Miyuu to sleep, Kiyoomi went into your study room. He took a deep breath as he sat down in front of your table. The graduation photo that you took together was still on the table.
And the three envelopes.
He traced your handwriting on the envelope fondly and opened the content.
It was a letter.
Hi babe, can I still call you that after our breakup?
I know what I did was brutal because I want you to resent me. Resent me to the point that you hate seeing my name or remembering me. Forget me all…but I guess you couldn’t since you opened this letter. I wrote my name especially big on this envelope because I hope my name repels you but if you’re here, I’m glad.
My diagnosis was not in our plans at all and I was pregnant. I knew if I told you, you will drop everything and spend your time with me. I am going to die. I don’t want you doing that and regretting it. That’s why I planned the breakup and hiding from you.
When I saw your news of you dating again, I thought, I’m happy that he’s moving on.
But I’m not. I miss you so much. I want to hug and kiss you or get my daily cuddles. There is a lot more that I want to do with you Mimi but I don’t have the time. I hate it so much but I regret this. I love you so much, never once did I forget about our time together.
Please don’t forget about me. I really love you so much that I don’t want you to know that I die, but you were there? Weren’t you?
I’m sorry babe that you have to experience this.
Kiyoomi, take care of our baby girl, Miyuu. I gave her that name because you’re horrible with names! I love you so much.
With lots of love,
Your First and Last Love of Your Life.
P.s – Check the second drawer for a usb drive.
He wipes his tears and looked for the usb that you have left for him. It was his usb that you ‘borrowed’ from him during your second year of university and never gave it back.
It was videos.
But there was one that you titled it as ‘WATCH THIS FIRST’.
He clicked on it and it was you before you started on your chemo treatment.
“Erm…Hi Mimi. This is a little awkward but I wanted to film this before I start my treatment…so before I turned ugly. I’m sorry for everything, from hiding this and our baby.”
Kiyoomi’s eyes became teary as he watches you wiped your tears away.
“I don’t want to die but I guess it’s inevitable? I love you so much that even words can’t express how much I love you. Since I’m dying soon, I love you more, ‘kay? Please take care of my parents after I’m gone. I have kept my recipe books at the highest shelf where I keep my secret stash of chocolate, so cook those for our daughter.
I didn’t throw out any of our memories. It’s at Mika’s house. I couldn’t do it, so go and take it back.
Our little girl here, I hope that she looks like you but you probably wish that she looks like me, right?
Babe, I wished I had a time machine and went back to the time where I took my health seriously but I guess this is fate too.
Sakusa Kiyoomi, it was an honour to be loved by you in this life. If you don’t mind, can we meet again in our next life? In our next life, please marry me.
I love you so much and I’m sorry.”
And the video ends.
“In the next life, I will make sure we meet again, fall in love and get married and do all the things that we missed in this life. Why are you always right, she does looks like you. Our baby girl, she’s like you. I love you so much, so please let me come to you in the next life.”
For the first time after the birth of his daughter, he smiled for the first time.
This was written after the movie, More Than Blue. I got lots of inspiration from it and I hope you guys enjoyed it.
Hello my lovelies~, it's been a hot minute since I've posted anything. Recently, I've been doing some job hunting after I quit my previous job and finally caught up on some of my favourite anime shows.
Blue Lock was one of those shows, and I am obsessed.
I hope you guys enjoy this little piece.
Pairing(s): Kunigami Rensuke, Mikage Reo, Yukimiya Kenyu x fem reader! (she/her)
Genre(s): romance, fluff
Warning(s): None:)
Enjoy!
Written by the author from the perspective of 1.66m
Kunigami Rensuke — 1.88m (Height difference of 22 cm)
Kunigami loves the height difference between the two of you, he adores it.
The height difference that allows him to easily kiss your forehead, or to get you to call for him for help to reach things at the higher cabinet.
When you try to kiss him and he has to bend down to your height, he absolutely ate that shit up.
He loves to tease about your height even though you are considered quite tall for a girl, it’s just that your boyfriend is such a giant >.<
Since you two are neighbours, just different high school, he would go to your school to pick you up and go home together.
The students were whispering with each other when they saw the orange-haired teen standing outside of their school campus. It was one of the harshest winters that literally sends chills to your bones even with a thick coat.
Then, they watch the president of the school’s orchestra skipping towards him and falling straight into his arms.
“I told you not to run, the road is slippery from the snow. Aren’t you cold?” He took off the scarf around his neck to wrap it around yours.
