If You See Kay

a look back at the troubled mind of a college student, circa 2002. All writings copyright (c) 2002, T-Bone Productions, Inc. Any unauthorized use is prohibited.

[ifyouseekay2002]

Update

I seem to have overcome writer's block. I have been writing like mad on an old story idea. I've written about 20 pages in four days. I'm also moving next week, so the plan is to continue imputing my old notes once we get settled. Happy writing!!

[ifyouseekay2002]

(Story notes) - 02/28/2002

J.T. stopped the car and sighed. He glanced over at Sarah and took her hand. "I had a really good time tonight."

He caressed her cheek. "I'll see you Monday, Sarah." He kissed her one more time.

"Goodnight, J.T."

Sarah tiptoed into her pitch-black apartment and eased the door closed, latching it shut. She felt around until she found the couch but gasped suddenly when a hand clutched her wrist.

Anthony flicked on his lighter, illuminating both of their faces, and lit the joint resting between his lips. He exhaled in her face, causing her to cough.

"Since when do you smoke pot?" she asked.

He let out a cough, not being used to smoking. "Since you decided to screw around with someone you hardly know." He took a long drag. "Really, babe, what gives?" He exhaled, and she coughed again. "Four days?! And he's your instructor!"

Sarah glared. "Wait a sec. You went through my stuff?"

"So what if I did!"

"I just don't believe it." She grabbed the joint and inhaled.

Anthony held out his hand. "Sarah, give it back."

She exhaled slowly and pinched the joint between her fingers, extinguishing it. "You want it? Go get it!" She tossed it across the room and stomped off into the bedroom.

He just sat there, staring straight ahead, dumbfounded. Though it definitely wasn't the first time they'd gone to bed angry, it was, however, the first time they hadn't kissed each other before retiring for the night. More than anything, Anthony knew, he was scared--scared of losing her, of losing their friendship, and of losing their relationship, for he knew once he lost that, if he was lucky to get it back in any form, it would never be the same. She would never be the same, and neither would he.

"Man, you weren't kidding!" Sarah looked around Ashley's room in awe. The walls were caked with photos of Limp Bizkit, Fred Durst, and Zeke, Ashley's not-so-private obsession.

"I've been trying to get her to stop," said Pam, Ashley's mother, "but it's no use. She's really into the heavy stuff." She shook her head. "I don't know what to think of that Zeke guy."

"Zeke? He's harmless."

Pam raised her eyebrows. "He seems a little wired. Every time he picks up Ashley, I worry about him driving."

Zeke picks up Ashley? Sarah thought. Oh, my ....

"So, where are we going today?" Ashley asked Sarah.

"I don't care. Where do you want to go?"

"Downtown Olympia. I wanna go chase Greeners!"

Pam rolled her eyes. "I don't care what you girls do, as long as it's legal. And take Johnny with you."

"Aw, Mom!" Ashley moaned.

Sarah put on her jacket. "C'mon, Ash. Johnny, are you ready?"

Thump! Thump! Thump! Ashley's younger brother bounded down the hallway and into the room. He jumped into Sarah's arms. "I'm ready! Where're we goin'?"

"To find you a new home," Ashley taunted.

"We are not!" He socked her in the side.

"Are too!" She pushed back.

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Enough!" Pam screamed. "Just leave before I get another grey hair."

Ashley snickered.

Pam handed Sarah a ten dollar bill. "Here, get them some lunch while you're at it." She pointed her finger at Ashley. "And no candy!"

Ashley stuck out her tongue.

"So, Ash, what's the deal with you and Zeke?" Sarah asked.

Ashley finished chewing the bite of her hamburger. "Fred? He's just a sweetheart, isn't he?"

"You're avoiding my question, Ash." Ashley looked around in different directions. "Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, unfortunately."

Sarah nearly choked on a french fry. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. What do you think you're doing, Ashley? Are you trying to be the next Lolita or something? Besides, I thought you and Leela were friends."

"We are. I don't want to hurt her or Fred."

"And what would Zeke want with you anyway? He has a girlfriend. What can you give him that Leela can't?"

"Freedom," Ashley replied. "I don't care if he loves me or not. I don't  care if he talks about me behind my back or tells all his buddies what we do. And he feels the same way."

"But what about your self respect?"

