The Devil Made Me Do It

RPG /Private Story Lines Half-Demon - Hellspace Mutuals Only Multiverse

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That weird moment you realize your muse aligns with George.

[nyantry]

[ @iconoclast-infidels ]

The vampire Zakhary Nikolayev was by nature a wanderer and by nurture —or rather, by the almost complete lack thereof— nonchalant. It had long been that he had decided to simply accept every night with whatever strangeness it brought, no fuss or bother. He had standards, sure, and preferences, but by and large he took things in stride. Tonight was no different. Last week, he had found his way to the underbelly of Detroit again and tonight he was lurking under a particular bridge in the city where at night, he'd overheard someone say, one might be lucky —or cursed— enough to encounter a ghostly apparition that played disembodied music. Ghosts had never before failed to cause interesting things to happen in their vicinity, and Zak, for one, loved interesting.

Under the bridge as the night was young, he'd managed to make a few sales and even flirted with a few passerbys. Nothing serious, none interesting enough to take home in lieu of the promised ghost show. No, that was worth waiting for. The money was convenient and the flirting was idle entertainment to keep himself occupied while he waited. Not too far away rats scurried through drainage pipes in search for food. He didn't bother them if they approached him. They didn't bother him, either. In moments of desperation, their blood was acceptable too, to get by. Far from caring about them, he simply figured it was easier to catch them for blood if the rats had some semblance of willingness to approach him.

As the deeper hours of the night approached, he'd managed to score a human to feed from: a lonesome fella, well-fed and drunk enough to not put up a fight. Zak had taken the opportunity gladly and was damn near drinking the man dry before he felt something in the air change. Long-undead, he did not feel the cold as dramatically as he would have in life, but he felt the change in temperature and the distinct otherness it carried.

He caressed the man's cheek with the back of a hooked finger, sly smile playing on his blood-soaked lips. "Shame, you could've been fun to keep. Go," he urged the man, nudging him away. Zak took a step back to give the man enough space between him and the wall to scurry away, and then he turned around to face the darkness.

As he wiped off the dripping blood with the thumb-side edge of his hand, he recognized Nico. Zak grinned and eyed him indulgently from head to toe and back.

"Well, if it ain't you, pretty princess. Guess you would be where the ghosts are. You want anything?"

Then he noticed Dmitry wasn't attached to Nico at the hip. Intrigued, he tilted his head slightly. "What about your doll of a twink? Adorable little boytoy, you ought not misplace him," he commented coolly.

Anticipating Nico's possessiveness, he raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'll keep my paws off, don't you worry your pretty face about it. Can't promise I won't look though. Eye candy."

"Say, when's the music start?"

[iconoclast-infidels]

Niccolo Jeremiah Churchill was a wanderer turned homebody. Still, the longer Dmitry was back home, the more the urge to get back into his wandering boots and be his normal old self started to come back.

He used to have a purpose in his wanderings. Find his father. The search went on for so many years it felt like he'd lost his purpose now that he was found. His only goal in life after that was to pretend to be alive enough inside to not send his mother into a spiral while he waited for Dmitry's return. Now that Dmitry was back, that purpose was gone too.

His insides were adjusting to his new normal. That new normal being the life he always wanted. It was hard for a miserable fuck like him to believe he was allowed to have it all. His mother, his father, Gary AND Dmitry all? He'd spent so long suffocating that it was taking time to breathe easy again.

It was like a dream he was scared someone would wake him up from, so somehow, he still felt on edge. Still, to satisfy his wandering urge he went out at night to hoof it about the city. Dmitry and Nico had told one another they would try to get out of their musty house that could still use improvement and breathe real air. This was his attempt to do so.

Though he wasn't sure if visiting Jovan's bridge, a ghost who lived with them was exactly what either of them had in mind. It was a safe first step for Nico. Though he had to admit just clunking through the city streets with his good kicks on again started to make him feel a sense of normalcy inside, like something agitated was settling. The feeling of dark alleyways and abandoned buildings gave him a sense of calm where others might feel danger.

