I'm having to take this moment to voice out a lot of negative thoughts and feelings that seems to be consuming me. I feel like I'm on the verge of saying a lot of things to people I shouldn't.
I'm often deemed as a negative person. And I think negative stems from disapproval at times. When we don't agree with something we create this negative opinion. But instead of the other party taking a look at what we are seeing with our eyes, they just label us as negative or being judgmental. And often times that can be mistaken as jealousy. It's definitely not jealousy.
So my brother is getting engaged in a few weeks and I have a lot of opinions about it. First and foremost, we have always had a very toxic relationship. We never got a long as children. He was the type that would bite me, then bite himself to say I bit him. Or steal stuff of mine. And would just aggressively fight and argue with me over everything.
I get it. Most children fight with their siblings. But, this was different. This wasn't the kind of relationship that got better with time. Or better with maturity. Into our teens we still fought. It was over small petty things, but it was the fact that I hated him to always win against me. He lacked so much respect. He never respected me. Ever.
Now he's 20, & I'm 22. And I hope when we both start new lives, we don't have to cross paths with one another. He's the type of person I don't really want in my life. He's been the reason for my other effected relationships.
So back to him getting engaged. He's marrying a very nice girl. But I sit there and I think what's wrong with her. What would she want such a piece of shit. I often wonder if she's insecure, or desperate. I'm not really sure. I don't really want to say he has her fooled because I actually feel like maybe he will respect her cause he doesn't want to lose her. But I feel like she doesn't even understand what she's getting herself into.
Despite him being my brother. I feel like there's a lot of red flags. If I was this girls friend and didn't know "him" I would be sitting there like idk about this guy... but I know my brother is good at being something he isn't. He's good about being outgoing and friendly but always for the wrong intentions. He's always just trying to find the next way he can use someone.
Here's what I have against him. He's not very self motivated. He's actually pretty lazy. He's a middle school drop out with no high school education. He doesn't have a job aside from a couple side things to pay for his date nights. He doesn't own a vehicle in his name. And this ring he's buying? Someone else is funding the ring. I'm at such a loss for words.
He doesn't take care of himself physically. He can't eat healthy for the life of him. Neither can his gf. I'm not the type of person who gets hung up over size. There's a difference in being on birth control and gaining weight, versus, going and driving thru every day and letting yourself just fly out the window. That's him.
I hate the way he uses people. For money, for rides, for connections, for perks. I hate it. I hate the way he twists something into so called "good deeds" when reality is him being a jerk.
vaporwave
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pixelskylines
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