stay weird. ♡

Insha is a writer, creator, sleepy otter and massive film nerd. She enjoys cartoons, comics and b-movies. She talks on Comicsbound, Film Runners, Missfits, Weird+Wayward and writes for RP, B.M,D and WWAC. She has an unnatural knowledge for everything Twilight Zone. Stay Weird. ♡ || Open for hire.

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The Many Loves of Tina Belcher

Tina Belcher. The woman we all aspire to be. Throughout Bob’s Burgers, Tina has shown that she can be a grown ass woman in a lot of situations, but she’s even more grown when it comes to her love life. She wants what she wants and she doesn’t care how embarrassed she needs to get in order to obtain it. That’s the beauty of Tina Belcher, she’s taking her budding sexuality by the balls and not stopping until she lands herself a keeper.

There have been a couple of boys in Tina’s life since the start of the show, but what about the others? What about the new ones? For Valentine’s Day, I’ve ranked the Top Ten Loves in Tina’s life (so far…). This list goes from super bad to the best of the best. Let’s all hope the Tina finds the true love of her life.

10. Jonas Jonas is… a piece of work. Jonas is a delivery boy and a passing crush of Tina’s in the episode “Uncle Teddy.” (S4E14) In the episode, he basically uses his looks to take advantage of  Tina to gain access to the restaurant for him and his friends. Not cool, Jonas, not cool. Tina’s absolutely hypnotized by Jonas’ good looks instead of seeing him for who he really is. We’ve ALL been there before, for better or for worse, but thankfully, Tina wakes up and Teddy gives him and his moped a great off the cliff treatment to wake HIM up. Also, he plays a melodica, which honestly sounds like the coolest instrument in the world if Jonas wasn’t playing it. It’s wasted on an awful, awful boy! 9. Nathan In “Beefsquatch” (S2E9), Nathan was a massive fan of Get On Up with Chuck and Pam. He went to every taping, but couldn’t get close to Pam, who he had a super duper deep odd weirdo crush on. In an attempt to taste her hair, he starts dating Tina because Bob and Gene had a segment on the show, so she had backstage pass access to his crush. Nathan is another piece of work who basically used Tina for his own personal gain. He’s super terrible. That’s it. He also totally has the signs to be an abusive boyfriend? The way he speaks to Tina telling her “don’t tell me how to love you” and just in general being a terrible human specimen of a boy, really rubs you the wrong way. *blows raspberries at Nathan*

8. Joe Harrison There will be a lot of boys with J names on this list and Joe Harrison is another one that Tina will probably never get. Tina develops a small crush on Joe Harrison when she makes eye contact with him in the episode “Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?” (S7E5) She purposes puts herself in detention after messing with Mr. Frond’s display in order to make more eye contact with him and at the end of the day, he totally looks her way.

I honestly want to know more about Joe Harrison! I want to know what Joe Harrison is about! He looks like a pretty decent kid and the fact that he made eye contact with Tina has got to mean something, right? I say we bring Joe Harrison back, have him fall in love with Tina and give him more screentime! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!  

7. Tammy Larsen First, don’t look at me like that. Second, give me a chance to explain myself and this choice. Tina has NEVER had a crush on Tammy or vice versa, I acknowledge that, but they have all of the ingredients for the classic trope of enemies to lovers. It would be kinda cool if Bob’s Burgers gave a super twist to Tina’s next love interest, but I acknowledge that it probably won’t happen.

Just think about it for a second. Tina and Tammy are basically rivals but they started out as friends first. Tammy usually says really mean things to Tina, but Tina always comes back just as hard (if she gets a word in edgewise). Tammy is almost always a little jealous of Tina and Tina still thinks that they can be friends, but after all the mean things that Tammy and Tina say to each other, I think they have the potential to look past middle school drama bombs and develop crushes on each other. Listen, I know this is wishful thinking, let me have my dream.

6. Jeff Oh Jeff. The best ghost boyfriend who ever lived, until you know… he wasn’t. “Tina and the Real Ghost” (S5E2) introduced us to Jeff, a ghost who supposedly lived in the basement of the restaurant. After Linda, Gene, Louise and Tina talk to the ghost, they find out that he’s a 13 year old boy. This really makes Tina happy, which we all love to see. They go out on little dates like a butterfly exhibit, but after they become ghost-boyfriend and girlfriend, Jeff “switches” girlfriends and wants to date Tammy instead, breaking it off with Tina via steamed message on the bathroom mirror. Well, spoilers, it turned out that Louise was playing everyone into thinking that Jeff was real, Tammy was playing everyone into thinking Jeff switched girlfriends and Tina, in the end, gets a bit of a last laugh.

Jeff was an interesting boyfriend for Tina. I actually liked them together quite a bit. When Tina took Jeff to the butterfly exhibit, and a butterfly landed on her nose as Jeff was giving her butterfly kisses, I couldn’t help but smile. She needs that kind of attention and love from someone. Even though he wasn’t a physical boy, it was really cute to see Tina in a state of being caring and cute with a boy.

5. Darryl DARRYL. I love Darryl so much. I don’t think he’s right for Tina though, but he does know how to treat a woman after some Hitch-type coaching. In “Can’t Buy Me Math” (S5E11), he and Tina hatch a plan to date each other in order to get their actual crushes, Rose Batista and Jimmy Jr. In order to do this, they would need to win ‘Cupid’s Couple’ at the Valentine’s Day dance. Tina coaches Darryl in the meantime on how to be a boyfriend, which worked… a little too well.

They break up after the dance in front of Jimmy Jr., Rosa, and most of the school. Tina starts to get jealous of Darryl and Rosa, believing that she really does have feelings for Darryl and ends up breaking up Rosa and Darryl for a little while. Thankfully, she fixes their relationship, but Tina is still left alone. Darryl is a really great guy to be in a relationship with though. He’s one of the best guys ever. Have you heard that voice? *melts*

4. Jordan Cagan In the episode “The Land Ship” (S6E2), Tina attempts to spice up her life and hang out with Ghost Boy, who she discovers, is Jordan Cagen, a fellow Wagstaff student, underneath it all. To be all the fair, before they “did something like kissing”, this was a relationship that Tina could easily blend into and… was actually pretty cool for her. Jordan was a “bad boy” with his graffiti tag, but he introduced a polite kind of bad dude that is actually kinda cool for Tina to be with.

Tina had to make the impossible decision either to help Jordan with his master plan of painting Ghost Boy on the Land Ship OR deciding to cover it up. She decided the latter, putting her relationship with him in a downfall. Even though Jordan was one of the cool choices for Tina, I have to put him at #4 for his kissing skills. He… is a terrible kisser. Tina even said that it was hard for her to breathe when he kissed her, but — to give him some credit — Tina was his first kiss, so one day, he will hopefully learn how to not smother anyone with his mouth.

3. Jimmy Pesto Jr. Jimmy Pesto Jr. is the WORSSSSSTTTTTTTT. Tina has pinned over Jimmy since the beginning, but he hasn’t yet realized how in love with her he really is. There’s just something about Jimmy that she just can’t get over (his butt), but some of us just really wish she would. Tina has “logged over 3000 fantasy hours with him”, but the way he treats her is like she’s an afterthought. Jimmy likes the attention that he gets from Tina even though, most of the time, he seems annoyed by it. That is, until Tina is around another boy, he all of a sudden becomes jealous and needs her to be with him.

Jimmy is the boy you’ve pined over, doesn’t want you, but when you find someone better… you’re the most important girl in his life. Tina deserves better than Jimmy Pesto Jr. and his wishy washy attitude. After “The Land Ship” (S6E2), it seems like they were going on a path that might lead to more. BUT BUT BUT, that doesn’t excuse the fact that, JIMMY IS STILL THE WORSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT. I only put him as #3 because of Tina’s logged fantasy hours with him and the fact that when he IS good to Tina… he’s actually kinda dope.

2. Zeke Hear me out. I love Tina and Zeke together for a lot of different reasons. Reason #1, his name doesn’t begin with J, so that’s an automatic plus. Reason #2, he pays attention to Tina WAY more than almost anyone else has. I think Tina and Zeke could probably be a potentially cool couple if they both gave each other a chance. A couple of episodes that really helps my theory start with “Broadcast Wagstaff School News.” (S3E12) When Tina was researching who the Mad Pooper was. It was discovered that Zeke was the one who was pooping all over the school, but he was going to stop until he noticed that the story was important to Tina, so he continues. I mean… can you think of a better way to get a girl’s attention?

“Midday Run” (S5E8) is another episode that really catches their cuteness together because they’re basically stuck together for half of the episode. Zeke even says to Tina, ““Damn Tina, now I got a story to tell on our wedding day. You think that’s not gonna happen, but I’ll getcha girl! I’m gonna getcha!” HOW CUTE IS THAT?! I think Zeke would be a perfect match for Tina at the end of the day. He pays WAY more attention to what she wants and he’s actually super sweet underneath it all. Zeke’s a great guy. I will fight someone who doesn’t think so.

1. Josh LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT. TINA COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL WITH JOSH AND SHE BLEW IT.

*takes a deep breath*

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system. Josh could and would have been perfect for Tina if she didn’t let her greed get in the way. Josh first met Tina in a blind date situation in the episode “Lindapendent Woman” (S3E14). It was interesting to watch them get along behind the dairy freezer. It would have been interesting to see this relationship carry on for awhile. Josh seems very sweet towards Tina and super attentive to her needs.

However, in “Two for Tina” (S3E17), Tina has to decide to go to the dance with Josh or Jimmy Jr. Josh treats her so kindly and Jimmy Jr. only wants her because another boy has her. By the time they get to the dance, the boys engage in a dance off for Tina’s attention. Tina does the one thing that will either make or break something. It’s always lovely when a character wants to make polyamory work, however, the boys were not about that type of life and they left her alone. She could have had it all! OR at least Josh! Josh is and always will be the best boy for Tina because of his absolute sweetness and his epic dancing skills. I wish Tina and Josh would work out.

*side eyes to Bob’s Burgers writers*

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Beware the Slenderman Review

In 2014, Morgan Geyser,12 and Anissa Weier, 12 attended a party and sleepover at Morgan’s house with their friend Payton “Bella” Leuter, 12. The next day, Morgan and Anissa walked Payton into the woods where Morgan stabbed the girl 19 times. The act was premeditated. The girls planned it for awhile, hoping to appease Slenderman, a tall faceless man that preys upon children. They claimed that in order to keep him away from their families and for them to be in his presence, they needed/wanted to become a proxy or a servant/apprentice for Slender, so they’d have to kill their friend. After the stabbing, Morgan and Anissa were found by police, walking down the highway towards Slenderman’s mansion in Nicolet National Park, a two hour drive from where they were in Waukesha, Wisconsin. They were picked up and taken to the police station where they told the story of how and why they decided to try and kill their friend.