She smiled. "He listens for hours on end about all the boring stuff that makes up my pathetic excuse for a life without complaint. He doesn't treat me like a kid--"

"But you are a kid!" Sarah exclaimed. "You're only thirteen years old. If your relationship goes all the way, my God, that's rape, even if you do consent."

"I'm fourteen, thank you very much," Ashley blinked, "and I don't care."

Anthony, saddled with a terrible hangover, barely budged from the couch, other than to get munchies or take a leak. After channel surfing till his thumb started spazzing, he picked up the six-string acoustic he and Sarah shared. He strummed a few chords and began plucking out a little tune.

"Sarah/your so fair-a/I want to tell ya/how I love ya/Sarah/though I hurta/from my broken heart-a/but I love ya anyway/even though you piss me off/when you sleep with another guy/and tell me you love me/but not that way/whatever than means/Sarah/you're too weird-a/but I love ya/'cause you're my girl-a/and I'll always want-a/Sarah."

He leaned back and sighed, fighting the tears that refused to stay away.

J.T. and Sarah's affair flourished over the next few weeks, and they spent nearly all their free time together, so much of it, in fact, that Sarah was rarely home long enough to encounter Anthony's disappointed face and mood.

One Friday afternoon, J.T. had a proposition for Sarah. "How would you like to spend the entire weekend with me?"

She smiled. "I could be persuaded."

"I have reservations at the Westin Hotel in Seattle. We could go out for a nice dinner, go to a club or two. I think the Space Needle might be reopened."

Something clicked in Sarah's mind. "So, you're the one," she lamented. "Man, do I know to pick them."

"What?"

"Harboring a fugative, an international--no, interplanetary--criminal is a felony." She gave him a sobering look. "I'm a criminal."

He sighed. "Does that mean you don't want to go?"

"No. I want to go."

"Alright. I'll pick you up at 7:00."

"What do you mean you're going to Seattle?" Anthony exclaimed.

Sarah zipped her bag shut. "It means I'm going to Seattle. Don't you understand English?"

"Are you going with him?"

She stopped and turned. "So what if I am!" She put her hands on her hips. "You can't control what I do, Anthony. I'm not a child anymore. So, get over it!" She picked up her bag and walked towards the door.

Anthony stepped in front of her, blocking the door.

"Get out of my way!" she demanded.

"No, I'm not letting you out of this one," he said. He grabbed her by the collar and kissed her roughly. She struggled to pull away, but he tightened his hold. When he finally stopped, he saw the look of hatred in her eyes. "You think about what you're doing, what for, and why." He kissed away the tears that had formed in her eyes. "And when you figure it out, I'll be here."

"Go to hell," she whispered. Sarah pushed past him and out the door, slamming it behind her.

Anthony sank to his knees and sighed, his body shaking with sobs.

Sarah stopped when she heard him crying. For a split second, the urge to go back and comfort him almost got the better of her. But she thought of herself and J.T. and the wonderful weekend they were going to have. Her frown was replaced by a smile, and she skipped down the stairs, happy to be free of Anthony's influence.

[ifyouseekay2002]

"Life's a bitch, so I became one."

Flawless

[ifyouseekay2002]

(things--storywise--that are problematic) - 02/27/2002

One of the things I've been struggling with is getting the characters from point A to point B. I know how it starts, I know what I want them to do, and I have the ending already taken care of; it's just all the in between stuff that's dragging me down. A couple other things include the action scenes--particularly the one near the end (the climax)--the love scenes, and dialogue, which has never been easy for me to write. Other than that, it's just a matter of putting my ideas down on paper and arranging them in the proper order. And REVISION! And that may ultimately lead to more scene/dialogue/character development that may have been overlooked in the initital draft; this often happens in the transition from notes to draft but also again during revision. Show versus tell is also important, especially during highly relevant/significant scenes; am I being too wordy or descriptive when I should move on? Am I leaving out details relevant to a situation that would help the reader to better understand it?"

[ifyouseekay2002]

random note - 02/26/2002

another parallel scene:

midnight showing of "Labyrinth" - downtown Oly (Capitol Theatre--Oly Film Society)

red licorice

[ifyouseekay2002]

story notes - 02/26/2002

"My name is J.T. Nash, and I most recently taught at the University of Washington. My goal for this class is not only to give you the knowledge to satisfy your science distribution requirements, but to give you an overall better understanding of the human body, its functions and how it can be used to your advantage." As he finished, his gaze settled on Sarah.

