some days depression and anxiety pop over for a visit…
no matter how many times i change the lock, they always seem to have a key.
but i no longer allow them to stay over.
growth? maybe.
or i just prefer the solitude.
i haven’t completely cleaned house though…
i still have an eviction notice sitting in the drawer that i can seem to give out.
the other two…i wouldn’t call giving the notices “easier” with them, but all they did was make me feel awful, which made it much more simple to recognize that their home shouldn’t be with me.
with that last tenant…
sometimes she does make me feel awful, but she also praises me, she makes me feel seen, she rewards me.
abusive? yes. maybe.
however, our connection is too strong - we want the same things (or at least she’s convinced me we do.)
how do you disconnect the lies from the reality when you’ve lived for the lies this long?
i’m afraid to lose her.
i am genuinely frightened to hand out that notice - not because of what she might do…..because….who would i be without her?