Beware the Slenderman, directed by Irene Taylor Brodsky, premiered on HBO on Monday, January 23rd. The long awaited documentary was a hit at Sundance and when HBO decided to bring it their network, I was counting down the days when it would be available for watch. The Slenderman case is something that you never thought you’d hear about, but probably have in the past. This documentary takes place over 16 months after the stabbing happened. Beware the Slenderman asks the questions, What would make two 12 year old girls stab their best friend? What was going on with them? What kind of mindset develops that allows you to think that’s okay, especially to appease a fictional character? Before we dive into this documentary, I’d like to tell you guys that there will be spoilers cause… oh man, there’s so much ground to cover. So… proceed with caution.

The documentary dives into a couple of important points and we’ll take them all one by one. A couple of them however, include the mental state of both of the girls, the character of Slenderman himself and the blur of reality and fantasy in young children. We’ll start with the character of Slenderman.

Slenderman was created in 2009 by Erik Knudsen, who went by the name Victor Surge. He entered into a photoshop contest to make something that looked real, but wasn’t. He created Slenderman, tall mysterious like figure that stalks children. This story then landed on Creepypasta Wiki, which contain a bunch of horror stories that get copies and pasted. Trevor J. Blank, Ph.D and digital folklorist says that, “Slenderman is open to a lot of interpretation and projection because he is faceless and a boogeyman.” So as soon as this story landed on creepypasta, the meme took life, spreading itself out from person to person and then you see the true power. The story of Slenderman has had its own take by different people. They have been taken on, added to or broken apart for the pleasure of the audience, but more so for the person who takes it on. Blank goes on to say, “Slenderman is the Grim Reaper, but with a heart.” He talks about most of the photos with Slender in then, he never really goes after any child. He’s hidden in the background, almost protectively. It leaves one to think that Slenderman isn’t the monster that people make him out to be, but a protective of some sort for people who really troubled or trying to find their way. Abigail Baird, Ph.D, neurodevelopmental psychologist, says that Slenderman is an “open-ended monster, who will embrace you.” It really sucks being a kid and it sucks even more being a kid and not knowing where you fit in the world. Stories like this, and others, provide an outlet for some kind of non-judgmental relief that you don’t have in real life. An interesting comparison for Slenderman was made by Jack Zipes, Ph.D, literary critic, who compared this story to one like The Pied Piper and Brothers Grimm stories that he says dealt with “human struggles.” He found that this is probably what allows people to live with the story of Slenderman and create their own versions.

What made this so interesting to the girls though? How did they even come across it? What were they like before all this?

Irene interviews all four of the parents for this documentary. Morgan’s parents, Angie and Matt Geyser and Bill and Kristi Weier, Anissa’s parents, were all very much asking themselves the same questions of “Why did they do this?” Bill and Kristi Weier seem like the type of parents that never let any secrets fly by in their houses. Bill is a stern father but protective and it shows. He wants the best for his children and so does Kristi. They separated in 2012 and raise both Anissa and her brother. Kristi’s regret is getting her Anissa her own iPad saying that she spend a lot of alone time in her room with it. She would watch, “things that were funny to her, or depressing or emotionally degrading.” They show some of the videos that Anissa had commented it. They ranged from cute fluffy videos, animated scary things and a cat killing a mouse. It was a wide range, but nothing too alarming. She even watched videos to find out if she was a sociopath or a psychopath.  Angie and Matt Geyser are loving parents as well. Angie recorded all of Morgan’s movements via camera and camcorder for most of her life, wanting to document every moment, which is so sweet. Matt is a wonderful dad as well. In Morgan’s case, the thing that always struck Angie was how Morgan reacted to certain things like Bambi because she didn’t at all seem concerned when the mother died, which she was worried about, but she was worried about Bambi getting out of the line of fire. They both have a lot in common as parents, but so separate in how they raised their daughters.

Neither parent thought that something like this would happen. Anissa was the one who introduced Morgan to Slenderman, feeding something inside both of the girls that they long missed and didn’t have in their life. Morgan marched to the beat of her own drum, not caring what other kids thought of her, while Anissa was bullied by her peers. Richard Dawkin’s makes an excellent point in what may have happened to the girls upon hearing the Slenderman stories and then being so close to each other. He says it was “peer to peer horizontal transmission”, meaning that this meme went from one girl to the other and that set them both captivated in this story. Jacqueline Woolley, Ph. D, psychologist, says that since they believed it together, together caused them both to make an even stronger belief. Feeding into their blur of what’s reality and what’s fantasy for the both of them.

That was the part I found incredibly interesting in the entire case. I think we all can say that we’ve had that blur between fantasy and reality before. Even if you haven’t, you might have thought something was real. Hell, I believed that Patty, a ghost boxer from a show called One Step Beyond, was going to come and kill me in the night. The legend was that if you saw Patty, then you’d die. My dad needed to tell me that that story was only for boxers to help me sleep at night. The blur between fantasy and reality are so slim. It’s so fractured for anyone, even as an adult, sometimes it’s hard to see between it, but with these girls… it’s understandable how they didn’t see it. Belief was so strong in them that they just knew it had to be real, that’s also… understandable to me.

Slenderman was like their guardian angel. Remember what Blank said? “Slenderman is the Grim Reaper, but with a heart.” The stories that carry out after the original paint Slenderman as this person who will take you in with open arms just as Baird said before. These girls were aiming to be proxies for him. They were aiming to be apart of the apprenticeship that Slenderman would protect, so he wouldn’t hurt their families and friends. This was the reality for them, but Woolley makes another good point in the documentary, arguing that the concept of what’s real and what’s not is so blurred that technology is not helping the case at all. Hope R, a supporter of Morgan Geyser, believed that Slenderman existed “with every fiber of her being.” It’s not hard to see that these girls seriously believed that they needed to do this to their friend, especially when you talk about mental states.

Towards the ending of the film, they said that Anissa had no mental illness, she had no psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies, but I think if you watch, you can almost argue something else. However, Morgan suffered from a range. Morgan was diagnosed in the courtroom with schizophrenia, oppositional defiant disorder and bronchial asthma. Morgan also says that she suffered from hallucinations as early as three years old and tried to tell her parents. Her grandparents backed her claim, so did all the psychs on the stand who visited her in the jail. She also directly in the line of schizophrenia because her dad Matt has it as well. Anissa feeding the belief of Slenderman to Morgan was going to cause some type of damage in the long run. It’s a sad and tragic case, but if you stop to look at all the cause and effects of what’s happening inside of their lives. The strong belief of Slenderman and the mentality of the girls kinda break down to the point of it being the only thing they’d want to do.

Another very much interesting that I’d like to talk about is the fact that these girls became legends after this stabbing. It’s kind of a weird thing to mention, but hear me out. Slenderman is already a legend, he is a well known creepypasta from across the land, but in a way, the girls got to be the proxy’s they so desired to become? There’s fan art for these girls with Slenderman comforting them and welcoming them into his arms. There’s support and more for the girls way after the fact. It’s almost like, they didn’t get to go to Slenderman’s mansion, but they still get the “glory” of doing something in his name. Verdict: See It! It’s absolutely horrible what they decided to do, but watching Beware the Slenderman really helps you understand when and how that line was blurred for them. It helps you understand that you have to look out, be aware and notice the little things. Beware the Slenderman is overall a very sympathetic and brilliant triumph of a documentary. Irene Taylor Brodsky did an amazing job with getting these experts together to take their side of this intense but important case together. Her view remains a bit muddy, leaving you with a sense that she feels sympathy for the girls, but also knowing that she feels just as much sympathy for the victim as well.

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Channel Zero: Candle Cove Review

Cast: Paul Schneider, Fiona Shaw, Natalie Brown, Luisa D’Oliveira, Shaun Benson Creator: Nick Antosca Producers: Max Landis, Nick Antosca, Craig William Macneill, Jan Peter Meyboom Review by : Insha Fitzpatrick

I’ve been catching up on a butt load of television lately and man, this one was so good. Channel Zero, premiered on Syfy October 11, 2016, really had me at the first episode and kept me through all episodes until the end. I fell asleep at 4am. I have absolutely no regrets.

Channel Zero, created by Nick Antosca, focuses on popular creepypasta stories. If you’re familiar with creepypastas, they’re horror or scary stories that are legends/images that have been copies and pasted because of their popularity. These stories always range. They can go from murder, ghost, creepy legends and lost episodes. It’s amazing how much creepypastas seep into everyday life. The most legendary creepypasta character however is Slenderman. However, we aren’t talking about Slenderman this time around. Channel Zero takes its story from another legendary story, a television show called Candle Cove, a story originally written by Kris Straub. He wrote it as a “half remembered children’s television series from the 1970s.” The show featured a couple of pirate puppet characters, but the most memorable one was Skin-Taker, a figure who skins his victims. Children could only see the show. When they sat in front of the television, they would be watching the show through static for a good thirty minutes… never watching an actual program.

Channel Zero: Candle Cove focused on Mike Painter (Paul Schneider), a child psychiatrist, who is drawn back to his hometown, Iron Hill, about thirty years after a tragedy. An unsolved murder including five children who went missing and only four of them were found, but the last one, his twin brother Eddie, was never found and continues to be missing. Everything is drawing Mike back to Iron Hill with a force that he hasn’t felt since he was a kid. Over dinner one night with his old girlfriend Jessica (Natalie Brown) and friend Gary Yolan (Shaun Benson), a television show everyone would rather forgets come back. Mike catches Katie, Jessica and Gary’s daughter, watching Candle Cove on television, a show that he saw as a kid, but when everyone thought it was “cancelled” after the unsolved murder. Candle Cove, a legendary TV show that only kids could watch, but adults have never seen is back. It’s not only back, but it’s coming back with a vengeance and it doesn’t care who it kills in the process. Now, let’s talk. I really enjoyed this first season of the Channel Zero. It was only six, one hour episodes in the first half of it’s season making it epically binge-watchable. I’ve always been one to be intrigued by what people can do with urban legends and lost stories to turn it on it’s head. It can be great or awful how people adapt things, butChannel Zero: Candle Cove stuck hard to it’s material. They were able to anchor a story around it to give it life, but not take away from the original legend. That’s the best thing about this show. It hits something in you as a kid, making you think back to all of those things that you think you saw. It played on your childhood fears and kept that creepy feeling that left you moving your shoulder to get something off of you.

At first, I was very iffy to watch because of Paul Schneider. However… he did a good job in this show! Not saying it was the most fantastic thing I’ve ever seen, but if you watch this against his Parks and Recreation days as Mark Brendanaquits, you’ll understand. He gave his all and he gave it in the most hazy way possible that’s absolutely perfect for what they were going for. His character goes through a lot. He suffered separation from his wife, a reconnection with his mum Marla (Fiona Shaw), an exit out of hospital and he’s having all kinds of f*cked up dreams, mostly about his brother. He’s having a bad crisis, he has to come back to a down he doesn’t even wanna be in, so his hazy mood is all the range and understandable.

Just like in Stranger Things, the kids really steal the show. They get creepier and creepier as the show goes along. You also realize how cruel kids really are to one another and the length that someone will go through in order to keep themselves protected. We all have those fantasies of standing up to bullies and making them pay, but in this, Eddie Painter takes that above and beyond, creating his own world and man, is it f*cking terrifying. Luca Villacis, not only played Eddie Painter, but he also played his own twin, Mike Painter. It was incredible to see this kid act and it’s definitely the makings of a great actor in process.

