[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Getting blown off two days in a row over “video games” just for him to be free immediately for the bitch we argued over lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

I wasn’t angry sex so bad

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Wish I had some1 to fuck rn I hate my life

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Maybe one day I won’t be fucking blown off for video games lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

The curse of scars always turning white why am I like this there’s something wrong with me lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Do I embarrass myself now or do I get more drunk and then do it? I think we all know the true answer

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Why do I give myself to people that literally don’t give a fuck lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Benadryl, COD mobile, nature docs and lowk arguing with my fwb lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

At what point is it “acceptable” to show new scars…… didn’t think this far ahead when I relapsed

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Being called out for coping unhealthy and not knowing if they mean the drinking or the relapsing because neither have been properly addressed lmfao

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

I genuinely am thinking I might need to admit myself somewhere but I have a job and I can’t risk losing it rn bc I barely even make money as it is but idk how to do this like do I request a week off and then go? But that would be three weeks out and what if I don’t feel like going then? I need the help so badly. I’m working on making a psych appointment rn but will that be enough? I’m scared of the person that I am.

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Bro nothing is fucking worse then finding drunk vent posts you don’t even remember posting I hate drinking bro I don’t know why I do it anymore I’m terrified of not remembering things and I feel like I’m giving myself amnesia

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

Do u know how embarrassing it is to end up back in that same place again. Where I can’t even take care of myself and everything piles up around me and I get overwhelmed and can’t do anything anymore. I try to work on it little by little but I’m so exhausted I don’t want to do anything anymore

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

How convenient that as soon as I ask if there’s a chance I can see you before you leave for 1+ year meaning I’ll probably not see you again and now you won’t answer I don’t know why I bother I’m never going to be okay any of the people I’ve been consistently intimate with will I ever be normal about I dread the day I find out they’re in happy relationships because I’ll forever wonder why it wasn’t me when I constantly try to just give my all to these people. But it’s never enough because I throw myself at people and it’s not enough. I don’t put myself out there enough and it’s not enough. I do a mix of both and it’s still not good enough like never I ever do with ever be fucking good enough I don’t know why I even fucking bother

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

I don’t want to feel anything anymore

[idkwhat1mdoinghere]

If I get drunk tonight will it truly be my last time drinking to escape my shitty feelings