drifterofthenite🔮 @drifterofthenite - Tumblr Blog

If I am absent from the blog it’s because of my health. I alwaya give a update usually here about it. I start a new medication soon called Remicade. It’s a 2 hour infusion I gotta take soon. First I gotta do blood tests and vaccines before I even start. It used to be used as Chemo so that scares me a little. My disease is active and scary, I’ve also been diagnosed with another form of FBD. While all this is happening my mother is losing her battle to cancer. Stress is not good for me, This blog and my anothers are what helps me. Thank you all so much for the love. I also want to attach my cashapp please don’t take this rudely. I know 2020 hasn’t been great but things have been hard for me. I hate this year, I try to update everyday right now pain is manageable I am not in remission and the disease has spread.

Cashapp: $insanejmoney

beamergirl11

Update my partner can no longer work for two whole weeks because we were exposed to Covid...please reblog this I need help this is crazy.

flowerytale

The Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1944–1947

No one ever knows what to say to me.

I love being a critical thinker.

No thought into me or baseless thoughts to deep inquiries I have..

I can’t take hearing it, taking it in.

I know it’s not “them”, I know it’s me.

I love growing.

I’m hurting.

12:18am

Weds, Sept.9th,2020

#darkartists #drifterofthenite #my words #journaling #mood #hypersensitivity #empath #honestly though #spilled thoughts #depressing things #i cant say it #lone wanderer #theballadofmeandmybrain #lovers #writers on tumblr #girls who smoke #actually bpd #scary stories to tell in the dark

astrolocherry

Scorpio and Pisces - Sisters of the Deep Sea

Bathed in the murky depths of unconscious oceans, the Scorpio mermaid has scales made of crystal balls, eyes that hypnotise with sacred bewitchment, and a sort of erotic darkness that creates spiritual seductions. She is not made of dreams but angelic longings from the deep, imagination wrapped in the shrill cry of betrayal, and the knowledge she can wield inexplicable power. Down below she dwells alone, she holds sailors and swimmers who have drowned in her arms and transports them to the underworld. Around her neck are shells filled with the souls she has saved from limbo. Her cave is dark, lonesome, and private. She will emerge periodically, flowing with inner highs that crave the sun. Her knowledge on topics is complex, she can gain mastery over subjects, she sees all and knows all, every ingredient of healing, every weapon of psychic destruction, every circulating vibration. She guards the threshold, guarding the sea wall at the drop off, holding two worlds together. Where she truly goes as she swims into the darkness, nobody knows, but she is wild and mad and lovely. Her persistence to charter new depths and explore new dimensions of consciousness conjures a crackling magic, extreme and admirable focus, and magnetic passion that attracts symbols and signs. Beneath the crease of her mermaid tail she covers scars so deep they tattooed the soul. But you won’t ever know. She stares them down with pride, knowing the creatures she has faced alone and conquered. Born of tragedy, died of reverence. Where two oceans meet, while she crosses a smoky sea, puffs of blush like balloons, chaotic with voices and laughter and hysteria.

There on a throne of sea shells is the Pisces mermaid, cradling her heavenly crown, the sovereign mermaid queen. From deep below she hears the cries of her children, lost and aching on earth, and she weeps a siren’s song to soothe them to sleep. When people hold a shell up to their ear, it is her breathing that they hear. She has discovered something after death, a sort of infinite cocoon of splayed omnipresence. Sea creatures swim for miles to hear her wisdom. She once read Bibles and Evangelists but she grew the pearl inside, and now she shows others the way. Messages in bottles strew her sea floor, she can drink the liquor until she shakes, sometimes she is howling to be free and escape. Her body is where all human and angelic emotions swirl and fuse. Tired, the Scorpio mermaid swims past, trying to hide in the shadows, she could follow her back to life -Cherry , Art by Jasmine Beckett Griffith