Verdict: I haven’t heard anyone talk about this show a lot so I think it deserves a Watch It! It’s SUPER cleaver in its overall execution and plot. It follows the story of Candle Cove bringing it out to be apart of the bigger story at hand. It doesn’t lose it’s focus or sight in the least. It carries just have just enough of staying power throughout the episodes to keep you watching.

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A Definitive Rankview of Black Mirror Episodes

I love Twilight Zone, but there’s another anthology that have captured my heart as well. Black Mirror hooked me with the concept of technology gone wrong. It’s crazy how into technology we are these days for the right and wrong reasons and Black Mirror shows you a future where you those technologies can work in your favor, or work against you.

Last year, season three came out on Netflix and gave a good amount of fantastic. Now, I’ve put together a small rank and review together of all the episodes of Black Mirror we have so far. Some of these KIND OF contain spoilers, so be warned beforehand.

13: The Waldo Moment : E3, S2 Starring: Daniel Rigby, Chloe Pirrie and Jason Flemyng, with Tobias Menzies, Christina Chong, James Lance and Michael Shaeffer No episode of Black Mirror is boring, but I’m pretty sure this one is an exception. “The Waldo Moment” isn’t only boring, but it really is straight down to the point and it says a lot without saying very much anything. Jamie Salter (Daniel Rigby) is a failed comedian who took up a job controlling Waldo, a blue bear that interviews and mocks political figures for late-night television. It reminds you a bit of all of figures like Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog or any figure that looks like it can be for kids but it’s not. I’m not always looking for a twist, but the straightforwardness of this episode really didn’t get to provide a twist anyway. It’s about politics, entertainment and showing that anyone and anything can become an important figure if there’s just enough power behind it.

12: Men Against Fire: E5, S3 Starring: Malachi Kirby, Madeline Brewer, Ariane Labed, Sarah Snook & Michael Kelly

“Men Against Fire” takes the thought of war and purification and turns it on its head within learning a lesson from the past. Let me explain. “Men Against Fire” turns focus to a future where the undesirables are called Roaches, these are mutated humans that are to be exterminated by soldiers. “Stripe” (Malachi Kirby) and his crew are modified with a chip called MASS that enhances all of their senses in order to fight these roaches. After Stripe’s chip malfunctions however, he finally sees who the roaches and the government really are and what they’re truly about. This episode is very much functioning lesson about the army and the effect of “protecting the bloodline” of humanity. It’s a very deep and grim future, but it’s also painfully dreadful to set though some of the time. However, I still do highly recommend it!

11: Hated in the Nation: E6, S3 Starring: Kelly Macdonald, Faye Marsa

On a more cinematic venture, “Hated by the Nation” is one of those episodes that could totally work for movie purposes. I rank it a lot lower on this list for the sheer purposes that I couldn’t get into it as much as I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a GREAT episode. It revolves around a police officer, Karin Parke (Kelly McDonald) who’s investigating a string of crimes committed against celebrities. She’s partnered with techie Blue (Faye Marsay), figuring out they’re all tied to social media with the hashtag #DeathTo. The only thing I didn’t like about this episode was how long it dragged out for. It seemed like forever until they figure out a little bit more. I understand that’s the mystery of it, but it also seems that it should have been a special instead of an episode. It has a ton of connections connecting it to other episodes as well, which was one of the coolest parts about it!

10: The National Anthem : E1, S1 Starring: Rory Kinnear and Lindsay Duncan, with Donald Sumpter, Tom Goodman-Hill, Anna Wilson-Jones and Lydia Wilson

Ah, The episode that started it all. I always like to tell people, if you can get through this episode of Black Mirror, you made it. You did it. You’re a winner. It’s a tough episode, especially the last bits, but when you get through the whole thing, you just have to raise your hands in victory because it’s basically all you can do. “The National Anthem” is something of a nightmare that had a real life headline later on. When Princess Susannah, Duchess of Beaumont is kidnapped, the Prime Minister, Michael Callow, must f*ck a pig on national television in order for her to be let go. They wrestle with the decision on if he should or shouldn’t do it. The kidnapper counts down the days until he has to do it and sends them threats (including a finger, thought to be the princesses) to him. It’s a story of all eyes are watching you and they’re not turning away for a second. By the end of the episode, you really don’t know who to feel bad for, but you know that you’ll never watch this episode again.

9: Fifteen Million Merits: E2, S1 Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Jessica Brown Findlay and Rupert Everett, with Julia Davis and Ashley Thomas

To be fair, I’m a pretty biased of this episode because it just made me so goddamn sad. I actually had to walk away from the TV. This world greets you with it’s entertainment shows (game show, porn channel and exercise activity) and exercise machines. It tells you that this is the kind of stuff that rules you and this is the stuff that you should be thriving for. Bing (Daniel Kaluuya) lives in this world of overstimulated entertainment mixed with over exercise. He collects currency called Merits. This helps you buy things or skip and ignore advertisements or programs that you don’t want to pay attention to, but they come with a price. Bing feels like he’s a slave to their world and when he meets Abi (Jessica Brown Findlay), he feels himself coming alive for the first time, especially when she sings. He buys her a ticket to go on their singing show (kind of like American Idol) and when she goes, both of them have to settle for what comes next. (Spoilers: it’s not good and it makes you want to cry.) This episode could totally happen in real life and I think that’s what’s so odd and sad about it.

8: Playtest: E2, S3 Starring: Wyatt Russell, Hannah John-Kamen, Wunmi Mosaku and Ken Yamamura

At NYCC ’16, we were privileged to watch this episode for the first time. It bugged me out to the point where my friends and I called our parents to immediately tell them we loved them. “Playtest” speaks to the gamer in all of us. The ones seeking thrills and excitement outside of their home. Cooper (Wyatt Russell)  is travels the world to escape his home life. He travels all around the world, having the best time he could have while ignoring the calls from his mother. He ends up in London, finding out he has no more cash, he has to take any job he can get. A girl tells him about a job for SaitoGemu, a gaming company that’s testing out a new field of gaming. He agrees and the night he spends in this house is one he won’t forget. This entire episode is so much apart of who we are, as seekers of thrill and as people who want to escape, but it all come back around full circle when you least expect it. “Playtest” is a gem of an episode and please, dear god, don’t forget to call your mum.

7: Shut Up and Dance: E3, S3 Starring: Alex Lawther & Jerome Flynn

“Shut Up and Dance” starts out as one of those normal episodes. Kenny (Alex Lawther) is a teenager who puts a program (malware) on his computer to get rid of some viruses that was put on there. However, this program contains a virus of it’s own and a hacker has set their sites on Alex, recording him as he’s masturbating through his webcam. The hacker immediately makes Kenny do everything he says and he does every single thing, just so his biggest secret doesn’t come back to haunt him. I was honestly taken back by this episode in the best ways? You always kinda hear about those stories of don’t masturbate in front of your computer. I mean, if you haven’t seen it on SVU, turn on your TV, but this episode takes it to a whole new level and more. Please watch this episode because… wow.

6: Nosedive: E1, S3 Story by : Charlie Brooker Teleplay by : Rashida Jones & Mike Schur Starring: Bryce Dallas Howard, Alice Eve, James Norton and Cherry Jones

Being popular kinda sucks. Working hard to keep your popularity in check? That sucks even harder. Imagine a world where you have an app that keeps tab on your popularity depending on your actions with other people? Now, they rate you. You have no idea what they’re gonna rate you, but you have to keep that smile, that energy, the extreme bubbliness up. Each and everyday, you have to interact and you have to be polite. That’s the world that Lucie Pound (Bryce Dallas Howard) finds herself in. Everyone has a rating app that gives you stars out of five. Lucie is a 4.2 at the start of the story, but as it progresses, circumstances cause he go lower and lower on the scale. This teleplay was written by Rashida Jones and Mike Schur and they did a great job. It captures what it’s like to keep up appearances and when technically has such a gripping hold on you and doesn’t let go. It also captures the freedom and guts it take to let yourself go and be who you wanna be without a rating and a phone in your face.

5: White Christmas : SPECIAL EPISODE Starring: Jon Hamm, Oona Chaplin and Rafe Spall with Natalia Tena

A christmas special! In this three part super sized Black Mirror episode, we are introduced to a story like no other, a star studded cast and a lot of ammo behind it to make it so great. This episode is set between season two and season three, so you won’t get to it fast, but dammit is it worth it when you get there. Two men, Joe Potter (Rafe Spall) and Matt Trent (Jon Hamm), wake up in a bunker on Christmas Day. They are stationed in this remote place, complete with furniture and fixing and while Matt cooks them something to eat, they tell the stories of how they came to be in this place together. If I tell you any more about this episode, it will completely ruin the fun, but this is one of the best episodes of Black Mirror and that’s why it’s in the top five. It’s heavily ambitious with story and very well thought out. Charlie Brooker outdid himself within this story because it’s absolutely genius the way he put all of this together.

4: Be Right Back : E1, S2 Starring: Hayley Atwell and Domhnall Gleeson, with Claire Keelan, Sinead Matthews, Flora Nicholson, Glenn Hanning, Tim Delap and Indira Ainger

I will go down in history and say that this episode is one of the BEST Black Mirrorepisodes that’s always overlooked. It’s very simple, set in practically one location throughout, but it has the most lovely and beautiful moments inside of it that I’ve only ever seen in indie films. Martha (Hayley Atwell) and Ash (Domhnall Gleeson) move to a house in the countryside that used to be Ash’s house from a long time ago. Ash is completely into his technology while Martha enjoys the life around her. Despite this, they’re completely mad about each other. One day Ash gets into an accident while driving and leaves Martha all alone, at his funeral, a friend tells her about a product that will be able to let her speak to Ash again. High skeptical, but curious, Martha signs up for the product and the results are not what she expect at all. Everything about this episode is so deeply perfect that the two people to praise for making this episode what it is are Hayley Atwell and Domhnall Gleeson. They do a spectacular job in this and if you don’t even like the episode afterwards, you have to give it up for their acting.