He'd gotten showered, dressed, eyes lined, nails painted and felt like he was going somewhere. In his half ass attempt to not truly socialize outside of his box he found himself forced to do so anyway. He wasn't the only one under the bridge.

This guy?

Nico reached into the recesses of his mind for a name but couldn't quite reach it. This guy was invasive and pragmatic all in his first approach. Nico smirked. Part of him knew he could be the same way to people. Because of that he couldn't decide if he liked it. Something in him let it pass.

He called him a pretty princess. Oddly enough, that felt familiar too, so he didn't take offense. People had a way of seeing him that way sometimes. His mind flashed back to faceless Johns he'd come across in his time. It really had been a long time since he'd been out and about.

Possessiveness came naturally the moment he spoke about Dmitry.

"My husband is not misplaced. He's right where he belongs. Still with me." Finally. But he didn't say that part out loud. He also didn't realize how strange the word husband would feel coming out of his mouth. He'd barely settled into claiming that title when they'd been driven apart.

Mostly, he was just thankful the guy called him his. It felt like that was enough to not go into ratchet mode. He was a complimentary twat. Pretty face. Hm. Nico was vain enough to like the thought but not sucker enough to be flattered by who was saying it.

"Yeah, yeah. Your eyes work. Look. Just no salivating."

He pulled a cigarette and leaned against an oblong bridge beam. "Oh, you here for the show too?" That perked a small smile on Nico's otherwise unamused expression. It seemed like what was getting around as an urban legend of the bridge was spreading. It made him happy for his ghost pal. He knew it was the only legacy he cared about leaving. His music.

"I mean what do I look like? Someone who controls ghosts? How would I know?" He felt evasive when he knew for a fact Jovan was coming tonight. He'd already told him so. Mostly, he was still deciding whether he was okay with running into this fucker again.

He held out the pack with one cig sticking up a little higher than the rest in silent offering to the other man. Man indeed. Death weighed heavy around him. All Nico's necromantic senses lit the closer he leaned in. Then the memories of this guy started to flood him. He hadn't given him a thought since their last encounter. But, oh he remembered him.

@nyantry

[iconoclast-infidels]

[iconoclast-infidels]

Dinner Time

@nyantry

Murmur coming into their now shared home felt different than on days Nico's father came while the pair was separated. Nico could feel tension about it all no matter what was agreed upon or said.

Feelings aside, the past aside, this was the current situation. After all the time isolated from one another, Murmur had stepped up into his life and it would seem cruel now to turn his father away. At least that's how Nico would feel about it. He had an actual relationship with him now. It wasn't comparable to when he was ever searching for an absent idea of a father, and all the chaos of their past adventures began. He had an active one now.

There were many avatars Murmur could appear as but ever gallant whichever he chooses. Often, it's as a soldier and draped in a ducal crown riding a giant griffin or pulled by chariot with vultures. Hell is fueled with pageantry. However this dinner was for his partial human son, so he arrived in his human shaped esteem, astute, on point, and tall. His newest narrative was Professor Cadence Churchill, taking Nova and Nico's surname to keep the pulling strings of a family unit ever tugging at their hearts. He'd been making moves in this direction the entire time Dmitry was gone. All his past disinterest in his son completely changed to a radical shift of presence.

He strolled up like he belonged there, the necromancer casually acknowledged graveyard entities and ravens along the way. He was comfortable in every step.

Proof of how comfortable he was and how used to being around he had been, proved the constancy he now was in Nico's life from the moment he came to the door. He knocked, but did not wait for anyone to answer. It was a knock and then the turn of the doorknob as he said, "Hello, I'm here."

Nico would be back in the kitchen with Dmitry and would call out, "Yeah, yeah come on in, Dad. We're back here."

He'd look over at Dmitry, "Sorry, he usually lets himself in. I should have warned you."

