call me isi (ee-see)

art | multi-fandom but really into the pitt right now | born in the 1900s please don't repost anywhere, thankies https://iebilly369.carrd.co/

[comingaback]

hey, gerran, yeah i just have a very quick question… wtf does this mean??!!!!

because i have an idea of what it could mean… but what do YOU mean???!!

[freddjjj]

[gottalovethegeeks]

Who wants to scream with me, raise you hand ✋️

[jaxkwithanx]

[ozempicofficial]

[s1udgebeast]

[theartintrying]

au where dennis runs away from nebraska and meets robby while hitchhiking

[merpinglilac]

[tall]

[danielsarmand]

it's just a few hours away now and i did end up talking about this already but i really wanted to make somewhat of a more put-together post before the barn explodes with us all inside,,,

these past few weeks have been some of the most fun i've had on tumblr, and i've been here since? 2012 i think? so that's saying something, for sure. fandom culture is... not great nowadays, and it's not often that i manage to find a little corner on the internet where i feel safe and welcome and not like i'm walking on eggshells. i want to thank every single one of you who has been interacting with me, sharing their theories, their art and their time. it was a blast and i love your wonderful brains and i hope we can keep this going a while, and meet again down the road, even.

this show has been such a revelation, one that has impacted me deeply. in a lot of ways, i have grown complacent and more than a little scared through the years. i have always been drawn to darker narratives, controversial themes and difficult characters, and that's what i like to write about, too, but with the internet becoming more and more conservative and cancel culture taking more and more space, i felt myself retreating day after day. closing off, losing my voice in public spaces and sticking to the few friends Who Get It. this has severely impacted my creative process and my drive to share my art with the world. i kept overthinking and i stopped writing for anyone other than myself, and the less i wrote the more i felt like maybe i should never have tried my hand at writing at all.

richard gadd has shown me that you can, actually, write whatever you want. that, indeed, no matter what you write and what the internet, and the world, thinks of you—you remain, well... you. and as long as your actions reflect your principles, and your principles aren't swayed by your art (and vice versa!), that's what really speaks as to the kind of person you are. i think i am a pretty decent person who really enjoys fucked up fiction. i also think i am a pretty decent writer, and i would like to go back to working on that.

so yeah! thank you, richard gadd, for sharing your art with us, with me, and not compromising your vision to appeal to or appease the masses. and thank YOU, you guys know who you are, for going on this journey with me. it's been a blast. see you on the other side!

[gingerxfury]

Me after the Half Man finale.

[apricustar]

ruben's violence has always been punitive—about marking people, leaving them lesser, never able to look at themselves the same again. he stomps, he kicks, he disfigures. his specialty is making people ugly, and no one understood or feared that more than niall, who spent the entire stretch of ruben's first imprisonment growing increasingly paranoid that one day ruben was coming for him next. with everyone else, ruben's violence feels explosive, almost expulsive: emotion he cannot contain erupting outward until someone else is forced to carry the damage for him.

with niall it isn't like that at all. ruben doesn't make niall ugly. he suffocates him in a near mimicry of that night in episode one, where ruben had him from behind, arm looped around his throat—something that could almost be mistaken for a hug, for the illusion of comfort. but in the barn, ruben is on top of niall, face-to-face, hands covering his mouth; no pretending now, no darkness left to hide in.

and i think that's what makes the scene feel so uniquely horrifying. strangulation is intimate in a way his other violence never is; it requires proximity, duration, and effort—both hands, full weight, sustained contact, close enough to feel the body give. and ruben makes it a point to maintain eye contact throughout; the effect is almost consummatory: the final collapse of thirty years of obsession, dependency, repression, and need into one unbearably finite act of closeness.

and maybe there is meaning, too, in the way his hands cover niall's mouth: the silencing of everything left unsaid between them. all those years of avoidance and affection twisted into forms neither of them could ever properly name. half man is, at its core, a show about men who can only articulate themselves through violence; the tragedy is that ruben's most honest expression of love and his most devastating act of destruction turn out to be the same gesture. he doesn't mutilate niall. he holds him still and close and watches him go. this is slower, more familiar. almost tender in its horror. more intimate than a kiss, than sex. it's a release in and of itself. in the end, what he takes from niall isn't his face—it's his breath, and his voice, and whatever words might have finally gotten them free.

[thisautistic]

[hamrikaa]

Smaurent and Auguste ✨️

[handcrushedbyamalletremix]

hbo execs saw baby reindeer and handed richard gadd a blank cheque, and he smiled, said thank you, and sent the biggest fucking plane into the toxic incest yaoi towers since wincest

[lillapillas]

Neil hadn’t been kissed in four years

[lillapillas]

[goatedsaminator]

they love terrorizing their fav med student