Clipped Wings

I gazed into the sun with an ethereal blindness. When I soared with wax wings, the heat burned my flesh, molten wax seared my back, and icy waters greeted me. My waxen shell won't let me drown. EMMA SWAN RP | CANON DIVERGENT OUAT | INDIE | NSFW | SELECTIVE #ikarosopallios

[madlittlegrace-deactivated20160]

grace blinks and clenches her jaw. weird. no – grace knew what weird meant. “ i – “ she did. she needed food with her meds and when she didn’t do either, she did get weird. she got irritable, but clingy. not something emma needed to deal with right now. “ don’t say that ‘cause i know you mean crazy. “ 

                            no – grace would keep this conversation about emma. emma was who                             she was worried about. grace takes the sandwich and follows the blonde,                              “ i – i know it’s easier, but, but, if you – if you keep it all in em, you – “ grace                             shakes her head, “ you’re not – you won’t feel good ever and – and you just                             need to get it out like, like, like a big cough that you’ve been holdin’ in or                             somethin’. you need to talk about it. let me help. “

[ikarosopallios-blog]

     “Grace, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”  Maybe she did, actually.  It wasn’t often that she slipped up when talking to Grace about her non-medicated self.  It was a touchy subject, and even one slip up would shift Grace’s composure.  They walked down the hall and up the stairs as Grace stumbled through her words.  She tried, that was what mattered, but sometimes it was hard to follow her.  Well, for anyone that wasn’t Emma.      “It’s nothing you need to worry about.  It’s nothing that can be changed,” Emma brushed her fingertips over the rail leading up to the roof access door, “He’s gone and she acts like she’s got nothing left to live for.  It’s been like this for... a while.”  She pushed open the door and closed her eyes against the sun.  Too bright for a mind muddling through the dark.

[madlittlegrace-deactivated20160]

“ em… “ grace shakes her head, “ i – m’not hungry. we’re talkin’ ‘bout you right now, em. one of those days has been a whole week and i’m worried. y’don’t do anything but, but listen t’your music which – an’ – an’ that’s fine but i know somethin’ is wrong. i can tell. “ although grace calms a little bit when emma reaches to touch her arm, she’s determined to stay on subject - to figure emma out, to figure this out – with her. 

[ikarosopallios-blog]

     “Grace, you know you have to eat something,” Emma insists, though the other is wearing on her persistence to not talk about herself.  “If you don’t eat, you get a little... weird.”  Is that the nicest way she could say crazy?  Yes.  Emma tugged on her bag and opened it up.  She pulled out a simple peanut butter and peach jam sandwich (half squished) in a plastic baggie.        “At least... come with me to the roof and eat.  I worry about you when you don’t eat,” she murmured with genuine concern.  “I just... have a lot on my mind.  It’s easier not to talk about it... or think about it.”

[madlittlegrace-deactivated20160]

“ yeah, “ grace laughs quietly, “ or if ya do bad – y’gotta show everybody your grade an’ it makes the – the people that did do bad, that did – makes  ‘um feel like garbage. “                                    grace takes a big breath at emma’s attempt to change the subject                                    and avoid the question. “ yeah em – and, and m’worried ‘cause,                                     ‘cause i – m’worried. and – and m’llowed t’be worried an’ – y’can                                    tell me, y’know. “ grace turned - stopping completely to look at the                                    blonde, “ seriously, em. what’s goin’ on? “

[ikarosopallios-blog]

          “Teachers don’t care about our self-esteem,” she muttered, stopping when Grace did.  Emma shrugged, giving her best smile to the blonde, “I’m fine, Grace.  It’s just one of those days, yanno?”  Sometimes she wondered if her lies would convince herself to call them the truth.  She brushed her fingers over Grace’s arm and motioned towards the cafeteria, “Aren’t you hungry?”

[madlittlegrace-deactivated20160]

grace shot emma a small smile back – she could tell there was something up. something wrong. something was weighing heavy on emma’s shoulders but grace didn’t know what. 

                           ah – but grace smiles, a big smile, a happy smile when emma agrees to                            sitting with her at lunch. “ i – you got eyes an’ you can read anytime,                            y’know… “  grace walks quietly, taking quick side glances at emma every                            few seconds – just incase. 

“ math – math… “ grace shrugs, 

“ i – i get to retake it tomorrow during study hall. she graded ‘um in front of us. made us do the switch thing. didn’t like that. “                            “ how – how you been? y’been quiet all week. an’ – an’, “ grace giggles to                           herself, “ usually y’talk my ear off. “ no – grace loved it. that wasn’t ever                           anything she’d complain about. 

[ikarosopallios-blog]

     Emma stuffed her hands into her pockets after pulling her bag tighter to her body.  She shrugged with a slight smirk, rolling her heels as she walked.  It wasn’t a habit picked up from years of marching band but an insistence that her heels should touch the ground before her toes.        “I never understood the peer review thing.  It’s not like showing off our scores to an idiot in class will make us strive to do better.”  Emma pulled her hand from her pocket and let her fingers fall over the concrete walls, their bumpy sides painted off-white to deter any kind of emotional response in overly hormonal students.  When they escaped the main building and sunlight glared against their temples, Emma raised her hand to her head.        She raised a brow at the other blonde and scrunched up her eyes.  “Have I?” she asked as a means to paint herself off-white, to deter any further questions.  