[iconoclast-infidels]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKkvyzHvlMI/?igsh=MW8xYnM2MzBpYWRvMw==

[iconoclast-infidels]

[vampmcre-deactivated20170402]

[locket-up-tight-blog]

To all the ones I’ve ever loved before

(because to Lock the lyrics are far too literal for him to ignore)

—–

I hate the way your making me act around your friends, And the way you keep saying you won’t let me in. Now I’m starving for your attention. While your begging for my affection. And my habit of crawling in your bed at night, Is leading you to thinking that this is for life. But I’m starving for your attention. While your begging for my affection. Suffering is easy with a villain like me. Now your contemplating leaving but you can’t escape the, Thoughts of what they told you would happen in the end. Now I bet your really wishing that we had never met. I’m thinking back to when we met in that ghost town, and how it felt to be held and never let down. My lifeless touch was just touch that you were waiting for. My evil ways were always there, Just couldn’t see before. Tear me limb from limb. I’m just a voodoo doll. Stick a needle in my eye, So I can finally cry. So I can finally cry. Now I feel the pain of your lighter’s flame burning at my feet. You make it hard to sleep. Got another plan, gonna make me suffer till I lose my mind. Gonna make me feel it till you take my life. You got an evil mind. I taught you just in time. Tear me limb from limb. I’m just a voodoo doll. Stick a needle in my eye, So I can finally cry. So I can finally cry. Tear me limb from limb. I’m just a voodoo doll. Stick a needle in my eye, So I can finally cry. So I can finally cry. My lifeless touch was just touch that you were waiting for. My evil ways were always there, Just couldn’t see before. Got another plan, gonna make me suffer till I lose my mind. Gonna make me feel it till you take my life. You got an evil mind. I taught you just in time. You scream, “You’re finally mine.” But babe I’m still alive.

[iconoclast-infidels]

Long Time No See

@nyantry

Nico and Dmitry had decided that to get their life feeling back to as normal as possible it might be a good idea to get out of the house despite how antisocial Nico could be. He'd turned into a bit of a recluse in their away time sticking more with family than the social nightlife he once had in the streets. Maybe it had been his depression, but Nico liked to think it was simply because he had a house and wanted to make use of it. That home was a luxury he hadn't had since he was a child.

That said, getting out of it was goals. He figured it'd be good for Dmitry too. In that he encouraged Dmitry to look up old friends to get back into the swing of things. There were people Nico had avoided because it made him think of Dmitry in ways that were painful. But now that he was back, it felt like all lights were green again, and nothing could stop his motivation now. Socializing. Yeah. Nico tried to convince himself he was all about it.

This is how it came to be their old friend Lock was looked up and found. It was a simple meet up. Lock agreed to meet with Dmitry at a club for a drink. Nico had some errands to run with his mother and promised to find Dmitry later in the night to see their old pal again too. So, Dmitry had some time to spend with Lock alone and catch up first. Nico was trying hard not to smother despite wanting to cling like a parasite of love. He even thought of entitling a song that.

It was not a full moon night. This was at the very least a positive compared to the last time they had a run in with Lock. He still had the red hair. It was just this little devil's thing.

"Well, hey you. Long time no see."

He wore a red jacket, and black jeans, boots like only Frankenstein's monster might wear. He had a devil mask attached to his hip even though it wasn't Halloween. It was one of many in his vast collection. They weren't in any themed bar, just a regular dive hole-in-the-wall, so the outfit stood out with the shiny pleather over his arms. In fact, he was sort of like Dmitry. He had an aura about him that people might attribute to a cartoon character. Nothing about him blended in. His persona was alive in his presentation.

"You haven't aged a day." He said with narrowed eyes before pounding his fist on the bar. "Are we going to load up a row of shots or what? I always do a row of shots before trick-or-treating."

Again, it wasn't Halloween.

"Best way to catch up with someone if you ask me."

[iconoclast-infidels]

@nyantry

Nico knew Dmitry and Nova spent what he considered a little too much time alone for his comfort zone. Who knew what sorts of conversations that woman might have gotten up to. The problem was Dmitry had only just gotten back and he wanted to ease him into their new life together.

