Can someone just be my friend pls
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@idontknowshitbutu
Can someone just be my friend pls
"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past
Can’t I just be loved the way I love?
Can’t I just be held for once?
— Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin
Why do I attract people who won’t let me love them ?
I want to drown in someone
I want to feel important
To feel loved the way I love
Am I not worthy?
Am rotten?
Maybe I’m just not meant for it
Maybe I’m stuck here forever
june 15, 2025
i cannot breath. it is as if every negative thought i have ever had has taken residence in my chest.
I’m done with this
Turns out I’m still fucking alone and depressed with out actually being alone this time why can’t I be loved the way I want ever
I need to know why I’m so unloved
Is it my fault for being myself?
Am I too much?
or too little…
Should I shrink even more then I already do
Or be bigger than everyone else
Should I just be the girl you want me to be?
Even though…
The comfort of that sweet darkness keeps tugging at my hand
It’s cool embrace just beckoning for my return
It’s getting harder to fight it off again
So maybe I need to become someone I don’t recognize
Then maybe… just maybe the darkness will go away
And I’ll be free
Or maybe this is just the end
Why…just why did you even talk to me?
Why couldn’t you have just ignored me and and went on with your life like before…
You were a stranger…
Then, someone I thought I knew deeply
Now you’re a ghost of my memory
Like the distant smell of your pillow
In the back of my brain like a cancer
Your hands on my skin is just a vagueness now
Twisting my stomach harder and harder
Until I imagine the cool release of this reality
Then I fall back
And I remember
I do not accept this ending
Did it feel this way for you? Did my arm around your back while we slept make your stomach churn the way his does to mine? Did my words ever disgust you? Did you feel annoyed when I gave myself to you? Did you ever even like me?
This just can’t be how it ends with you.
“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”
— Kim Culbertson
I need to speak to you. I need to see you you. I feel it so deeply it’s reaches a dark well in my soul I can’t bear to acknowledge.
Thinking about you feels like a feral animal has locked its teeth into my neck and it spits all the blood and pain in my face all over again and again and again.
I have never felt this pain before and it’s so brutally ugly but so painfully beautiful
\\Please don't leave me.\\