-bee.

|| tw ed || tw vents || 19 || hw 146 lw 115 cw 143 gw1 140 gw2 130 gw3 120 gw4 115 ugw 99

[iiwannabefairyii]

Guess whos back ahah..

[iiwannabefairyii]

Do i really like apples or am i so hungry my body makes me think that i really like apples

The eternal question

[himspos]

despite what i’ve posted on this blog already, it’s always ever been purely directed at myself. it makes me sad to know anyone else goes through what i’m going through, and i sincerely hope you all can get help and recover. 

[iced-latte-at-3am]

[iiwannabefairyii]

You see its funny cause its true

[wannabeskinybitch]

Someone: you know that eating under 1000 calories a day is very bad for your health and will actually slow down your metabolism so you lose weight slower.

Me: I'm struggling to give a fuck if I'm honest

[iiwannabefairyii]

I really need to choose a side. One moment im sure im not valid , the other i know ive never been worse mentally speaking

[iiwannabefairyii]

Me at dinner : * refusing to eat fruit cause calories*

Also me 2 hours before: *binging on cookies and fried stuff and cheese*

[iiwannabefairyii]

I have a question, does chewing and spitting work? For example in comparison to purging? I mean

Its bad and you shouldnt do it. I stand by that for everyone obviously.

Its just i've been purging a lot lately.. and i cant have that.. cause literally the only thing keeping my two last brain cells from giving up is my band and singing and i know purging can really damage that..

And if i cant ask this here idk where i can ahah :(

[iiwannabefairyii]

Dont mind mw, ignoring my cw in my bio like i dont know ive gained a bunch of weight. Ill just ignore it until im there again

[iiwannabefairyii]

I have an announcement to make.

I tried having and ed and honestly i dont think its a good look on me you know? Like crying while purging doesnt really suit me

So im giving my resignment letter to the ed HR department.

If any of you want to come with me you're welcome lets start a riot against them

(Im obviously using jokes as a coping mechanism but wouldnt it be cool if it was that simple?)

[iiwannabefairyii]

The fact that in my camara roll i have my progress and stuff album next to my album with photos of deserts i bake and food and stuff. Thats it.

[deadpooltrash]

Eating, starring me:

- 300 calories -

Me: omg waaay to much

Me 1 hour later:

1000+ calorie binge

Me: Recovery

[iiwannabefairyii]

That hurt ngl 😂😂

[iiwannabefairyii]

Hi

I havent been here in a while i got in a "mood" (sure lets call it that) where i dont really care about anything (me) enough to even care what i eat ,if i eat, if i binge wtv.

Gained a bunch of weight just kept getting worse but still couldnt care

But heyyy dont woryyy causee my frienddd had the kind heart to text me saying " im sad!! I lost weight!!! Like 10 pounds!!! I lost my boobs !!!i know its stress ill gain it again but i want my boobs"

And it allll came crashing down ahahah. Shes already so pretty and perfect and shes smart and nice. Im not jealous i could never be jealous of her im just sad that i couldnt do it .

Chile anyways so

How have yall been doing??? Ill start posting my dumb toughts again if anyone ever feels bad or sas and doesnt think anyone in their life can listen ill listen :)

[iiwannabefairyii]

Ok so i did a thing..

I sent a tiktok about ed's to my friend. We are always sending tiktoks sometimea we cant see them all theres a chance she wont see it.

And its not an obvious one.. but it is about eds..

I know i sent her cause deep down i want someone no notice something at the same time i just want her to not notice so i cant hate myself even more

[iiwannabefairyii]

Had a math exam today my calculator stopped working in the first 5 minutes..

I just feel like binging and im so upset fucking hell like i know i only want to binge cause im sad and numb but im trying so hard not to

[iiwannabefairyii]

Im confused. Didnt eat much today. Had to lie down for 15 minutes after the shower cause i was almost fainting

Also me the whole day "did i eat too much? Im feeling so full fuck i ate too much tomorrow i shallll nottt eatttt " yeah bitch tomorrow you shalll die.

[iiwannabefairyii]

So like ive never been too keen on sports of any kind i did figure skating but that was it and even that i quit cause (i didnt know at the time) but was mostly anxiety.

But today my family made me go play tennis with them cause they all play and i play a bit cause they made me as a child and then i quited (surprise) and i was so happy cause i have no motivation to dp exercise but my ed was like yes fucking yes give it your all burnnnn those calories. This at 8 am my stomach empty af. Got dizzy a bit ngl. But i cant wait to go again..

Who knew i needed an ed to start to want to do sports