In that gone time the pair chatted, decided they were going to move back in together like everything was hunky dory after quite a long time, went to Russia while on death's door, and then Nico went through the grief of not doing his first job properly. He fell asleep on the job of meeting him in Hell when his partner died. Yes, everything went as well as could be, but this half-demon didn't trust it would always go that way.

They gathered Gary and Nico felt like his family was back together as he always hoped would come to fruition, but now they had to navigate the lost time. Nico was alive. He still grew and changed, evolved with the environment around him. He was no ghost stuck in a rut even if he did wait for Dmitry never letting his heart move on.

In this, despite depression, despite the lack of motivation that comes with that umbrella, life still went on. That was the life he now had to introduce Dmitry to. Family dinners with the people he had left when Dmitry wasn't around. Murmur, Nova, Jovan and the boars, sometimes Caim or Jules would pop in. New hobbies, new routines, new habits. Old ones still existed, but phases and growth evolved a person even if they were essentially the same old person they always were somewhere inside.

For example, suspicious paranoid Nico still existed and was on the prowl fishing for information while attempting to act casual once they were home alone again.

"So, uhhhh babe? It was cool eating with Mom Sunday, yeah? See? We're getting back into the swing of things already. Uhhhh, did ya guys talk about anything interesting while I was out?"

[iconoclast-infidels]

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[iconoclast-infidels]

I don't need no doctor But I need something to kill the pain Don't know what I'm after But the pressure driving me insane Searching for a different ride Had a funny feeling I can't hide

[Chorus] Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Why can't they just let me be Alone without the misery Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp

[Verse 2] Flirting with disaster Morning after killing me again Hiding from the laughter And the demons dancing round my brain Always dancing on thin ice I guess I'll have to pay the price

[Chorus] Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Thinking how it could have been If I had never let them in Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp

[Verse 3] Take me to the doctor Because I feel it coming on again Don't know where I'm going Because I guess I don't know where I've been Looking for a different ride Always dancing on thin ice

[Chorus] Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Thinking how it could have been If I had never let them in Hey, hey, do the zombie, zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp Hey, hey, do the zombie stomp

[iconoclast-infidels]

HC: Nico going overboard for Father's Day calling it out as celebrating being a penguin and boar daddy with Dmitry.

[nyantry]

To leave now, after everything, especially now, was not an option. It was unthinkable. He had decided he would rather die, forever, to burn in hell, than to leave again. Once had been torturous enough for the both of them.

Nico's deep blue note, endless like the ocean and dark, darker than nighttime, was beckoning. It slowly crept through Dmitry's mind, through his heart, through his very soul, swallowing everything it met in the way and replacing it with blue, with shadow, with drowning depth. It scared him a little that he found it so comforting. He had known too much of that blue during their time apart. It reminded him somehow of swimming in Nico's soul, just the two of them, together.

But Nova's words cut right through everything like a razor — exact, unrelenting. Because you were weak. He had the strength to bite his tongue and not let loose something he'd regret saying, but the words stung white hot. He could accept being called weak for other reasons, surely there were many, but not for this; not for needing time after what Murmur had done and the way Nico still made excuses for the demon. The difference was Dmitry had decided it would only be worse to be away from Nico forever than to have to swallow the bitter Murmur pill. Nova was right, Nico needed him. He could not leave.

And Nico had waited.

All that time, Nico had waited. He had not dragged Dmitry back even though it was in his power to do so. He had not forced his presence nor refused Dmitry what he had asked for. Nico had waited and allowed Dmitry to return in his own time, and that was proof enough. If anyone understood him, it was Nico.

Dmitry hadn't meant the words as a threat, so much as an admission that he'd felt there had been no other choice but to leave, and that this was why he had. The way Nova massacred the tomato, though, definitely felt like a threat — a warning, at minimum. He chose to take it as the former.