3: The Entire History of You : E3, S1 Starring: Toby Kebbell and Jodie Whittaker, with Tom Cullen and Jimi Mistr

Jealousy is kind of a bummer. Ask Liam Foxwell and I bet you he’ll tell you how it ruined his life for good. Nah, but seriously, this episode is a really big thing about jealousy and how it can affect you. Liam Foxwell (Toby Kebbell) is a lawyer who is basically on the up and up. He’s trying desperate to earn a position, but it’s not working out for him. He replays the entire meeting with his employer from a grain he has. A little device in your eye that allows you to rewind and playback memories and events in your life. When Liam and his wife Ffion (Jodie Whittaker) go to a dinner party that’s set up by friends, he meet Jonas (Tom Cullen *swoon*) who’s not only a looker, but happen to be be an ex lover of Ffions. Liam becomes more and more paranoid about the relationship. His jealousy starts to consume him to do some really stupid stuff that later comes to bite him. This isn’t only sad, but it’s very much a big life lesson to leave the past in the past. Fun fact! Robert Downey Jr. optioned to make this into a feature length film through his own production company. So, hopefully we’ll be able to see this play out on the big screen. Hopefully… with the same actors. *crosses fingers*

2:  San Junipero: E4, S3 Starring: Gugu Mbatha-Raw & Mackenzie Davis

If you’ve ever said, “GOD, WHERE’S THE HAPPINESS IN THIS SHOW?!” Look no further than “San Junipero.” If you haven’t heard about the joy of this episode, either via Tumblr, Twitter, or any leading social networking site, you are sorely missing out on something positive and fantastic. In 1987, Yorkie (Mackenzie Davis) meets a girl named Kelly (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) in a crowded dance club in San Junipero, California, as Kelly is trying to get away from a pushy guy and Yorkie is trying to gather her bearings. After a night of flirting, dancing and getting to know each other, they’re instantly attracted to one another, but something gets in the way. Both of them carry something that they have to deal with, but their love transcends all centuries and time. This is the single (and only) most positive episode of Black Mirror from start to finish. I mean, you could totally argue Nosedive, but let me have this. The chemistry between Gugu and Mackenzie keep this episode going and you become invested in where this relationship is going to end up. When you figure out the twist to this episode, it’s not even a surprising twist, but something so delicate and endearing. This is also the first queer episode that we’ve seen from the series and it was a HUGE hit. The only criticism I have is that I wish it was just as long as “Hated by the Nation.”

1: White Bear: E2, S2 Starring: Lenora Crichlow and Michael Smiley, with Tuppence Middleton, Ian Bonar, Nick Ofield, Russell Barnett and Imani Jackman

One of the BEST Black Mirror episodes. There, I said it. This one had me hooked right out of the gate and it epically blew my mind when the twist happened. Victoria Skillane wakes up in a room. She doesn’t know where she is, who she is, or how she even got into this house in the first place. There are things left behind for her. Shoes to put her feet in, pictures to jog her memory, but the most disturbing part is when she steps outside. There are people watching her. They aren’t doing anything. They’re just watching her, some of them have their phones out, almost like she’s an animal in a zoo. She’s confused and terrified, but she keeps asking, asking about who she is and what they’re doing. When a man pulls up in a car, shotgun in hand and start firing at HER (not the people around her, JUST HER), she makes a run for it and there she meets Jem, a girl who’s about to accompany her on one of the most confusing and terrifying journeys of her life. Holy f*ck. I didn’t know who I was until I saw this episode. This one is one of those that you have to let it sink in a bit about how a lot of systems and stuff work. I won’t say anymore to give it away, but this episode probably has one of the best twist on the show.

All these episodes are now on Netflix. Watch them, bring snacks, cuddle up with a animal if you can. It’s gonna be a long couple of hours.

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Fantastic Beast and Where To Find Them: The Post-Post-Post Review

I’ve got to be honest. I was heavily skeptical about seeing Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. I grew up with Harry Potter, but I found myself exhausted, I wanted to keep my memories with myself and keep that magical journey alive. When I heard about this movie and I just sighed and went, “Really?”

I asked three questions. Why this movie? Why not the Marauders? Wait… Isn’t Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them a field guide? The first two questions I have yet to get answers for, but the third one is yes.

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them originated as a field guide of fantastic beasts and how to care for them, written by Newt Scamander throughout his journeys around the world. For the movie, this book expands into a two hour and twelve minute magical journey of Newt, his journey to NY and you guessed it… some fantastic beasts.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them begins with Newt’s (Eddie Redmayne) traveling to NY in the 1920s. We aren’t sure why he’s there, but we’re sure that he’s there carrying a very important suitcase of magical creatures. Newt is a magizoologist, meaning he’s a magical zoologist. He’s traveled across the world in order to write his book, but an incident lands him into deep trouble when a small magical creature lets itself loose, causes a little mayhem in a bank and Newt uses magic in the open and in front of a No-Maj (non-magical person or muggle), named Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler). After another incident (this kid just can’t stay out of trouble), we figure out that the suitcases have been switched and what happens? Well… the Fantastic Beasts are let loose of course. The story starts to open up and meet our lively cast of characters including the person who will help (and hurt) Newt’s quest to catch his animals, a ex-Auror named Porpentina “Tina” Goldstein (Katherine Waterston) and we meet her sister, Queenie Goldstein (Alison Sudol).

However, underneath the good, there has to be something sinister afoot. Gellert Grindelwald is on the loose. The newspapers are having a field day with that while something magical has not only destroyed some of New York, but plans to keep on destroying and almost expose wizards and witches to all No-Maj’s. Percival Graves (Colin Farrell) is on the hunt, but also in search for something else. A child who may hold a certain type of magic that he seeks to control. In order to do this, he recruits a little help from Credence Barebone (Ezra Miller), a member of the New Salem Philanthropic Society (an anti-witchcraft group), to help him on his mission.

At first, knowing that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was a field guide leaves you with some questions of how they were going to present this movie. How do you make a field guide into a two hours movie? Easy, you start when he’s just about to finish. One last journey he takes before actually finishing his book. This movie, written by J.K. Rowling herself, is build around and perfect in it’s simplicity. You catch up with the action, even though there’s so much going on. That’s one thing I loved about the writing in this movie. It was predictable, you knew what was going to happen, but does it really matter? You’re more or less hooked on diving into this story and getting to know these characters, almost similar to wanted to know them in Harry Potter. The simplistic writing gave the chance for the characters to make this story their own and the plot to really keep moving instead of standing still in one place.

Speaking of the characters, they’re all just so lovely. It’s not entirely rare that an entire cast charms you, but this cast does an amazing job bringing their characters to life.  You don’t expect to fall in love with them as fast as you do, but they’re so lively and lovely that you just melt. A character that you fall for easily is Newt. Once he gets his luggage checked and off to the streets of New York, his head cocked slightly as he looks up at the setting around him. You instantly want to grab him and kiss him. He’s adorable and he’s our protagonist. You immediately want to follow him on his journey no matter what. The other characters catch you too, Jacob, the No-Maj fits into this world like a glove and takes it all in like he’s made to live in it. Sisters, Tina and Queenie, are great in this. The girls are so different, but play off one another with such a grace and charm that both of them capture. Queenie, you instantly fall in love with. She embodies the 1920s look to a tee. Tina is not so easy to fall in love with at first, but once you get to know her and understand where she’s coming from, she starts to grow on you.

The one character I personally and completely fell in love with was Credence Barebone. He has such a tragic backstory and has to deal with the ultimate manipulative figures of the story. It’s not easy to write about abuse in this type of setting, but as unexpected as this was, it was brilliant and made the movie dark. You just want to give him all the love he deserves.

There’s so many magical moments inside of the film. You never really feel stuck in this universe, they’re literally always running around and doing something. Even inside of Newt’s briefcase, there’s another magical world. The plot felt like it just kept going and it took off on it’s own. There’s were some lovely parts, like the love story brewing between Queenie and Jacob, but it came with it’s sad parts too, like Credence and his relationship with his “mum”. There’s a whole new magical world to explore. There were many nods to Harry Potter, keeping up with the fact that it’s set pre-HP, but it really never draws back on that. There was even an acknowledgment to the American school, Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This world never looks back, only forward. The one thing I loved about it was it was it’s own confined franchise. Easter eggs are put into place, but you it has it’s own history, it has it’s own place in the legacy and it shines on it’s own.

VERDICT: SEE IT! There’s a simple and charming magic to Fantastic Beasts. The nostalgia of this world really makes it pop into something you’ve never seen before. I never thought that within the series we’d be traveling to America to learn what happens here, but we do. I found myself fasinated with the hidden wizarding world of NYC. I found myself relating to these characters, especially Newt’s want to protect the magical creatures so dear to him. I found myself loving this world deeper and deeper, even though it was a bit darker and sinister than Harry Potter. It wasn’t like the series that I grew up with and that’s okay, because this story works within it’s own magic. There are things within this story that are still left out, but it just proved to be more material that you could dive into within this world.

ALSO BY THE WAY: UM… THE WIZARDING WORLD HAD A BLACK PRESIDENT BEFORE WE DID? 1920’S GUYS! GOOD JOB WIZARDING WORLD. KUDOS TO YOU. WE’RE GONNA END THIS REVIEW WITNESSING THIS STRONG UPSTANDING WOMAN.

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Sofia Coppola has carved herself a fantastic place in cinema. She has not only produced an awesome filmography, but she has become one of the best female directors in recent history. Daughter of Francis Ford Coppola and Eleanor Coppola, she has stepped out of her famous father’s shadow, creating her own cinematic identity and can be closely associated to indie films. Films that are filled with isolation, longing, sad depressive dream girls (thank you for the phrase Billy!) and finding an identity.

Recently, Sofia has become the second woman to win Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival. Yuliya Solntseva won the award in 1961 for The Story of the Flaming Years, but with Sofia’s win for The Beguiled, it derails the 56 year run of men winning the award and that is HUGE. So, I wanted to bring you some of the best Sofia Coppola movies to put on your watch list!

1. The Virgin Suicides (1999) Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Josh Hartnett, James Woods, Kathleen Turner A. J Cook, Hanna R. Hall, Leslie Hayman, and Chelse Swain

Based on the book The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, it tells the story of five teenage sisters who live in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. When one of the sisters try to commit suicide, the sisters are held under the watchful eye of their parents so they don’t go through the same thing. The pressure of the watch gets to be overwhelming as the girls becoming increasingly isolated from their community, but try to rebel in different ways, especially the second youngest sister Lux.

The Virgin Suicides is a beautiful film. One of Sofia’s breakout triumphs and, starting her recurring theme of isolation, the film really captures what’s inside the mind of a teenage girl that you may not know. Also, the soundtrack is absolutely breathtaking.

2. Somewhere (2010) Starring: Stephen Dorff, Elle Fanning, and Michelle Monaghan

This film is personally one of my favorite Sofia Coppola movies. Somewhere focuses on the life of Johnny Marco, a famous actor who has a arm injury and is recovering at Chateau Marmont. Marco suffers from his own sense of isolation with money and fame, but feels kinda… just inside of his own head with the day to day basis of meaningless sh*t that floats around in. One day, his ex-wife sends Cleo, his 11 year old daughter over to stay with him until she goes to camp for the summer, helping Johnny learn more about himself as a man and as a parent.

Somewhere does an amazing job in showing and not telling, especially with the amazing acting skills of Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning as father and daughter. It’s so much about a film of growing into your maturity and responsibility, especially when a child is involved. It often is reflected back to what Sofia’s life must have been like with her famous father. It’s one of Sofia’s finest works, and even though I know some people don’t like it much, I love it a lot. Somewhere also has a great little indie soundtrack, especially with the track “I’ll Try Anything Once” by The Strokes.

3. Marie Antoinette (2006) Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jason Schwartzman, Judy Davis, Rose Byrne, Marianne Faithfull, Asia Argento, Rip Torn, and Jamie Dornan

In Sofia’s second collaboration with Kirsten Dunst, Marie Antoinette is loosely-based on the life of the infamous Last Queen of France. The reason why I say loosely-based is because this version of Marie Antoinette is obviously modernly styled in a way that you would argue with if you were a historian. However, you can’t deny the fact that this movie is one of the most beautifully styled movies for someone taking artistic liberties over the material. Marie Antoinette follows the Queen from when she was fourteen years old, married to Louis XVI, their lives in Versailles and then her affair with Axel Fersen and before her death as the French Revolution truly starts to rise. It’s a wonderful tribute to the late queen because of its over the top beauty and even has a brief scene of the famous line that she never said. Again, artistic liberties, loosely based, you get the memo.

