i clung to you

Poems and short stories about people who don't deserve to be written about.

[iclungtoy0u]

Logged back into here for a first time in a while. I barely think about those people I used to write about anymore. If you’re going through something right now, I promise that it will barely matter to you in a couple of years. 

[iclungtoy0u]

Everything is too much, it’s hard dealing with post-traumatic stress, university work, moving back to the city that caused my PTSD and managing a relationship/friendships. I can’t cope. 

[iclungtoy0u]

I don’t want to fuck this up 

[iclungtoy0u]

Imagine being 19 and having to take sleeping pills 

[iclungtoy0u]

The air is getting warm again,  My hair is finally growing long enough to brush against the skin on my lower back when my shirt rides up,  The length you used to say you liked it at.  I'm starting to smile again,  But I find myself wishing you had fell in love with my smile like I had fallen in love with your laugh. Hearing you laugh was like the sun shining on my bare skin, It used to warm my body but now when I think of your laugh it feels like the sun has set my skin on fire. I saw you started smoking again, You used to talk about how your Dad would kill you if he found you smoking, but I guess you gave up sticking to his rules like you gave up on me. This time of year is reminding me of you again. But you gave up on me.

you gave up on me. 

[iclungtoy0u]

After seeing him today it feels like I've stopped breathing again

[iclungtoy0u]

When I kiss him, it’s like everything in my head just goes quiet.

quiet

[iclungtoy0u]

How to kill someone; Hold their hand and then never touch their skin again, See them nearly everyday and pretend they don’t exist, Act like everything you ever said to them was a lie.

Was this your plan all along? (via iclungtoy0u)

[iclungtoy0u]

I love your poems so much, I can relate to them a lot. You write about a lot of things that I couldn't figure out how to write about and it's amazing

Thank you so much :))

[iclungtoy0u]

It’s that type of weather again during the day that you used to feel at night during the Summer.  Every time I step out into the cold air I’m reminded of our shivering bodies that night, bare and pressed up against each other.  You saying “Sorry” but not understanding what you were actually apologizing for, I could make a guess that you still have no idea what you did wrong that night and the days that followed. Even though I quit thinking about you a long time ago, I still can’t stop you from appearing in my head every so often, You re-break my heart every time.

[iclungtoy0u]

The thing is I started to write poetry about you leaving before you even told me it was time for you to go.

[iclungtoy0u]

Since he left, He gave me hundreds of reasons for me not to trust him anymore, But as soon as he was stood in front of me again, My walls that I built up so high completely crumbled and I found myself apologising over and over again saying the word sorry, When I wasn’t the one who needed to be apologising. And that is what happens when you’re stood in front of the person you once fell in love with, Your walls break down and you do irrational things that you wouldn’t dream of doing if he wasn’t stood staring at you, His face holding the same expression that he had when he told you he loved you, I had what I was going to say carefully planned, Fully scripted for when I was next going to see him, But I guess nothing ever goes as planned between me and him. We went off script.

[iclungtoy0u]

At 2am when I finally made it home, The night you broke up with me, The first thing my mother said was, “Please don’t hurt yourself this time.” But I’ve learned a lot over the past year, Physically hurting yourself just leaves scars, And why hurt yourself and have scars when you can just think about him and feel the exact same pain?

[iclungtoy0u]

He made us end so quietly that I didn’t get given the chance to fight for what I wanted and show him how much this would destroy me. And when he made things fizzle out by ignoring my calls and playing busy when I wanted to see him, there was nothing I could do about it. He left nothing for me to be angry about. It came out of nowhere and knocked me off my feet, and when people ask why we’re not together, I don’t know what to say because oh god I thought we were so in love. I’ve played our moments  together over and over again in my head and I’ve read through the text messages and looked through our pictures and nothing seems to add up. When things end quietly, there is nothing that you can do, except try to forget.

[iclungtoy0u]

My drafts are such a horrible place and full of things I can’t even begin to share with people I don’t even know. I’m so sad. This is why I haven’t posted in a while.

[iclungtoy0u]

Maybe if I knew that was going to be our last kiss,  I would have stayed sober so parts of that night wouldn’t have become hazy,  I would have memorized the way your hands touched my body and I would have encrypted the words that you said into my skin, I’ll wish I remembered everything from that moment,  But it’ll be something you wish to forget. A part of me believes that you knew that was going to be our last kiss, And maybe that's why you kissed me with everything you had, How could I ever forget you?

You burned yourself into my head

[iclungtoy0u]

The worst pain is not caused by broken glass hitting my skin, (or)  Knees falling against the pavement,  It is caused by the way your eyes looked sad in the dark when you kissed me as we stood out on the pavement that night,  It’s like you knew you were tearing me apart.

the story goes like this.