Leela elbowed her. "Our teacher has the hots for you," she whispered.

Sarah looked at her in surprise. "You're high, man." She glanced at J.T., who smiled warmly. She blushed, the thought of being coveted by an older man both scary and exciting as well as flattering; she wasn't sure how she should feel.

After class, she wandered over to the dramatic arts building and found the foyer crowded with students reading aloud from scripts. She struggled through the crowd to her boss's office, drama instructor Sam Elias.

He stood next to his desk, nervously tapping the top of his computer with his pen to the tune of his CD--The Police, which was typical, since most days Sam still believed it was 1983.

"Sam, what's going on?" Sarah asked him.

He turned, slightly frazzled. "Man, all I did was mention the musical during my morning classes, and they went crazy. I'm almost out of scripts, and we've had to move up auditions by a month."

"A month?"

He nodded. "They're three weeks after Halloween. So, how many scripts you want to take for you and your friends? Better get them while the getting's good. Those babies are going like pancakes."

Sarah picked up a script. "The Rocky Horror Show? The college is actually allowing it?"

Sam nodded. "It's amazing how a little wine will loosen the conservative corset strings of this administration."

"Well, I'll take five," Sarah said.

He set five scripts aside. Sarah set her bag and jacket on the floor next to his desk. He handed her a pile of flyers, a stapler, a five dollar bill, and his keycard. "Post these around campus, pick up my mail, and get me a regular coffee, not one of those expresso thingies you kids drink nowadays. God knows, I'm going to need it."

"Two sugars?"

He nodded. "And when you get back, I have some PR stuff for you to write." Sarah nodded and exited his office. "And close the door behind you!" Once he was alone, he spun around, dancing once again to the Police. "'You'll be wrapped around my finger'..."

Within ten minutes, Sarah posted 50 advertisements and gave out twice as many that read:

WANTED

Actors and actresses for a stage performance of "The Rocky Horror Show". Some singing and dancing experience preferred but not required. Approximately 100-150 people needed, though more may be cast depending on how many audition.

Auditions will be held Tuesday, November 2, 2pm till ?? in Corbet Theatre. Be prepared to perform a musical number. Piano accompaniment will be provided upon request.

Scripts available in EDC 106. First read through will be held Friday, November 5 at 2:30pm. For more info., contact Sam Elias at ext. 301.

Sarah returned to find the music turned up full blast and Sam plucking on the badly out-of-tune prop guitar.

"Sting/you are a king/you make me sing/about something/I don't know/but you're really bitchin'/I wish I could sing/like you Sting/'cause you kick ass..."

Sarah tapped on the door.

Sam put down the guitar and turned down the music. "Here," he said, handing her the guitar, "take this back to storage." She handed him the coffee, which he gulped down in less than a minute. "Thanks, I needed that. Now, back to business." He sat down at his desk and opened his mail.

Sarah shook her head as she walked to the storage room where the costumes and props were kept. She didn't doubt the sanity of her most cherished instructor, though she knew there were many on campus who did. She attributed it to a brilliant mind squandered on a far-from-lucrative career. She figured it was all an act, or at least she hoped it was.

"Rocky Horror?! You're shittin' me!" Leela exclaimed. Sarah handed her a script. "Holy poop on a stick, I'm about to pee my pants!"

Anthony knawed on his sandwich.

Zeke took a copy of the script. "You know, I might even try out for this." Can you picture me singing and dancing, straight boy?" He thumped Anthony on the shoulder.

"Rather a revolting thought," Anthony snapped. He put on his sunglasses and headphones to shut them out. Sarah stuck out her tongue at him. He subtley flipped her off.

"So, when are auditions?" Leela asked.

"November 2nd, the Tuesday after Halloween."

Zeke grabbed the two remaining scripts. "Mind if I give these to Dave and the guys? I'm sure they'll want to audition, now that the band's starting to get gigs."

"Oh, that's right. Dave's little band," Leela mocked. "How long has he been blowing that one? Five or six years?"

He glared. "They're good. You're just jealous."

"Of Dave?" She laughed so hard she fell out ofher chair. "Man, you must be smokin' some good shit."

Zeke sighed. "Thank God, time for class." He got up and collected his stuff. "Doll-face, it's been a pleasure. Bye, Beeyotch," he said to Leela. She flipped him the bird. He slapped Anthony on the shoulder. "Later, straight boy." And he walked off.