4. Lost in Translation (2003) Starring: Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson, Giovanni Ribisi, Anna Faris, and Fumihiro Hayashi

We can’t end this list without talking about Lost in Translation. One of Sofia’s crowning achievements as a filmmaker and screenwriter was this movie. Lost in Translation centers around Bob Harris, an actor who arrives in Japan to star in a commercial for whiskey, and Charlotte, a woman who is left by her husband John in a hotel room as he does a job. Bob and Charlotte form a tight friendship throughout the movie met with longing and personal revelations about their perspective situations.

Lost in Translation is still one of the best movies from Sofia Coppola’s filmography because of how real and true it feels. It has the same grounded realism as Somewhere that Coppola captures so well and makes you feel like you’re apart of something instead of being lost in nothing. (But you still feel that way, honestly, double edge sword guys.)

Honorable Mentions: The Beguiled (2017) (the only reason why this is here is because I haven’t seen it yet, but I will… I deff will.) Lick the Star (1998) and The Bling Ring (2013).

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Since the new Twin Peaks is out tonight, I thought it would be a cool idea to introduce you guys to some David Lynch films that you may or may not have watched. If you don’t know who David Lynch is, he is basically the embodiment of, what multiple sites have called him, “a renaissance man of modern filmmaking” and does just about everything you can think of a person doing. He is a director, screenwriter, painter, photographer, musician, and producer. He has created a TON of cult classics that have not only blown peoples’ minds, but changed their perspectives on a lot of things, especially living in small town or Los Angeles, but at the end of the day, David Lynch is a surreal and complicated filmmaker at heart.

Now, I’m not saying you should watch these films in order, but I’ll lay out the important ones first and then get into stuff that you can see any ol’ time. So, let’s get started.

1. Eraserhead (1977) This masterpiece was David Lynch’s first feature length movie that combines surrealism and body horror all mashed into one. The plot is pretty damn simply… complicated. Henry Spencer (Jack Nance) is a man who is left with a lizard or serpent like child, born from a one night stand with his then girlfriend Mary X. Henry, however, starts to also have hallucinations and vision of strange things that may or may not be real. The film is known to be a great cult classic and is one of the coolest midnight movies with El Topo (1970), Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Pink Flamingos (1972) to name a few. If you’re gonna start with some David Lynch weirdness, why not try out the best of the best first.

2. The Elephant Man (1980) The Elephant Man is one of the most heartbreaking films on this list. The Elephant Man tells the real life story of Joseph Merrick, a severely deformed man who was exhibited in freak shows before he was taken to a London Hospital. The film takes us into that history with John Hurt, playing John Merrick and Anthony Hopkins, playing the doctor Frederick Treves, who takes him from out of the freakshows. It’s a heartbreaking movie and incredibly acted from start to finish. Fun fact: the Academy created the Best Makeup and Hairstyling because this movie had the best of that year.

3. Twin Peaks (1990) You knew this was coming. Twin Peaks has become a cult classic over the years and for good reasons. It’s one of the most bizarre and brilliant television dramas that have ever been produced. Created by David Lynch and Mark Frost, the show focuses on the death of high school teen and homecoming queen Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee). FBI Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) is sent to Twin Peaks to investigate and teams up with Harry S. Truman (Michael Ontkean) to investigate the case, but it’s not a straight up murder that they’re investigating. It can’t be that simple guys. There’s something deeper, shady, and sinister going down in the town of Twin Peaks and you’ll never see it coming.

4. Blue Velvet (1986) I actually still don’t know how to properly describe Blue Velvet to people, but I will try very hard for you guys. Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) is just a normal guy, but one day he finds a ear in a backyard. (I know, I know, just hold on for me guys.) He goes on a small investigation to find out where it comes from, but takes a very sharp left turn into bigger investigation a nightclub singer Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) whose being held hostage by some f*cked up group of people, including ether-loving Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper), who tortures her in brutal ways. Jeffrey discovers that there is way more to the surface of the small town and himself as he becomes intertwined with Dorothy’s life. Guys, just watch Blue Velvet. It’s a really great psychology, wtf of a movie. 5. Twin Peak: Fire Walk with Me (1992) I know what you’re thinking Twin Peaks fans. “Why would you even put this anywhere near a list?” Well… because it’s Twin Peaks. No matter how you feel about Fire Walk with Me, it’s still a piece of the Twin Peaks history and dammit, it should be watched at least once! Directed and written by David Lynch and co-written by Robert Engels, the films tells the last seven days of Laura Palmer’s short life while going into the investigation of Teresa Banks. Most of the cast had returned for the movie except for Lara Flynn Boyle, who was replaced by Moira Kelly and Sherilyn Fenn because schedules suck. The film was met with… not so happy people and even though it was met with negative reviews, again, still apart of Twin Peaks. Also, you gotta watch this before you get into the series!

6. Mulholland Drive (2001) Another movie that I can’t properly describe, but goddamnit, I will try! Betty Elms (Naomi Watts) is an actress that wants to make it big in L.A. Fresh into her environment, she meets a amnesiac woman Rita (Laura Elena Harring) and try try to figure out what happened to her and get back her memories. I can’t say much else without giving away most of the plot so I’ll just leave it there. I can tell you that there is a super cool (kinda?!) twist at the end of this psychological mystery film. The fun part about this movie is that it very much lets you come to your own conclusions of what the ending might mean. Nothing is right, nothing is wrong. Mulholland Drive will always be there. Fun fact: Mulholland Drive was inspired by Audrey Horne’s character in Twin Peaks. They meant to send Audrey into a spinoff where she goes to Hollywood, but it didn’t pan out.

7. Inland Empire (2006) Love is apparently a super f*cking dangerous when you’re on the set of a film that is cursed. That’s what Inland Empire presents us and it’s a really well done film by Lynch. Inland Empire follows the story of Nikki Grace, an actress whose perception of reality gets surreal and distorted as she falls head over heels for her co-star Devon Berk (Justin Theroux). She also starts taking on the characteristics of the character that she’s playing in a film that is cursed. Yeah, f*ckin’ bonkers. Laura Dern is outstanding in the lead role, she does a great job in Blue Velvet and Wild at Heart, but this movie, Laura just goes all out!

8. Dune (1984) Dune is a great accomplishment, but I will warn you that when you go into Dune, be prepared to sit for awhile. Based on Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel with the same name, Dune is set in the future where there is a war brewing between families for control of Dune, or Arrakis. They mainly want it because the time travelling drug, “the spice” is vast on the planet and it’s the only place it can be found. I’ve watched this movie a couple of times and I’m still very unsure about it’s meaning, even though I totally should know what it’s about right now. In the scope of things, this was one of David Lynch’s most *raspberry noise* of movies. It was regarded as a flop, but I kinda disagree, for what it was at the time, Dune is an epic movie on a global scale and Kyle MacLachlan sports some pretty hair. OH, ALSO, THERE’S STING, so, yeah…. Watch it.

Honorable Mentions: Lost Highway (1997), The Alphabet (1968), Wild at Heart (1990), The Amputee (1974) and Six Men Getting Sick (1967)

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The Archies One-Shot Review

Writer(s): Alex Segura and Matthew Rosenberg Artist: Joe Eisma Letterer: Jack Morelli Colorist: Matt Herms

A review by Insha Fitzpatrick

In The Archies we follow the ups and downs of Archie in his humble beginnings to form his very own band. When Archie and Jughead maintain a spot at The Jackpot with Jughead’s cousin Bingo, he might be a little in over his head. Without a band to call his own, Archie is basically screwed out of any real possibilities of making this live performance a thing. With Jughead’s help, Archie hands out flyers, lines up auditions and ultimately recruits Betty and Veronica to form The Archies. However, things can’t always go right for Archie when he not only has to deal with the dating drama, but also his behaviour isolates his friends. Will The Archies get back together for their first ever performance? Or will this be a solo act?

The Archies have always been an important part of Archie Comics because our main character is dabbling in something that is near and dear to him and he wants to make it known to the world. As much as I personally dislike Archie’s career in music, I can’t deny that Alex Segura and Matthew Rosenberg make me care a little bit more about the formation of the band, even though I do wish it was a bit longer.

Segura and Rosenberg give heart to The Archies formation. They write an introductory character study of Archie’s love for music and how it can make or break him. However, I was left wanting to find out more. Why was music so important to Archie? What kind of music was important to him? I know this is a lot to ask of a one-shot, but I would love to know the reason behind Archie’s love of music before I get into why he wanted to form a band. I would love to see how Archie got his passion for music and then follow the creation of the band. Or, if mix those things together, see where you land.

(Seriously, got a lot of ideas Archie Comics. Call me.)

The one thing I seriously enjoy about this comic is that it doesn’t shy away from Archie being a diva and acknowledging that behavior. Archie can be so big of a diva when things don’t go his way, so putting that on display was brilliant. Something I loved about The Archies as well are the interactions between Jughead and Archie. Especially Jughead correcting him as the breaks the wall to the reader to inform him that The Violent Femmes aren’t a two piece band.

Joe Eisma already does a phenomenal job with the regular Archie comics, so pulling him in to do the art for The Archies was an amazing idea. Joe puts a lot of details into his work which pairs so nicely with Matt Herms colors. They’re an absolute dream team and I hope to see more of what they do together. The first page completely blew me away with the composition and I needed to keep reading after that. I love the small details inside of the panels that give us a clue into Archie’s music world. On the second page where Archie’s love for music really shines as we see the equipment, band posters, guitar, and vinyls across his floor and walls is some brilliant showing and not telling. And even though I’d still love to hear how Archie’s love for music grew, that panel made me feel at peace with Archie’s budding career.

The Verdict Buy It! This short glimpse into the formation of a band is a good and interesting start for something that can hopefully expand into the Archie universe. The Archies will never be as big as Josie and the Pussycats, but this humble band is here to show you what they’re about and I dig that.

[ifitzpatrick]

Doctor Who: Empress of Mars Review

Director: Wayne Yip Writer: Mark Gatiss Starring: Peter Capaldi, Pearl Mackie, Matt Lucas, Anthony Calfe, Ferdinand Kingsley, Richard Ashton, Adele Lynch

Empress of Mars continues our regularly scheduled adventures as The Doctor, Bill and Nardole visit Mars in 1881 occupied by Victorian soldiers, looking for treasure, exploration and seeking to conquer. While they occupy the planet, they uncover an Ice Warrior spaceship and rescued one of it’s passengers they found in the wreckage named Friday, who has been asleep for 5,000 years. As the team explores, they uncover and unearth another piece of Ice Warrior history inside of a tomb. Once it wakes up, Bill and The Doctor have to figure out how to calm the conflict between Ice Warriors and invading Victorian soldiers in order to keep the peace.