He sat, on the couch this time. He had no interest in hovering at the kitchen, feeling it would only draw Nova's attention to him further. Sure, he didn't like not knowing exactly what went into the food he was meant to eat, but he didn't like to be analyzed about it either. Nico observing and analyzing was fine, it was Nico. It felt like a love language, like somehow it was the way that Nico could approach the topic without necessarily asking outright. Dmitry was aware, too, that Nico liked to play tricks on him, to screw up counts or hide ingredients and see if Dmitry would notice. He sometimes noticed, other times not so much. But Nova? It felt like Nova would only tally-mark it into the Reasons Dmitry Sucks column, and he didn't want that any more than absolutely necessary; not today. He'd made up his mind earlier to sit with them both and at least try whatever was put on his plate, maybe subtly offer Nico whatever he didn't eat. Now, he was deadset on it. It would have been rude to not try.

But he also couldn't bear to have Nico upset for long, and he didn't want to keep the environment so dark, so heavy with emotion. A thought occurred to him and he offered Nico a sort of joke over the prayer wave: "Remind me not to get between Ms. Lovett's cleaver and the chopping board. Don't wanna be ground up into a sausage or something." He tried not to laugh, fully aware Nova had no idea what he'd just told Nico, and attempted to dissimulate by burying Lisbeth in kisses all over.

[iconoclast-infidels]

@nyantry

Some people only hear music with their ears. Some people merely look at artwork with their eyes. No one can truly see or feel what another person experiences when they behold another. Dmitry felt Nico's blue note like an artist, a true connoisseur of the silent heart.

Needing time and the world allowing time was something Nova experienced as a luxury on any and every level and not something ever extended to mothers. So, weak was her only word for anyone not willing to go the distance without breathing. Mothers needed to breathe but were scarcely allowed. Forced bravery less not live up to the title of mother. She understood though that not everyone was bound by these perimeters. It didn't stop her from seeing everyone through the lenses of a mother either way.

No words were exchanged out loud, only on the prayer wave between Dmitry and Nico. The room remained quiet to outward ears until Nico began to change his mousey expression to a chuckle when Dmitry secretly called his mother Mrs. Lovett.

He was a little too giggly for Nova's taste out of nowhere and her eyes looked back and forth between them both. She even asked, "What?"

Nico replied with a, "Nothing" and followed by humming part of the tune The Worst Pies in London as he turned away from her.

Then she glared back and forth even more suspiciously at them both, but let it go.

"Mhm."

She didn't know what was going on, but she'd let it lie as she continued to create dinner and move on to more neutral conversation... for now.

"Nico's become quite a cook in your absence. Isn't that right, hon? Tell him what you learned last week."

Nico looked blank for a minute trying to recall what she meant. "OH!" He raised his hand even though they weren't in school. Then continued without being called on. "Oh. I remember. Mom taught me how to make pie crust edges wavy. I have to admit though I wouldn't be able to remember how to make the dough part first anyway, so remembering the wavy trick is probably pretty useless for me."

Nova finally laughed. "Then we'll have to make more pies till you can remember."

Nico shrugged and looked over at Dmitry. "Works for me." He was over-grinning suppressing his giggling based on the fact she actually started talking about pies after the Sweeney Todd reference.

The conversation would stay casual like this. "What's your favorite type of pie, Dmitry?" Nova would ask trying to involve everyone.

Nico would say his favorite was pumpkin and Nova would say hers was custard pie. Then as the pie topic began to die out Nova would attempt normalcy even with Dmitry there. She'd move to, "The sermon today focused on forgiveness." She rolled her eyes not too nonchalantly. "How ironic."

This also made Nico laugh softly. "Oh really?" He thought it funny because it seemed to correlate to Nova needing to forgive Dmitry.

"Yes. He spoke of forgiving enemies repeatedly even if someone wrongs us many times."

Nico laughed a little too loud for Nova's liking on that one. His mind took that one to a different place. "Suckers. I think there's a limit for that shit."

This time Nova smirked at Nico's attitude. No matter how he felt about Dmitry and was ready to move on, that didn't mean he'd extend that privilege to just anyone. Still, to combat his comment Nova straightened her back and politely asked, "So, what do you think your father will have for dinner for us next week? Have you mastered your lesson yet?"