"Eat shit and die."

Sarah chuckled under her breath.

Leela pulled out her Biology syllabus. "Sarah, did you see this section on homework?"

"No."

"There's five assignments listed per week. I wonder if there's one due every day or if they're all due at the end of the week."

"It doesn't say?"

Leela shook her head. "No, and then there's a quiz every Friday, except for the weeks we have a test and then they're on Thursday." She sighed. "Man, and I thought this class was going to be easy."

"Well, it could be worse."

"How so?"

"It could be a lab course," Sarah replied.

Leela made a face. "You'll have to remind me of that."

"Maybe I should go find out the deal with the homework," Sarah suggested.

"Yeah, especially since that guy has the hots for you."

Anthony perked up but pretended he was still off in his own little world.

She blushed. "So, he looked at me. Big deal."

"Yeah, but it's the same way Anthony and Zeke look at you," Leela explained. "You have a way of bringing the opposite sex to their knees."

"You sound jealous."

Leela sighed. "Of course. Remember, I'm just an 'average ho'." She thought a moment. "Enjoy whatever attention you can get, girl. So, go talk to him, before my GPA slips out of my reach."

Sarah got up, grabbing Leela's syllabus. "Back in a flash."

"Come in."

She opened the door, not too sure what to expect, though she wasn't sure why.

"Miss Kainz! What can I do for you?"

"Well, Mr.--"

"Please, call me J.T. I believe in the whole 'respect your elders' thing, but not before my time."

"OK, um--"

"Sarah, right?"

"Yes." She blushed. "Leela and I were wondering about the homework, whether it was due every day or at the end of the week."

"I should have explained this in class," he said. "That's each student's choice. The homework may be turned in every day or at the end of the week, but I'll only give full credit to work turned in every day."

"OK, that makes sense." She turned to leave. "Thank you."

"Oh, by the way," he approached her. "I need a T.A. to help me grade papers, organize my files and such. Interested?"

"I already have an on-campus job, but I am interested."

"Well, let me talk to Admissions, and I'll see if I can arrange for you to get an applied science credit in lieu of pay. How does that sound?"

Sarah thought a moment. "Sure, um, I'll get you my schedule tomorrow, and we can work out a good time for me to work."

"Sounds good." He extended his hand. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow then."

Friday afternoon, Sarah had just finished grading papers when she noticed J.T. staring at her. She blushed. "What? Do I have ink on my face or something?"

"No, I was just thinking:  you're a pretty girl, Sarah."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

Her jaw dropped in shock. "Um, yeah, I guess." Her face turned bright crimson.

"Meet me at Red Lobster, 7:30. OK?"

She nodded and gathered up her stuff. "I better get going."

"OK. See you later then." He caught her hand and held it a moment. "Wear something nice."

"Alright."

Sarah searched frantically through her closet. Nothing seems right, she thought. She reached in the back and pulled out her short velvet dress. Maybe this will work. She put it on and glanced at herself in the mirror. She walked into the bathroom and proceeded to brush her hair.

"Sarah, hey, I--" Anthony stopped when he saw her dressed up. "What's with the fancy duds?"

"I have a date," she replied.

Slightly taken aback, he crossed his arms. "Oh, really. WIth whom?"

"Just a guy from school." She reached under the vanity and pulled out her makeup bag.

"Makeup? Man, this must be one heavy date."

Sarah gave him a look. "It's just dinner."

"So, what's his name?"

"J.T." She checked her watch. "I have to go." She put on her dress jacket and grabbed her purse. "I don't know when I'll be back." He followed her to the door. "Don't forget to leave the door unlocked." She kissed his cheek. "Bye, babe." He only stared after her, bewildered.

"Mmm, that was wonderful," Sarah remarked, as she finished her dinner.

"I'm glad you liked it," J.T. said. "Dessert?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm afraid I'd burst."

He took her hand. "Are you in a hurry to go home?"

"No." She looked into his eyes. "I've never ... done it before, if that's what you're wondering."

"The thought did cross my mind."

"Mine too."

"And?"

She nodded. "Yes, I want to."

J.T. smiled. "Good. I'll drive."

Sarah lost herself in his touches, his kisses, within the walls of the cozy hotel room. Something inside her came alive, causing her to respond in ways she never imagined.