Empress of Mars felt more like a filler episode. It completely separates itself from the trilogy before and moves on with the adventures. This episode doesn’t really have a rhyme or reason to it, but it’s a fun episode that only Mark Gatiss could have written and nailed. Gatiss’ writing has always been a bit of a hit or miss for me. If he’s not writing Sherlock, I never understand why he would be writing anything else. However, for Empress of Mars, he does a great job introducing a new audience to some classic Doctor Who creatures long time fans haven’t seen for a very long time. This is where he plays to his strength for writing in the series. The Ice Warriors, the humanoid lizard like cyborgs, were a recurring alien were introduced in the reign of the Second Doctor within the fifth season of Doctor Who. Gatiss’ is great at taking the classics creatures and bringing them into a new era of Doctor Who, telling a new audience, “I’m going to make this cool for you I swear” and actually accomplishing it without being over the top.

While Gatiss does a phenomenal job at bringing us some classic creatures, he kinda falters and shines within the script. I know that’s a bit of a double edge sword, but hear me out for a second. Gatiss lays down the groundwork for an exciting episode, especially with having the Ice Warriors be your creature of choice and trying to have Bill and The Doctor figure out a clever way to not get killed by them. However, it has an underlining messages with it though, the male ego, female compassion and warrior mentality.

As soon as we see the Victorian soldiers you roll your eyes. Their egos, ideals, greed and petty squabbles are not amping up their survival. In fact, it’s lessening it minute by minute. The main culprit of this is Catchlove (Ferdinand Kingsley), who needs to show dominance and strength by force instead of thinking first. He creates an opposite for the Doctor, but carries on to be the biggest of a**holes in the episode in keeping with the warrior mentality. Now that I’ve said warrior mentality, let’s get on that subject train, shall we? From the Ice Warriors to the Victorian soldiers, but it creates such a thick overlay to the episode that you have no choice but to dissect it. The Ice Warriors carry out their own warrior mentality that is completely the same as the Victorians. The messages of: “You will fight until death”, “You will not surrender or conceded”, “You will fight until you nothing more.” It’s a rough way to live, but The Doctor tries to rival that by saying that no one has to die, that everyone can live together. Yet, the male ego of it all overshadows and the fight to be the best and that warrior instinct must come out. The Doctor even said it best, “Always been my problem. Thinking like a warrior.”

The best thing to come out of this episode, even though it was so short, was the female compassion. Iraxxa, the Empress of the Ice Warriors, is pleaded to by The Doctor in order to live in peace and work together instead of there being other people to get hurt. She’s considering it, but her ultimate decision comes from Bill, the other female in the room. Bill asks, “Why me?” Iraxxa says, “We are both surrounded by noisy males. I value your opinion.” It’s a small moment, brilliant in it’s execution and so small that I WISHED it was throughout the rest of the episode. Bill continues to show her compassion and empathy, even if others aren’t very kind to her. Iraxxa, an Empress, needs the opinion of a woman in order to save the rest of the males around them. Again, it’s such a wonderful moment, this episode should have been littered with this kind of stuff, especially because The Ice Warriors are so advanced in their progression of roles for females, the Victorian’s are so far behind and Bill is smack in the middle.

Wayne Yip continues his venture into directing Doctor Who episodes and I hope they keep him around for more. He creates such a tone and vibrancy through his lens, really focusing on everything around the set no matter how small. I’ve noticing in his work for Class and Doctor Who, faces are his bread and butter. He has the magic of making a medium shot on a face

work so well for an episode and it’s absolutely amazing. He works so well in colored settings as well. This episode is bursting with reds and greens, from the landscape of Mars and uniforms of the soldiers to the Ice Warriors themselves. It’s such a colorful episode without being too bright, bringing in some rich colors to combine with the red that you see on the screen and it lets your eyes dance within the palette.

The best thing that saved this episode from leaning on just being another filler with no direction was the acting by the fantastic cast. I love when Doctor Who creates limited space, it allows it’s actors to shine in ways they didn’t know how. Peter Capaldi and Pearl Mackie are brilliant as always, hearing their characters banter over different movies was probably my favorite part about this episode, but I’ll have to give the performance of the week to Ferdinand Kingsley, who plays Catchlove in the episode. If you’re the son of Ben Kingsley, you better slay a performance in one of the biggest franchises ever and that he did, playing a complete a**hole who you just hate to love. He’s the testament to the problem with male ego, but you can’t tear your eyes away from that greasy smile and awesome mustache for a second.

Verdict: Watch It! While this episode is straight up filler, fans of Doctor Who, new and old will appreciate a new creature coming into their life. It seems like the Ice Warriors are here to stay and hopefully, they’ll have another chance to shine and have more of their story told. Also, Empress of Mars gives us another massively cool cliffhanger for the next one. How come we always leave the cool scenes with Missy towards the end?

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Doctor Who: Thin Ice Review

Writer: Sarah Dollard Director: Bill Anderson Starring: Peter Capaldi, Pearl Mackie

There are many things I continue to love about Doctor Who. I love when it addresses topics that you would never see in another show. In a very clever way, the writing touches upon something so slyly that you have to double take and go “WHOA, THEY DID THAT.” Thin Ice addressed something that I have been dying to know since Ten and Martha, something that I also kind of side eye when it comes to Doctor Who. That’s right folks, I’m talking about race.

Thin Ice was devilishly clever, mixing suspense, humor and humanity in one sweet hour that leaves you satisfied. Written by Sarah Dollard, who wrote Face the Raven, Sarah tells a story that doesn’t shy away from the history, but also critiques, analyzes it and punches it in the face! Thin Ice focus on The Doctor and Bill traveling to London, 1814. They were supposed to get back to the University right after the events of Smile, just in time to have tea with Nardole, but that doesn’t exactly go as planned. The Tardis gears them towards the Frost Fair, a festival over the frozen Thames. However, there’s something weird afoot when people start disappearing through the ice. Bill and the Doctor discover what’s really going on underneath the surface.

Bill Anderson joins Doctor Who in his directorial debut on the show in Thin Ice. He does an amazing job in directing this episode, especially in the underwater scene when Bill and The Doctor first lay eyes on what’s below. The whole sequence was definitely gnarly and plays with your perception, which takes skill. He’s going to be a great addition to the regular rotation of Doctor Who directors if this episode is anything to go by. One of the marvellous things Anderson accomplishes in Thin Ice is its colors. It’s laced in greys and blues, perfect for the dreary episode that literally is dealing with ice and death, in addition to the everlasting greyness of Regency England and the attitudes it holds. Those colors only become significantly lighter once everything is cleared up, which very much says something about the writing and directorial movement throughout the episode.

Pearl Mackie and Peter Capaldi continue to shine as they dive more into their student/teacher relationship, becoming closer and learning more about each other everyday. Or better yet, Bill learning more about the Doctor everyday. I adore this dynamic between them. It’s different for the Doctor and his companion in the best of ways because the Doctor is teaching her about stuff that she wouldn’t be able to find in books, only in life experiences and the choices that youmake. That becomes very important when Bill has to make the decision whether or not to save humanity. The Doctor can’t make that choice, he needs an order from her because they are herpeople and that’s her Earth. We’ve seen the Doctor do that before in Face the Raven, but the end result felt much more natural here. It’s also brilliant to see Bill and the Doctor bicker and fight with each other, but know that they’re pulling the best out of each other and with a smirk and a silly face, everything’s okay between them.

Besides the brilliance of the acting and directing, the one thing I pay attention closely to is the writing for Doctor Who. It’s honestly my favorite part for so many reasons, but we won’t get into that because I’ll keep you here all day. One of those important themes that Thin Ice addresses regards race. I know I’ve said this before, but I put it last purposely because it’s a big part of the episode that needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Sarah Dollard’s writing is just… oh man, I would hug her if I could. Thin Ice has addressed something I’ve always thought the show should address when you bring a POC into a time period where slavery or something else might be of concern. Bill steps off the Tardis and immediately knows it, saying, “It’s 1814. *points to herself* Melanin. Slavery is still totally a thing.” The acknowledgement that she is in a place where there is slavery made me smile so wide. The Doctor knowing that he has nothing to worry about just says, “Oh.” Even a bit later, a small conversation The Doctor and Bill have as they watch wrestlers and Bill’s observing everyone.

Bill: “Interesting.” The Doctor: “What is?” Bill: “Regency England. Bit more black than they show in the movies.” The Doctor: “So was Jesus. History’s a whitewash.“

So brilliant. Just like the conversation Bill and The Doctor have as they meet a very ‘important’ ‘man’ about information of what’s underneath the ice. The Doctor gives her a small lesson on her temper and then says, “Passion fights, but reason wins.” The guy (I don’t even want to say his name, he’s an a**hole) changes his charming demeanor for the Doctor as he looks over to Bill, who is sitting in a lone chair by herself and smiling politely. He then proceeds to say, “Who-Who let this creature in here?! On your feet, girl, in the presence of your better!” The Doctor, once the man turns back to him, punches him dead in the face because of his disrespectful tone and manner towards Bill. Passion both fights and wins.

I point these scenes out because these are the most important moments inside this episode. Yes, there is a greater scheme of things, the monster underneath the ice, but these are the moments of Doctor Who that completely get to me. Race has never really been addressed, especially with companions Martha and Mickey on board with the Tenth Doctor. It’s always been an issue that remains unspoken, but Sarah addressed it in a way that the audience would have talked about it. She writes it as a matter of fact instead of something to be glossed over and ignored in the story. I’ve always wanted to see that in an episode and I’m so happy that Sarah wrote it so everyone could see it. So, thank you Sarah, seriously, thank you.

Before we close out this review, we have to talk about the last scene, don’t we? Yeah, I wasn’t going to let you guys go without talking about that. After Nardole gives Bill and The Doctor their tea, he goes down to check on the vault. We’re still so curious about what’s happening inside that vault and it seems like it might be a bit til we get that answer. Yet, when Nardole goes down to check on the vault, four knocks hit the door. FOUR KNOCKS. So, if we want to create a bit of a theory (you know I f*cking do), we can probably theorize that:

1) The Doctor’s time is set to end soon 2) The Master knocks four times.

Billy helped me realize that The Master also knock four times. I keep realizing that I’m excited about the return of a certain character seen in the series ten trailer. I’ve also realized we are RIDICULOUSLY excited for future Doctor Who episodes.

The Verdict: Watch It! Series ten of Doctor Who is shaping up to be such a delight and Thin Ice isn’t an episode you’ll want to miss. The atmosphere and dialogue within this episode progresses Doctor Who far, but there’s still so much to be explored with these two characters.

Also, I’m pretty sure the Doctor just confirmed some stuff about Jesus.

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Doctor Who: The Lie of the Land Review

Writer: Toby Whithouse Director: Wayne Yip Starring: Peter Capaldi, Pearl Mackie, Matt Lucas, Michelle Gomez, Rosie Jane, Jamie Hall

(Slight Spoilers Ahead)

I’ll preface this by saying that I didn’t know how to feel about this trilogy as a whole. Extremisand The Pyramid at the End of the World set itself up to be the granddaddy of trilogies, something that you’d think could fly and be epic. However, the episodes, in my opinion, fall flat in execution, bringing up a number of issues within the writing that needed to be addressed. This week’s The Lie of the Land brings the trilogy together, holding back on the Moffat flair and doing the job that the other two episodes failed to do by comparison, tying this trilogy up in a nice solid bow.