decatris

coltre

drifterofthenite

I destroyed my documented memories 6 years ago💔 it continues haunting me

… on my eleventh birthday I received an awesome Tweety Bird diary. It was a huge milestone for me. I’d always grab notebooks and pens from local discount stores. That’s the sort of girl I was with my outside spending money. Never got junk food, candy, small toys, comics or the latest crave like my friends would. I have never been a follower of trends. Collecting notebooks, books and pens were my thing. The one who’s strongest friendships were made out of my writing. Not be loud and obnoxious, not being being the most fashionable or popular. I was always writing stories. Although shy and reserved.. I was always enthusiastic about sharing it. Friends loved to read it, ask to read more and sometimes I was lucky enough to have friends add in a line, paragraph or page or two for me to feed off. I was never one to disappoint.

I’ve realized now more than ever, at 28 years old… Ive always been intrigued by my thoughts more than other humans. I love to write what goes on in my head. The fantastic images dancing around my mind. The billions of thoughts intertwined with my reality, dreams and vividly curious imagination. Just as much as those special friends, I, myself love to go back and read my own writing. Not tooting my own horn, but because there are so many. Journalistic style and inspirational style. I’m too easily inspired and one thought leads to a vortex of many others. I journaled, because I’ve always been introspective I realize now. The type to wander around alone, thinking, being mindful of my surrounds all at once. Too aware. A wayward little girl. On top of suffering from the tribulations of my time. Mental diseases. Chronic depression. Social and extreme emotional issues. So much had happened and I was so blatantly honest documenting it all. Suicide watch by 9th grade while in school. Expulsion the next year. My quicker downfall in seven months in job corps. Hanging with gangs. Suicide tendencies. The sexual impulses. Two years of drinking and ended up in detox far away from home(the youngest patient at 19) being through out for flipping out, ending up in a mental institution for a second time. Followed by years more of inpatient/outpatient. And everything in between! I wrote it all and was so honest! Embarrassed, ashamed or proud, I was blunt about everything.

At twenty one, I discovered I was pregnant with my first child. I was awoken abruptly at almost six thirty am. Thankful, because of the fucked up dreams the nicotine patch I wasn’t suppose to sleep with was giving me… The nurse pulled me into the quiet, freezing hallway as she did the morning before when she drew my blood… only this time to announce the test had come back positive. Two weeks later, I was back home… impulsively throwing my diaries, notebooks and most private writings into blackbags….

I regretted it the moment I put the bags into bins. It’s been years. My son is now seven, and I now have a two year old son as well. All I can think about when starting a new piece of writing is eventually writing my own story. Although My writings are long gone… the memories of my life are very much still with me. I want to get it out. I understand I’ll need a bit of motivation and help. There are days when I feel brave, and days I cower at the thought of my own truth. I know for sure my heart and my mind implore me that they may be worth telling… more importantly because I’m still fighting these very demons I tried to destroy. I’m the same and I am different. I’ve grown and I want the worse to be released freely for good so that I may move on to focus authenticity on my new changes and accepting who I am. I will always be intuitive, imaginative, risky and challenging( whether it’s me or something else). There’s too much in me begging to come out. I’m overwhelmed by it all.

drifterofthenite

This hurts every now and then..

#writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write #writeblr #journaling #biographies & memoirs #document journal #memories #my writing #reflective #melancholy #mournful #heartbroken #i did it to myself #impulse control issue

astrolocherry

Scorpio - Love Child

The love child of an angel and a devil, she would become the grandest mother of all, capable of giving birth thousands of times to new selves and spells. At night she cradles intense dreams of prophecy, of being lead to the edge of her sanity, she is no mere mortal, and she knows this well. She cannot be known by sight, you have to feel her, you must howl with her, you must crawl through pit fires of love, intensity, passion, and desire. If you move to closely with bad intention, prepare to get burned by the sun in her soul, she is protected by Hades himself, his darling little shadow. She feels power in these worlds she wields, and by day she may work or mother and father but by night her spirit is alive with sorcery and spiritual eyes, knowing that world is just a fake, pretending to conform but secretly soul searching inside, for her only true master is herself, and she plays the role of life for the mask and the dimes. She can be betrayed by her own self destruction, because a part of her always seeks obliteration. But richer sources are at work here, she writes a spellbook whispered from the cosmic mother herself, leading the way through seclusive, heavenly drapes.