Nico's face went back to blank. "No. Not yet and I don't know. He doesn't give me a menu in advance, Mom." His voice was cheeky.

"Will you be coming to our monthly family dinner at Murmur's, Dmitry?" Nova asked so smooth, so casual, so informative of how he's not just still here, but completely involved, to the domestic degree, just in case he didn't know.

[nyantry]

He relaxed a little once he realized Nova wasn't screaming at him. He hadn't even been consciously aware he had been expecting the screaming, nor that he'd been silently bargaining to avoid it. It was just the way things were, just what he was used to doing (except with Nico, of course). Dmitry couldn't quite process that Nova really was that angry and hurt but wasn't screaming at him. He decided he could handle ice. He could live with stern talking-to. It didn't have to be yelling, and he was silently grateful for that.

As Nova spoke, Dmitry felt Nico come closer. He instinctively closed the gap between them, even though he still was not quite comfortable enough to let his guard down entirely. With every word Nova spoke, though, he felt the emotions growing just under the surface, threatening to burst through the carefully constructed wall he was trying to keep put together with duct tape and wishful thinking.

It wasn't just the fact that he had hurt Nova and Nico, but that he had to explain to her everything anyway and possibly tear open wounds that were still raw, still bloody. With the comment about the heart, he felt Nico's hurt mirroring his own —because he had hurt himself, too, in the process— and he felt the weight of regret in his gut choking up whatever words he had been trying to string together all week. He hadn't intended ti steal Nico... And yet, he had. Nico's reminder that he, too, had kept Dmitry's heart was comforting, even if overshadowed by everything else.

Eventually, fighting the threat of crying from the sheer amount of emotions, he managed to speak.

"It's not that I don't care. I want you to forgive me. I want you to believe me, too. It does matter to me. It's just... I don't expect you to. It's not like there's anything I can really say that will make it fair to either of you, there's nothing that wouldn't sound stupid or selfish or... Whatever else. You're right, it was shit, and so it's fine if you don't believe me because even though I wish you did, I don't deserve even that. I'd like to have the chance to explain, and I hope... If anything, I hope you can try to understand. But I don't expect you to forgive me."

He glanced at Nico briefly before stepping closer to Nova, not to threaten her, but in an attempt to convey that he meant what he was saying and that he was trusting her with the ways the whole situation made him feel vulnerable and exposed.

He spoke more quietly now that he was closer. "You were here for Nico, and for that I owe you everything." He glanced at Nico, briefly taking in his partner's expression.

"Everything." He repeated, making sure Nico caught that. Then he looked to Nova again and continued, measuring his words carefully. "I assume you want to know why I left like that. Go ahead, you can ask me. I'll tell you everything. I don't intend to keep it from you. Though..." he trailed off, turning towards Nico again.

"I could talk to her alone, if you want. I don't want to make you go over the same conversation all over again, there's no point in that," he said to him, once again via their secret radio. "Up to you."

He fully realized there was a risk he was taking if Nico chose to opt out. He was essentially backing himself into a very uncomfortable corner, the likes of which he normally avoided entirely if he could. Without Nico around, he'd have no shield of any kind: just himself and Nova. On the other hand, he really did not want to remind Nico about the Murmur ordeal, and he especially did not want to put doubt back into Nico's mind. Dmitry had promised he'd never leave like that again. It was of no use to remind Nico why he had... But Nova needed to understand.

"I'll tell you this right now though," he said to Nova. "You know your son, and you know how he loves me and cares for me. I came back and I'm staying because he's who you raised him to be. As long as that's true, and you know it always will be, I don't have to leave."

[ @iconoclast-infidels ]

[iconoclast-infidels]

@nyantry

Loud showed fear and lack of confidence, the tactic of lack of resolve, or rushing emotions. Her feelings were completely thorough, and she had no reason to rush this. She was competent enough to see the end before Dmitry ever tried to convey it.

He was staying whether she liked it or not.

Her son was still connected to him physically and by a willing mutual bond whether she liked it or not.