The Lie of the Land follows Bill, separated from Nardole and the Doctor, six months after giving her consent to letting the Monks rule the planet in order to get the Doctor’s sight back. Bill knows there is something different about the Monks being there, she can tell that the timeline doesn’t quite match up to what she believes to be true. But, if she talks, she’ll be hauled off as Memory Criminal, a person who dares to speak out with the truth about the Monks. The Doctor has only been seen during the strange broadcasts that circulate throughout and Nardole is nowhere to be seen. However, when the team is back together, after some serious moments that will knock your socks off (that I promise I won’t spoil for you) they have to figure out how to stop the Monks before they rewrite history for good.

The Lie of the Land carries some important themes that are significant to all of Doctor Who, but wonderfully written here for this trilogy to wrap itself up. The use of free will stays heavily important, going back to the previous episode where Bill used her free will to save the Doctor while he forbids it. He brings this back up to her in their explosive argument when it seems he has turned against history and have sided with the Monks. The Doctor’s whole thing is allowing free will to run wild even though it may bring on some consequences, good or bad. Bill knows this, saying, “You believe in free will. Your whole thing is… You made me write a 3,000 word essay on free will.” Bill witnessing him become the centerpiece of the propaganda fake news for the Monks isn’t what she signed up for as a companion and she won’t allow it to happen. That scene, not only brilliant in it’s acting by Peter Capaldi and Pearl Mackie, is a brilliant piece of writing for a companion and Doctor. We’re looking through Bill’s eyes in this episode, but you can place any companion in that room with him and it shares the same message. The Doctor, ever the teacher, teaches her that she shouldn’t be using her free will so loosely, that there are consequences to her actions, but Bill doesn’t care. She used her free will to save someone that’s important to her. This ties into something much more beautiful about the episode and that is Bill Potts herself.

Bill Potts as the center of this story is one of the best choices to make. Since she kicked off the chain of events in The Pyramid at the End of the World after giving her consent to the Monks, it’s right to follow her journey in getting things back in order. Bill’s narration throughout the episode, allows you to remain hopeful for the Tardis Team. It allows you to hear her thoughts and feelings to the one person that she loves more than anything, her mum. Bill contains so much inside of her. The ability to understand and share what others are feeling is a heavy burden, but Bill wears it well, taking the full responsibility and weight of the world, much like the Doctor does, but carries it in her own way. At the end of the episode, Bill prepares to let the Monks take over what’s left of her mind in order to save the world. While we think it isn’t working, an image starts to invade and that image for Bill is her mum. The memory that Bill creates of her voice, smile and presence is what helps Bill control what the Monks can’t do. They can’t touch that memory of love and empathy.

Her empathy is the best part of her character and I hope they build upon it in future episodes. She’s shaping into one of the most relatable companions on Doctor Who because of her complete and unselfish heart. Her empathy allows her to place herself before all else and disobey the Doctor, for his good and for the good of the world. Which a lot of people would see as a bad thing, I’d say it’s rather good, the best even. I’ve never seen a companion with so much weight of understanding and feeling towards anyone and everything. A companion that’s so willing to take the final step when they’re crossed with danger, no matter how scared they are, but has nothing left to lose. It’s such a refreshing pace in Doctor Who with Bill on board. She goes into every episode and dominates it.  

Verdict: Watch It! I know I’ve gushed about Bill Potts throughout most of this review, but it’s for a great reason. Toby Whithouse really does a great job writing the depths of her empathy, while giving us an episode of the trilogy we truly deserved. Pearl and Peter’s chemistry as the Doctor and Companion is always worth the watch. They know each other so well by now and know how to play off each other that every scene together is just something remarkable. Wayne Yip’s direction for this episode compliments the power of Whithouse’s script, leaving you wanting more of the beauty of the slow motion shots and Fake News Headquarters. The Lie of the Land brings you fake news, free will, abuse of power, but it gives you empathy and love to counterbalance. It’s just an overall excellent episode to end a lackluster three parter.

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The Mummy Review

Director: Alex Kurtzman Starring: Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Russell Crowe, Annabelle Wallis and Jake Johnson Writers: David Koepp, Christopher McQuarrie, Dylan Kussman, Alex Kurtzman (story), Jon Spaihts (story), and Jenny Lumet (story)

A review by Insha Fitzpatrick

I’ve always been a huge fan of the Universal Monsters. Ever since watching Frankenstein and The Invisible Man at a young age, they have always had a loving spot in my heart. Diving headfirst into the classic monsters are no easy feet. It takes a lot of guts to remake (and reboot) these films because the reception can either turn out good, bad, or downright terrible. That brings us to the first in the new reboot of the classic Universal Monster reboots: The Mummy.

The Mummy kicks off the first installment of the Universal Studios’ Dark Universe and dedicates itself to bringing the classic monsters straight into our modern world. If you haven’t heard, the Dark Universe is set to bring back classic monsters such as, Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Jekyll and Hyde, The Wolf Man, Creature of the Black Lagoon, The Invisible Man and, recently announced, Phantom of the Opera and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The Mummy was the first though, and will have to hold us until the rest are made.

The Mummy takes us on a journey with Nick Morton (Tom Cruise), a thief (and not very good one) whose selfish and bold, but lands on his feet whenever he gets in a jam. After trying to steal a map from Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis), he and his friend Chris Vail (Jake Johnson) are recruited to help her in her research. They discover an ancient tomb that has been hidden for thousands of years. The tomb contains an ancient princess, Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), who was erased from the history books because of her pure evil. As soon as she awakens, she does everything in her power to make the world hers, bringing her vengeance over the years to lace chaos throughout the streets and making Nick her Chosen (a power that will give him power over life and death).

The Mummy reads as a completely disjointed film from beginning to end, leading to scenes that should be in different places, expanded or completely cut. I found myself wanting to take the film home with me to cut and paste different scenes together or extend them greatly (mainly anything to deal with Jake Johnson’s character). One of the many scenes that takes you out (but drops you back in) is the beginning of the movie. The story of Ahmanet is played before the title credits begin. You get her story from start to finish before we even see her, before she’s even really known to the audience. It’s then spilled a little throughout the story as well, reminding you of who she is, what she did and how she got here. It was the classic “explanation scene” that would benefit in the middle of the story, when you have her with you in the story, not before you see what she can do.

The dialogue is wavy, short, and very much seems to dictate where you should be looking and going, rather than shift the story and having you follow along with it naturally. However, when the jokes land, they’re very good in their execution because of how small, realistic, and rewarding they are between the action of the story. A simple look, word, and phrase works within this movie because of the ridiculous atmosphere it lends itself too. It takes itself too seriously on a number of levels, but when it needs to bring the action and get serious (while being a bit laughable), that’s where the good stuff comes into play.

Tom Cruise as Nick Morton was the dashingly handsome, selfish a**hole and confused hero of the story. Most of the time, he wandered around not knowing what to say, do, or feel because he was wrapped into Ahmanet’s spell. It leaves you to wonder why they picked Tom Cruise for the role, but knowing that no one else could have played something that handsome and confused at the same time. As said before about the jokes, Cruise knows how to land them, especially in his characters selfish and “wtf” state he found himself in throughout the movie. Annabelle Wallis as Jenny Halsey, the beautiful archaeologist, was a welcomed, but very underwhelming character in the movie. Jenny deserved a lot better than was delivered. The generic beautiful woman only goes so far! I love that Jenny was thrown into the action full force, but it takes you out when she’s just a catalyst and sacrifice to show Nick that he isn’t the selfish a**hole that he was.  

The outstanding performances throughout the movie have to go Sofia Boutella, Jake Johnson and Russell Crowe (I know right? Stick with me.) Jake Johnson plays Nick’s “sorta” best friend and sidekick, but after an incident he gets brought back as “dead guy who comes back to life to haunt friend.” I found myself wanting much more of Jake Johnson throughout the movie, but was ultimately happy with what I got. He brings such a comedic and witty atmosphere.

Sofia Boutella absolutely SLAYED Ahmanet with everything she had. She’s the saving grace of the 107 minutes sitting down to watch this film. Not only is she absolutely beautiful, but she brings such a powerful performance that I wanted her to succeed so badly. She delivers just enough to make you swoon and leave you wanting more and I’m not talking about in just ONE scene, I’m talking about ALL the scenes.

Then there’s Russell Crowe. There have been many actors that have played Dr. Henry Jekyll throughout the years, but it just looks so good on Russell Crowe. It was so unexpected and dynamic that I hope they take the time out to focus a full movie on Jekyll/Hyde, especially after introducing us to what Crowe can do in the role.  

The Verdict See It. I didn’t think I would say this, but if you want a generic movie that you can have fun with that combines a bit of Stephen Sommer’s The Mummy, Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce and Indiana Jones, you’ve come to the right place with 2017’s The Mummy. It gives itself to being exactly the kind of generic action movie with some horror elements pushed inside, but it’s the kind of trash-tastic film that you could just sit down and enjoy.

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Free Fire Review

Director: Ben Wheatley Starring: Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy, Armie Hammer, Sharlto Copley Writer: Amy Jump and Ben Wheatley

A review by Insha Fitzpatrick

There’s something genuinely special about a movie that just aims at you and fires. Free Fire is that movie. An all out gunfeast of ten people firing on one another for an hour and twenty-five minutes. Free Fire asks a lot of questions. What’s the plot? Where is this going? Who hired who? Who can you trust? What’s the deal with them all? What the hell is happening?! But… you know what… who f*cking cares. Yes, my friends, it’s that kind of movie and I actually enjoy it without all of the cinematic gargen of making sense. Free Fire was just plain fun.

Free Fire tells the misadventures of a gun deal gone terribly wrong. On one side, we have Justine (Brie Larson), Chris (Cillian Murphy), Frank (Michael Smiley), Stevo (Sam Riley), Bernie (Enzo Cilenti) who provide the money for weapons supplied by Vernon (Sharlto Copley), Harry (Jack Reynor), Martin (Babou Ceesay), Gordon (Noah Taylor). Ord (Armie Hammer), is the middle partner of all of this, where he negotiates the deal between both parties, but with his nice fitting suit, can’t be trusted worth a damn. No one else can either as a matter of fact. The trouble starts when Chris, a member of the IRA (Irish Republican Army), says that the guns that he’s purchasing from Vernon and the boys are not what he ordered. It feels like something about to happen, but things don’t come to a head until Harry recognizes Stevo from the night before. Stevo bottled* Harry’s cousin after refusing his advances, which sets off a chain of unfortunate events after Harry pulls out a gun and shoots Stevo. Thus starts an entire movie of grown men (and a woman) shooting at each other.

(*bottled – broke a glass bottle over someone’s head.)