-C.

[art: Tanya Shatseva]

healthyliciousliving

If you move to closely with bad intention, prepare to get burned by the sun in her soul, she is protected by Hades himself, his darling little shadow.

She can be betrayed by her own self destruction, because a part of her always seeks obliteration.

astrolocherry

Scorpio Scorpio Moon

Emotional Exorcism

Emotions are a source of energy for Scorpio. Wherever emotion goes, it makes passion, desire, love, and collision flow. It’s difficult for Scorpios not to pour their whole spirit into their emotional pursuits, they can become unwillingly attached, infatuated, and consumed. Whatever they become emotional about can seem like a matter of life and death. Scorpios are naturally impassioned, and when their hearts have locked forces their resolve is inspiringly remarkable. This is why Scorpios can become explosive, commanding, and ferocious in debate and ensuring the message is heard. They can become intensely frustrated and agitated toward people who disrespect their craft, conviction, or calling. They put their heart and soul into these pursuits, they represent a part of themselves released from the shackles and exposed vulnerably to the world. The Scorpio’s emotions are like a morse-code, and next to impossible for anyone but the Scorpio to decode, but this can only follow intense self-reflection and painful self-honesty. Emotions intrude like masked assassins and the message is obscure, complex, and lurid. They can become very good at containing these in the short term, but that dense and opaque fire is always burning behind the eyes. They are forced to tear themselves to shreds with psychological incisions to source the mood, the emotion, and the wound, learning to decrypt their emotions like a psychic psychiatrist and read them like it’s someone else’s diary. There are multiple layers and currents in every emotion, and the mood prevails long after the physical experience has vanished. This can be demanding, so it’s common for Scorpios to shut themselves off from people for days and crawl into spaces that nobody knows.

-C.

art by Xue Wang

not-grey-enough

my past loves are like unfinished artwork abandoned and forgotten 🥀

astrolocherry

“The Scorpio’s persistence to charter new depths and explore new dimensions of consciousness leads the way for others to heal, and restore the soul of humanity too. Beneath the crease of her mermaid tail she covers scars so deep they tattooed the soul. Though you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t ever be revealed this. And she stares them down with pride, knowing the creatures she has faced alone and conquered. Born of mortal tragedy, reborn into immortal victory.”

—

astrolocherry

leo - the ruling sun: leo symbolises the activation of the self, the christ within, and the giving of light and love. the whole revolves around the leo sun, for without with we are nothing, and leo is equally as indispensable aries - sun in exalt: the sun is the centre being and constantly in view. In the same way, the sign of aries is all about establishing an important place on the world and leaving an impression

aquarius - sun at detriment: knows who they don’t want to be, struggles more with what they want libra - sun at fall: the ego forms through interpersonal connection, so the sun can break apart radiating through a shared, undeveloped, overly self-conscious and poorly integrated physical interface

cancer - the ruling moon: natural creativity in its most maternal and beautiful form, returning to the source of the universe taurus - exalting moon: natural creativity in its most maternal and beautiful form, returning to the source of the universe

capricorn - moon in detriment: unwilling to recognise or acknowledge the inner experience as being valid and worthy of being nurtured scorpio - moon at fall: emotional defences are built from small, vulnerable, and endangered hands that were made to last a lifetime, so behind most of the fight is a frightened child

gemini - mercury rules: clever and caustic, child’s curiosity, mental qualities accelerate and produce the marvellous messenger virgo - mercury rules and exalts: insightful intellect, mother’s wisdom, deep and silent immersion through the inner realm to uncover and recover the hidden details of God