[bookgeekconfessions]

This is strange and entertaining. I neither agree or disagree with the following. I just thought it interesting.

Back in college, my friend Sanket and I would hang out in bars and try to talk to women but I was horrible at it. Nobody would talk to me for more than…

[writerswritecompany]

[torteen]

Great advice to writers.

[theinformationdump]

Body Language Cheat Sheet for Writers

As described by Selnick’s article:

Author and doctor of clinical psychology Carolyn Kaufman has released a one-page body language cheat sheet of psychological “tells” (PDF link) fiction writers can use to dress their characters.

[missgryz-deactivated20130907]

Very useful for artists as well! :>

[uponthewholeearth-silver]

things, reference, writing

[killerbytes]

here you go writers that follow me

[ifyouseekay2002]

If You See Kay turned 2 on Thursday!

I know I haven't posted any writing updates in a while--we know how life goes sometimes. Thanks for all your support, my lovelies!!

[ifyouseekay2002]

story notes - 02/25/2002

Sarah met Leela outside their first class. Leela raised her eyebrows as Sarah took off Anthony's sunglasses, revealing her red puffy eyes. "Rough night?"

"Too bad she doesn't remember it." He put on his sunglasses and headed off to his class.

The girls walked into class and found a couple empty seats in the back. Leela glanced at Sarah's schedule. "Man, you've got a helluva break till your next class."

"Not really," she replied. "I have to work."

"Oh, yeah, your drama stuff." Leela thought a moment. "What's your major again?"

"Communications. What's yours?"

"Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll."

The class quieted down as the instructor entered the room. He began passing out the course syllabus. "Good morning, ladies and gents, and welcome to Human Biology. Unlike most science classes on campus, this one does not have a lab section, so lucky you." He paused in front of Sarah. His hand grazed hers as he handed her a syllabus.

*******************************************

Leela/you make me feel ya/when I'm beneath ya/Leela/you're a teasa/and a pleasa/not a sneeza/Leela/I like to feel ya/and get beneath ya/you're my Leela/my dirty pleasa

[ifyouseekay2002]

Dialogue with character - 02/25/2002

I'm choosing to talk to Sarah Kainz, the main character of my story.

"Sarah, what possessed you to reject Anthony's advances for so long?"

"Well, it was strange, but I wasn't sure if getting involved with him was the right thing to do."

"Why not?"

"Well," she sighed, "we'd grown up together and I considered him my best friend, and at times he seemed more like a brother to me. I wasn't sure I could look at him any other way. I wanted to test the waters and date others first, and I'd hoped he'd do the same."

"What made you reconsider?"

"After everything that happened to me, I thought about things and re-evaluated my life, and I realized without him I am truly alone in this hateful world. It took nearly losing him to my own incredulity to realize that I really do love him and that he's the right one for me."

"How so?"

"No one knows me down to my soul like he does. No one can just look at me and know what I'm thinking, or what I'm going to say or do. Our connection runs so deep that it is unbreakable."

[ifyouseekay2002]

tell me why

I cry

when you lie

and I wonder WHY

But you don't reply

you only sigh

while my heart DIES...

[ifyouseekay2002]

random story notes - 02/23/2002

"A Woman Left Lonely" - Janis Joplin

"Got a Feelin'" - Mamas and the Papas

"When Worlds Collide" - Powerman 5000

"Wrapped Around Your Finger" - The Police

"Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Rearranged" - Limp Bizkit

"Du Hast" - Rammstein

"Push It" - Static X

"Already Gone" - The Eagles

"Kryptonite" - 3 Doors Down

"Enter Sandman" - Metallica

"Alright" - The Lucy Nation

"Like to Get to Know You" - Spanky & Our Gang

"The Man Who Sold the World" - Nirvana

"I Think I Love You" - The Partridge Family

"I Learned From the Best" - Whitney Houston

"Spirits in the Material World" - The Police

"Only God Knows Why" - Kid Rock

"Every Breath You Take" - The Police

"There Goes the Neighborhood" - Sheryl Crow

"King of Pain" - The Police

"Back 2 Good" - Matchbox 20

"She's So High" - Tal Bachman

"Larger than Life" - Backstreet Boys

"Magic of Love" - Big Brother & the Holding Company

"Baby, One More Time" - Britney Spears

"Under the Bridge" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Get Down Tonight" - K.C. & the Sunshine Band

"Nookie" - Limp Bizkit

"Breakout" - Foo Fighters

"Learn to Fly" - Foo Fighters

"Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-to-Die Rag" - Country Joe McDonald

"After the Thrill is Gone" - The Eagles

Character named Janis: but who? Sarah's long lost mother? imaginary childhood friend? distant relative?