I know you might be thinking” ‘Why would I want to see something like that?’ Well, allow me to tell you things you should know before entering this movie. This film has little to no plot and don’t expect it to give itself over to one as you’re watching. The small plot I gave you above was basically your set up for the entire movie. Beyond that, you get little to no plot development until they start getting picked off one by one. You may think that’s bad, but quite the opposite! The film is about survival and not knowing who to truly trust. It was interesting to watch them figuring out who to trust, who not to trust, who double-crosses who, and everything in between. It was a very wild ride to place who’s on what side because you find yourself questioning it as well.

One thing I greatly appreciate about this movie is the guts of placing this film in one location throughout. Most movies can hit or miss with this, but Free Fire is the opposite. It continues to keep you engaged even with its quiet moments. Free Fire makes you pay attention, not only to where the bullets fly, but to the dialogue and the actions. It’s also hilarious that not many people walk throughout this movie. It’s kept low to the ground after so many shots to the leg. I’m not even joking. None of the actors are on their feet anymore halfway through the movie. They’re crawling throughout and it’s absolutely fantastic. Speaking of which…

The best part about this movie is the actors themselves. This is a character driven ensemble film with little to no character development until, perhaps, the end. You know what, I take that back. This film does have character development, but it’s slowly woven into the dialogue and you have to pay CLOSE attention to it. The characters are clever, attractive, grimy, gutter, skeevy, and all around kinda top tier oddball-ish. The dialogue we get is hilarious, especially the part of Frank and Ord teasing each other and anything that came out of Vernon’s mouth. I have to praise all of them for what they did throughout the movie.

If this wasn’t such a grand cast, I would have loved more focus on some of the characters. Again, some of their stuff is told through snippets of dialogue, but that’s where this movie lived and died. The large cast helped and hurt the flow of the film, because it’s hard to focus on just one person in a large ensemble film. There could have been more dialogue scattered throughout the time when bullets weren’t flying. If anything to humanize the characters (good or bad) instead of picking them off one by one.

The Verdict SEE IT! Again, if you’re expecting a cinematic masterpiece thrown on screen, I don’t think you’re going to get it here. Free Fire is just so much fun without all of the expectations around it. It’s carefree, exciting, and super dope in its own creative way. It doesn’t play by any of the rules and that’s the best thing it can honestly do for itself. While most films will send you off with thoughts scrambling in your head, this film will send you off with thoughts of what you would have done in that situation. Not anything deep or poignant, but just enough to make you go “the f*ck did I just watch?”  But in a good way.

Side note: Sam Riley (Stevo) is such a great actor and if DC is looking to replace Jared Leto as the Joker, I highly suggest you give Sam Riley a call.

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Big Moose (One Shot) Review

Archie Comics Writer(s): Sean Ryan, Ryan Cady, Gorf Artist(s): Cory Smith, Thomas Pitilli, Ryan Jampole Colorist(s): Matt Hers, Glenn Whitmore, Kelly Fitzpatrick Letters: Jim Campbell Review by Insha Fitzpatrick

This double-sized one shot showcases a character that has been behind the scenes for many years, but brings him to the front to show you just what he’s made of.

Moose has always been a loveable character in the Archie Comics universe. The muscle football player with the heart of gold has been seen as a “dumb” character to most. Within Big Moose, it displays three side of Marmaduke Mason, or Moose Mason, that we’ve already seen or we haven’t seen before. So, I think the best thing to do is take these in review story by story because they all have their own special Moose-ness about them.

Moose Vs. The Vending Machine, written by Sean Ryan, art by Cory Smith and colors by Matt Herms, is a characterization of Moose that we’re used to seeing. Moose Vs. The Vending Machine is Moose’s quest to get food out of a vending machine after a boring lesson makes him hungry to the max. This story is a genius start of putting Moose in the spotlight. We’re not only introduced to the kind gentle giant that Moose is. This story SCREAMS classic Moose. This is the Moose I love and would love to see more of. Sean really captures the characters of this in a pretty dope way, even highlighting the gentle and loving relationship he has with Midge and the trickster type relationship he has with Jughead.

Cory’s art fits so well with Moose, he takes the character design of Gentle Giant and runs with it. Matt Herms colors are so realistic and warm, but he also gives it a b-movie type detail, especially in scene where Cory draws him thinking about what he wants to do and posing. As a whole, this one-shot really stood out to me because it’s legit like the classic Archie Comics. Heard that Archie Comics, give Sean Ryan, Cory Smith and Matt Herms more Moose power.

Have It All, written by Ryan Cady, art by Thomas Pitilli and colors by Glenn Whitmore, tells the story of Moose having a jam packed week that could result in him being a little overwhelmed. Moose is excited about his week, but when things start to feel a little bit heavy on him, he finds out what he can do to help others and to help himself.

Have It All is one of those stories that really get deep into the character. We see Moose as the all-american boy or the “gotdanged American dream” as his coach said. However, there’s something super cool and deeper going on within these panel that’s kinda brings Moose in and out of being the perfect specimen of a person. The week of Moose’s jam packed life really details who he is as a person. He’s a great son, a gifted athlete, an awesome friend, a bully handler, a great boyfriend to Midge and a bit teddy bear. People think that he’s dumb, but he knows that he’s so much more and that’s what makes him special. Ryan Cady writes such a good story with hidden details about who he is. For example, Moose is a people pleaser and it’s shown here throughout the interactions he has. One good example about a hidden details is Moose’s dyslexia. While, I don’t know if it was ever confirmed, but Moose has a learning disability, that SMALL moment in the story when he’s trying to read the words and they all run together really shows you something about Moose you’ve never seen. While the first story was a throwback to classic Moose, Have It All felt like it could be the start of something bigger, or even the start of an ongoing. Thomas Pitilli art is outstanding in this, I love the way he creates, especially the little details that he brings out with simplicity in his inking. It’s honestly superb, but that wouldn’t be anything without colors by Glenn Whitmore. These two working together in Have It All really bring out the “all-american”-ness to this comic and it does it so well. The only criticism I have about the entire thing is Jughead’s outfit. Just… nah. Please don’t. Other than that, I love the feel of this comic, you swing from panel to panel with a sense of vibrancy. A couple of panels I loved are from Thursday, where Midge and Moose actually go on their date. The colors and art in that anniversary panel alone are so gorgeous.

The Big Difference, written by Gorf, art by Ryan Jampole and colors by Kelly Fitzpatrick, focus on Moose and Colin, a freshmen who looks up to Moose in every way and wishes to be athletic like him. When Jughead points out that Moose should take it easy on Colin because he’s different than the rest of them. Moose doesn’t understand. He doesn’t see a difference about Colin when everyone else tends to focus on it and so he tries to cater to what everyone else knows.

I had to take another read of this one when I first read it, not because it was bad, it was quite the opposite. It felt like it wanted to say something that I didn’t get at first, but then I understood. Moose, again, is a lovable gentle giant, so when you put Moose in the same room who might have a difference than him, he doesn’t see it. In fact, he actually really doesn’t see it. Gorf writes Moose in a way that he treat everyone equal until they try to flirt with Midge and then you’ve got a problem. I liked this because when Colin caught on that Moose was treating him differently he called him out. The differences between them are SO laid out to us clear as day, but Moose just puts him in the same category as everyone else and that’s what makes Moose… Moose.

Ryan Jampole and Kelly Fitzpatrick work in harmony to carry out the  look of this comic and its way too cute not to mention. I love Ryan’s cartoon/illustrative work and within The Big Difference, it’s something I didn’t expect to see, but I’m so happy that it’s apart of this one shot. It creates an entirely different tone from the other two. It’s comedic, but serious, but fits so well within the story of these two kids that it just makes it all the better. Another amazing thing that compliments Ryan’s art is Kelly’s colors. Kelly is one of my favorite colorist and she dominates here just as she does with any comic she’s attached to. She makes colors vibrant and fun and she compliments anyone art style so very well it leaves you in awe.

Verdict: BUY IT! Big Moose is such a lovely introduction to everyones favorite gentle guy. I’d love to see more of Moose and Midge floating around in all my comics, but this one shot of Moose definitely shows you three different sides of this guy to gain some more knowledge abut him and to love him just as much as all Archie fans do. I hope to see more of Have It All in a ongoing series, but depending on Archie Comics, we still have this Moose one shot to swoon over.

[Sidenote: Still waiting for Archie Comics to call me about that Midge One-Shot. I’m waiting. ;])

[ifitzpatrick]

I'll update my portfolio soon! Dentist problems. 😷

[ifitzpatrick]

I have a PH.D in Twilight Zone. So....over at Rogues Portal, I’ve started a monthly series called Learning The Lessons of The Twilight Zone.

Lesson One: Eye of the Beholder (S2E6) Lesson Two: The Masks (S5E25)

[ifitzpatrick]

Spell on Wheels #1 Review

Publisher: Dark Horse Cover by: Ming Doyle Writer: Kate Leth Artist: Megan Levens Colorist: Marissa Louise Review by Insha Fitzpatrick

Spell on Wheels is a take on a familiar type of story with a super cool twist. When a stranger breaks into the house of three witches, things are about to get super crazy, but you can’t wait to take the ride with them.

I have the biggest spot in my heart for witches. I love writing them, I love reading about them and I love them in general. We’re introduced to some super cool witches right away in this comic. Claire, Jolene and Andy are a coven and friends living in a shared house together. They have different powers are just so very cool. Claire has psychic intuition and a clairvoyant, Jolene is a technopathic and has emotional manipulation and Andy, the newcomer to the witch world, is proficient in spells, charms and potions. When a stranger breaks into their home, the protection over their house is immediately felt, they travel back home to find some of their things missing and something important is gone most of all. A powerful tool that can give the wrong person powers. The girls must go on the road in their new ride (thanks to Jolene) to get their stuff back and to find the one thing that shouldn’t be in the wrong hands.

Spell on Wheels is a really cool comic. It’s perfect for the Halloween season and features some of the coolest and down to earth witches I’d love to be like. Kate Leth plays to her strengths and writes what she knows. Witches can be a bit complicated to write if you put them in the wrong context, but Kate really does well with this cast of characters. She writes each of them with their own personality, but keeps that “take no sh*t” approach with the girls as well. This has to be one of the best thing Kate has written for me personally because it can fit into any category of awesomeness.

Megan Levens art in this shines as well. She does beautiful line work within all of the settings and characters she draws. I was absolutely in awe of some of the things she’s done in this comic including the small details on the girls and her drawing of the tarot cards. If you can draw beautiful tarot cards, you’re ace in my book forever. Megan’s art works so well with Marissa Louise’s colors for this comic as well. It’s vibrate and beautiful like draws your eye on every single detail that she colored. I found myself looking into the background of each of the girls’ room when the break in happened, just to see if I saw something I didn’t see before. The attention to detail from both of these ladies are outstanding and at it’s best.

Verdict: Buy It! This comic doesn’t come out until Oct. 19th, but it’s a great start to a comic that’s sure to be a favorite. This comic puts you in the mind of Supernatural meets Wynonna Earp meets a bit of The Craft (not exactly The Craft, but witches… ya know?). I can’t express how much this put me in the mind of Supernatural, especially when you see the car that they have at the end of the issue. I’m excited to see where this comic is headed. It’s going to be a fun journey learning more about what these girls can do and the adventures they get into.