squriming out of my skin @iii-silly - Tumblr Blog

echo, en, lee, enlee, idc go crazy | adult | she/her

this is my mutuals only blog that’s mostly for bitching, hating, discourse, and whatever else i feel the desire to yap about. i do get sad and weird so . be warned. n don’t worry im fine, i just like complaining <3

main is @iii-of-ender

my hating tag is #haterisms, and I don’t often tag vents but if I do, it’s under #vent. #silly speaks is when im just yapping

anything is ok to rb!! i’ll turn off the rbs if i don’t want it shared. and uhhh otherwise don’t be weird and don’t be rude thumbs up

#silly speaks

absolutely horrifying to know that i am. probably disabled

#silly speaks #bashing my head against the wall #whyyyyyyyy bro #I was doing fine for 18 yrs of my life #and now suddenly im not

learning that people that you find annoying hurt your friends makes you feel so vindicated for all of 3 seconds. and then it’s like. damn i should’ve told you to fuck off when i had the chance

#silly speaks #if you think you can hate the people im close to and still be my friend you CANNOT!!!! I hope this helps #sorry I’m so fucking mad #saying my friends should kill themselves??? are we so fucking fr?????

hating someone in your mutual/friend circle is so dire

#silly speaks #don’t get me wrong I don’t feel guilt bc they’re a giant fucking asshole but #it’s awkward 💔

genuinely feels like this sometimes

#silly speaks

im actually hot as fuck

#silly speaks #if I ever say otherwise im being stupid #know this

bro I just started crying bc my grandpa used exclamation marks

#silly speaks #like slash pos he’s so cute (he wants to show me his fav show)#AURGHFHR #I think this is my period speaking I shan’t lie 😭

i loveeee being ace until i thinking about dating

#silly speaks #if you’re a minor I fear this post slash tags are not for you to read. be forth and find another post for your dash my liege #anyways just . grr. it’s so frustrating #like sex rocks and whatever but I don’t knowwww jf *i* want it. but I never want it to be expected or hoped for either #and I. probably will choose to date in person bc I find it far far too easy to be like. someone im not online . so in person is prob better #for Me and my brain but. then it’s harder to find the fellows aces slash people who are willing to compromise #head in hands. I make everything so difficult for myself #and my therapist likes to discuss my dating sometimes and like . he knows im bi but idk if I should #menntion the asexuality 💔#he’s very open to learning but he’s also. idk man wtf is a sex convo even

why does my mother yearn to come to the doctor with me

#silly speaks #STAY AWAYYYYYYY #it’s not that she’s mean or whatever it’s that she’s allergic to letting Me state the problem #so she gets it wrong #and I have a . nasty little tendency to minimize my issues when in her presence. which goes bad with doctor

my aunt trying to schedule time to spend with me Every Fucking Day is going to be my 13th reason

#silly speaks #I! DO! NOT! WANT! TO! HANG! OUT!!!#WE DONT EVEN GET ALONG THAT WELL #I was gonna fucking . have a day alone and quiet for the first time in like ever. but no ‘we’re gonna come over :]’ FUCK OFF #im not a 5 year old to pass around. Im almost 20. leave me alone #like it’s so mean to say but unfortunately I don’t give a fuck if my aunt doesn’t have friends . im not a replacement. Im not sitting there #and forgetting the horrible things she’s said about people like me #one must imagine me screaming off a cliff like a dramatic movie scene #it’s just so frustrating that they act like they’re entitled to my time and attention. i don’t ever get out of the house and i never #get to be alone . hi hello when i say ‘no’ that doesn’t mean find a new angle. it means I don’t fucking want to and Leave It

there’s something so frustrating with the online and (irl) social ideas of venting. like in person, you’re expected to bite your tongue and keep any grievances short, without any regard for how you may just need comfort, because it’d be trauma dumping and too depressing and too much. and then online the constant discussion of the heavy is romanticized, and you’re expected to always be there and comforting and available, without any consideration how exhausting it is for a friendship to be built on sharing heavy shit (and how bad it is for someone to have most of their conversation/thoughts revolve around the bad). there’s a middle ground here and so few of us are finding it

#silly speaks #this may be nothingburger but it bothers meeeeeee #and I need to be so so honest with you. you cannot go venting to friends that you’re barely acquainted with Unless it’s a mutual thing #because that is. not how yall start good friendships

godddd god i miss when my body was normal

#vent #sorry sorry im just. scared all the time nowadays #every pain or ache or abnormality feels like the end of the world bc like. ughhfhhhh #idk my i turned 18 and my body just had to . give up #my stomach only works when it wants to and my heart races far to fast and my limbs turn blue and my chest pinches and I knowwww it logically #ive had enough tests for them to catch something major but . eugh #and i feel so silly talking about it bc there’s nothing anyone can do since I just gotta wait for my ultrasound results but. idk this #fucking sucks. badstyle #and it shouldn’t bc im not physically hindered at all. my stomach has been fine and i can breathe easy and i dont feel faint but. GRR #sorry im just having a hashtag moment #and im terrified of dying. yay ✨

being in a good mood is awesome. like yeah im hot as fuck and someone is going to fall madly in love with me one day . Godbless

#silly speaks #give it a few days and then I’ll crash and then I’ll be back #my mood is like that chart

i was so excited to tell my therapist that i’d been mentally stable for two weeks. alas

#silly speaks #somehow in a night I have managed to feel like I’m on my last legs #and by that I feel like I need to kill . lowkey #and I wanna write it out but everything I have to say is so mean #grrr. I get mean when I’m sad or stressed or tired and i fucking hateeee it #and the effort to be nice just makes it worse which. aurgh #this is nothingburger im fine #I just . AGRR

there is truly nothing like a midnight breakdown that makes you feel nauseated with a sudden headache

#vent #bashes my head against the wall #it’s fine im fine #I’ll fucking. I’ll go to bed and when i wake up it’ll be all better

nobody wants to make your life worse like a fucking orthodontist

#silly speaks #‘they’ll be coming off next time!’ guess who can’t stop lying to his patients!!!!!!!!!!#this is the THIRD time he’s put rubber bands on. after I told him that i have issues eating (eating!!! disorder!!!!!)#like yeah man sure #could’ve noticed this last month but no!!!!! no!#I fucking hate him I can’t lie #it’s just so . Augh. I can deal with the braces but the rubber bands just . I just don’t eat bc I don’t wanna deal with them because oh yeah #I have a goddamn disorder about that!#egrgghhgr sorry I’m just really upset #vent

guess who has an eating disorder 🤪

#silly speaks #it’s okay I swag on #tbh already suspected this so! we ball #im going to get even better ☝️

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squriming out of my skin