He might have been a grown man, but she knew her limits, and saw him more as the teenager that was going to see this rebellion through. Deeper down she knew it wasn't a rebellion, but her dislike of the whole situation made it feel like one.

She made peace with the situation when she first met Dmitry. It was all fresh and easier to trust when her son broke her out of the hospital. Trust was broken and for a person who trusted no one as a constant Mulder state of mind that initial wave of grace was simply gone.

What she was left with was stone cold resignation. It was knowing she had no real choice if she wanted to be in her son's life, which she did.

She heard Dmitry's words and took them at face value. It wasn't that he didn't care what she thought, it was that he didn't believe she'd forgive him.

He wasn't wrong.

She respected his answer more than she expected to. Her body language remained stiff anyhow. She wanted a relaxing Sunday, and she didn't feel relaxed anymore. She wondered if she ever would again now that he was back.

She stayed quiet when Dmitry went on to explain he owed her for everything. They both were watching Nico's expressions.

He looked so outside himself.

He was stuck in a place he didn't want to be, and it wasn't this conversation. It was a blue note so blue he couldn't even see, the one he existed in while Dmitry was gone. It was a place of shameful remorse trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He didn't want to feel that, but it was there threatening to swallow him whole as the reminders were all spoken into existence again.

Fucking-A.

Nova could see it.

This wasn't good for him.

God damn.

It made the moment infuriate her more because what's a mother always have to do? They take it. They always have to take the licks for their children and suck it up when everything is so wrong. They have to keep their mouths shut when they want to scream. They have to give their rations when their children are hungry no matter how empty their own stomachs. They're the embodiments of The Giving Tree in human shapes. People often miss all they deplete themselves of. She just spent the last few years getting to know her son again and she knew him too well now not to know it was time to back off or she'd be harming more than helping even if she felt her own soul was being violated by all this and Dmitry owed her more.

Dmitry offered to tell her everything.

It was a tempting offer, but her mind was on her son. She watched the way they looked at each other. She didn't know they were communicating, but it was clear they had a vibe. She took it as two people trying to convey something through each other's eyes wishing they could speak and being unable to because she was there. It was their special bond she knew she couldn't break much less touch.

All she could think was how much she hated God and hated the devil right then because she could turn to neither to fix this. Dmitry didn't even know how much Murmur was already in the picture since he last left... or maybe he did? What did she know? She was a mother and that's what she'd have to be no matter how old her son became. She handled what was thrown her way and since then it was Murmur in her life again.

She sighed.

"Don't bother. I already know why enough. It's because you were weak."

All she could think was mothers don't get the choice to walk away from their children's problems. A mother never stops even when it sucks no matter how weak they feel, even as it breaks them. Nova marched on broken. How lucky for partners to believe themselves so privy to have a choice. No good mother could.

As the words came out of her mouth Nico was on the prayer wave being clingy not wanting to leave.

"Do we have to?"

Then he realized what came out of his mother's mouth and said, "I love you, Mom." He was just glad she didn't want to rehash it all. He didn't like she put Dmitry down but felt relieved enough.

She sighed again, rolled her eyes, pushed his bangs out of his face, and kissed the top of his head before picking up the grocery bag again, and then finally walked it all the way over to the table. She began to unpack the noodles and other ingredients to make fresh sauce for homemade pasta.

The words Dmitry spoke about not having to leave kept ringing in her head. She'd yet to say a word. She pulled a knife and cutting board from a drawer. It felt like a threat; one she found laughable. What a warning. He was threatening her with staying when all she wanted was him to follow through and not be a cop out son of a bitch again abandoning her son. It wasn't much of a threat.

She put on an apron. She washed a tomato.

Nico watched her like she was the everything Dmitry described despite his pain and confusion in the moment. Maybe Eric Draven was right. "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children" He wanted her to stop and magically she knew it was time to slow her roll.

Still, as she made the first chop to the red fruit she looked at Dmitry who'd just said he didn't have to leave and said, "You better not." Then she unnecessarily changed knives and hit the tomato with a clever.