“I know you’ll catch me anyways. Did you wait long? Practice ran a little late and we have to-Mmph!” Kunigami cut off your rambling by pulling you into a kiss.
When you two pulled away, your cheeks were flushed from the weather and embarrassment.
“Ren! You can’t do that in public! You idiot!” You scolded him and walk ahead of him to the bus stop.
But, with your short legs, he immediately caught up with his long legs.
He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you close to him, so you can feel warm.
“I was just teasing you. I’ll treat you to some oden before we head home.” He kisses the temple of your head and guides you to the nearest convenience store for oden.
Mikage Reo — 1.85m (Height difference of 19 cm)
At first, Reo was indifferent about the height difference between the two of you.
But, as the more time that you two spend together and the little differences that he noticed.
He would now purposely put all your snacks and cup in the upper cabinet where you can’t reach and needs him to help you.
Reo would purposely slow down so he matches your pace but if he’s feeling playful, he would walk faster and hear your complaints about his long legs.
Since you both were in sports clubs, very often the two of you would compete in a 100 meters race.
If you lost, he would be teasing you the whole day about your short legs.
He knows that you hate losing, so he would treat you to your favourite food after school.
“What is wrong with you? Ugh, you’re so annoying!” Reo watches his girlfriend stormed away, speechless since this is the first time that you have lost your temper at him.
Everyone in the cafeteria went silent for a moment before going back to their own conversation.
Nagi who woke up from his nap, slightly confused as to what was going on.
“Reo? What’s going on?” Without saying anything, Reo rushed off after you.
You knew that Reo loves teasing you about your height but then it does gets pretty hurtful at times when he does not know when to stop.
He finds you back in your classroom, head buried in your own arms.
“Baby, I’m sorry. Can you lift your head up to look at me?” You shook your head and you heard him pull the chair in front of you and sat down.
Reo saw you swinging your legs and he taps on your arm again.
“Did you really dislike me teasing about your height?” You nodded your head to his question.
It seems like he did go over the line this time.
“Can you just lift up your head for a moment?” His large hands hold your face as you stared back at him with puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.
Now he feels even worse for making you cry.
“How do I get you to forgive me again?” His thumbs caress your tear-stained cheeks.
“I need a kiss, a visit to my favourite café and carrying of my school bag for the next two weeks.” Honestly, you have already forgiven him but you just wanted to see his reaction to your requests.
He leans in to kiss you on the lips then starts playfully peppering your face with his kisses.
“Alright! Stop it! You’re forgiven!” You giggled trying to pull away from Reo but this guy has an iron grip on you.
After five minutes of non-stop kissing from Reo, he finally stops and grins at you.
“I’ll pick you up after our club activities. See you later.” He kisses your cheeks before heading off to his classroom.
Your friends were just waiting patiently outside of the classroom for you lovebirds.
“What? Never seen a boyfriend kissing his girlfriend?” They all just rolled their eyes at you.
Yukimiya Kenyu — 1.84m (Height difference of 18 cm)
When you first dated Kenyu, he was a gentleman and all but now, he is still a gentleman, plus a kissing and cuddly monster and a major tease.
His friends were kind of shocked that he was dating you, an art student that he used to swore that he will never date an art student.
But all is well and you two have been together for almost a year and a half.
He still hates going to art exhibitions but he goes for you since he likes spending time with you.
The height difference between you two is just adorable and whenever he comes to get you from art period, people gush on how cute the two of you look beside each other.
He loves resting his chin on the top of your head.
Kenyu loves to tease you when your canvas is taller than you and needs his help to carry it, or when your art supplies are stored on the top cabinets since you practically have no space already.
He is always there to help you and add in a little teasing.
“Where do I put this? Also, why do you even need such a huge canvas? It’s even taller than you.” You can hear the teasing tone in his voice and instructed him to move it to the free space that you have cleared in your ‘studio’.
Well, your current studio is your older sister’s room, since she has gotten married and moved out of the house, it was all yours to use.
He loves coming to your studio, because it was just so you and besides his help is needed here.
“Yu-chan, we still have one more to move. Let’s go and we can rest.” You dust the dirt of your skirt.
His eyes remained a little longer at your bare thighs below your skirt, before you pinch his cheeks, snapping him out.
“Eyes up here. Let’s hurry up~!” You pull on his shirt and follows you back down.
After you two were done with the moving, you guys moved to your room to get some rest.
“Why are your legs so short? It’s so cute~!” Kenyu teased you as your legs entangled together on the bed, your cheeks squished against his chest.
