[bettedavisgf]

My straight coworker who I am deeply in love with invited me to a Friendsgiving what kind of dessert can I make to convince her to leave her boyfriend of 9 years and run away with me

there’s no hope girl but make a cheesecake

[crazy-brazilian]

[seobot]

[stealthrockdamage-deactivated20]

"is it possible for a [thing] girl and a [different thing] boy to be in a relationship? 🥺" i'll stop you right there. get a notebook cause i'll only tell you once. men and women are not allowed to date each other

[dogpuppy]

[swamplevel]

keep thinking of this tweet and trying to not crack up in front of women

[magicfriend1000000000000000]

could i bum a sip of water

[3000s]

my apologies mr mama

[3000s]

[ornithologyorthodoxy]

I know they’re from porn bots but these are the best comments I’ve ever received for my art.

[qjaiden]

[pussyronin-deactivated20260120]

"like a boss" by lonely island was released ten thousand years ago when mammoths still roamed the big wide world. feel old yet?

[lesbianbloodritual]

No.

[averagebiboy]

You ever just wanna fuck?

[segamascott]

not really

[ostolero]

due to budgetary constraints we've redefined the American Dream to be dry humping on the clock

[vc-allthetime]

if you’re on tumblr and over the age of 24 it means the mental illness won

[1dietcokeinacan]

[pjackk]

Nice huge naked tits sorry but i dont give a fck about them thiugh

[wisedreamdelusion]

they call me master or mister because i an the first to go out of my egg

[wisedreamdelusion]

fact of life

[byjove]