Musical auditions --> after dance scene/aftermath: Sam/drama stuff/obsession with The Police & Sting

Ashley and Amber/aliens

J.T.'s warning-->Ashley-->Sarah before play

accepted to San Francisco State/UCSF/Berkeley

songs/sex poems about each other

Sarah returns home/"Under the Bridge"

Graduation

Busted/"Don't Stand So Close to Me"

Cheesy movie weekend/Sarah gets high & passes out

J.T.'s seduction

Sarah's expulsion hearing/"Twentieth Century Fox"

the condoms parallel scene-->J.T. & Sarah/Zeke & Leela/Ashley's mother

Sam asks Sarah for pictures of some of the principle cast; she, Anthony, Leela & Zeke drive out to Westport in nearly full costume and take pictures; on the way back-->"Like to Get to Know You" (KJET 105.7 Aberdeen/South Bend)

[ifyouseekay2002]

Nobility is not a birthright. It is defined by one's actions.

"Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"

[ifyouseekay2002]

story notes - 02/23/2002

The next morning, Leela stopped by the women's restroom to check her makeup. As she was reapplying her lipstick, she heard a strange noise. She walked around to the other side and saw someone crouched on the floor in one of the stalls, vomiting. Glancing down, she noticed the familiar backpack leaning against the wall.

Moments later, Sarah emerged from the stall, her face streaked with tears. She walked past Leela and to the sink.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Sarah rinsed her mouth.

"I take it you haven't told J.T. yet."

She sighed. "No, I haven't."

"Or Anthony."

Sarah picked up her backpack. "I can't deal with this right now." She hurried out of the restroom. Leela grabbed her stuff and hurried to catch up with her.

They were halfway across campus when J.T. approached them. Sarah turned away, unable to hide the tears.

"Sarah?" he asked. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She looked over and saw Anthony a few feet away. She dropped her bag and hurried away across the parking lot.

"What's going on with Sarah?" Anthony asked Leela.

"She's pregnant."

Both J.T. and Anthony looked at her in disbelief. "Pregnant? How?" Anthony questioned.

Leela gave him a look. "I think you know how."

"Yes, but--" He looked at J.T. "You! If you would've kept your damn hands off her--"

"No, Anthony!" Leela stepped between them. "Now's not the time. Don't make this any more difficult."

His eyes narrowed. "Now, they've done a good enough job already." He picked up Sarah's backpack and walked off.

"Well, that went great," Leela remarked. She looked at J.T. "Hey, you OK?"

"She's really pregnant. Wow." He took a deep breath and exhaled. "I have no idea what to do or what is expected of me. Frankly, I'm scared to death."

"And I'm the last one you want to take advice from," Leela replied. "The best thing you can do for Sarah is just to be there for her. Give her space, but leave your door open because she will need you."

"I should try to find her."

She shook her head. "No, let her come to you. And she will. She just needs some time."

"OK." J.T. looked at his watch. "Well, I've got to go to class. If you see her--"

"Trust me, she'll come see you."

He sighed. "I hope so."

Anthony found Sarah sitting on a lonely bench, her head in her hands. "You were right about one thing. You are full of surprises."

"Don't you start," she muttered.

"Why? Are you too proud to face the truth, Sarah? That you played with fire and got burned? That having sex meant responsibility and consequences?" He stopped when he saw she was crying. He sat next to her. "Are you going to keep it?"

She nodded.

"Well, be sure to give J.T. my congratulations." He stood up, angry at the tears he couldn't hide. "I'm sure you two will have one swell kid." He walked away.

"An, wait," Sarah called after him. "I don't love him, if it makes a difference."

Anthony turned. "Yes, it does."

"But..."

"Why are you with him?"

She shrugged. "I thought he was the one, you know. I can't be myself around him. But I'm going to try, for the baby's sake."

He shook his head. "God, you're already dragging me through this mess. Please don't do that to your baby."

"We'll be fine. Trust me."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

[ifyouseekay2002]

And I try so hard not to be the crying type not to be the girl you left behind

"Go Where You Wanna Go", Mamas and the Papas