sagittarius - mercury in detriment: communication troubles, mishears, misreads, misinterprets, becomes accusatory pisces - mercury detriment and at fall: words can be slippery on the tongue and fall out wrong. can vaguely suggesting what they mean rather than saying it clearly

taurus - ruling venus: to marvel at nature’s are and architecture, and to emulate these practices in rhythmic rituals of unforced creation libra - ruling venus: a mind that paints idyllic lenses over the eyes, so they can oscillate between two worlds - the real world, and the romanticised and imagined reality

aries - venus in detriment: difficulty drawing the line between pleasure and pain, indulgence turns into self-destruction scorpio - venus in detriment: difficulty being ‘kind’ and loving to themselves virgo - venus falling: relationships accompany a sense of inadequacy, sensing their biggest flaws in comparison to the partner

aries - ruling mars: the weapon of self-respect, self-belief, and not being afraid of failing, the weapon of a razor sharp, quick intellect that acquires super powers with adrenaline and is well practiced in heated combat so they rarely freeze or stumble scorpio - ruling mars: the true battle scorpio face are the fires burning within themselves, the war against false selves and memories that must perish away to reveal the greater destiny capricorn - mars in exalt: controlling, activating, and directing internal energy into the higher functions of self-development and progressing toward goals. this comes with resisting the burn out and sudden unleashing of rage that threatens to destroy everything in a moment

taurus - mars in detriment: slow to wake, ‘cloudy’ bodied, slow metabolic rate libra - mars in detriment: reluctant to stand and battle, but anger and defences can be projected, can become surprisingly reactive and temperamental around the people they love and care for the most cancer - mars falling: does not completely recover from illness before they fall sick again pisces - mars falling: desires to be rescued and redeemed by true love, but is also the one commanding the dragon to protect and defend; and the one choosing to be exiled in acts of self-punishment

sagittarius - ruling jupiter: the philosophical self, the possibilities of the self to reach and emanate transcendental states pisces - ruling jupiter: great love of nature, the animal kingdom. healing physicians, over generous with others - commonly taken advantage of cancer - jupiter in exalt: the process of feeling lost inside and searching through the vast inner landscape for that redeeming sensation of being home

gemini - jupiter in detriment: can only feel ‘half’ satisfied virgo - jupiter in detriment: gives happiness away to other people capricorn - jupiter falling: vacant or severely loud and oppressive father figure and inner father

capricorn - ruling saturn: saturn represents ultimate potential, vision, opportunity, success. this is the direct archetype of capricorn, to master life on earth, to sit on the top of the horoscope and bask in their achievement and accomplishment aquarius - ruling saturn: privacy and containment creates a strangeness that intrigues others, inner wisdom that gives birth to a universe of possibilities libra - saturn in exalt: the sun sets in Libra where the darkness beholds the resources of gold, passing the tests of the Dweller of the Threshold and the personality made real and authentic in the battle behind the mask

cancer - saturn at detriment: the sense of constant, and strenuous circumstances where their own and other people’s habits of behaviour keep being replayed, sometimes it can feel like constantly living the same day leo - saturn at detriment: gets trapped in a darkness with the sense they have lost the wisdom to get through it

aquarius - ruling uranus: mediates between the cosmic circuit of ideas and the universal mind, seeking to reunify with the awakened being sending wisdom from the future leo - uranus at detriment: ideas for the soul of humanity can become grandiose personal schemes, self-consciousness restricts individuality, can personally identify with victims everywhere

pisces - the neptune ruler: generally seeking an existence, identity, and purpose beyond human, mystique or glamour, the appearance and take on many forms and faces virgo - neptune at detriment: logical mind strangles the imaginative mind, there can be confusion and diffusion between both - they can lose track of what is reality and what is fantasy because they can no longer identify between the two

scorpio - ruling pluto: the angel, the defender of good, the good will of god, and the destroyer of hexes and curses sent by evil

taurus - pluto at detriment: the vast and concealed unknown within themselves threatens the sense of external security with unconscious warnings of disaster, the longing for material bounty clouds the ability to generate true value

Cherry