[madlittlegrace-deactivated20160]

“ em! “

grace bounces forward, spotting the blonde…up against a locker…? hm. “ em –! wait, wait up, eh’–emma! “ grace weaves through the crowd of high schoolers who were moving quickly, ready to get outside for lunch.                                         “ hey… “ grace sets a very gentle hand on the girl’s arm,                                       trying to very slowly pull her out of her own head, “ come                                       sit with – come, come sit with me durin’ lunch. “ 

[ikarosopallios-blog]

                 Oh you run away cause I am not what you found      Emma jerked at the touch on her arm, whipping around to see Grace.  She pulled the earbud from her right ear and flashed the blonde an ineffective smile.  Shifting her weight to her right leg, Emma exhaled and tugged at the strap of her messenger bag.  “I was gonna read, but...” she paused and tilted her head, “I guess I can indulge you today.”        She tapped the locker with her fist, locking it into place before walking alongside the younger blonde.  “How did your math test go?”

[ikarosopallios-blog]

                 Wake up, you faithless                                       See your heartbreak gone      Emma pressed the earbud further into her ear, drowning out the mindless chatter of the other students littering the hallways.  Lunchtime on the roof per usual, she thought, tongue trailing over the edge of her lip.  Tattered jeans trailed under the backs of her boots, and Emma stumbles into an open locker.  The low clunk rattled through the crowd as they vacated the halls in favor of the cafeteria.        “Fuck,” the blonde muttered, brushing her hands through her unruly curls.  She looked up and slammed the locker closed.  “Get outta the halls already, damn.”

[ikarosopallios-blog]

miss u sweet bebeh

I miss you too, babes.

[inkskinned]

the thing is, somebody cares. i know your best friend seems really busy all the time and is shit at texting but she still loves you and she talks to you more than she talks to anyone else and you’re the only breath of calm she has on this planet. the boy in your science class loves seeing what music you’re listening to on your headphones - he has the same taste and wishes he had the nerve to ask you about it. your english teacher loves the insight you have on your papers. somebody cares. the person who lives down the street from you notices when you are sick because they don’t see you stomping your way to the schoolbus - it’s how they know it’s time to get their breakfast ready. somebody is looking for you at the party, even if they don’t know they’re really looking for you - but when you don’t show up, some part of them is disappointed. somebody is looking for you in the library, in the spot where you eat lunch, in front of that one step you always seem to trip on. i know your parents are a complicated mess and there’s drama between your friends and your love life is sort of shaped like a constant question and everybody seems all caught up in their own lives and their own happiness and nobody really notices: but somebody always does. every face in your dreams is someone you have met, and that means that you are in a million’s stranger’s heads. they see you when they go to bed. and somebody cares. somebody still thinks about you even though you were just a person with a nice outfit or good eyeliner or a great smile or because you were having one of those moments that are so charmingly human in nature or because they regret not asking if you needed help when you fell or because they wonder what you were thinking about or drawing or writing or just because you’re alive, and that makes you fascinating. somebody cares. when you were on break from work and saw a dog hanging his head out of the car and suddenly broke into a smile: there was a girl in the back of that car, and I was her, and I still think about you, and i hope you get more chances to smile like that. and there is you, sitting here reading this, and by some small extension, meeting me, and i am telling you, I care. somebody always does. i promise. i promise. you are loved.

[ikarosopallios-blog]

but adele’s love in the dark with swan queen 

[ikarosopallios-blog]

hey guys, it’s been like 300 years, and i lost my tags in xkit bc new laptop a couple months ago, but i am actually slowly working on revamping my blog. got new rules up and working on other things. i really miss emma and stuff, but the muse is still hard to come by.   i miss you all too.  lots of things have changed in the past few months. hope i can catch some of you around before the week’s up~

[ikarosopallios-blog]

It’s been about a month since I left this place, and I still find myself missing most of you.  You were all a part of my life, whether we interacted or not.  I grew accustomed to seeing you all on my dash and it’s almost like a part of my routine is missing lately.  I’m not here to retract my hiatus, but I needed to share something important with you all.

For the last two months, my grandfather has been really ill.  He broke his hip and then was in a nursing home.  After that, he had TIAs (or mini strokes) and overall, it’s been physically and mentally exhausting.  I spent nearly two weeks with my grandmother while he was in and out of the hospital and nursing home.  I made sure she ate and went to bed.  I slept on a really uncomfortable couch and eventually slept on the floor because it seemed the better option.  I didn’t take care of myself as well as I should have, but stress eats at us all.  Prior to staying with her, I had an uncle (I wasn’t close to him) pass away from a motorcycle accident.  

Anyway, the point is, I’ve been struggling with a lot lately, and I know that this is just me finding a way to cope—to breathe—but I wanted to tell you.  

He passed this morning at 4am.  I knew it was coming.  We all knew it was coming.  I wasn’t there.  I didn’t want to be there.  

This is the man that has been a part of my life since I was born.  A man that, despite all of his faults, loved me with all his heart.  It’s hard, and maybe it’s my emotions getting to me, but please don’t ask me if I’m okay.  It’s obvious that I’m not, and even if you asked, I would say I’m fine.

And please don’t say you’re sorry for my loss.  You have nothing to apologize for.  All I wanted was to let this out for those that care to read.  I thank you for taking the time to read all of this.  Knowing that someone knows is enough for me.  I didn’t know how to tell anyone individually without repeating myself multiple times, and I know that most of you (you are all my friends in some form) don’t follow my personal so...

Thank you.  Now please get back to your regularly scheduled rping (or lack thereof  :3 ).

[tony-soprano]

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