angsty capricorn @ididntasktobethissad - Tumblr Blog

entering the age of china

yet my mind remained frozen like crystals

people tell me being grateful is the right emotion

at this time, i should be handed platinum clothes and crowns

but how does one bear this load?

when i’m too dazed as i watch the hands of the clock stir

ticking, letting time turn because i’m stuck in it

with hushed uncertainties and unwanted reminiscences

how does one pour out this baggage?

when the fear of coming out your shell overtakes you

consuming, letting the shadows swallow you up because it rules you

with battered soldiers and armored demons

how does this cycle end?

#turning #20 #this #month #it #fucking #sucks #existential crisis #is #real #it feels like shit #poetry #or whatever #comfort

i’m actually in a weird place in my life right now. school is actually fine. there is no workload, i have a bunch of free time, they actually consider their student’s welfare, and more. i have nothing going on academically. home is not really like home tho, but it’s always been like it. the thing is, i actually don’t do anything that’s so tiring like the people around me are so burned out because of studying or working and yet here i am, having the privilege to use my time wisely yet i can’t because i feel like shit.

i feel so pressured that i should do something to make myself feel overworked because even if i’m not overworked, i am so burned out with everything. whenever i do something academically, whether it’s an essay or introducing myself, it feels like i’ve never grew. the way i construct my essay is so mediocre and writing has always been my favorite thing to do. i’m actually turning into an adult next month yet i feel like i’ve always been stuck since i was 15, i feel like i knew so much then but now i don’t know anything anymore.

fuck this actually lol

a chase

people believe that love should feel like a chase;

adrenaline rushing

heart pumping

nerves sweating

the kind that makes you feel nauseous

an agony filled with passion

not for me.

passion can be overrated

while it can give pleasure

they can burn out

like a student following a pointless curriculum

even when they know they’re running after it

the electricity of meeting someone

simply becomes a deadline when it doesn’t work

over and over again

tiring and hellish.

what’s wrong with having it steady?

not easy, but steady

a challenge

like a statement makes your head turn

but gives you serenity once you do

shoulders relaxed

foreheads rested

eyes closed

the kind that makes you feel at ease

vulnerability that comes with epiphany

safe and peaceful.

#another #writing #very confusing #but like #yeah #i dont really think #its #a #poem #but #it kinda is #lol

bratzinmoodboards

CAPRICORN ☀️

ARIES 🌙

VIRGO 🚀

Requested by @ididntasktobethisbusy

saw a person posted that she stopped writing poems and spoken poetry because of her ex and i related to it. not because i wrote him poems or anything, in fact i have never written about him. it’s because i’ve been writing poems about heartbreak before i met him. and i realized that my writings before were never close to how it felt when he left. since then, my true feelings could never be hidden through colorful words and subtle prose. i can only write messy paragraphs and frustrated letters that has no conclusion because he didn’t give me any. what i loved to do back then has nothing to do with him yet i could never do it again because the only thing i would know what to write would be about him, and it’s not explainable.

i couldn’t write anymore not because it would remind me of him but because words aren’t enough to explain how much what happened hurt.