Explore my inner thoughts... @ifmyinnervoicecouldspeak - Tumblr Blog

I wish I could just turn my feelings off. I wish I could hate you but I just can’t. Idk what it is about you that has me feeling like some kind of love sick puppy dog while you’re over there living your life as if I don’t even exist. Don’t tell me you miss me when you can’t even reply to any of my texts. It’s been so hard trying not to feel anything for you but for some god forsaken reason I just can’t. I don’t want to love you anymore. I just wanna forget all about you but no matter how I try something always pulls me right back to you. And I haven’t been able to figure out why. Like why do I care so much for someone who makes me feel so invisible 🫥 I want someone who makes me feel seen, safe and truly loved. Granted yes the times we do spend together I do feel safe and what not but all of that goes away the minute I leave. Idk what kind of spell you have me under but I want to break it. I don’t want to feel things for someone who can’t return the feelings back. I want someone who can protect my heart not constantly break it 💔

#personal rant #fuck love

Having love for someone who makes it feel like you don’t matter or exist is a different kind of heartbreak 💔

It def wasn’t one I was prepared for. And it’s like at this point I gotta ask: are you still even interested or am I just wasting my time ? I mean no one can be that busy where they can’t even take a few minutes to reply to a simple text. And to be so busy or tired that you’ve canceled on plans multiple times… idk what to do anymore part of me wants to let go but the hopeless romantic in me keeps wanting to hold on

#mini rant

Never felt more alone than I have since July this year. Most days I’m fine but others I just feel so completely alone. Like yes I have an amazing family and friends but I guess being single when I went through cancer it just made me start to feel so alone. Not having someone to go through that with makes you feel a type of way. And now with the holiday season coming to an end it’s been getting worse. I have more lonely feeling days than happy ones. And the funny thing is no one even knows. Because I always seem like this happy bubbly person. Even when I was battling cancer I didn’t let it change me as a person. I was still myself. And the days I’m happy I’m fine being single cause there’s no headaches or heartbreaks but the days I feel alone I honestly just want to be held and told that everything will be ok. I want someone who isn’t gonna leave like everyone else always do. I want someone who actually means the things they say.

Idk I’m just ranting here….

#only love can hurt like this #mini rant

rif-art

One last wish

ifmyinnervoicecouldspeak

Sometimes i catch myself crying when I’m in the shower/taking a bath. And most if the time i never know why I’m even crying in the first place. Lately though it’s because i feel a bit lonely… like i see friends of mine being so happy in their relationships and i miss that feeling. The felling of loving someone and being loved by someone. Getting all those sweet texts where you can’t help but smile and blush. That warm fuzzy feeling they give you… just hope i can feel that way again with someone…

I hope you find a love that’s easy. Really easy. The type of love where there aren’t any mixed signals, just you and this person looking at each other across the room and know you have it best. I hope you find a love that’s selfless. The type of person who would do anything for you with no questions asked. The type of love where someone simply has your best interest at heart. The type of love where your happiness makes up so much of theirs.

I hope you find a love that’s willing to make sacrifices. The type of person who will meet you halfway. I hope you find a love that’s faithful. You look at them and you just know there isn’t anyone that can shake what you guys have. I hope you find a love that forgives you. The type of person whip can see you make mistakes but also helps you learn from them. The type of person who can see you at your worst and still think you’re incredible. The type of reason who understands you aren’t perfect but looks at you like you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to them, flaws and all.