“Then why are your legs so long? You’re so annoying. I’m just trying to cuddle with my boyfriend but he is always going on how long his legs are. I’m gonna just kick you off the bed if you continue to mention about my short legs.” You threatened and he immediately tightens his arms around you.
Kenyu likes to twirl your hair with his fingers and get some nap time with you. It’s not often he gets to spend time like this with you.
“Yu-chan, there’s a new exhibition popping out…and can we go during this weekend? If you’re free.” Kenyu frowns a little and then you sat up a little, so you’re facing him.
“Babe…you know how much I hate going to art exhibitions but for you, I’ll go. However, that means you own me 10 kisses and five cuddle sessions.” He bargained and you gladly took the deal.
After all, he is quite busy as a student and as a model. Plus, he has his football career to focus on.
“I’ll give you ten free kisses since you’ve worked so hard today.” Hearing that, Kenyu sat up immediately and press his lips against yours.
You love kissing Kenyu and that’s the only time he allows you to remove his glasses.
He pulls apart so you two can catch your breath but your kisses are so addictive that he pulls you close and press his lips against yours again.
In the midst of your makeout session, you two failed to hear the loud giggles and chattering of your older sisters and your nephews and nieces.
“Honey bear~, OHMYGOSH!”
The two of you pulled away immediately, you bury your face into Kenyu’s shoulders while he awkwardly waved at your older sisters.
Guess, there’s another time for the rest of the kisses.
Nagi Seishiro — 1.90m (Height difference of 24 cm)
Nagi is not so much of a tease but when he teases you, he was just so adorable.
Sometimes, he is just too lazy to tease you but likes it when you whined about how tall he was compared to you.
He lowkey likes it when you two walks beside each other, and he likes to wrap one arm around your waist.
Or when you have to tug on his blazer to get him to walk slower so that your pace matches.
When you complain that he is too tall to talk to, he would bend down so that he is now face-to-face to you and stops you from complaining.
He also likes being the small spoon when you two cuddles, his legs were often over yours.
Since he is so tall, he sometimes doesn’t even notice you creeping from behind to surprise him.
After he was done with his football practice, Nagi waits in front of the entrance of the kyudo practice area. He was playing a game on his phone while waiting for you to come out of practice.
Practice ended later than usual, but Nagi always waits for you to finish up so he can go home with you together. Once you were done packing up and locked up the practice area, you head out to see your boyfriend engrossed in his game.
So, you did what you always did.
“Guess who~?” You sneaked your arms around his waist, almost made him dropped his phone.
“My tiny girlfriend, of course. Pass me your bag.” He took your Kyudo bag and while it looks huge on you, it fits him a little too small.
He slides his phone back into pocket and holds your hand as you two walks towards the front gate.
“Seisei, how was your practice? Did you train hard today?” Of course, you know his answer.
“It’s such a waste of time. I rather spend my time watching you practice. You look rather hot when you’re so focused on the target.” You rolled your eyes at his answer but he just leans down to kiss you on the lips.
He does this randomly, something that you still can’t get used to it.
“Wait a minute, why are so warm today? Even with layers of sweater and your coat?” He stops and bends down to let you fell his forehead and then his neck.
He flinches when your hand came in contact with his warm skin.
“You’re burning up! Let’s hurry back to your apartment.” He wraps his arms around your waist, leaning his chin on top of your head.
Seeing you all panicky over him warms his heart up.
“Hmm, we can take the bus. There’s no taxi near our school and you asked your chauffeur to stop driving you back and forth. Don’t worry, it’s probably some cold.” He reassures you and you turned around to face him.
He was expecting a kiss from you but you flick his forehead instead.
“You idiot, you’re sick and you think it’s okay to stay any longer in this crazy weather?! I’m just going to call a taxi or hail one. The next bus is coming in 20 minutes!” You were getting anxious and this idiot boyfriend of yours was just laughing.
“I know, babe. I may have just caught a cold but I’m not dying. Take a deep breath and look at me now.” He cups your face and squished your cheeks together.
You took a deep breath and looks at him.
“Fine, but I’ll be your hot pack while waiting for the bus, okay?”
He has no complaints about hugging you while waiting for the bus. It’s his favourite thing to do.
It was quite long, I guess? I wrote some of the taller guys in Blue Lock, and hope you enjoyed this piece! It's been a long time since I've written, so I hope haven't lost my groove!
I have also updated my navi page, well, it's a new colour theme:)
I hope you guys are doing well too. Maybe I might write about Haikyuu too!