I hope you find a love that supports you. Someone who not only supports you. Someone who not only supports your dreams but wants to see you do well more than you do. I hope you find a love that will fight for you. Someone who will always be in your corner. Someone who will always choose you and the relationship you have. I hope you find someone who would do anything to be with you. The type of person who wont let you walk away but goes after you f you try to. I hope you find someone who heals you. I hope you find someone who teaches you that you didn’t deserve what happened to you in the past. I hope you find a love that appreciates you 💕

#i hope you find love romance

frozun

heartsnmagic

ambiguities

I miss you to the point where I feel so depressed without you. I just want you back in my life… I miss the sound of your voice, the warmth your hugs gave me, that silly face you would make sometimes when I’m about to kiss you.. I miss it all… How safe and at home I always felt whenever I came over. How you would always tell me not to go whenever I had to leave…. Everything… And you’d think by now I’d be ok but I’m not.. I’m really not… I feel like its only getting worse the longer we’re apart… Usually by now I’d either be over the person or in another relationship, but not this time… because there’s no one else I want more than how much I want you… I thought I would never find my person I’m meant to spend my life with until I met you. I honestly didn’t feel it right away when I first met you.. It was when you came back into my life for the second time that things changed… It was when I spent more time with you and got to know you more… Its when you were different around me this time than how you were the first time we met. How we told each other everything and never kept secrets, how communitive you are. How you were always checking in with me when I never once asked you to. It was after all of that, that I knew you were it for me. And I actually truly meant it… I’ve had relationships where I thought I was gonna spend my life with them, but none of them ever made me feel the way you do. None of them treated me the way you did either. You had me feeling that way in a matter of weeks when it took the others months. That I’d always tell my best friend that I was gonna marry you one day….That’s another reason why still to this day no matter how hard I try I cant let you go… You showed me how a relationship is supposed to be. Its why I fell so fast for you.. and now, even thought you’re gone, I can admit that I’m in love with you… I may have told you i loved you but I never told you that I’m IN love with you. But I am… Its why I try anything to keep you off my mind so that I stop missing you so much but I can’t… Some may say “you dont miss him you just miss how he made you feel” or that I don’t love the person I just love love. That’s not the case when It comes to you.. Like I said earlier, I’m usually over a person or in another relationship by now. But I’m not… I’m here waiting for you to come back to me because I still care about you so much. Because I have high hopes that one day you’ll find me again…One day my phone will ring and it’ll be you telling me you’re ready to give things another try… I once told you the reasons why I still hang on… Why I haven’t given up hope…. Because you said you didn’t want to leave but felt you needed to. That you still had feelings and that If I was single when you were ready we could try again.. so now I just play the waiting game… Don’t worry.. I didn’t put my life on hold to wait for you. I’m still focused on finishing school and working on myself so that when you’re ready we can both be stronger and better for each other… But just know this: If you do come back into my life again I’m never letting you go because I don’t think I can survive losing you a third time… like they say “If you love something set it free… If it comes back its yours” So when/if you ever come back to me you’re mine… there’s also that other saying “third times a charm”

#i love you #i miss you

You ever love someone so much that it hurts? I’m experiencing it for thr first time. But the reason it hurts for me is because i cant show them or tell them how much I love them.. I know they care for me too and i know they also miss how things were before with us. But i think i want things back to before more than they do. It’s just right now we’re a bit toxic for one another but if we work on the things we know we need to work on to be better for one another than we can go back to how it was before...

I long for that to happen again. I miss their touch. Even just being held... ive never felt so alone even tho i kno that I’m not. I get depressed at times. And wonder what am i doing? Why do they have such a hold on me? Should i just move on ? I meant it tho when i told them that they were it for me. The last person i want to be with for the rest of my life. Ive never felt so strongly for them than anyone else in my life. It’s to the point they have me wrapped around their finger and I’d do anything for them... does that make me pathetic ? Like some kind of lovesick puppy ? Will my feelings ever be returned again ? Iv’e tried to fall out of love with them so that it doesn’t hurt so much but its impossible. I care and love them way too much.. its funny because the reason things are the way that they are with us was so that they dont hurt me but in reality being this way is what’s hurting me. Knowing how much i love and care for them and them not really saying or doing much to return the feelings. Yes they’re thankful for everything ive done for them so much that they recently called me a blessing. But i just want to love and feel loved again. Is that so hard to ask for ?

#littlethingsinlife #love #mini rant #heartbreak #wwyd #innervoice